How does your school deal with bullies?

[rbuzzotta]

My middle DD and her friends have been getting bullied for the past 3 months by a group of 4 girls. We went to the principal and spoke with her and showed her the threatening text messages etc. The prinicpal spoke to the girls and the one girl doing the bullying cried like a baby. Said she was just sad becuase she has no firends and just reacted the wrong way by texting what she did. The principal called me to tell me this and told me the 'bully' is very upset because she has lost her friends and just reacted wrong. This bully and her family has made like she is a 'victim'.............well, she got the sympathy of the principal, and I even felt bad for her.

Well, DD and her friends have handled this well and continue to ignore this group of girls...............well, finally, at a dance Friday night, it came to a head. One of DD's friends, actually slapped the bully in the face after being provoked by her. I don't agree with slapping as a means to solving an issue but she has become so frustrated with being tormented the past 3 months she lost control and admits it.

Come today, the bully did not show up to school!! She is now claiming she is afraid to go to school now (that was the case with my DD who was threatenend and did not go to school because of it)!!

I don't know what is going to happen come tomorrow but at what point will this stop??? This 'bully' is in my DDs classes and I have noticed her grades have gone down in the past 3 months.

Do I continue to shut my mouth and let Dd just ignore this group of girls the best she can. school is over at the end of june and we are moving to a new town next year so DD won't have to put up with this group of bullies anymore.

It is so very frustrating!! I feel bad for all kids that are bullied and now, although I don't approve, can see how retailiation can get aggressive!!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

I so understand your frustration. I have dealt with it with both of my kids. The school "talks" to the bullies. I have found that talking does no good. THe bullies still do the bullying. I would go back to the Principal and say, she is still doing it, and YOU need to put a stop to it.

If it is so bad then I would look into filing harrassment charges against this child. Especially since she is texting threats to your DD!! This is unexceptal and illegal! Maybe with the police at their door the parents will do something with their "angel".

I have to say that my kids being bullied never went that far. At least not yet. Does your school have a no bullying policy?? See if it does and see what sort of "punishments" they have. I think suspension could work too. The schools really must try harder to put a stop to this. It is really sad what it does to the kids being bullied. Then when the victims retaliate, they get into trouble .

Good luck!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I have been in a similar situation to where your DD is now- twice. I was in seventh grade when the Jonesboro Arkansas school shooting occurred. The next day a young man stood up in the cafeteria and announced that they should have come and shot me. In that case the teachers were supportive, the man's parents were called and were none too happy and it stopped.

The second time was ninth grade around the first anniversary of the Columbine attacks. There were many rumors that someboyd in our school was going to try to one up them on the anniversary. Many people were suspended based on rumor alone. That Monday two boys in my spanish class made vague threats to me. I told the teacher and the counselor but the principal refused to take action. I was not overly surprised because of how vauge they were.

Two days later they came out and said they were going to kill me the next day (the anniversary). Things were so bad that our school was on lockdown that day and it was all I could do to convince the sub to let me out of the classroom so I could go the counselor's office. The principal called them down and they fed him some **** and bull story about how I had misheard them. He never even consulted me to hear my side, sat me down in a room with the boys and made me accept their apology. My mom pulled me out of school the next day, the day it was supposed to happen. We were livid.

If I had known then what I know now I would have handled my end very differently. The bullying violates your daughter's right to a free and appropriate public education (FAPE) as her grades are slipping and you have had to keep her from school. Save all of the threatening texts. Threatening of any kind is a crime. Most schools these days have a resource officer, demand that hte officer be involved with the meetings. Tell them that if the school will not do something about it, you will be pressing criminal charges, perhaps even pursue a restraining order against the girls. That sounds harsh, but it is time to play hardball. If nothing is done, as a last resort, you can threaten to take them to court. If your child cannot learn in that envrionment because of bullying, there is a possibility that you can get the school to pay for her to attend another school. Hopefully it will not come to that, but they need to know that you are serious.

If there are teachers who are aware of hte situation, try to get them on your side. Also talk to the mothers of the other victims and present a united front.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[rbuzzotta]

Thank you so much for your words of advice and support.

After I posted the thread last night, DD recieved text messages from the bully herself. I had DD save them. They were threatening to take DD to the principal because of something she allegedley said ?? DD denied knowing any of this but the bully persisted. After DD stopped texting back, she started recieving restricted prank phone calls. I had her shut the phone off.

I sent an email off to the principal informing her that is was escalating again and I thought it time to get the school resource officer involved.

The mom of DD's friend (the girl who slapped the bully) spoke with the principal yesterday. The bully was not in school (she is now saying she is afraid to go to school??). The mom explained all that has been happening since my husband and I were in to talk to the school. The principal agreed her daughter was provoked into slapping but it was still wrong.........I think everyone is in agreement with that.

Well, I have asked the principal to have the homeroom teacher keep an 'ear' out as the bully said she is going to say something to the entire class about my DD today!!!

