How can we nicely tell SIL & BIL that we dont want them to come with us next May?

[lecach]

We're thinking of taking DS to WDW next May for his first trip - he'll be 16 months old. We are also probably going to take my Mom with us. She'll pay for 1/2 the room and be a big help with DS. My SIL is a WDW freak and I am so afraid that she'll try to tag along with us. She already mentioned something to my DH about it. She tried to tag along on our cruise 2 years ago and DH discouraged her. She tried to tag along on our trip to the mountains last fall - AND bring her very annoying friend with her - but somehow DH and MIL talked her out of it. She successfully tagged along on our Vegas trip last year and while that went okay I dont want her to come to WDW with us for several reasons. The first is that she thinks she is a WDW expert - but I have been way more than she has. I know if she went that we'd have different ideas about how to do things. Also, I think for DS's first trip a small group is best - the more people you add the more problems you have trying to get to places. AND I just really dont want her to come. Any ideas on how to discourage her? It may be a lot harder when she finds out my Mom is coming.

 

[lillygator]

that may be kind of hard but if she mentions going too...I would just say for DS's first trip you would like it to just be your immediate little family not a whole group....although she may think she is in your immediate little family...

this is a tough one without hurting feelings.....

 

[quiltymom]

If she does ask, how about suggesting that y'all plan another trip as an extended family in the future? Then inform her that this trip is just for you and your immediate family this time. Period. If she takes you up on your offer, then great -- you'll have another trip in the works! Then this way you can make sure that each family does things alone and plan to do certain activities together every day. This worked for our family this past Spring.

But I've learned the hard way, you've got to stand your ground, otherwise you'll have a miserable time. And NO ONE wants to be miserable at the World!

 

[lulugirl]

Frankly I wouldn't worry too much about her feelings, I think she's being quite rude. You have, in the past politely discouraged her and she still doesn''t get it.
I agree w/ the previous poster, just tell her this trip is for immediate family.

 

[WDWorBUST]

Well - I think the last thing you want to do is hurt her feelings (at least that's how it sounds). However you need to do what is best for your family. Does your DS spend more time with your mom than your SIL?? I would just say that for your son's first trip you really want it to be just your immediate family and since DS is so close to your mom and you are close to your mom you wanted to have a trip together. I think that would be tactful and truthful. If she gets her feeling hurt by that then you aren't going to make her happy regardless and you are going to put your family's happiness first.

 

[FSUGrad97]

When she mentions tagging along, tell her that this is going to be a special trip for you since it will be your son's first trip and you want it to be just immediate family.

 

[Daxx]

First off, I think it's rude of her to invite herself along. I would never think of imposing on someone's vacation ... regardless of how fun it sounds. If I'm not invited, I don't go asking or telling someone that I'll be there, too.

If she says anything, just say "oh, sorry - you must have misunderstood -- it's just DH, DS, Mom and me". You have to stand your ground otherwise, she will go on every trip w/you. If she persists, just say the above line again. Keep repeating it until she gets it. Tell her that you need family time and not loads of people time.

Good luck!

 

[tjmw2727]

I agree with most of the posters before me. I would try to tell her, you can be kind but firm, this is your vacation. It seems she has a pattern and you may be best off stopping it now.

That said, unfortunately, you really can't stop her from vacationing at WDW at the same time as you!

"IF" that happens have a backup plan. Make sure to get separate rooms or better still different resorts.

We have vacationed with both sil/bil's and we did have a fun time.

First time with sil/bil with 4 neices - we stayed at different resorts and met for meals, a couple parades and some pool time. (Before anyone jumps to conclusions, they are DVC so they could hop to us!). We also did a morning or an evening here and there at the parks but mostly separate - our interests and the ages of the kids were different.

The next time with the other bil/sil 1neice 1 nephew, same resort different sections! We spent more park and meal time with this family but we are closer and the kids are closer in age.

So - best bet, be kind but honest and hopefully they will vacation on their own. Otherwise have a plan to make the most of it and keep the vacations separate while meeting up once in a while.

HTH - good luck.
TJ

 

[Lewisc]

Just be vague with your plans. Not sure if you're going. No idea what resort you'd be staying in. We're last minute type of planners don't wait on us to make your vacation plans. Stall until discounted airfares are gone and resort discounts are sold out. You might even book a resort they probably won't want to stay at. Can you swing deluxe and are they value resort fans? Maybe even tell them the wrong resort. Oh didn't we tell you we decided we liked the pool at CSR better the POR and decided to try a different resort this trip. I thought we told you we switched our reservation. Make your must do PS early. Sorry we weren't able to add an extra 2 guests at Chef Mickey's.

