helping a child with new-found fears..long post

[momz]

DD (8) has recently begun having fears that she's never experienced before. She's frequently talking about ghosts and asks "are they real". She's really having problems at bedtime, won't sleep in her room. She will sometimes sleep in her brother's room, but last night after 1 1/2 hours of trying to get her to go to bed, I finally caved and let her sleep on the couch in the living room with the light on.

This started about a week ago when she talked her older cousin into showing her "something scary" on the computer. It was one of those short video clips that shows something mundane, but ends when a scary looking face suddenly appears on the screen with a screaming sound. He felt really bad about showing it to her, but she asked, and he thought she would be amused by it.

Prior to this experience, she had tried to talk me into buying her a "scary book"...this..I think is in response to a neighbor girl (13) recently talking about the twilight series that's about vampires. I wouldn't buy her anything except something from the goosebumps series, but she didn't want that.

Fast forward to this week...school started, now she's come home saying that kids at her table have been talking about ghosts, and that one of the girls brought in a book about ghosts.

She's really dwelling on the topic of scary stuff, first as an innocent interest, but after seeing and hearing some scary things, she's mortified. Can't relax for thinking a ghost is going to appear.

How can I help her through this? She asked me to talk to her teacher about the kids that are talking about ghosts. But I'm not sure I want to do this. I think the kids will know that she's the one that complained about it, and of course there could be ramifications of that. Any advice?

 

[bookgirl]

Living in Oklahoma my nephews (10) and god children (21, 17, 11) are very aware of native american culture. They all believe in the dream catchers that are sold everywhere here. You hang a dream catcher in your window or above your bed and it 'catches" the bad dreams and thoughts that disturb your sleep. They have used those when they were having bad dreams or were scared when they were young.

Is there some cultural or religious icon she is comfortable with, can she use that to help her banish the bad thoughts?

Is it her room she is scared of or did she sleep on the couch because you were there? Can she have a night light or flashlight in her room?

Hope you can find something to help.

ps let me know if you need a dream catcher...even wal mart sells them here LOL

 

[LWatson]

You all may think I'm crazy, but we believe in ghosts here. BUT, we have also experienced some crazy stuff in our houses all over the US too.

At Little Rock AFB in Ark multiple times in the 6m we were in that house all the doors in the house would slam shut at the same time, lights would come of and on all the time on their own, my husband's uniform would be on one side of the door at bed time and the other side when we woke up, and my uncle refused to come back into our house after he saw a man in uniform walk across our livingroom and nobody was there. At that house if we had to have stayed longer in it we would have had a Chaplin come out an bless the house to try to get rid of whatever it was.

In Grand Forks, ND things would randomly just fly across the room and hit the wall. We did have that house blessed and it did stop.

In Woodlawn, TN I was on the sofa at night and saw a bright light outside so I thought hubby was home early so I looked out the window and it wasnt hubby...it was a girl in dress....just she was see thru and glowing. She eventually made her way inside the house and turned the tv off and on over and over. My oldest son was asleep in his bed and just woke up screaming someone was touching his face. My friend down the street was Native American and came over and did something and put these yellow rocks on our window sills and we never had a problem again.

Here at Ft. Bliss, Tx I have a picture of my husband holding our youngest son. But the picture is really blurred and you can see a female figure in a dress standing infront of the camera by my husband and son. No, the camera didnt move and neither did my husband/son...and the very next picture was clear and not blurry. Oh and we also have a picture that the whole room is not blurry except this one spot where there is a crazy white blur going across it. We havent had any weird occurrences here, so no need to have someone step in yet.

I guess my point is at each place we have had something done to help out. Maybe if you have your preacher/priest/Chaplin (if you are religious) come and "cleanse" the house or you could do the dream catcher thing just to make your daughter feel better about it all.

SORRY SO LONG

 

[momz]

I will try the dream catcher idea.

I really don't think she is experiencing anything real at this point. I think it is her imagination. I think that some of this fear was brought on by her own curiosity, and now she's seen and heard some things that are scary to her. I also think that the things she's seen and heard are not "real", but fabricated with the intention of scaring little kids.

I completely believe that "spirits" exist. We are Christians, and I believe we are instructed to intentionally avoid the occult. I have her pray, and I pray with her. I don't know what I would do if we were in a situation like a PP experienced. That stuff is really scary.

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

My DD is really afraid of bad dreams and has recently been resisting going to sleep becuase she is afraid she will have a nightmare.

I brought out a teddy bear that my aunts gave her when my mom died, she calls it her Nana bear, its white and has angel wings. I explained that there is a row of angels standing around her, protecting her from bad dreams. The angels work for God, and God had told them to protect her. The angel bear is to cuddle at night to remind her of the invisible Angels around her, protecting her.

It sounds silly, but it really has helped. Whenever she feels nervous about going to sleep, she gets her angel bear and reminds herself that she is protectected by the army of the Lord.

