How do you discipline?

[leahannpen]

Just curious, as my son has hit the TERRIBLE, "I'm trying to be independant and want to do it on my own and don't want your help, but I need it, and I can be happy one second and screaming the next" 3's!!! Whew. He's something else these days.

What are/were your discipline ideas that work? I'm just looking for ideas. Right now we just send him to his room until he can come out and behave. I've also taken away the coveted Woody/Buzz/Zurg dolls. I am just looking for some other ideas as he's getting a snotty mouth and I don't want him to think we will stand for that and the sending to the room and taking away toys doesn't seem to always work when he's so upset.

Do we ignore? Punish somehow? What do you/did you do?

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I am right there with you. I have a 3 year old also. She tends to be very whiny and has an "attitude" complete with an arms crossed pose and a "Humph" which is said with definite 3 year old contempt.

I don't give her what she wants (obviously). I tell her that what is is doing is not good behavior and I make her uncross her arms. I think it will just take a lot of repetition. Sometimes when I ask her to stop something I count to three and if she doesn't do it, she has to sit down for a while (no toys, etc.) This is BIG to her because I don't use it that often so it still has an effect. Usually after a few minutes she starts to cry and says "I'm so sorry Mama." And she really is sorry. She doesn't know how to fake that yet.

As far as whining goes I tend to ignore it. She will learn soon enough that talking to me that way does not get her what she wants.

I also wanted to add that I don't argue with her. I say no once and that's it.

 

[JVL1018]

I read a book called 1-2-3 Magic I think it was. Basically counting to 3-once you get to 3 they go to Time out, no talking to them while you bring them to time out, nothing.
It sounds hokey but it really is quite effective. My son was a terror(!!!!!!!!)..and now I usually just have to say One..two.. and he stops the bad behavior.
Also whenever we go out and the kids are good, I tell them that they behaved so well and that I am so proud of them, that's the behavior I love to see..etc.
If we are out and they won't stop acting up, they are warned, if they continue to act up we leave. No ifs ands or buts. They reallly hate that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, my son did not go thru this exact phase... (though the threes are TERRIBLE... the twos never were!!!) He always wanted me to do everything for him!

You know, I think it is a combination of the ignore, time-out, punish.... Some things become attention-getters. I would want to be sure that my DS learned that these things would NOT get him any attention! There have been times were my DS became frustrated with something or another... What I did was nicely but VERY firmly tell him that he could keep trying and practicing ALL he wanted, as long as I did not have to hear him fussing and having a fit!

You may be surprised how well this next technique might work. It did with my DS anyhow. When you are having a really bad moment, Take him firmly and just show and tell him that you UNDERSTAND! I mean, like arms on shoulders, face to face, etc... Help him learn the tools manage his emotions and to verbally express his feelings, frustrations, what is bothering him, etc. Ex. "Boy, it must really make you mad when...." OR "You know, doing this ____ is really hard. Even mom has trouble with it..."

I think that a lot of the frustrations of the Terrible Threes is how the child is developing faster than their verbal and motor skills. They want to be 'Big Kids'... But they are not quite there yet!

Usually POSITIVE and VERY FIRM and CONSISTANT CONSISTANT CONSISTANT can do the trick.

I am one who only thinks real punishment is required when the child is actively and knowingly doing something wrong. Then it's time to bring out the big guns!!! LOL!!!

Hope this helps!

 

[grinningghost]

Well it's been a LONG time since I had a 3 year old, so I'm not sure I recall how I disciplined back then. But I can give you good advice on ways to discipline a teenager - take away the computer and the phone. That absolutely KILLS them.

 

[decker96]

Originally posted by JVL1018
I read a book called 1-2-3 Magic I think it was. Basically counting to 3-once you get to 3 they go to Time out, no talking to them while you bring them to time out, nothing.
It sounds hokey but it really is quite effective.

I've read this book too and I started using it with my oldest when she was 3. She will be 7 in two weeks and it still works. My middle is 3 1/2 and we use it with him too, have since he was little. So, our youngest will be trained early too (she's only 11 months). I rarely get to 3, most of the time I only have to say 1, because they don't want time out.
Also, we don't do time out in their room. They both have too many toys and books in their room for it to really be a punishment. We send them to the laundry room and close the door. They hate it because it's so boring. (There's nothing in there that can hurt them, by the way). The guideline I've always heard is one minute for every year old they are, so a 3 year old would get a three minute time out.
We also have the rule that the time out doesn't start until they're quiet. We had to institute this rule with our oldest DD because she would cry and carry on so much that when the time out was over, she'd be more upset than when she went in. So if they're screaming and crying, the time out doesn't actually start until they stop. Then if they start crying in the middle, the time out starts over.
DD6 knows that a snotty mouth is disrespectful and this is not tolerated at our house. It's an instant time-out, no counting just right to time-out. I do give our three old one warning about his tone of voice first, as he's still learning.
Good luck!!

 

[leahannpen]

Originally posted by JVL1018
I read a book called 1-2-3 Magic I think it was. Basically counting to 3-once you get to 3 they go to Time out, no talking to them while you bring them to time out, nothing.

What do you say though? "When I get to 3 you get a time out?" Do you give them until 3 to behave, or to say sorry?

Sounds interesting...

 

[jrydberg]

Well, I don't count to 3, largely because IMO that indicates to the child not to take things seriously until that point. Just my opinion, take it for what it's worth.

