Holding child back a grade in school

[clarabelle]

Our DD is switching schools next year and we are considering holding her back.
She is bright and makes decent grades-but she is disorganized and struggles with bringing home the right books and keeping up with assignments. She is young -summer birthday.

I would love to hear from other people who have held a child back (she would be repeating 4th grade) good and bad experiences.
Thanks

 

[Darcy03231]

I held my DD back in first grade and it was the best thing I could have done for her. I had reservations after kindergarden but the school assured me she was ready for first grade. I went to the Parent/Teacher conference in November (now there was nothing from the school prior to this about her work, etc) and was told that she should be in Readiness, but there wasn't any room in the school's Readiness program so I would have to transport her to a school on the other side of town. I decided to have her finish the year in the school and class she was already and repeat the grade. The school wasn't happy about it, but I really didn't care. She's now in 10th grade, an honors student, well adjusted, responsible and happy. I would do it again in a second.

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks

 

[Disney Ella]

How old is your daughter? If she does okay in school and disorganization is the major problem, I don't think holding her back would really help that. Some kids are more disorganized than others - at any age. Is she old enough to feel bad about being held back.

 

[castleview]

Kept two of my kids from starting Kindergarten because they're fall babies. Great move - especially for the older one. I know of two other kids who were held back in second grade and they're both very comfortable now.

As one teacher said, "It can't hurt to keep them out, but can to put them in early."

Your DD being in fourth grade would make me wonder, but since she is switching schools, I think you have a great opportunity.

Good luck with whatever you do!

 

[HeatherH]

If she's bright and making good grades, no way would I hold her back! Her issues of disorganization are VERY, VERY common in fourth grade, it's a big transition year. They've been coddled more up to that point and that's the year they are expected to do more on their own. MANY kids struggle that year.

I would only have a child consider repeating a grade if he/she was having ACADEMIC issues, or VERY immature socially, and it doesn't sound like this is the case at all.

I think you need to work with the teacher on helping her learn organizational skills. There are all sorts of techniques that can be implemented, both at school and at home. THAT'S the best thing you can do for her, to help prepare to move on to 5th grade at her new school next year.

 

[clarabelle]

She is nine.
I am not sure it would help either -I just want her to do well and enjoy it instead of this constant back and forth of do you have the right books? and when are your tests? -and she is clueless. She doesn't seem to know what is going on. It has been worse this year -with the teachers expecting more out of them in the way of personal responsibility.

 

[DrCavin]

IMO I would not hold her back unless that was your LAST option. It is very tramatic to a child & switching schools only complicates the experience. Will be instersting to see other responses...

 

[HeatherH]

One other thought for you, not to suggest this is necessarily the case...but fourth grade was the year where we ended up with an ADHD diagnosis for my child. She was more than just disorganized, though, she was also inattentive and hyper in class.

 

[EthansMom]

I would consider holding a child back more in early grade school than in later years.

My son and nephew were in the same Kindergarten class last year. DN was really struggling academically. Then, he broke his leg during the winter and missed 5 weeks of school (with little to no tutoring for missed days). I volunteered in the classroom and could tell that DN was really having problems. The school (teachers, administrators) were willing to send DN on to First Grade, hoping to catch him back up there.

I encouraged SIL to keep him in Kindergarten another year. Six months in and another year of Kindergarten has done wonders for DN. He is "at grade level" instead of struggling and he seems happier and more content at school.

However, if a student does fine academically and socially/emotionally, but needs help with organization, then I would work with the teachers on those issues, but not hold her back.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't think holding her back is the solution here. The solution is to work on her organization skills. It doesn't matter what grade she is in at what school at this point - the same skills will be expected of her at this age.

Denae

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I was held back in the second grade and it helped me.

 

[eeyoremum]

I don't know if it is the district or because I live in Canada but officials here will not hold my son back. He struggles so badly and has extra resource help. He is 8 but is very immature for his age. The school claims it is bad for his self esteem to be held back. I maintain if he is constantly failing when his friends are succeeding what is it doing for his self esteem? Talk to her teacher and see what she/he thinks.

 

[clarabelle]

I don't think it is just disorganization. She doesn't seem to know what is going on. I haven't made any decisions yet. Just considering my options.
Any tips to work on organization?

 

[Arielle22]

DD14 was held back in 3rd grade. She was having problems keeping up with the class and she knew there was a problem. It was the best decision. She is doing good in school now.

Unfortunately she is very disorganized and keeping her back didn't improve it. I will ask her in the morning if she put something in her bag and she says yes. However after school she tells me that she forgot what I had reminded her to bring. ARG!

DH and I have a tough love approach with her. We have supplied everything she needs to succeed and be organized, now it is up to her. She had a tale of how her homework got marked as late because her locker was next to the classroom. So she would go into the classroom, drop her bag and then go to the locker. So twice it was marked late. I told her she should have learned after the first time and gone to the locker with her bag.

Has anyone else heard of being held back called "being retained". That is what the elementary school called it. When dd's teacher told me that I just laughed and said "political correctness runs amuck".

 

[castleview]

Has anyone else heard of being held back called "being retained". That is what the elementary school called it. When dd's teacher told me that I just laughed and said "political correctness runs amuck".

I didn't like that retained thing either, but then I ran into a woman in need of evolving. She still looked at any kid held out as "sshhh...stayed back". It reminded me of when I was a kid and my mother telling me my friends' parents were "divorced...but don't tell anyone!"

 

[Faerie]

I was scrapbooking my elementary years the other day and my report cards have at the bottom, "advance to grade ___" or "retained in grade ____" and that was in the 80's

 

[ckay87]

I can say from experience (my teenage son's and my OWN!) that disorganization does not naturally go away with maturity. I'm still disorganized (seriously so) at 38. I'm just mature enough to get mad at myself about it.

But you need to determine whether her problems are developmental in nature. My son was chronologically old enough to advance through kindergarten, but he didn't do so well. Having him repeat kindergarten was a fantastic thing to do for him. He used to be painfully shy, slightly speech-delayed. During that second year of kindergarten, everything worked itself out naturally, with no intervention. He is now in 5th grade, outgoing, and developmentally right alongside his classmates who are a year younger than him.

Only problem for him is that he's slightly embarassed come birthday time to explain to his friends what his age is. Oh, and he'll be eligible to drive in 9th grade . Not!

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks everyone!

 

[freckles and boo]

I don't think it is just disorganization. She doesn't seem to know what is going on. I haven't made any decisions yet. Just considering my options.
Any tips to work on organization?

Look into the term "executive dysfunction". It really is about the ability to get organized, establish goals, etc. There are several websites, including ADHD sites, that give suggestions on helping kids learn organizational skills that they just don't pick up easily on their own. It may just be that she really needs some help putting herself together.

Also, look into the fourth grade curriculum at the new school. If it is different then she probably would still benefit from repeating the grade. If it is mostly the same she might get bored.