Horrified in a Swimsuit. Advice?

[taximomfor4]

I contributed last week to the thread about my adorable 13-yo-in-a-bathing-suit...she is thin, shapely, and long-limbed. I know I was too, once upon a time before my thyroid sputtered and died on me. Sure, I am not concentrating on diet and exercise, I concentrate on surviving nursing school and 4 kids at home. I must preface this by saying that I have had an eating disorder since I was 18 (I fight it well most of the time).

Needless to say, my bathing suit body leaves a bit to be desired! Yesterday, took my best friend, her dd13, and my dd13 to mall. Girls wanted to hang out, friend wanted to help me chose a flattering swimsuit. Tried about 7 on, then friend wanted me to re-try 3 of those. DD13 saw my second try-on of one of the suits, with skirted bottom. I only showed the top, explaining that the bottom made me look "boxy" to myself. Friend insisted I show her, so I did ....
and my dd13 CRACKED UP.

I was horrified. Really horrified. I told her she has to think about her reactions, because that really did hurt my feelings. I didn't yell, but did say that. She slinked off and cried. I feel bad, for her AND for myself.

So what suits have you found that are young-adult, yet flattering on 30lb overweight bodies? My trouble area has always been all the way around hip area (spare tire?) Friend helped me pick a tankini, with NORMAL bottoms, but my thighs scare me.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I'm mid-30's and not the skinnie-minnie I was when I was a kid too (think pear)!" I have a cute suit that is two piece. The top comes down to just a shade bleow my waist, and the bottom is a brief-style (sits just below my waist) with an attached skirt, so my middle is completely covered. It's a great style to look for. It's kind of sporty looking and covers what I want covered. I found it at Peebles last year (and it was around $65-$70, and I saw another mom at the pool wearing it this year too.

You can also try Lands End. Since they carry the line at Sears, you can try them on. I have several nice suits from there, too. They're made very well and offer a number of styles for those of us who proudly carry the body shape of someone who has clearly had kids.

ETA LL Bean carries nice suits, too, some with skirts!

 

[bartleby1]

Well, I can relate! I spent 3 hours trying on bathing suits yesterday with a 6 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 year old in tow! Not fun!

I have a skirted one piece that I love, but it is unfortunately falling apart. So, I went in search of a new one. The stores don't have much to pick from right now, so I couldn't find any one pieces with skirts (I like the longer skirts that cover my thighs).

So, I finally settled on a one piece regular suit and I bought a skirted bottom that was sold on the "separates" rack. I plan on putting the skirted bottom over the regular suit. I hope it works and doesn't fall down! I tried on a ton of suits and a ton of skirted bottoms to find ones that worked together. I tried the tankinis with skirted bottoms, but they all bunched up funny. Also, I ended up buying a size 14 suit but a size 18 skirted bottom which seemed to hang much nicer. An 18 suit would have been huge on me on the top.

HTH!

 

[BeckyEsq]

I also recommend Lands' End. They have great mix and match suits with separate cover-up skirts that you can buy. Try Newport News too for the same thing.

Keep in mind that you could probably look like a Victoria's Secret model and your 13 year old would still laugh at you occasionally. I'm 32 and I don't have any kids yet, imagine what my future - 13 year old will think of me when I am close to 50. Don't be so hard on yourself!

 

[eeyore45]

I think our self image, and self esteem are so hard to overcome - talk about hurdles!! DD 9 wants to spend the summer at the pool, I want to cry! We compromise - I take her (I too have the tankini, and I dont think I belong in public with my "bodyshape") and I dont cry... I spend time reading in the shade, just reading, and relaxing... sometimes I do look at others just to see that I'm "not alone" in this size body...

good luck. I never had eating disorders, never had problems with my metabolism until a few years ago - I just cant seem to get in control, working with a doctor (I have dizzy issues, either vertigo, or low blood sugar and pressure issues!) so I eat... emotional, sometimes... mostly to prevent the dizziness...

I have 12 weeks before Disney, that is my horror! me in shorts at the WORLD!

 

[lauritagoddess]

I also recommend Lands' End. They have great mix and match suits with separate cover-up skirts that you can buy. Try Newport News too for the same thing.

Yes, Land's End is great. You can buy tankini tops and shorts or skirts and mix and match. I'm not overweight now, but between being really overweight previously and pregnancy my tummy is so stretched out. I have a tankini top there that flares out at exactly the right spot and you'd never know.

