Her Cheating Heart - Advice Needed!

[Piglet843]

yeah, your friend is really doing the ladies proud. just about the sex....

I get that - she's just as bad - I just think he's pretty crappy for allowing this to go on - knowing she's freakin engaged. I know not all guys are like that - but he's just in it for the sex and I think its wrong what he's doing as well. Please guys - no offense - I just don't like him very much right now either.

 

[Linzybrooke]

Wow - i thank all of you for your quick responses. I have been soo stressed about this for so long (6-months or so!!) The fiance does not know about the other guy. But the other guy obviously knows about her fiance. He doesn't care (guys huh.. just about the sex for them most of the time)
I am also friends with the fiance and I have seriously considered telling him - I just don't know how - or if it was really my place to do that.

Also - yes DH knows about all this - his advice is the same - lose her.
She has way more problems than just this in her life that he doesn't want me to be around anyway.

Its just so hard - we have both changed so much and gone our own ways in life - I guess its just time to cut that cord - and start looking for a new one.

Thanks for your replies - keep them coming...

You could send him an anonymous letter in the mail? He might not take it seriously but it might plant the seed that something isn't right in his head.

 

[oxfordcircus]

I get that - she's just as bad - I just think he's pretty crappy for allowing this to go on - knowing she's freakin engaged. I know not all guys are like that - but he's just in it for the sex and I think its wrong what he's doing as well. Please guys - no offense - I just don't like him very much right now either.

and she's in it for the, what, $300 gifts? like i said, her fiance needs to be tested for some std's. he may need a series of shots to get rid of her love cooties.

to clarify, though, he's a POS too. but he's not really living the crappy lie that the girl is living. they both are POSes, but she gets the nod as the Queen POS since she's the cheater.

 

[poohandwendy]

If a condition of you being her friend is having to accept her cheating, then yes, I would lose her as a friend yesterday.

Sorry

I agree. I could not, in good conscience, stand as a maid/matron of honor for someone I knew was unfaithful to the person they were marrying. There is no way. I would at least back out of that part, first. Well, that will probably end the friendship anyways.

I just could not be close friends with anyone I knew was living a lie like that. Sorry, but your friend in a PIG. No excuses, she just is.

 

[Sandy V.]

I couldn't be part of a wedding that was a lie, and I couldn't be close friends with someone who could treat someone she supposedly "loves" so badly. I agree with your DH - now is a good time to drop the friendship or at least put it on hiatus until she straightens herself out.

 

[ilovejack02]

OMG, who needs friends like that. You are supposed to spend time and effort and money planning a wedding that is a joke to begin with? That poor man she is marrying, those poor babies she may have one day, destined to be living with divorced parents, because her crazy selfish butt couldnt make up her mind. How horrible. Someone needs to tell that man what he is getting himself into.\


PS i attended a wedding of a girl that pulled the same thing your friend is doing, ( i went for the food LOL) and they were divorced with in about 18 months, thank goodness no children involved!!

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Wow - i thank all of you for your quick responses. I have been soo stressed about this for so long (6-months or so!!) The fiance does not know about the other guy. But the other guy obviously knows about her fiance. He doesn't care (guys huh.. just about the sex for them most of the time)
I am also friends with the fiance and I have seriously considered telling him - I just don't know how - or if it was really my place to do that.

Also - yes DH knows about all this - his advice is the same - lose her.
She has way more problems than just this in her life that he doesn't want me to be around anyway.

Its just so hard - we have both changed so much and gone our own ways in life - I guess its just time to cut that cord - and start looking for a new one.

Thanks for your replies - keep them coming...

Just on a selfish note, if she is so perfectly willing to cheat on her fiance, she will not be a good friend to you. Trust me on that! A person with such a deep, deep character flaw as to be having an ongoing relationship with one guy while she plans a marriage to another guy will screw you over, too.

