Housewarming Party Etiquette.........who hosts it?

[maslex]

So I don't have much knowledge when it comes to hosting a housewarming party. We bought our house when we were 21 years old (27yrs ago) and remember a little get together once we were all settle in the house. Wasn't anything big. I believe everyone brought a dish and we had it at our new house so everyone could see it. For the life of me, I can't remember if either of our parents "hosted it" or if we decided to just have close family/friends over.

Anyhow, my oldest son and his girfriend (they are 23) just purchased a new home this past Tuesday. They both live at home still and this is their first home. My son posts a photo of his new house on Facebook last night, so naturally they get a lot of "likes" and "congratulations" etc. Well, I couldn't sleep this morning so I decided to pop over on Facebook and received a private message. It was my sister in law who sent a group message to several people......"We are throwing M & J a housewarming party, stay tuned for the details" This kind of threw me for a loop. One, she never mentioned anything to us or my son/his girlfriend about doing this. Two, I remember talking with son's girlfriend a while back about throwing a party and she mentioned that she doesn't even know if she wants one, or if she did it would be once all of the painting and stripping of the wallpaper is done (all of the inside cosmetic stuff) Three, is it normally whoever decides to throw a housewarming party or is it usually the new homeowners or maybe their parents? I truly don't know but I kind of thought it would either be the new homeowners or even their parents or combo of both.

So what's your take on the whole thing? Should I say something to my SIL or just let her plan out this party?

 

[kimblebee]

I think this is the kind of party that is hosted by the homeowners. They can have a potluck, or just a night of drinking, or just chips and pretzels. It’s up to them.

I’ve never, ever heard of someone else hosting the housewarming.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I've never heard of someone else hosting. Usually the new homeowners invite others to their new house. How would it work? Someone else would invite people to the homeowner's house? That doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I know its not good manners to host a party for yourself where gifts are involved, but I guess I thought that rule was excused when it came to housewarming parties.

 

[morgan98]

Honestly, it sounds like a mountain is being made out of a molehill. I have been to a few housewarming parties, but they have really been fairly casual events hosted by the homeowner where they invite a few people over to basically show others their new homes. They generally provide most of the food and drink at the ones I have been too. However, I have generally brought a few bottles of wine with me and some sort of a gift like flowers, or a plant or something along those lines.

I have never heard of it being hosted by anyone else and don't know why it would be. A housewarming is not a shower or anything like that. And the gifts that are brought to housewarmings, at least in my experience, are more like hostess gifts or a little more not really big gifts.

I think your sister in law in jumping the gun on this. Sounds like she wants to host a premature bridal shower or something, even though there is no bride.

 

[Disneylover99]

So I don't have much knowledge when it comes to hosting a housewarming party. We bought our house when we were 21 years old (27yrs ago) and remember a little get together once we were all settle in the house. Wasn't anything big. I believe everyone brought a dish and we had it at our new house so everyone could see it. For the life of me, I can't remember if either of our parents "hosted it" or if we decided to just have close family/friends over.

Anyhow, my oldest son and his girfriend (they are 23) just purchased a new home this past Tuesday. They both live at home still and this is their first home. My son posts a photo of his new house on Facebook last night, so naturally they get a lot of "likes" and "congratulations" etc. Well, I couldn't sleep this morning so I decided to pop over on Facebook and received a private message. It was my sister in law who sent a group message to several people......"We are throwing M & J a housewarming party, stay tuned for the details" This kind of threw me for a loop. One, she never mentioned anything to us or my son/his girlfriend about doing this. Two, I remember talking with son's girlfriend a while back about throwing a party and she mentioned that she doesn't even know if she wants one, or if she did it would be once all of the painting and stripping of the wallpaper is done (all of the inside cosmetic stuff) Three, is it normally whoever decides to throw a housewarming party or is it usually the new homeowners or maybe their parents? I truly don't know but I kind of thought it would either be the new homeowners or even their parents or combo of both.

So what's your take on the whole thing? Should I say something to my SIL or just let her plan out this party?

I think the couple who bought the house should host and invite people whenever they’re ready.

 

[anniemae]

A housewarming is organized by the home owners. How would that work if someone else hosts? The point of a housewarming is to have people over to see your house. If someone else is hosting, where would it be held? If it's not held at the new house then it's not a housewarming because nobody would see the house.

 

[lorimay]

Tell them instead of a housewarming at this point, how about they round up some family members coming ready to work?
Help strip those walls and repaint for them!
Then your son can decide when he wants a housewarming.

 

[bellebud]

I think it's really bizarre that your sil did this. She's his aunt, and he has a mother (so not like she's stepping up to fill a void). It's not her place at all, and I'm not meaning it like an etiquette thing, but more like a common sense thing. Is she an attention seeker? I used to know someone who would totally do something like this, and it was to make people look at her like "isn't she wonderful?"

 

[DisneyHardin]

Definitely weird that your SIL did this. I've never head of a housewarming party that wasn't just thrown by the homeowners when they were ready. I've only been to a few, but they are generally cook-out type parties for people to just come and see the new house.

 

[ramee]

I don’t know much about housewarmings. Maybe she just likes an excuse to throw a party and celebrate. I’m sure she’d have to coordinate with the home owners. If they don’t mind someone else organizing and PAYING for a party on their behalf, run with it.

 

[Hikergirl]

I agree with the others who think it is strange that your SIL took it upon herself to do this.
I don't know what the etiquette rules are for a housewarming but I have only been to ones where the homeowners themselves hosted, and they were more of an open house thing, nothing really formal.
The bolded is what I would have an issue with if someone decides to host a housewarming for me, or my kid.
Have you spoken to your ds, how does he feel about it all?

