How can I motivate DS11?

[buzzlady]

DS11(6th grade) just doesn't care about his school work (and has just done enough in past years to make it to the next grade). He failed Math and Science in the 1st marking period. He is capable of the work. He proved that with his last science test - he got an 82 - 1st Science test he passed this year. I keep after him about studying and have to check his homework everyday. His teachers sign his homework assignment book so that I know what he has for homework and can make sure that he does it. His teacher has showed me papers that he has just written "don't get it" and didn't bother to try and figure the answer out. I have taken away privileges and have grounded him, but he still just doesn't care. Tonight he had math homework - 95% of it was wrong - it was simple addition of decimals. I told him to go and correct it and he just takes a fit.

 

[Angelrose]

Have you thought about going to Sylvan or other tutoring place? Maybe there is some small thing that he doesn't get. First I think I would have a long talk with him to see what HE thinks the problem is.

 

[geffric]

We have been through many similar problems with my oldest, your son may be different but some of the things that we found with our son was that he had several different things that cause his problems, like puzzle pieces. One thing to do is to please have his eye checked.. not just for distance but to see if they are working together and focusing right.. our son had several issues with his eyes that affected his ability. Turn out that his eyes did not team together, and he would be reading and then his eyes would involuntatily look away and when they came back to the book they went to a differnt line, so he didn't really get it because the sentance didn't make sense. He also has alergies to chemicals that affect his behavior and his abilty to concentrate, so that affects his school work..We have done a lot of exploring to try and understand my son and unlock the keys to help him... We did find that food, chemicals affected him and his abilities. If you want to pm me we can talk about our years of working with him to try and help him.

 

[floridaminnie]

As a 6th grade teacher, this problem is the norm with 6th graders. The transition from Elementary School to Middle School is difficult to most children. Instead of having one or two teachers, they now have much more and the changing of classes with the remembering of everything. The kids are given more freedoms and some don't know how to handle this new found freedom. Responsibilty is shifting more from teachers and parents to the student. A lot of the time when the student actually sees that F show up on the report card it shocks them into reality. They think that if they are cute and the teacher knows they're smart, there is no way that she'll give me a F. Well starting in Middle School you actually earn your grades. With some that doesn't work. It sounds like you did everything right. Might want to consider instead of just taking away things, but also giving rewards for doing task. Sounds like Science is just studying a little bit each night and staying on top of the assignments. Math might be another matter. Science is easy to catch up on if you miss something, b/c there are different topics. Math though is building blocks. You miss or don't understand different parts, the foundation isn't solid and makes the following concepts very hard to grasp. Might want to consider a tutor to go over what he missed the first nine weeks. Also 6th grade is all about organization. Does he have folders or the such for each subject to keep homework, classwork and notes for each class seperated from each other or are all the subjects thrown in one binder? This is something that he should grow out of!

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

My DD now 12 has been battling HW issues since grade 1. She'll write down the assignment, but that's no guarantee that the HW comes home or is completed. She had her first F this year, she missed all but 2 assignments. Her tests scores are usually A's or B's, sometime C's, but overall very good. She is easily distracted and that does not help her classwork get finished. We found that the classes where she had a front-row seat were the classes where her grades were stronger. I think all of her teachers have complied with our request to have her seat changed.

There have been times where she just "doesn't get it". I make her rethink the steps, re-read the chapter, etc. until she figures it out. It's usually more a matter of not wanting to be bothered than not knowing or finding the answer. But many times she does go back and find the information she needs. She has always been a little slower at picking up some subjects, but eventually it clicks and she moves on. So often she insists that I am wrong...okay.

Discipline has never worked and she is nonchalant about school in general, especially in regards to school. She is required to follow a fairly strict dress code (the school district won't call it a uniform, but there are specific guidelines the students must follow). She wore sweatpants to school yesterday and had to sit in "in-school suspension" all day, missing all of her classes. She knows the rules and usually doesn't care if she breaks them.

I haven't found a concrete system for getting her to fly straight, but a threat of going to WDW without her if she doesn't get her act together seems to have worked the past few weeks since we met with her teachers.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Floridaminnie, Glad to hear this is somewhat normal. I thought I must be doing something wrong. , that I didn't prepare my DS for middle school somehow. I was shocked when the report cards came home. (not in a good way!) My DS has always been on the immature side but now that he's in middle school it seems worse. His organizational skills are horrible ! I even invested in the "Where There's a Will, There's an A" motivational tapes for middle school students. The problem is there's not a will!

TC

 

[buzzlady]

Originally posted by Tuffcookie
Floridaminnie, Glad to hear this is somewhat normal. I thought I must be doing something wrong. , that I didn't prepare my DS for middle school somehow. I was shocked when the report cards came home. (not in a good way!) My DS has always been on the immature side but now that he's in middle school it seems worse. His organizational skills are horrible ! I even invested in the "Where There's a Will, There's an A" motivational tapes for middle school students. The problem is there's not a will!
TC

Are you sure you don't have my DS in your house because it sure sounds like it. What makes my DS situation even worse is that he is STILL in elementary school. He only has two teachers and his locker is right outside his classroom and he still doesn't come to class prepared or organized. I keep trying to get it through to him that next year he will have 7 or 8 teachers. I did take him to a private math tutor during the summer from 4th-5th grade. He didn't want to do the work she gave him either. I'm hoping that one day he will wake up and get with it.

 

[parrothead365]

Hang in there. We have a DS10 and are dealing with it also. My Mom and Dad were both teachers for 30 yrs apiece and they assure me that this is normal for this age. They mentioned the same things that your reading here. The transition to more responsiblity more expectations. A good friend of ours coined a term he call "T-stupid" due to the testosterone kicking in. The good news is they get thru it and move on to being regular moody teens. As to the school work, we are working with his teacher to make sure the assignments are clearly understood. My rule for now is that if he opens the book in class it comes home at night. We go over the days lessons until I am convinced that he has the flick. I take the math and science my lovely bride handles the english and reading. Sometimes it takes a different approch to make a concept click. Most of the times this only takes 30-45mins a night. DS fought this at first but as his grades came up he warmed up to the idea. So hang in there.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

We've always had this same problem with our DS now 15. He is in his freshman year and the same things are still happening. He forgot to write down the assignment, he forgot the book, he doesn't understand it, etc. I've always tried punishing because I was looking at it as being lazy and just not caring. However, after his friend slept over one day this past summer and said my son was gasping in his sleep, we decided to look into this a little more. We always knew he snored, but never thought any more about it. Well...to make a long story short, he is having surgery to remove his tonsils and adenoids in 2 weeks because he is suffering from sleep hypopnea. He doesn't stop breathing, but his breathing is like he's suffocating. So they think he doesn't get enough oxogen while he's sleeping and that's causing ALL kinds of problems. Lack of concentration, mood swings, enuresis, lack of growth hormone etc. We're keeping our fingers crossed that this surgery is going to cure all of this. If your son is experiencing any other problems, you might want to have your pediatrician check into it. Just a suggestion. Good luck! I know how frustrating it is.