 

[gemmie214]

I tried to tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore - that I can't sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She says I'm judging her - and abandoning her and that I'm just a fairweather friend.
I don't know what else to do - it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s).
Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost?
- ExBestFriend

Seems to me that the friendship is all about her. HER wants, HER needs, HER friendship rules.

If she was my friend, I would tell her outright that I am judging her. That she is acting like a spoiled child...honestly I would probably tell her she was acting like a pig. I would then tell her that I wouldn't support her in her wedding, her dishonesty and her drama and walk away a better person for it.

Oh, and before I walked away I would give a copy of this thread to her.

 

[poohandwendy]

I get that - she's just as bad - I just think he's pretty crappy for allowing this to go on - knowing she's freakin engaged. I know not all guys are like that - but he's just in it for the sex and I think its wrong what he's doing as well. Please guys - no offense - I just don't like him very much right now either.

They are both pigs, one not more sleezy and wrong than the other. It seems hypocritical to think he is at any more fault than she is. After all, she is the one who is in what is supposed to be a commited relationship.

 

[boomhauer]

She is not a real friend and someone needs to tell guy A before he makes a huge mistake.

Absolutely.

 

[Piglet843]

Oh, and before I walked away I would give a copy of this thread to her.

Hah!!! I actually had thought of that!!
Maybe another one to him as well!!

 

[poohandwendy]

And I agree that someone needs to tell her fiance that he should look into STD testing. Poor guy. Jeez...

 

[vettechick99]

Great responses! You are really getting another glimpse into the kind of person she is. Totally selfish.

Anyway, I could not stand up for someone at their wedding knowing they were cheating on their future husband. Morally I just couldn't do it.

But I'd tell her I'd still be her friend (Lord knows she needs some good influences around her!), but you have to draw the line there. It's just wrong what she's doing. How sad all around.

 

[poohandwendy]

Hah!!! I actually had thought of that!!
Maybe another one to him as well!!

I wouldn't even waste a sheet of good paper. It won't make a bit of difference. If the morals aren't there now, they certainly aren't going to just appear after reading a thread on a message board. They would just make excuses (the ones they have been making to justify lying and cheating) and say that none of us could possibly understand. It's not dirty like it sounds, it's 'different' for them. They wouldn't do it if they didn't feel justified.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't know what else to do - it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s).
Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost?
- ExBestFriend

Heck ya'....the sooner the better. This gal is trouble with a capital "T" and will only bring you loss and despair.
It is the term, who needs enemies with friends like that?

Also standing up for someone in the sight of God would be morally wrong.

 

[MareQ]

Find a new friend and on the way out - let her know that you'll be telling Guy A about Guy B so if she knows whats good for her she better beat you to it.

 

[diznygirl]

You don't have to say anything else to your friend. Just tell the fiance.


This is like one of those horror movies: "Get out....... Get OUT!!!!!"


Good luck to you. You will find better friends.

 

[Piglet843]

I wouldn't even waste a sheet of good paper. It won't make a bit of difference. If the morals aren't there now, they certainly aren't going to just appear after reading a thread on a message board. They would just make excuses (the ones they have been making to justify lying and cheating) and say that none of us could possibly understand. It's not dirty like it sounds, it's 'different' for them. They wouldn't do it if they didn't feel justified.

How right you are.

It just breaks my heart to lose a friend.
I feel like I'm being selfish or that I am in the wrong.
"I should just be like her other friend - always there and trying to help and accepting of what she is or does because thats what good friends do" she says.

 

[poohandwendy]

How right you are.

It just breaks my heart to lose a friend.
I feel like I'm being selfish or that I am in the wrong.
"I should just be like her other friend - always there and trying to help and accepting of what she is or does because thats what good friends do" she says.

IMO really good friends do not just accept any wrong.

I make it a point to limit my close friends to people I admire and respect. People who have a positive impact on my life. It's worked well for me.

 

[wilderness01]

No she is just trying to justify what she is doing wrong. Good riddance, because she is no friend to put you in that position.