As for discipline, at home, if I tell her not to do something and she continues to do it, I'll just walk up to her without saying a word, take her hand and walk her upstairs to her bed. I don't say a word until she's sitting on her bed. Then I tell her very calmly that she can come downstairs when she can tell me she's sorry and why she's sorry. If she doesn't come downstairs and do that within about 5 minutes (rarely happens), I'll go up to check on her and ask if she's ready to apologize and explain why.

 

[CEDmom]

It's really funny that I never heard of the 1-2-3 Magic book but I do the same thing with DD. I ask her to please do/not do whatever. If that gets ignored I tell her I'm going to count to three and then she'll be going in timeout. I count really slowly and 90% of the time she does what she needs to do. Of course it took a long time to get to that %. In the beginning I was carrying her to her room quite a bit. I'll do it even if we're out. She'll either do time out in the car or another quiet spot.

Good luck and stay strong .

 

[mickeyboat]

I have read 1-2-3 too and it really works. We haven't worked on it in a while because of some strange circumstances in our life, but it will start again when we move back into our house.

Behavior which must stop immediately gets an immediate time-out (such as hitting, back talk). Those types of behaviors are clearly laid out when you explain the program to the kids. The behaviors which earn the 1-2-3 treatment are behaviors you want to lessen over time, but you know you can't eliminate overnight - such as whining, interrupting, and not listening.

The best part of the program is that it takes the emotion out of discipline. Time outs are given with as little emotion as possible. The kids know: these are the rules, if you do not follow the rules, you will have a time out. You will have a certain number of chances to correct your behavior, but if you choose not to correct it, these are the consequences.

The most important part of the program is to be consistent. The kids have to know that the time out will be enforced every time. (easier said than done).

Good luck to everyone.

Denae

 

[Pembo]

123 Magic didn't work for us. Yelling Shut up works!

 

[disneyfan551]

Great thread, and perfect timing! We have been about to pull out our hair with our soon-to-be 3yo dd. She is VERY independent, and doesn't want help with anything. Just the other day, she pitched a huge fit for not being able to put a notebook on the counter at Walmart! Granted, she hadn't had a nap, but geez...

Nothing seems to work for us, and we get so tired of yelling at her, or asking her not to do something. She blatantly ignores us. And, she has terrible nightmares every night, and I wonder if she's dreaming of how much we 'beat her'! (no, we don't really, but more than I even want to!)

We are sooo desperate for some advice!

 

[leahannpen]

Originally posted by disneyfan551
Just the other day, she pitched a huge fit for not being able to put a notebook on the counter at Walmart!

Yes, just last night DS had a FIT because "I" flushed the toilet before he could. I threw a tissue in there and just automatically flushed right as he finished "business" and reached for it. He just freaked out! Over a flush! LOL! Yelling he didn't need help etc...

And, she has terrible nightmares every night[/B]

Oh we are doing THIS too! This morning he even said, in a happy voice... "mommy, I didn't have any bad dreams last night!".... I guess it's just the age, but I don't know!

 

[Pembo]

It gets better. My ds's now 5 & 8 used to do all of the things you are describing. It gets better. Just be consistent or in our case constantly change the method of discipline. DS figured it out and then wouldn't respond anymore.

Really, it does get better.

 

[snoopy]

We're also great believers in 1-2-3 Magic. Worked wonders for both of my boys, who tend to be.....spirited.

 

[JVL1018]

Originally posted by leahannpen
What do you say though? "When I get to 3 you get a time out?" Do you give them until 3 to behave, or to say sorry?

Sounds interesting...

I count quickly, not even a minute in between 1-2-3, so I don't give them 5 minutes to stop the behavior or anything. I count immediatly after telling them to stop.

Just "Stop _____(whatever they're doing) ONE-TWO"..and as long as they stop that's it.
If I get to 3 it's "One Two Three-Fine, you're in Time Out now"
I take them directly to time out. I ignore their "Okay I stopped, I'm sorry, I won't do it again" etc. No talking, just put them in shut the door.
They learned very quickly that I mean what I say when I want them to discontinue something. Naturally they have their moments still, but life is much calmer at our house than it was a few months ago. I don't need to yell anymore usually. It's something that's nonnegotiable, and they know that there are consequences.
In any disipline we do, consistance is key.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by disneyfan551
Great thread, and perfect timing! We have been about to pull out our hair with our soon-to-be 3yo dd. She is VERY independent, and doesn't want help with anything. Just the other day, she pitched a huge fit for not being able to put a notebook on the counter at Walmart! Granted, she hadn't had a nap, but geez...

Nothing seems to work for us, and we get so tired of yelling at her, or asking her not to do something. She blatantly ignores us. And, she has terrible nightmares every night, and I wonder if she's dreaming of how much we 'beat her'! (no, we don't really, but more than I even want to!)

We are sooo desperate for some advice!

We still have some of this with DD who'll be 5 on Monday. She doesn't throw a fit about not being able to do it but she sure isn't happy. What works now that she's older is to tell her Mommy made a forgot to let her do it and to please remind me next time. She then feels empowered and it difuses the situation. A not yet 3 yo might be too young for this. You might try repeating the task and letting her do it like handing her back the notebook and letting her put it on the counter. I know it's not a good idea to give in but occasionally it's the lesser of 2 evils.

As far as the nightmares, is it possible she's really having night terrors? They're usually caused by overstimulation or a big change in routine. DD had them and we could always tell because she got more agitated by our trying to comfort her. We would just stay in her room until it was over but couldn't do much to settle her down.

Good luck.

As far as the nightmares go