How do we tell them??

[RayaniFoxmur]

I'm hoping you guys can kinda help me with some suggestions here, cause I'm kinda at a loss. I apologize in advance if this seems rambley and incoherant, I'm pretty tired! And honestly? I can't remember if I've already made a post like this or not, but I don't think I have so here ya go

My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage and wedding stuff... we're unoffically engaged as you were since no one really knows. (We're keeping it from friends and family at the moment since he doesn't have an offical ring for me yet and we really don't want to hear the "you're moving too fast" speech either) We've been talking about having a destination wedding, specifically getting married at Walt Disney World.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Or better yet... does anyone have any advice as to how we tell our parents this idea once we offically come out as being engaged? I don't see my family having a HUGE problem with it, but we know his mother's going to have a kitten. She had a kitten when she found out that Dave and I are going there on vacation over New Years! We got a long speech about how she sure wishes she could afford a vacation and when I said I really kinda deserve one (2 surgeries in September plus giving my daughter up for adoption on September 2nd) she snapped at me how she's deserved one for 15 some odd years.

So now we're thinking we may have to smash that dream just because of her, and it hurts a bit. So does anyone have any suggestions, ideas, or advice on how to tell her this is our idea and maybe how to get her to go along with it?

Thanks!

 

[princessdisneybelle]

My FMIL isnt very happy at all. We get the moving too fast speech all the time. Eventhough we have been together for 3yrs. Finally today we decided. It's our lives and our wedding. You just have to do what your heart tells you to. Good luck though, because it is a hard situation.

 

[CherCrazy]

It's our lives and our wedding. You just have to do what your heart tells you to. Good luck though, because it is a hard situation.

Ditto. Don't let someone like that ever stop you from what is best for YOU! You have beautiful plans...go for it.

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

I can only say to go with your heart and follow your dreams! What your family wants isn't always what's best for you. I married my DH after we had been dating for a year, which means we got engaged a little over 3 months after we started dating. When it's meant to be...it's meant to be!

 

[luvsmickey]

I agree! My DF and I were only together for 6 mo. before we started making wedding plans. And I don't have a ring yet either! So, I've been officially planning my DFTW without officially being asked! (He says he's still doing the whole proposal thing!) But, as far as your FMIL, don't let her ruin what you truely want! Not many people were happy about us wanting a DFTW, but in the end we're all making a big vacation out of it before the two of us leave for our Disney Cruise! So, go for you dreams because this is one day you want to look back on and remember as being the most Magical Experince! Good luck with your FMIL!

 

[AnnieBelle]

My fiance and I had only known each other for eight months when we started talking about marriage, and the talking started right after we seriously started dating. I think when you know that there is someone that you cannot live without and who makes you intenely happy then there is no reason to fall into convention. We actually considered waiting until 2009 to get married at some point instead of next year! Then we stopped to think about it and realized that we were putting off something that would make us really happy just to avoid someone's raised eyebrow. Guess what? When they raise an eyebrow you cannot see it if you turn around and walk away from them! The best love story in my family is of my great aunt and uncle who got married a week after they met and they have been together now over thirty years. If your family and his wants what is best and what makes their child happy then you have nothing to worry about! Love does not follow anyone's guidelines

 

[purplegirl247]

As luvsmickey and I are basically on the same boat (planning a wedding but without the official engagement), I agree with everything she says!

Regardless of when DF and I have our wedding, it's definitely going to be at Disney, with family ONLY. We know this is going to hurt a lot of our friends' feelings, but if they really care about us, they'll understand. And if not, it's our wedding. I'd like to think that wedding/marriage joy is infectious; even if someone isn't on board in the beginning, once they see how excited you are, they should change their minds!

Good luck!

 

[TinkBride]

DF and I were engaged after 9 months and when we get married we will be together for 1 year and 5 months, so we get the speech from his parents as well, mine are excited and happy though.

Once you become engaged just come out and say, we have decided on a Disney wedding.

The trick is not to ask for their permission, but tell them it has already been decided. The way you word it can change the reaction.

DF's parents were NOT happy about the Disney idea, but we never asked for their opinion, we just told them that is what we decided and what we are going to do. They came around to the point that they are paying half of the expense now.

If you are adult enough to get married, you are adult enough to stand up to your parents in a resepectful but firm way.

P.S. I grew up in Dayton, OH! So good luck to you fellow Buck!

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I read am reading this thread again. And you have no idea how much it is helping me this morning. My FMIL is really making things difficult. She is making us sound like there is something wrong with us wanting this wedding as she says too soon. It's so nice to see there are so many people that didnt wait years to make wedding plans. I told her you just know when its right.

 

[dznystar]

I completely understand what you're going through. This is my second marriage and I'm only 24. I got engaged the first time and then several months later found out I was pregnant. My parents weren't happy with the situation or with the guy. We went to the courthouse and it definitely wasn't the dream wedding I had always dreamt of. We divorced and now I have been reunited with my Prince Charming from college. We moved in together right after we got back together. My parents weren't happy at all. They thought I was following in the same steps as before. Now, over a year later, we are engaged and planning our dream wedding at Disney. Its really hard, but eventually they will come around. No matter what they say or try to say, they really want whats best for you and want you to be happy, even if they don't agree with it. Stay strong and soon they will see that you mean it. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[AnnieBelle]

Awww, dznystar I know what you mean! I actually was engaged before and had the wedding planned, but the whole time felt off about it. My mom said it was cold feet and that the perfect guy that I wanted did not exist. For a long time I believed her but a few months before the wedding I decided to go with my gut and called the whole thing off. My family was pissed because they lost a lot of money but then they came around and said it was better in the long run that I did what I did. Now I have met the man my mom told me before did not exist and am eternally grateful I went with my heart and not with what my family told me to do. At first when I told her about the wedding she told me that I had to pay all of the deposits myself because she was not going to lose money again in case I pulled a runaway bride, but eventually she saw that I was serious and that my fiance is the perfect man for me and we love each other more than anyone could she is actually excited now! I think once you give people time to get used to the idea they will not only come around but get swept up in the excitement!