 

[Bren's Mom]

{{{{{{{{{your dd}}}}}}}}

Tell her that I am almost 40 years old and my boss called me into his office last year and showed me that exact same video. I swear that if I had a full bladder I would have peed on his floor! I screamed so loud that another Sgt. (I work for the police) came running to help me! That scared the bejeepers out of me, seriously.

So I can only imagine how it frightened her. Poor kid.

I think it will take time. I like the idea of the dream catcher and also, do some research about positive things (and yes, there are lots!) about ghosts and share those with her.

 

[eeyoremum]

The dream catcher idea is a good one. We used that when our son was very young.

My DS10 sees ghost on a regular basis. No big to us because we do too. We have at least two that frequent our home. He is scared though. He has moved his bed to another wall so he can't see out his bedroom door at night.

This is what I tell him. Ghosts are not scary, nasty or mean. They are simply loved ones that want to check in and make sure we are safe. We tell him that ghost stories which are intended to scare or portray ghosts as scary, evil or mean are made up by people that don't understand. We also tell him to talk to the ghost and say something like "please go away you are scaring me". Our ghosts listen to him and leave for a bit or don't make themselves visable to him for awhile.

I would agree that talking to the teacher to stop the talk will only create a bigger problem. Also, you can't really tell people what to talk about all the time. Maybe she could say to her friends that the talk is kind of making her uncomfortable and could they talk about something else.

 

[RMulieri]

You all may think I'm crazy, but we believe in ghosts here. BUT, we have also experienced some crazy stuff in our houses all over the US too.

At Little Rock AFB in Ark multiple times in the 6m we were in that house all the doors in the house would slam shut at the same time, lights would come of and on all the time on their own, my husband's uniform would be on one side of the door at bed time and the other side when we woke up, and my uncle refused to come back into our house after he saw a man in uniform walk across our livingroom and nobody was there. At that house if we had to have stayed longer in it we would have had a Chaplin come out an bless the house to try to get rid of whatever it was.

In Grand Forks, ND things would randomly just fly across the room and hit the wall. We did have that house blessed and it did stop.

In Woodlawn, TN I was on the sofa at night and saw a bright light outside so I thought hubby was home early so I looked out the window and it wasnt hubby...it was a girl in dress....just she was see thru and glowing. She eventually made her way inside the house and turned the tv off and on over and over. My oldest son was asleep in his bed and just woke up screaming someone was touching his face. My friend down the street was Native American and came over and did something and put these yellow rocks on our window sills and we never had a problem again.

Here at Ft. Bliss, Tx I have a picture of my husband holding our youngest son. But the picture is really blurred and you can see a female figure in a dress standing infront of the camera by my husband and son. No, the camera didnt move and neither did my husband/son...and the very next picture was clear and not blurry. Oh and we also have a picture that the whole room is not blurry except this one spot where there is a crazy white blur going across it. We havent had any weird occurrences here, so no need to have someone step in yet.

I guess my point is at each place we have had something done to help out. Maybe if you have your preacher/priest/Chaplin (if you are religious) come and "cleanse" the house or you could do the dream catcher thing just to make your daughter feel better about it all.

SORRY SO LONG

I have got the creepy crawlies now...But I do believe you.

 

[mom2faith]

Living in Oklahoma my nephews (10) and god children (21, 17, 11) are very aware of native american culture. They all believe in the dream catchers that are sold everywhere here. You hang a dream catcher in your window or above your bed and it 'catches" the bad dreams and thoughts that disturb your sleep. They have used those when they were having bad dreams or were scared when they were young.

Is there some cultural or religious icon she is comfortable with, can she use that to help her banish the bad thoughts?

Is it her room she is scared of or did she sleep on the couch because you were there? Can she have a night light or flashlight in her room?

Hope you can find something to help.

ps let me know if you need a dream catcher...even wal mart sells them here LOL

I firmly believe in dream catchers!!

When a very close friend of mine commited suicide I had horrible dreams about him - nothing gorry, just dreams like he ws calling for help and I could not find him, etc....Pretty typical post-suicide dreams.

My DH got me a dream catcher and it really helped a lot!!! Maybe it was a placebo, maybe it wasn't, who knows...It worked and that is all that matters!!

As for ghosts, I am on the fence, but...after trying to get pregnant with DD for over a year, we finally did. We found out on the 1st anniversary of Ian's death and she was due on his birthday. Maybe not a ghost, but I felt his spirit that is for sure!!!

Amy

 

[mom2faith]

The dream catcher idea is a good one. We used that when our son was very young.

My DS10 sees ghost on a regular basis. No big to us because we do too. We have at least two that frequent our home. He is scared though. He has moved his bed to another wall so he can't see out his bedroom door at night.