You can't stop them from going but you can set up your resort and PS to limit the time you spend with them. If they wind up going just plan one or two meals with them. Have a counter service meal at the MK.

An alternative would be to have them make their reservations first and then arrange to just overlap by one day.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Avoid her like the plague!

 

[swincha]

its your mom right. please don't tell your inlaws about your trip. be vague and then let the cat out of bag right before you go.

 

[VSL]

It's always a horrible situation isn't it? You never want to be 'the bad one' to ANY of the IL's (although your MIL seems to be a little more on your side from what I can tell from discouraging your SIL with a previous vacation).

Basically, you have to say no. I wouldn't worry too much about upsetting her - she seems pretty selfish anyway (what with inviting herself and such!), and breaking the habit now would be easiest (otherwise she'll just go on and on and ON wanting to come on your family vacations!).

I would say an outright 'NO' is best to tackle the problem (rather than 'discouraging her') - although I do like some previous posters' ideas about just telling everyone a few days before you leave!

 

[funhouse8]

In 1995 we wer planning a trip to WDW for my younger two's first trip. My Dad had passed and left us some money so we were going and having a great time. I think I planned for this trip for two years. Well a few months before we went my SIL who is a single mom of two decided shw was going to go when we went incase she has a heart attack (not in the best of heath) and the kids won't be left alone in a strange state. WHAT! I couldn't believe it. I planned for two years and your going so I can take care of your children if you have a heart attack. WHAT! Well my DH told her "No." It was very hard. We looked like the bad guys. Her kids can't go to WDW because we were mean. What a Mess. She didn't talk to me for over a year. Her brother she talked to because it must have been me not her brother who made this descion. So be prepared but stand your grounds and No way let her go if you don't want to. Good luck and have a magical trip!

By the way she went by herself and her kids hated it, and didn't have a heart attack!

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

First - best of luck to you!

Second - I agree with what most of the other posters have said. It sounds like your SIL has a rude habit of inviting herself along - so it might be nice if you tell her that this trip is just for you, hubby, son, and mom and that next time let's plan a bigger family trip. I would just tell her that b/c your son is younger you don't know what to expect and would hate for her to have a less than magical time b/c you may have to leave the parks early and what not. I think the only thing I wouldn't do it is give the reason that it's for "immediate family only" b/c isn't she or her husband related to your husband? Maybe I'm not understanding but if one of them is the sister or brother to your husband to me that is immediate family and I know if I were in that situation I would be offended if someone told me I wasn't immediate family. But maybe I'm just not looking at it the right way so just ignore me if that's the case

I'm sending pixie dust your way because things will work out and your son will have a magical first disney vacation.

 

[Schmeck]

Uh, how can you tell someone that they can't go somewhere? She's an adult, isn't she? You don't have to include her, but telling her she can't go somewhere is beyond pathetic!

"You can't go when we go, because we don't want you to"

"Well, you don't own all of WDW, so I'm going anyways"

Then what are you going to do?

 

[Vijoge]

Just don't tell her you're going. We travel all the time and never inform brothers, sisters, or their respective spouses of our plans.

 

[dtsaos]

Well, since she's so "into" disney, maybe she's reading this thread & you won't have to say a word!

 

[tiki23]

Well, since she's so "into" disney, maybe she's reading this thread & you won't have to say a word!

LOL!!

Others have posted to get her involved in planning another trip that includes more family members. That sounds like a win-win situation to me! You get this trip to yourselves and another trip where there may be more family members to "dilute" her presence if she is overbearing. With a young child, you would easily have the excuse of naps and quiet days to only plan get-together times rather than spending full days in each other's company.

 

[fran99999]

Since your DS is so young. He makes the perfect excuse along with Dear Mom. You could just mention in passing how this trip you will be spending a lot of time at the resort instead of the parks for naps- playtime and have to go back early so DS can get to bed by his usual time to keep him on schedule. Tell her this whole trip will be scheduled around DS. Also no big rides as he will be to small to go on them. You will have to spend most of your day on Dumbo and in Toon town so he can play. Eating will have to be at Counter service only as DS may not act nicely at the Character/sit down restaurants. At the water parks you will all have to stay in Kiddy land. Etc.

Lets face it if she still wants to go and spend her vacation at the whim of a 16 month old she must really be desperate for family time.

Go have a great trip. Even if she does go if you follow this plan she will only see you for about 5 minutes a day. And you can all go have fun without them.

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

How about using space as an issue. If she went, she'd have to pay for her OWN hotel room, since you and DH will be sharing a bed and DS and grams will have the other. Plus, it's YOUR mom.