How can I protect my home?

[Motherofboys]

I called my mortgage company this afternoon (Wells Fargo), and my loan is not an "assumable" loan they tell me, meaning I can not assume responsibility for it. My only option through them is to try and re-finance. I'm going to give it a shot this evening, since they are open until 10pm.

I checked out listing prices of similar houses in my area online. There really aren't any I feel comfortable comparing with (ex: they have a garage, I don't; I have lake rights, they don't; more bedrooms or bathrooms...) but their asking prices are reasonable to sell my house for. Are they actually selling at or near these prices, or selling at all? I don't know yet.

It looks like, despite working my butt off for the last 3 years to pay this mortgage, scrimping and saving in all other areas, I might have to sell it. The silver lining? Houses in my area don't sell in the winter (lake community). Once I sell it, I will have to go back to renting. That is a HUGE step backwards in my mind, but I will do what I have to for my kids, and to keep them in the school district we live in now.

Thank you everyone for the advice and support, and if you have anything to add, please do.

I don't practice in NY and I don't practice family law, but if I had a friend come to me with this situation I would advise the following:

1 - read the language of your divorce decree carefully, what exactly does it say regarding the house? Does it really say "as soon as you can"? I have not come across many that don't have some kind of refinance by date.

2 - if it does say "as soon as you can" and you are making mortgage payments in full and on time- don't worry so much! The worst thing that can happen is that your Ex goes to court and tries to get the judge to change the decree to give you a deadline to refinance or to sell the home.

Issues with this? Yes! #1 where is the ex going to get the money to hire an attorney to petition the court? You said he is a credit loser. Do you think he would be comfortable doing this process on his own? Many people would not. He may have defaulted on paying his divorce lawyer too since he went into so much debt so fast after the divorce, that lawyer will certainly not help him.

#2 there is no gurantee that a judge would grant this, especially since you are making the mortgage payments on time and in full. If you were late all the time and hurting your Ex's credit, then that would be a good reason. But the judge will look at all of the facts, including the unprecedented difficulty of refinancing a mortgage right now, the fact that your kids have stability in the house, that you make the payments, that you are vigilantly trying to get a refi, that your ex is nowhere near getting credit in this economy with his credit past. A fair judge will look at all of that when making the decision.

Document your efforts, build a case for yourself. If you are forced to sell and end up taking a loss, the mortgage company will come after both of you for the difference and it will be on both of your credit reports - you can remind the Ex about that!

HTH

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I have been in your shoes. My ex and I divorced in 1999 when our DS was just 3. I got a lawyer, he decided to not get a lawyer. He signed a quit-claim deed - no real loss to him as we had only $2,000 in equity at the time - and my lawyer wrote in our settlement that I had 6 years to refinance and get his name off the mortgage. PLUS, as long as I remained current with the payments, if I was unable to refinance at the end of 6 years, I had the option of extending it another 2 years. A total of 8 years that he would remain on the mortgage. The idiot signed.

We split the assets (a.k.a. furniture ) as best as possible. We even split the cc debt evenly which I only agreed to because he signed off of the house - he was the one to run the CC up with his "must have" tools that he also got to keep, his car expenses, and his... shall we say.... "evening girlfriends" charges. We agreed on a rediculously low child support arrangement - at this point I just wanted him GONE.

Within a year he was in debt up way past his eyeballs and he threatened that he'd file for bankruptcy and my credit would be ruined in the process. He even gloatingly informed me that I'd lose the house if he did. Well, once again, joke was on him - he was dead wrong. Since our divorce was completely final, as long as I continued to pay the mortgage company didn't so much as bat an eye my way.

I did eventually refinance - in 2006. 7 years after we split. Actually, his second wife (now in the process of becoming his second ex-wife ) told me that I did him a favor by keeping him on the mortgage for that long as my on-time mortgage payments reflected positively on his credit report. Meh, I don't care - he's already trashed it completely again.

One of the things that did worry me, though, and led me to refinance in 7 years rather than 8 was that I had heard the following scenario while I was at the insurance company. This guy came in and was talking to another agent so I overheard the conversation. He kept the house while the wife signed a quit-claim deed and he couldn't afford to refinance quite yet so she's still on the mortgage. We had one heck of a storm and his neighbor's tree fell onto his shed, destroying it. He filed a claim with the insurance company and they paid but - here's the kicker - because the insurance policy must match the mortgage documents exactly and because she was still on the mortgage, the insurance claim check was made payable to both him and his ex! She wouldn't sign the check unless he gave her half of it. Now he has a destroyed shed and he can't replace it because he can't cash the check without giving her half the claim money. She doesn't care if he does or doesn't replace the shed because she won't benefit in any way from it. I don't know how or if his situation got worked out but it chilled me to the bone. That was definitely something my ex would do.

So, on one hand (grain of salt as I'm not a lawyer) - I don't think your ex could force a sale as long as it's documented in your settlement as to how long you have to refinance. You said you need to refinance "as soon as you can" but is that "as soon as you can or within x number of years" or is there no defined deadline? If there's no defined deadline, IMHO, it's only been two years and, considering what's happened to the market in the past two years, I don't think it's been an unreasonable amount of time. Your ex is panicking and he's trying to manipulate you cuz he's backed himself into one heck of a financial corner.

On the other hand - do your darnedest to get him off of the mortgage as soon as you can. It's really tough, I know, but it's just fantastic when there is nothing for him to hold over you.

Best of luck to you!

 

[IDoDis]

I have a friend who is in a similar situation. She was finally approved this week for a loan modification (part of an Obama plan to help people stay in their homes). She tried refinancing and was turned down due to her low income. She put the house on the market for several months with no bites. Finally, she couldn't make October's mortgage payment because her ex did not pay his child support that month. She had applied two times prior for a loan modification, but I guess missing the mortgage payment is what finally got her qualified. Up until then she was getting part of her mortgage money from her father and he finally said he could not give her any more money.

Her take-home income is $700 per month (full time job) plus child support, and she's taking online university classes in the evening. Now that she has gotten approved for the loan modification, her payments will be $250 less per month and her and the kids can stay in the house! She also said that once the paperwork is finalized, her ex will not be on the mortgage.

Here's info you might want to check into to see if you are eligible:
http://makinghomeaffordable.gov/

 

[cheap traveler]

Thank you everyone for the great info on the HARP loan. Wells Fargo did tell me this might be an option for me, so I plan to call them tonight. Last night just didn't work out, since my DD3 has been so sick this week.

I don't like to miss any payments on anything, but if I have to do that to qualify, I might have to think about it. I never even thought about my payments being lower every month! That would be nice, but if not I can swing these (as long as my ex does not lose his job).

I'm so greatful for all the support and kind words. It is feeling less scary already, with 2 days distance from his threats. It is worth anything to not allow him to have anything over my head.

Can I admit my biggest fear with this whole situation? Some of you may have heard this true story. There was a couple who bought their house together, and later split up. The husband went to the town hall, got a building permit for the property, rented a bulldozer, and tore down "his half" of the house. Said if she wanted half of everything, she could have it. It really is a funny story, as long as it isn't happening to you.
Only lucky thing for me - he doesn't have the money to rent the machinery

Thank you everyone, and have a good weekend. And to anyone who is in the same shoes as me, good luck