Quick Google
Who Hosts the Party
The owner is the only one who can welcome guests into their new house. It is entirely appropriate to host the party for themselves; in fact, this is common practice. In some cases, a parent can host a party for their adult children who have recently moved into their own place or adult children can host one on behalf of their elderly parents. In most of these cases, the party is considered an open house rather than a housewarming party.

ETA- I would totally say something to SIL. This is not her place to do if she hasn't spoken to your dh and his girlfriend.

 

[PlaneJoy1]

The only thing I can think of is maybe her "housewarming party" is more of a shower to give gifts to the couple to help them get started? I don't know - but it is strange to me for another family member to do this sort of thing. Especially if it's not at the request of the new home owner.

 

[ronandannette]

Does the aunt in question come from a different background than the rest of you? One that maybe has different customs even if they’re only “regional” differences?

In my tiny, rural hometown housewarmings were always surprise parties - surprises for the new homeowner! Everybody knew everybody and someone would put the word out that a housewarming was planned for so-and-so at such-a-time. Whoever could make it would descend on the family with food and drink in hand for a casual, open-house type event. I remember attending many of these as a child.

Honestly now the idea of doing something similar makes my blood run cold and I’d faint dead away if a horde showed up at my door unannounced. That said, I know lots of people who would feel differently and would love the sentiment. Personally, I’d host my own housewarming if I wanted one.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

the look on my face says it all....I wish you can see it. Its one of confusion, laughing at the stupidity, stunned, annoyed; a whole bunch of things. YOUR SIL is so out of line. The homeowner hosts the housewarming. (now my brow is furring). LOL I dislike her and I don't even know her.....

 

[DisneyHardin]

Does the aunt in question come from a different background than the rest of you? One that maybe has different customs even if they’re only “regional” differences?

In my tiny, rural hometown housewarmings were always surprise parties - surprises for the new homeowner! Everybody knew everybody and someone would put the word out that a housewarming was planned for so-and-so at such-a-time. Whoever could make it would descend on the family with food and drink in hand for a casual, open-house type event. I remember attending many of these as a child.

Honestly now the idea of doing something similar makes my blood run cold and I’d faint dead away if a horde showed up at my door unannounced. That said, I know lots of people who would feel differently and would love the sentiment. Personally, I’d host my own housewarming if I wanted one.

I would definitely have a panic attack is people showed up at my door for a surprise housewarming party. How did the people ensure that the homeowners were even home at the time of the surprise?

 

[Luv Bunnies]

The only thing I can think of is maybe her "housewarming party" is more of a shower to give gifts to the couple to help them get started? I don't know - but it is strange to me for another family member to do this sort of thing. Especially if it's not at the request of the new home owner.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Your SIL might be thinking of hosting a "shower" to give the couple gifts to use in their new house. If that's the case, the party won't necessarily be held in the couple's house, unless they are on-board with that.

 

[elgerber]

This is exactly what I was thinking. Your SIL might be thinking of hosting a "shower" to give the couple gifts to use in their new house. If that's the case, the party won't necessarily be held in the couple's house, unless they are on-board with that.

Yeah, I would clarify this with her. My FIL's wife threw a "house shower" for my son last summer when he bought his first place. She held it before he moved in, at her place, but he got a ton of kitchen stuff. They did coordinate with me, what he needed and told me which things they would buy, so he wouldn't buy them himself. It was a surprise for him.

 

[Hikergirl]

Even if this is a "shower" to furnish the home type thing I think the SIL should check with the homeowners.
My dh would have been so uncomfortable accepting gifts to furnish our home. Also, what if the homeowners want to pick out their own stuff?
A housewarming is usually a casual thing with hostess type gifts given, but a shower is a whole other level.
Either one should be discussed with the homeowners to see if this is something they are OK with. If it was a parent I would have thoughts that they were trying to micromanage the excitement of a new home for a couple, but it's the aunt doing it for the OP's ds- I don't even know what to make out of that.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

A house warming party is hosted by the new owners of the house. If someone else is hosting it would be a shower. I don't think I'd really attend a shower for a new house. Weddings, babies. That is quite enough for me.

Does the aunt in question come from a different background than the rest of you? One that maybe has different customs even if they’re only “regional” differences?

In my tiny, rural hometown housewarmings were always surprise parties - surprises for the new homeowner! Everybody knew everybody and someone would put the word out that a housewarming was planned for so-and-so at such-a-time. Whoever could make it would descend on the family with food and drink in hand for a casual, open-house type event. I remember attending many of these as a child.

Honestly now the idea of doing something similar makes my blood run cold and I’d faint dead away if a horde showed up at my door unannounced. That said, I know lots of people who would feel differently and would love the sentiment. Personally, I’d host my own housewarming if I wanted one.

SURPRISE!!! Mabel under her breath. "Bob hurry. Go clean up all your underwear off the bathroom floor!!!."

 

[Wendy31]

I'm actually laughing out loud imagining my reaction if one of my sisters-in-law decided to throw a housewarming party for one of my kids w/o consulting me.

OP - Is your SIL the type who likes to celebrate any occasion & have get-togethers & parties? Is she the family party/event planner? Does she do this kind of thing for other friends & family members?

Have you discussed this w/ your son at all? What are his thoughts?

And, yes, typically house-warming parties are given by the new owners at the new place of residence. And gifts are usually hostess-type gifts - picture frames, plants, flowers, bottles of wine, etc. We've given Lowe's gift cards as well.