His Stuff/My Stuff/Our Stuff...

[Wendy31]

Background...

We are celebrating my Mom's bday this weekend. I have the *hardest* time coming up w/ what to get my mom for bdays & Christmas.

Recently, she & her brother (my uncle) went through some of my grandparents' things, & my mom now has a bunch of snapshot-type photographs of her as a little girl, my grandparents, & other relatives. (My grandparents have both passed away.)

There is one absolutely lovely 4x6 photo of my mom as a little girl w/ my grandparents (her parents). The photo is just beautiful.

I decided I wanted to enlarge the photo & put in a nice engraved frame as part of her bday gift.

My mom still works, so, today, I called my dad who is retired & asked if he knew where those photos are (& told him what I wanted to do) - I wanted to pick up the photo today while my mom was still at work. So, after Dad looks in a couple of places, he can't find the photos & says, "I don't really like looking through your mom's things too much anyway, & I don't feel comfortable going through her stuff."

Well, that's nice, I guess? Of course, now I don't have a photo. He tells me that I can ask Mom where the photos are when she gets home... but it's for her bday, Dad!

Anyway, that got me to thinking...

Do you & your spouse have "my stuff"/"his or her stuff"/"our stuff"?

DH & I don't... especially something like photos. All our photos are in the same place, even photos from before we were married.

DH has one rubbermaid box & I have one rubbermaid box that contain items that we wanted to keep from our childhood/teenage/premarried lives. But I know where the box is, & I wouldn't hesitate to get in it if I needed to find something. I mean, we have separate closets & separate dressers for clothes & shoes & stuff. But I don't have anything hidden from DH & he doesn't have anything hidden from me (except, I guess, at times like Christmas).

And, in the future, if one of our children called DH & wanted to find a photo to use in a bday gift for me, I certainly wouldn't be upset if DH went searching through our photos to find the one needed.

I said something to DH & his response was that it was a "generational thing"?

As an aside, I KNOW that if I went over to their house, I could find the photo I need but, since Dad is home & he won't go looking through Mom's stuff, I also know he's not going to let me snoop!

So, anyway, what are everyone's thoughts on this?

I'm not mad or upset w/ Dad or anything... it just surprised me, you know? It'd be one thing if I asked him to go through her underwear drawer or something... but it was a photo. I'm thinking maybe he just didn't want to look... my Mom does keep & stash quite a bit of stuff - she's got stuff everywhere!

 

[tlbwriter]

I have a drawer that DH is probably afraid of, and he's said he considers my purse personal and doesn't like to go through it. Everything else is fair game.

 

[hopemax]

Yes and no. DH and I don't forbid each other from going through each other's stuff. He can go through my purse without asking, since that is a popular topic. If I needed something from his stuff, I would just go get it. I'm not sure about DH, he seems scared of some of my things . But when it comes to our hobbies, we are both pretty anal about them, so the fear of messing something up in the organization is enough of a deterrent to keep us out of each other's stuff, unless it is absolute necessity. I am a scrapbooker, and so I keep my photos pretty organized, so he would be scared to go rummaging around through them. But finding something for a gift, would probably qualify as a necessity, so he would do it. 2 Christmases ago, he bought be a gold chain for my engagement ring, because the psoriasis on my finger prevents me from wearing it. He went to where I keep my jewelry and found it, and gave me the gift with the ring on the chain.

 

[BellvilleDad]

Not really. I don't go through her purse without her knowledge unless I really need something from inside and she's not available to help me. And she'd need to explain to me why she was in my wallet, if ever she was. Other than that, it's all ours.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Yeah, we do. And I don't like anyone touching my stuff! Now if it were for a gift or other good reason then I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as things weren't "reorganized" in the process. DH will often go to my desk to look for the checkbook and start picking up things. I get a little and ask him what he needs and can usually either tell him exactly where it is or I will have to look myself because I know that it is in one of only a few specific places. My organization style is something like "organized chaos".

I also don't like going through his toolbox or his papers on his desk or through his hobby stuff.

It think for us is really more about just not messing up each others "system"-- his is overly organized and neat and mine is the way I want it.

 

[golfgal]

We don't really have any separation of "stuff". I would LIKE him to stop taking cash out of my purse without telling me though .

 

[NMAmy]

We don't really keep our stuff separate but for something like photos, DH would have no clue where to find a specific photo. He knows where I keep them but has no idea of where to look even for his own family photos. We have a ton of photos and I've been scanning all my grandparents' old photos, as well, so that just adds to them. They're organized but he has no idea how. If dd asked for a specific photo, he'd tell her to go ahead and find it herself.

 

[tvguy]

I have a drawer that DH is probably afraid of, and he's said he considers my purse personal and doesn't like to go through it. Everything else is fair game.

Sort of the same here with my wife and I. I stay out of her purse, and her closet, unless she asks me to get something for her. I have no idea why. She doesn't care if I do. She finds it amusing that I don't.
She stays out of my closet, and my wallet, unless I need something, or she needs something.
Now, around birthdays, and Christmas, we make a point of telling each other to stay out of each other's closets because we have gifts hidden there for each other.