 

[the Fidge]

Is it possible that you can go alone and commit time for YOURSELF!!! Firstly, I was raised by a fitness focused mother who felt the exterior was far more improtant than the interior. So with great pride I can tell you that my once muscular and fit body went to the dogs after child birth. Has my habits changed YES!!! I take time for my family more than I do for myself. It has been 10 years and I am trying to put some foucs on me to get fit.

Personally growing up I wanted to spend time with my Mom being a Mom rather than watch her workout and primp herself and could then not touch her for fear I mess up her hair or make up! That said, please realize that your value in a suit does not compare to the value of a Mom who your children can roll all over and not worry if they are interupting your YOU time!

What bathing suit you feel good in is the one, maybe look into seeing if tere are any outlets nearby that you can go have it and try a bunch on as you see other women walking in with their 20 suits too!

The sacrifices of being a Mom have sometimes come at the cost of my vanity but a price worth paying! On the upside just remember your not a man who goes bald, they can't gorw hair back but we can drop a few with a lot of sweat and tears!

Happy planning and wear that suit in confidence knowing that you are giving your children something alot of Mom's can't , YOUR GOING TO DISNEY!!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The only thing I can suggest is find a suit that flatters.

Anyone of any shape can find clothes and swimsuits that flatter the body. Being pooh sized doesn't mean you have to be sentenced to wearing a tent.

I will not wear anything that doesn't flatter--and I gained weight recently (UGHHH!!!).

I wear a skirt swimsuit-but it is by choice and it was designed for sticks and up (and I'm in the "and up" category). I do look like I am wearing a little mini skirt as opposed to a swimsuit with a skirt afterthought. (you know--the skirt designs that my 3yo wears.) I did purchase mine at a surf shop.

 

[MickeyHereWeCome!]

I'm in the same boat....with my not-at-all-thin-or-average body. After four kids and no time or energy lately to excercise (I know..excuses), I hate putting on a bathing suit.

I did just get one from Lands End that I really like. It's a 2 piece suit. The bottom is a skort. They are shorts with a wrap around skirt front. I really like this suit. I like how the bottoms fit. I had also tried one of their suits with the regular skirt bottom, and it didn't really mask any bulges, so I returned that one.

They do have many of their styles at Sears, so it's worth a trip to try some of these on. I don't get to the mall often (way too much effort with four little ones), so I do a lot of mail ordering, and returning the things that don't work.

Good luck.

 

[susancl]

I just got a really flattering suit at LL Bean. It is a "Shape Solver" suit. They also have a swim dress that has a super flatterin A-line.

 

[Figment's friends]

Miraclesuits! Hands down winner!
Look into these, they are pricey but WOW! The claim is lose ten pounds in ten seconds and it works! These suits are stylish and feel awesome on!

 

[Laurajean1014]

I like Miracle suits. It doesn't matter what size you are, they do make you look slimmer. I can't wear a tankini (it makes my shoulders too broad and my bust look icky). I prefer halter tops.

 

[solgent]

You've gotten some good suggestions on where to find a suit.

My reaction to your story is, just try not to stress about it. So, you are not Christie Brinkley and your daughter laughed. Try to think about your body not in terms of what it looks like but what it does. It's gotten you to this point in your life, the mother of four children!

Same with a swimsuit. Maybe it won't make you look like a million dollars. The point is to swim and enjoy the water. (If you're not in the water you can wear a cover-up.) I bet that at the pool you will see people who look worse than you (and people who look better than you), but so what? Your daughter wouldn't actually want to trade you.

Have you read any of the Frog and Toad stories (easy reader level) by Arnold Lobel? They are great! In one of them, Toad is swimming and has a good time, but then he won't come out of the water "because I look silly in my bathing suit." The word spreads among the other animals and soon they're all gathered on the riverbank to enjoy the spectacle. Of course this reinforces his desire not to get out. Finally, he's freezing and he has to emerge, and sure enough, everyone laughs, including his best friend Frog. Frog says, "I'm sorry, Toad, but you DO look silly in your bathing suit." So, he was right that he didn't look great, but he ruined his own day by focussing on it.

 

[DawnM]

I have a Tankini sport suit from Lands End. They run about $60 but I got it on ebay (from their overstock store) for $22. I have a couple of them. I love it. It feels like I am wearing shorts and a tank top.

Dawn

 

[AllyCatTapia]

"So what suits have you found that are young-adult"

First of all, young adult suits are for...young adults...People in their....20s. i really really really don't think grown women should be wearing swimsuit skirts. Kinda like the no miniskirts over 25 rule. Maybe thats what your daughter was laughing at.

