Helping your child (school craft) does not mean doing it for them

[Tinkmom75]

Today at my 5yo Valentine's party I was given the task of helping the kids make candy necklaces out of fruitloops and gummy life savers. I went through two groups of kids about 5 in each group. I gave each kid their kit which included 5 gummy lifesavers, fruitloops and a piece of yarn. I told the kids what to do and if they had a problem helped. They all did fine. When they were finished I tied the necklace for them. When the third group came along so did two Moms. Mom A and B. The whole time they were in the center Mom A and B were talking (not the issue). Mom A proceeds to whip right along putting 3/4 of the necklace together for her son. Her son is complete way before everyone else and then bored. I just wonder, why couldn't she let her son do the activity that was for him. He wasn't having issues with it. All the other kids did great. They may not have had perfect necklaces, but the point is not having perfect necklaces. The point was to do a fun activity.

 

[rwdavis2]

IMHO, parents these days are waaay too involved in their kids activities. From sports, school activites, you name it. I agree with you, kids need to learn to do things for themselves as much as they can.
BD

 

[*JoGo*]

doing it for them gives them the idea that they "can't" do it or that they would do it wrong.

i work in a preschool... the crafts and papers sent home are definitely the kids' work. sometimes we'll look at a craft and think "wow" lol, but it's the kid's work and we're proud of them for cutting / gluing (figuring out how to glue is very difficult for some kids!) or coloring on their own.

the point isn't for it to be PERFECT, it's for the kids to learn, to build their confidence and self-esteem, to do it THEMSELVES.

 

[smb6]

I SOOO agree!!! My ds (2nd grade) had to make valentine boxes. My son did a great job by the way. Then we went to the party..... Half of these boxes were clearly not made by the kids! There was one that was a rocket ship and was as tall as me(5'7) and I am NOT exagerating! The rocket ship was perfect! Not in a million years did a kid make this thing- as a matter of fact the kid was probably made to leave the room so as not to get in the parents way! There were some other boxes also that were clearly not made my the kids- one in the shape of a top hat, again perfectly done..... I just could not believe it and thought is was ridiculous that clearly only about half the class truly made their own boxes. I'd say there was a good percent that the parents just overly helped, but there was a handful that I don't think the kids even touched/helped at all..... And then there were some (like my son) that the parents may have helped with one or two things here or there/supervised- but clearly the kids made the project......

 

[MrsPete]

doing it for them gives them the idea that they "can't" do it or that they would do it wrong.

Exactly right, and it leasds to low self-esteem -- but don't forget to throw in that it teaches the kid that it's mom's job to do everything for them, which leads to a sense of entitlement later in life.

 

[MamaJessie]

ITA!!! It drives me bonkers. It was so bad when my dd was in fifth grade the teacher had them do all their projects in school because there were a handful of kids who obviously had their parents do the whole thing.

 

[dreamin_disney]

I have one better 5th grade missions. Parents go way out buy cool stuff to put on and the mission look profeesional. We know who did the work- the parents We helped dd with a few things like glue gun cuz i still even get burned. But she did the research and work so she did great but she was a lil worried because some kids had perfect looking nice ones. I told her the teacher can tell which kids did the work and which ones the parent did-lol!

 

[shortbun]

You should see the silk tie my son painted for my husband when DS was 3. The teachers limited the kids to three colors, the rest was up to the kids. It's designer quality, hilarious! My husband wears it all the time.

 

[luvmy3]

Exactly right, and it leasds to low self-esteem -- but don't forget to throw in that it teaches the kid that it's mom's job to do everything for them, which leads to a sense of entitlement later in life.

I don't think it necessarily leads to an entitlement mentality but I think it doesn't prepare a child to grow into an independent person.

 

[kacaju]

In our school the 1st graders used to do a cute Indian Project. they each had to research a tribe and make the type of dwelling the Indians lived in. Over the years it got so bad with parents doing the projects...the teachers stopped doing it.

 

[luvmy3]

I am one of those parents who *gasp* make my kids do their own projects. Its hard to go in to the school and see 20 museum quality displays and then my kid's that look like, well a 2nd grader did it To me, his is a work of art, but it makes me sad that other parents don't seem to think their kid can do a good enough job on their own.

