How do you keep the holidays fair?

[aprilfoolwed]

I really try to keep things fair and even among my kids at the holidays, but I feel like my bargain shopping makes it complicated at times. I just sat down to start my xmas spreadsheet this morning, and I am not sure how to do things.

It's like I have my price that I paid for an item to consider, but also what the item is worth.

For example, I found some GI Joe sets on clearance at Kmart months ago - it was a crazy price ($5) for 4 action figures. So I have two of them for my boys. I paid $5 per set, but when I am totaling up what I bought for my kids, is it fair to give that toy a $5 value just because I got it on clearance? In other words, if I am trying to keep things even among my children, do I "owe" my DD a $5 gift, or a $30 gift (value of the toy)?

In the same fashion, when it comes to my niece and nephews, we set a spending limit of $30 for a gift and $10 for a stocking. If I find the perfect gift for someone on clearance at Target in July (and pay $5 for a $20 gift) should I be finding a $10 gift or a $25 gift for that child?

If I go dollar for dollar, it seems my bargain shopping doesn't really pay off (except that maybe they get more gifts - which is not really what I am looking to do). But is it "cheating" to pay less than the agreed amount - even if the toy is still available on the shelves for more today?

 

[scrapquitler]

Well, first off, I wouldn't try to make it completely 'fair' but that's just me.

If I were keeping track of things like the nieces's gift, and you want to give her 'a $30 gift', I don't think that it matters if you got it on clearance for $5, it's a $30 item.

Now for my own kids, I'd worry more that the pile looked 'even'...and you decide if that means money wise, size of the pile or number of gifts wise. I know that my MIL told me she used to make sure she spent the 'same' amount on both her sons (8 years age difference) and how she drove herself crazy one year because she had to figure out a way to spend an extra $12 on one of the boys But if you have a big age difference in your kids, it's harder (cds and Ipods and Xbox games cost more but are smaller than FP little people barns and big wheels...I've had those kinds of differences under the tree in recent years).

As to what you 'owe' your DD, you can figure it either way you want. In my house, I'd be more inclined (if they are close in age) to make it more a similar size package to even it out, regardless of the price.

Honestly though, I think you are overthinking. I talked to my kids a lot from the time they were little explaining to them that it doesn't always have to be even, that sometimes bigger gifts are not better, sometimes less expensive gifts are better, and that you are happy with what you got because of the thought/effort put forth, and really, if they like what they are getting it shouldn't matter all that much about the being even.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think every gift should be valued at its original retail value. The fact that you got a bargain doesn't mean that kid deserves more stuff just so you can spend the same amount on everyone.

However, I also don't think "fair" is the same thing as "equal." Sometimes it's fair for one kid to get more. Maybe someone is going to college and could really use a laptop. Maybe someone is only 1 or 2 and would be very happy with less expensive gifts.

 

[Marionnette]

I really try to keep things fair and even among my kids at the holidays, but I feel like my bargain shopping makes it complicated at times. I just sat down to start my xmas spreadsheet this morning, and I am not sure how to do things.

It's like I have my price that I paid for an item to consider, but also what the item is worth.

For example, I found some GI Joe sets on clearance at Kmart months ago - it was a crazy price ($5) for 4 action figures. So I have two of them for my boys. I paid $5 per set, but when I am totaling up what I bought for my kids, is it fair to give that toy a $5 value just because I got it on clearance? In other words, if I am trying to keep things even among my children, do I "owe" my DD a $5 gift, or a $30 gift (value of the toy)?

In the same fashion, when it comes to my niece and nephews, we set a spending limit of $30 for a gift and $10 for a stocking. If I find the perfect gift for someone on clearance at Target in July (and pay $5 for a $20 gift) should I be finding a $10 gift or a $25 gift for that child?

If I go dollar for dollar, it seems my bargain shopping doesn't really pay off (except that maybe they get more gifts - which is not really what I am looking to do). But is it "cheating" to pay less than the agreed amount - even if the toy is still available on the shelves for more today?

When the kids were little I made sure that they had the same number of gifts to open. Sometimes I spent more on one of them than I did on the others. But now that they understand dollar amounts I make sure that I spend the same amount out of pocket on each of them.

 

[tinkermom23]

However, I also don't think "fair" is the same thing as "equal."

In our house "Fair" does not mean "Equal."
We each have the same amount of gifts, but the dollar value is not the same. To us, it's more important to give something they really want than to give stuff just to have more wrapped gifts.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I sort of do both of the above. My kids are 7 years apart and the older one wants things that are much more expensive. We set a $ limit on each that is the same. Usually it is $100 - $150 and 3 gifts to open. If I can get a good deal then yea for me and I don't try to spend the extra. But I do try to have the same # of gifts to open. So for example if the older one gets 2 expensive x box games then his 3rd gift might be an itunes gift card in the amount left over, while the younger one might have 3 of equal value in each. It was harder when she was really little. She would have like a little tikes huge vanity and all the stuff to go with it and he would have 3 little games but he was old enough even at 9 to get that he was getting what was fun for him!