Thanks for the support..........and advice. I will use it all today!!

 

[bicker]

What I find especially troubling about this is that I can just imagine that the bully's mother posted a tirade about all this in some other forum (maybe one focused on Universal Studios ) and is getting succor from the members there. I cannot tell you how often have I read messages from the parents of what I would consider bullies ranting about the horrible manner in which their precious angels were persecuted.

What needs to change is us -- society -- we need to pick a side. And I think we should pick the side that puts bullies on notice that their will be zero tolerance for creating an hostile environment, in our schools, in public clubs, in the parks and streets, etc., no different from how our society has put lechers and bigots on notice that there will be zero tolerance for creating a hostile environment, in workplaces and in government. I don't give a wit about "kids will be kids" -- that bogus -- its a rationalization for abrogating the responsibility we have as a society to respect and uphold the dignity of all people, regardless of their age.

And in the same manner, I think that the responsibility for administering a zero tolerance policy regarding creating a hostile environment should rest solely in the hands of the civil authorities. Teachers and school administrators are supposed to be focused on teaching! not policing. When conduct goes beyond misbehaving into the realm of physical or emotional abuse, actual authorities should be involved.

 

[agnes!]

If this 'bullying' were happening to an adult? It would be called HARASSMENT. And the police would be called and charges filed,

OP - I do hope your DD has saved all the texts. Does she really delete everything that comes in? If you don't have the actual texts, I think you can look on your bill to see who is making calls to your DD's phone AND AT WHAT TIME (like those late-night ones). Hire a lawyer or at least talk to one.

And the crocodile-tears harasser?...(who, by the way, must be LAUGHING at the stupid adults who fell for her manipulative act). She's wrong, the little incipient delinquent DOES have friends....she has 3 co-conspirators who go along with her campaign of terror.

Eeyore's Butterfly - Yeah, I think it's hysterical when the administrators think it's a good idea to get the bully & the victim together in a room to talk it out. It was tried for my DD and the jerk who was bullying her when she was younger (in grade school) and I refused. I said to the admins that under NO circumstances was my DD to be put into a room with the bully, my DD had done NOTHING wrong and did NOT need counseling. I mean, what will they have the children do? Hold hands and sing "Kumbaya"?

And the minute they walk out the door the bully will trip their victim. Talking about it just gives the bully a sense of empowerment, gives them center-stage. "All these adults are dancing to MY tune." What's needed is to stop the harassment in its tracks.

And talking about it? Doesn't stop the behavior in the outside world *either*.

agnes!

 

[rbuzzotta]

What I find especially troubling about this is that I can just imagine that the bully's mother posted a tirade about all this in some other forum (maybe one focused on Universal Studios ) and is getting succor from the members there. I cannot tell you how often have I read messages from the parents of what I would consider bullies ranting about the horrible manner in which their precious angels were persecuted.

What needs to change is us -- society -- we need to pick a side. And I think we should pick the side that puts bullies on notice that their will be zero tolerance for creating an hostile environment, in our schools, in public clubs, in the parks and streets, etc., no different from how our society has put lechers and bigots on notice that there will be zero tolerance for creating a hostile environment, in workplaces and in government. I don't give a wit about "kids will be kids" -- that bogus -- its a rationalization for abrogating the responsibility we have as a society to respect and uphold the dignity of all people, regardless of their age.

And in the same manner, I think that the responsibility for administering a zero tolerance policy regarding creating a hostile environment should rest solely in the hands of the civil authorities. Teachers and school administrators are supposed to be focused on teaching! not policing. When conduct goes beyond misbehaving into the realm of physical or emotional abuse, actual authorities should be involved.

I like what you have to say but I don't understand your opening sentence????

My DD's school does have zero tolerance but obviously not being truly enforced. I asked the principal to get the school officer involved now (we tried her way and it is not working). We need to take it a step further. Originallly when the bullying started, we did go to the police. They turned it over to the school to handle. They felt they had other more pressing issus to deal with then a bunch of 7th grade bullies!!

I, too, believe in letting the teachers do what they do best........teach!! They should not have to police the children (but I guess with the way society is going, it is just another criteria for being a teacher..........sad!!).

I will see what today brings with regards to hearing back from the principal.

I am ready to take it a step further so my child can continue to go to school and learn again!!!


Thanks for the advice.........it is very much appreciated.

 

[lisajl]

Our school does not deal with bullies. My DS now 15 had issues with three boys since third grade. When they got to seventh grade, it got really bad.
He did not want to go to school, he was depressed, etc.
Well, we had a talk with the school, we took our son to a psychologist.
We worked really hard on it for about 5 months. Finally, our doctor flat out said, "The school is not protecting your son, get him out of there now." The doctor spoke to the school on a weekly basis about our son and how he was doing. So, we had a meeting with the principal and his officials and told him exactly what the doctor said. His only reply was, "Your son will be missing a lot if he is not in a traditional school." My reply, "What? Being bullied everyday and no one giving a damn about it?"
His lack of concern really bothered me. About 1 year before this all came to a head a local boy walked in front of a train. Why? He had been bullied all through middle school and high school. A kid in the high school told this young man our world would be better if he was dead. They continued to harrass him and he walked out of school, came down here by my house and waited for the train. I told the principal my son would not be that boy. I was taking action because they were not.
It is a hard thing to do, but we need to keep our kids safe. In hindsight I wish I would have called the police, or filed charges against the school. I can't go back and do anything now, all I know is that my son is safe.