 

[klj27]

Last year my webelo 2 co leader and I were trying to make the boys more responsible for their pinewood derby cars. We had three boys who did not attend the meetings where they boys worked on their cars. Guess which three dads, I mean boys, won the three speed awards. I so wanted to give the trophies to the dads instead of the boys and congratulate them on beating a group of ten and eleven year olds.

 

[bas71873]

In our school the 1st graders used to do a cute Indian Project. they each had to research a tribe and make the type of dwelling the Indians lived in. Over the years it got so bad with parents doing the projects...the teachers stopped doing it.

Hey, are you at our school? My 2nd grade DD had to do the Indian project this year. SHE did her project, and it was obvious a second grader did it, but man, when I took it in with her on the due date, I was SHOCKED at how professional some of the projects looked. Some parents even wrote the 5 sentence paragraph the kids were supposed to write to tell about their project. The instruction sheet even said at the bottom that this is your child's projects, parents & sibs can help, but please remember that this should reflect your child's work. DD got an A and was commended for using her imagination and products from nature (we didn't spend a penny), but I was still a little floored.

My BFF is a high school teacher and I was telling her about it and she said to keep letting DD do her own work. Teachers do notice and it's only going to help DD. She says she has high school kids who have been so "helped" all their lives that they don't know how to organize their thoughts for projects and get one done UNASSISTED from step A to step Z. She made me feel a whole lot better!

 

[Cindy B]

ITA!!! It drives me bonkers. It was so bad when my dd was in fifth grade the teacher had them do all their projects in school because there were a handful of kids who obviously had their parents do the whole thing.

I am a teacher, and I have my students complete all projects in class. I remember one year (while I was a teachers aide), a student came in with a lovely science project. The teacher asked the student to read the poster. Student couldn't read most of the words! It turns out that Mom was a doctor and she completed the poster. The teacher I worked for made the student complete a new project during the school day.

 

[java]

Last week I was in my second grader's class. They were making mailboxes and we were there to assist with glue guns or whatever. Well one mom sat down and made her son's box. To the point of doing it all. I said" nice box are YOU hoping for a lot of valentine's?"

 

[PollyannaMom]

...Mom A proceeds to whip right along putting 3/4 of the necklace together for her son. Her son is complete way before everyone else and then bored. I just wonder, why couldn't she let her son do the activity that was for him. He wasn't having issues with it. All the other kids did great. They may not have had perfect necklaces, but the point is not having perfect necklaces. The point was to do a fun activity.

and to work on a finger grasp that will help with penmanship later - and she took that practice away from him.

I am one of those parents who *gasp* make my kids do their own projects. Its hard to go in to the school and see 20 museum quality displays and then my kid's that look like, well a 2nd grader did it To me, his is a work of art, but it makes me sad that other parents don't seem to think their kid can do a good enough job on their own.

I'm one of those parents too, and it is hard. But we've explained to DS that he should not compare his projects to the ones done by parents, but should simply look at the grade his teacher gives him to know if he has done a good job. She is very good at telling which are done by the kids, and grades very appropriately.


Kids remember when we honestly support their artwork. (I don't mean inflated praise, just support.) In our house, it's "the blue apple" that DS still talks about. We were at a story-time a the library, and there was an apple coloring page. We witnessed a mom arguing with her three-year-old about how he could not color his apple blue, because real apples couldn't be that color. It astonished DS and bugged me so much I used food coloring to serve blue apples for snack that day at home!

 

[aprilgail2]

My question is why were three parents hanging out in a classroom for a kids party????

 

[disneyjunkie]

My question is why were three parents hanging out in a classroom for a kids party????[/QU I was about to ask the same question. My assistant and I handled our party.

 

[Tinkmom75]

My question is why were three parents hanging out in a classroom for a kids party????

It is quite common and encouraged for parents to help with and attend class parties in our school district. There were more than 3 parents there. This Mom just stood out. She really wasn't even paying attention to her son at all. Just talking and putting the necklace together. I set out the stuff, but did not do the projects for the kids. I am very against doing my kids projects other than supervising and answering questions when asked.

My DS12 got graded down on his project in 5th grade because it wasn't up to par with the projects where parents obviously did the work. I saw those projects at conferences. I lost some respect for that teacher. I didn't argue though, I just stated that he did it all on his own. I told my DS if he had a problem with the grade then he needed to talk with the teacher.

 

[luvmy3]

My question is why were three parents hanging out in a classroom for a kids party????

I assume they were the room moms. Sometimes teachers even invite all parents to stop by.