 

[momplus3]

I tried for years to make piles look even, especially when "Santa Claus" brought the gifts!
Now that my DSs (18, 11, 9) are out of the "Santa" years (DS9 made the announcement over the summer) they understand what video games cost (this is their BIG want at Christmas) and realize the piles are not as big (as x box games come in samll packages)

 

[NVDisMom]

I would value the items at their fair retail. Bargain shopping is probably meant to save money, not get more. I know sometimes it works out that way, but its not the ultimate point for me. I am lucky that my girls are only two years apart, we are frequently purchasing similar items for each of them, but the oldest has been the one to get the ipod first and the cell phone, now the touch cell phone. DD11 has usually gotten these items the following year or the birthday following (or vice versa). DD13 got a touch cell for her bday in August and DD11 will get one for Christmas this year. These things don't cost anything through our provider but we treat them like they did when we determine the fairness of the gift giving. DD13 needs clothes but DD11 certainly does not! Hand me downs from her sister rule! So DD11 will open the phone, a single small pkg, and DD13 will get either a pile of clothes or a small stack of gift cards. They will be of equal value but the number of pkgs may not be the same. DD11 phone won't have cost anything but its value is roughly $200. DD13 will hopefully be getting a stack of clothing items I have found in clearance sections at all of her favorite stores that are valued at roughly that same $200, but hopefully cost me a fraction of that amount. Or she may get $200 in gift cards because clearance this year was a complete bomb. That is my worst case scenario and truth be told it would probably only be $100 in gift cards, figuring she will be patient and shop clearance herself and find items that will ultimately meet that $200 value for the $100 gifted. KWIM? When they were little we made sure they had equal number of pkgs to open since we opened in turns. We still do that but now a stack of clothing boxes may be balanced with that little cell phone box and its okay, they get it. Plus we really work very hard to ensure they each get what they wan and need, so they are happy no matter how unbalanced it might seem. Sometimes I think this fair and equal thing is more our trip than theirs!

 

[maslex]

My boys are 1.5 years apart. When they were little I made sure they both had even amount of gifts. And then took it a step further and sort of "matched" their gifts with each others. Example....if I bought one boy a set of pajamas, the other one got a set, if I bought one boy 3 action figures, the other one got 3 action figures, so on & so on.

Now that they are 13 and 15, it's totally different. They have grown into their own personalities and they are about as night and day as they come. DS15 has already bought his car, just recently bought a dirt bike, helmet, stuff for his car, etc. He's a hands-on kind of kid. DS13? Well he's on his own little planet (I think all by himself too) LOL He could spend all day on his PS3 if you'd let him. Sometimes he needs a good swift kick just to get outside on a nice day. He's my "sports" kid. LOVES to watch sports all the time.

Anyhow, I think I got off subject there for a minute. Now, when I buy them gifts it's more to their own personalities and my DS15 would probably want parts for his car (did this last year too) which tend to be more expensive than PS3 games for DS13. I still match a few of their gifts (usually clothes) Whatever I buy for one, I'll get the same for the other (not necessarily same colors, same stuff, but I mean if one gets an outfit and pajamas, so does the other)

Back to OP, I don't see a reason to buy more gifts to equal the "$30 limit" if you got that gift on sale. If it's worth $30 or close, that's good enough.

 

[MomToOne]

I've stopped focusing on the dollar amount of gifts, and focus more on how well the gift suits the individual. If it's perfect but only $10, well, it's still perfect - so I can stop shopping!

DD10 has actually taught me this lesson. She is much more excited by a single perfect gift - no matter the cost - than she is when she gets gift after gift after gift. I think overload actually takes over and NOTHING is special then. Of course, as she gets older, perfect is becoming much more about expensive electronics than about a $10 Barbie, but the idea still holds. If I get it on sale, then great for me, I don't need to buy extra stuff just to be "even".

As far as Santa goes, he is going to bring several "perfect" gifts but not much else this year. If that means just a few things under the tree, oh well. He didn't shop the Target summer clearance nearly as aggressively as before just to have stuff under the tree.

As far as the OPs situation goes, I wouldn't add up costs at all on your spreadsheet. Just do a gut check - do you think, looking at the piles (or lists), that things "feel" even? If so, you're good.

 

[Colleen27]

We don't. There's no way to keep it "fair" with the age range of our kids, not on a dollar basis anyway. We've got one who wants $50 Wii games and a drum set, and one who wants Mickey puzzles from the Dollar Store! We try to make the number of gifts roughly equal, but we take a pretty minimalistic approach to gift giving to kind of counterbalance the doting grandparents who overbuy at every occasion and focus more on the traditions of the holidays.