 

[Sirron]

Good people always want to make everybody like what they are doing and make them happy. However, some people will never be pleased. It's good that you want their approval but remember that you don't need it.

If the two of you are happy together and love each other then I wish you congratulations. I just hope your FMIL will do the same shortly.

I hope your wedding is outstanding!

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

I completely understand what you're going through. This is my second marriage and I'm only 24. I got engaged the first time and then several months later found out I was pregnant. My parents weren't happy with the situation or with the guy. We went to the courthouse and it definitely wasn't the dream wedding I had always dreamt of. We divorced and now I have been reunited with my Prince Charming from college. We moved in together right after we got back together. My parents weren't happy at all. They thought I was following in the same steps as before. Now, over a year later, we are engaged and planning our dream wedding at Disney. Its really hard, but eventually they will come around. No matter what they say or try to say, they really want whats best for you and want you to be happy, even if they don't agree with it. Stay strong and soon they will see that you mean it. Good luck and keep us posted.

My DH had been married before and he was 25 when I met him. He's 26 now and will be 27 in January. I was shocked when I found out because I thought he was too young to have already been married and then divorced. I was 22 when I met him and I'm now 23. They had a bad marriage and she walked out on him after 5 months of marriage. His parents were very supportive of us getting married because of the person I am and how happy their son was when he was with me. My parents were also supportive about me getting married to a guy, who had been married before. We were very lucky to have supportive families. It was more difficult for me to deal with at first, than for anyone else.

 

[TinkBride]

Fairy_Tale_Bride:

Same situation but reverse.

I was married at 20 and divorced by 21. I married my high school sweetheart and he left after 5 months for someone else and even more reasons I won't go into. He was making terrible choices in his life, that i could not support, i tried to be a good wife and work through it with him, but he just wanted out.

I met DF 4 months later and we were engaged 9 months after that.

His parents had a hard time accepting my previous marriage, but after hearing details of my story have become very accepting.

I just found it ironic how similar our stories were.

 

[demac9196]

We are surprising our seven and eight year old by picking them up in a limo from school. We have been telling them we are going all along because we wanted them to be able to help plan things like Discovery Cove, where to stay, where to eat, etc. We told them that we have to save our money for everything like plane tixs, park tixs, hotel(s), rental car, spending money. It has been a great learning experience. We have rolled over $450 in coins because every time one of my daughters spots a penny they put it in the florida can. They think we are only saving for the hotel at this point.
This way they won't be driving us crazy or their teacher's either.

I also like the count down though too. You could leave little hints with the number so that they would have to secretly guess. If they guess right you could award them with prize money even.

 

[JonetteA]

We started planning before the actual engagement. I wanted to make sure that I had my ducks in a row and started to get the family use to the idea. We did alot of the pricing/ideas on the quiet....

 

[zumbergc]

Stick to your guns. If you and your fiance want to get married at disney,
and are planning to fund it w/out MIL funding, then go ahead and do it.

Announce the idea, don't word it as to asking permission.

I mention funding because, some brides and grooms parents pick up most of the expense of the wedding. Some B&G pay for the wedding's themselves.
If your paying for things yourselves then, it doesn't really matter what the parents think, or the inlaws think. Your adults and can have the wedding when and where you want.

When someone else is paying for things, things become more complicated.
Not every parent would hand over money for a wedding down at disney if they didn't want it there.

Good Luck

 

[disneydreamgirl05]

My family is not to happy about my engagment either. Me and my fiance got engage over Christmas 2005 and I have to hear the whole going to fast thing from my mother. My father is actually happy but I think I really disappointed my mother. We're doing the Disney wedding and basically only my fiance's family is helping me. If it wasn't for his mother, I don't know what I would do!!! But the way I look at it is that they will come around eventually. You just have to give it time. And yes, it's hard. I really want to make my mother happy, but at the same time, I deserve to be happy too. And so do you!! Go ahead and have enjoy being engaged. If you don't, you will regret it later. Your family will come around eventually.

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

Fairy_Tale_Bride:

Same situation but reverse.

I was married at 20 and divorced by 21. I married my high school sweetheart and he left after 5 months for someone else and even more reasons I won't go into. He was making terrible choices in his life, that i could not support, i tried to be a good wife and work through it with him, but he just wanted out.

I met DF 4 months later and we were engaged 9 months after that.

His parents had a hard time accepting my previous marriage, but after hearing details of my story have become very accepting.

I just found it ironic how similar our stories were.

Hi! I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. I feel that way for my DH too because he had dated his first wife for 5 years and then after 5 months of marriage she left him. She was interested in someone else as well. I'm glad my parents and family were supportive and understanding. They are the ones that helped me deal with his previous marriage. It was very difficult for me at the beginning to find out that information. Things happen for a reason I guess!

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

Thank you to everyone for all the suggestions! We're going to just tell them that's what we're going to do once we decide 100% for sure to do it. It's up to her to act like the adult here, and if she's not there then she's not there. FH and I are sick of her playing the attention game... trying to one-up everyone, and honestly we're both already worried she's going to turn this wedding into something that's all about her as it is.

Now I have to wonder if we can take a look at the pavilion without a contract or anything... we'd like to take a good look at it while we're down there over NYE so we can know if this really is the route we wanna go!

I guess my other question is... is it possible to do a custom wedding under 20,000? We'd like to just try and keep costs down so we definately can do it... and was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions.

again!