Good luck

 

[bicker]

I like what you have to say but I don't understand your opening sentence????

My point was that online I am frustrated to see support for both sides of these conflicts -- I don't think it would be nice to speculate why posters would support the venting of a mother of a child who was suspended (for example) for sending mean TXTs to another child, but I think we can choose a side and say that we don't support the "bully's" side of these conflicts.

 

[rbuzzotta]

My point was that online I am frustrated to see support for both sides of these conflicts -- I don't think it would be nice to speculate why posters would support the venting of a mother of a child who was suspended (for example) for sending mean TXTs to another child, but I think we can choose a side and say that we don't support the "bully's" side of these conflicts.

I guess you may be referring to another post/thread here on the DIS with regards to your statement, in which I have no knowledge of.........but, bottom line is that we do not support bullying at all!!!

 

[CF'er]

I guess I should feel lucky. My DS13 was hit with a stick in gym class. He told the gym teacher who asked to see the other boy. The boy then threatened to kill DS. Two of DS's friends heard him and went to the principal. I got a call and was told that they would do everything they could according to the school policy. The "bully" got 10 days out of school suspension.

 

[bicker]

I guess you may be referring to another post/thread here on the DIS with regards to your statement, in which I have no knowledge of.........

No comment. :-X

The one thing I will say is that it is that everyone is someone, and when there is a conflict where someone is "right" and someone is "wrong", the person's status as a member of the DIS doesn't necessarily mean that that person must be one versus the other.

but, bottom line is that we do not support bullying at all!!!

 

[rbuzzotta]

No comment. :-X

The one thing I will say is that it is that everyone is someone, and when there is a conflict where someone is "right" and someone is "wrong", the person's status as a member of the DIS doesn't necessarily mean that that person must be one versus the other.

still am clueless to what you are referring to.........

 

[rbuzzotta]

I guess I should feel lucky. My DS13 was hit with a stick in gym class. He told the gym teacher who asked to see the other boy. The boy then threatened to kill DS. Two of DS's friends heard him and went to the principal. I got a call and was told that they would do everything they could according to the school policy. The "bully" got 10 days out of school suspension.

I am glad your DS is safe. Did the bullying stop at that point?

DD said the bully did not come to school again today. However, DD is still being "stared" down by the other girls. DD is handling it well.

My younger DD came home and told me that the school officer spoke to all the 5th graders about bullying, cyberbullying and the effects it has on people.
DD told the officer that bullying has a bad effect on people and they can become so frustrated that they could hurt themselves or do something that wouldn't normally do!! I wonder if the officer realized that she was the sister of one that was being bullied!!

I have yet to hear from the school, but then again the bully was not in school again today...

 

[CF'er]

So far no problems. I was more worried about retaliation after the suspension than I was the threat. I don't know that 10 days was warranted but I also don't know this boy's history either. I have asked DS and all is ok.

 

[bicker]

still am clueless to what you are referring to.........

It may be better that way.

Seriously: That's because I'm not revealing what I'm referring to, specifically, so as to not upset anyone. I'm going to stick to just generalities for this, because that's the right thing to do.

Again, the point is that if there is a conflict between two people, the person who happens to be the one who posts is not necessarily the person who is "in the right". There is no way to say it any plainer than that.

 

[jlima]

DS9's school has a no tolerance policy. A 5th grader was expelled this year and the situation was referred to the local police. They didn't release a lot of details; but at the same time they began enforcing the no mobile phone policy, so it probably involved texting.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[Eeyores Butterfly]

It is a hard situation for schools to be in, especially if it takes place off of school property. Soemtimes even when the school does their best it continues.

There was a situation I know of where a group of fourth graders were acting worse than high schoolers. They were forming "cliques" and every other day they were kicking some girl out, saying they can't be friends with them, etc. etc. The poor teacher was at her wits end. How do you handle that type of situation? You can't force the kids to be friends with somebody else. She tried talking to hte kids, breaking up the clique on the playground, nothing helped. And you can't exactly suspend a kid for saying that somebody couldn't be their friend. It was just one of those no win situations. Kids can be so cruel sometimes.

It's easy when the bullying is of a physical or threatening nature. The schools have clear grounds for punishment or pressing charges. But when the bullying is more subtle (like above) schools are often at a loss for how to handle it. The biggest problem is anymore we are expected take the place of parents. Too many parents are not having these conversations with their children, or they stick up for their children when they are the bullies and the school has to clean up the mess.