The way we do it is this - Santa brings that one special, must-have, top-of-the-list gift for each kid, and fills the stockings with little inexpensive gifts, fruit, and candies. Then we get each child 2-3 other gifts, plus a pair of pjs and a special ornament for each of them to open on Christmas eve.

 

[princessmom29]

I only have 1 DD, but we have a set amount we like to spend for her. When we were young my mom's respones to "she got more than me" was just be thankful for waht YOU have and don't worry about someone else. I think trying to keep the dollar amonts "even" and "fair" puts way to much empahasis on how much things cost and makes kids more aware of "he got more than me". I say keep in faily balanced and then don't worry about it. They should be thankful for what they get. Period.

 

[aprilfoolwed]

Thanks for the replies - this was so much easier when the kids were all little! We have the same issues of two older kids who want video games, Mp3s etc and a little guy who is still happy with Imaginext!

Right now, the piles are totally NOT equal, and I don't think they will be. Simply because the little guy can get so much more for the money. And he is DONE - no more shopping for him! The older two have a good start, but I think they both need one more thing to even things out (not sure what yet!). And, Santa still brings all the gifts in our house. DD is a big believer, but DS7 isn't so sure this year, but I know we have at least one more Santa year with the older ones.

The comments regarding my niece/nephews are helpful. I've been shopping and putting away things for months to get good deals, and it feels good knowing that I shouldn't have to buy anything else for them.

 

[2disneyboys]

I handle it differently depending on who it's for. If it's for my nieces/nephews, or a co workers/friend etc.. I go by the retail value of the gift... regardless of what I actually paid for it.

with my boys, I try & keep the # of gifts in common, but I have also wrapped more than 1 gift together to help keep the count in line. It's hard to do the $$$ as different ages & interests costs different amounts.

We solved the problem for this year... our primary gift is our upcoming vacation we asked both boys (who are old enough to know that "Santa" is mom & dad ) if they want gifts from mom & dad or a disney trip. both boys are like.. duh.. disney! I'm raising those boys right!

 

[aprilfoolwed]

i wish I could just tell the kids we are considering a disney trip again this year. But we aren't saying anything since we don't know if we can go yet. But that would make it easier for the older two kids.

I starts to get frustrating because there is nothing my kids need, and not a whole lot they really express an interest in wanting. But I don't want to see them disappointed at not getting gifts. I am trying very hard, especially with the older two, to only buy things I know they will truly enjoy and just stop at that.

 

[disney*mom*82]

I agree with the majority here, we always clearance shop and have our Christmas shopping done very early (have been done with ours for months), but even though we have only paid a few dollars for an item that was originally $30, doesnt mean that person gets more. We base it off the regular retail. Our kids dont focus too much on price and fairness, just what they got! lol. We have a 13, 12 and 3 year old. So the older 2 like those little boxes with PSP and DS games and the LO likes big boxes with dolls, tea cups, etc.

But this year....we are celebrating Christmas at DISNEY WORLD
It is fair for all of us this year!

 

[eyor44]

We give the same number of gifts to the kids. This year ours will be 25, 15 & 8. Tried to do the value thing when the two oldest were younger and it just didn't work out. The younger one had way more to open.

With the neices and nephews I just guy what I think they would like. Try to send two each and keep it around $25 each. Now that they are older, that's harder.

 

[smkiya]

I started my list on Friday and I've been dealing with a similar problem. I have my spreadsheet and each child has 6 lines of gifts.

The first line is clothes. I plan to have a spending limit for each, same amount ($50... I plan to scour these boards like last year for deals... Old Navy and Children's Place had great deals).

The second line is books. Again, a spending limit $10 each. I use Borders coupons and Amazon sales, and should be able to get 2-3 good books per child.

The first 2 lines, I will spend up to these amounts and probably not less.

The next 3 lines for dd will be items from her list (So far, Uno Moo and a DS game). I will do my best to use coupons, codes, promotions, etc. to keep costs to a minimum, but there is no set dollar amount except that it must fit within the "under our family tree" budget max of $500 (this includes mine and dh's gift).

For DS I am choosing one gift from each of the 4 categories: music (drum), sports (T-ball set), imagination (Weebles or Little People), learning (Leap Frog, V-Tech, Fisher Price, etc.)

The last line is Santa's gift and could be anything (within the budget). DS's Santa's gift will be one from above group, not sure which yet though.

 

[3goofyboys]

I haven't read everyone's responses, so this may be a repeat. I remember reading that the "official" Emily Post answer is to go by the item's value, not the cost. So you would "owe" a $30 gift. Good luck!

 

[PartyFromSaturn]

Thanks for asking this question and the resulting replies. My family was just discussing this. We're buying for three kids and the two boys are very close in age. The eldest is at a point where he would understand different piles, number of gifts, etc., as long as he likes what he gets. The younger would still be more into everything being equal. So this year seems tricky for us.

We usually try to buy matching gifts for them like another poster mentioned. Sets of pajamas, a dvd each, stockings of snacks, etc.