Sorry, I'm 28 and NOT a "young adult".

ETA: This sounds harsh, but what I am saying is that it is 100x more flattering to DRESS YOUR AGE than to attempt to look younger than you are. Everyone knows whats under the skirt! We're not fooling anyone!

 

[pixiewytch]

I am a huge fan of fancy coverups these days. They truly are the answer. I don't care how flattering a swimsuit is, if you don't like your butt, thighs, cellulite, pooch belly, etc. you still aren't going to feel fabulous and like showing it off....

sooo....I say spend your time at the pool in a beach coverup at all times unless absolutely necessary. Sarongs are great! They are exotic and have a tropical feel to them. Plus, they cover all of those problem areas. They look suitable for young girls and older sophisticated women without being ridiculous.

I have no idea what you look like. Some women, even in their thirties can pull off cutesy short skirt looks. I know there are some adorable short skirt coverups as well that can give you just the right amount of coverage.

Again, I don't know what category you fall into but this seems like a simple way to not feel self conscious. I know when I go next month I will be lying poolside with a coverup myself.

 

[bartleby1]

"So what suits have you found that are young-adult"

First of all, young adult suits are for...young adults...People in their....20s. i really really really don't think grown women should be wearing swimsuit skirts. Kinda like the no miniskirts over 25 rule. Maybe thats what your daughter was laughing at.

Sorry, I'm 28 and NOT a "young adult".

ETA: This sounds harsh, but what I am saying is that it is 100x more flattering to DRESS YOUR AGE than to attempt to look younger than you are. Everyone knows whats under the skirt! We're not fooling anyone!

I'm not sure why you say that swimsuit skirts are only for young adults. They've been making them in "plus" size swimsuits and womens swimsuits for years (long before they became popular with the tankini invention). I can understand not wearing miniskirts since they are MORE revealing than a longer skirt, however, the opposite is true of a skirted bathing suit. They are LESS revealing than a regular bathing suit.

And as far as everyone "knowing whats under the skirt", well of course the skirt doesn't take away the fat, cellulite, lumps and bumps, but why should we all show it off and let it all hang out if we aren't comfortable with that? After having three kids, my tummy is saggy which is why I cover it up with a one piece rather than wearing a bikini. No, it doesn't make it go away, but it certainly is more flattering than letting it and all it's stretch marks scream out to people, lol!

 

[NotUrsula]

Eddie Bauer's catalog has their Miraclesuits on sale right now, so you can save a bit there. Still not cheap, but $85 is better than $110.

The one thing I will advise is to pick a suit that FITS and flatters you insofar as it can; and also covers as much as you want covered, because YOU NEED TO GET IN THE WATER!!!. Staying out is just a self-fulfilling prophecy; skipping exercise is how you gained the weight in the first place. If it is a tank-top-and-sewn-on-shorts style suit, so be it.

I'm about 70 lbs. overweight, and I'm embarassed to be seen in a swimsuit, but I suck it up and go to the beach and to pools and waterparks anyway, because I enjoy swimming, which I can't say for most of forms of exercise.

Oh, and as for the 13 yo, she should feel like a heel. It's one thing if a 5-yo chirps up that "Mommy looks funny!", but an adolescent should know better.

 

[taximomfor4]

Wow, thanks for all the thoughtful replies. It really seems like such a silly issue, I know. And it is not by biggest problem in life, but sometimes the little problems are our immediate focus. My 13 yr old has often stuck her foot in her mouth, more than aother kids her age. Diplomacy is something we work on with her, because she has badly hurt other people's feelings...sadly, pretty often. Impulsivity is one of her struggles for real, and this time I was, I guess, already feeling raw enough that it dug in really deep.

Just to clarify, by "young adult" swimsuit, I certainly did NOT mean a juniors suit or whatever!! I just found myself, after the kids, buying the suits the 65-yr old women in my life wear. I meant, by young adult, the in between age...like 25-24 yrs old group.

I bought the swimsuit most strongly recommended by my friend and her dd13. I might head to the beach a few times in it, to get used to wearing it in public. I am definitely not pooh-sized, but have some out-of-proportion spots on my body. Here is a pic of the swimsuit I did get...just gonna find a cover up for when I'm out of the water. (these pix are the model from a store's site, obviously. My hips & thighs are a bit larger.

 

[madcat]

I think that is a great suit. and its not too young looking but certainly not anything your grandmother would be wearing either now get out there and strut your stuff!