This is what I tell him. Ghosts are not scary, nasty or mean. They are simply loved ones that want to check in and make sure we are safe. We tell him that ghost stories which are intended to scare or portray ghosts as scary, evil or mean are made up by people that don't understand. We also tell him to talk to the ghost and say something like "please go away you are scaring me". Our ghosts listen to him and leave for a bit or don't make themselves visable to him for awhile.

I would agree that talking to the teacher to stop the talk will only create a bigger problem. Also, you can't really tell people what to talk about all the time. Maybe she could say to her friends that the talk is kind of making her uncomfortable and could they talk about something else.

I would be careful with that...if she skes them not to talk about ti she may be labelled a scardy cat and they may talk about it more. Not saying I agree, just saying kids can be mean - KWIM?

I think educating her, allowing her to talk to you, maybe even watching reruns of Medium...these are things that all may amker her feel better. Oh, and the dream catcher!!

 

[tinkslite]

The kiddo in my house who was the sweetest, cuddliest with the most belief in magic was also the one with the most fear(s).

When he was 5 or 6 he inexplicably obtained a fear of birds. All birds. They terrified him. He would not play in the backyard anymore, at all! If he had to go outside to get to the car door he would TEAR FULL SPEED LIKE A BAT OUT OF HECK until he was safely shut inside the vehicle, breathlessly buckling the snaps of his own carseat.
We tried telling him that the birds were all small and probably much more afraid of him, than he was of them. No luck. He told us they were going to come down and "peck on my head." We tried telling him that flying birds were so high up, they didn't even notice him. No luck. "If I can see them, they can see me!" There was no comforting him.
Enter 7 year old brother (now 14). This is the conversation he had with our little guy after a month of terror.
Big Brother: "Do you want to play with me in the backyard, Nicky?"
Lil Brother: "No way. Those birds scare me."
Big Brother: "Why are you scared of those birds?"
Lil brother (sounding alarmed): "Because they are mean. They are going to come down and peck on my head!"
Big Brother: "Stay here for a minute." BB walks outside, leaving back door wide open. Standing in the middle of the backyard, in full view of LB in the house he shakes his fist at the sky and yells, "IF ANY OF YOU BIRDS COME DOWN AND PECK ON MY BROTHER, I'LL PULL OUT EVERY LAST FEATHER!!!!!"
He walks to the back door and uses his hand to motion to LB to come out and play. WHICH LB DOES!!!!
He never mentioned a fear of birds ever again!
Leave it to a kid.
I rather think this won't be of help in the ghost situation, but it might give you a smile.
My daughter was afraid of ghosts and we went with it, using her same imagination to cure the problem. Daddy created "ghost repellent"; it had some of my perfume in it and "ghosts can't stand the smell-they won't go anywhere near it." He would spray her room with it every night (it was a lot of water in a spray bottle w/ a bit of moms perfume). He was careful to spray inside the closet and under the bed (ghost trouble spots). Then he turned on the nightlight (ghosts hate night lights too) and tuck her in snug with a cuddly buddy (teddy bear). It was silly but hey, it worked. For like a year he did this routine. I think she was 7.

 

[weHEARTmickey]

I completely believe that "spirits" exist. We are Christians, and I believe we are instructed to intentionally avoid the occult. I have her pray, and I pray with her. I don't know what I would do if we were in a situation like a PP experienced. That stuff is really scary.

Thanks for the encouragement.

My DD8 had the same type of fears almost a year ago. There's no real reason behind it other than kids talking about scary things at school & the occassional scary commercials. (My kids still only get to watch very mild, kiddy shows. Disney movies are about as scary as they watch!)

We are also Christians and DH & I had been praying with her nightly about her fears. We finally mentioned her fear as a prayer request in our Sunday School class. A friend in our class said she was going to bring my DD a present that helped her DS years earlier. That day she brought a magnificient framed picture of this large mighty-looking guardian angel (man) who is "standing guard" over a sleeping child. We explained to DD that God sends His angels to watch over us & that they aren't just the cutesy-smiley little baby-looking angels.

That VERY night, DD slept all night in her own bed!!! (She'd been getting in bed w/ us each night.) It's like once she realized that she was being protected by not only God, but by real angels, she was fine!Praying for you all!

 

[Steph9072]

Right after my Granny died in 05’ my daughter started having nightmares. To the point she was physically ill from the lack of sleep. After trying everything we could think of she had a few counseling sessions with our Pastor. Together they came up with a “scary prayer.” This is a prayer that Holly says whenever she wakes up at night and is scared. Or even during the day if something scary happens It works for her even to this day. Every now and then I will hear her in the middle of the night saying the prayer. My ds has started with the nightmares too we have started doing the “scary prayer” too and it helps him. I will share it is very simple.

Dear Jesus, Please take away my bad dreams. Dear Jesus, Please allow me to happy dreams. Dear Jesus, Please wrap your arms around me to help me to feel safe. I love you Jesus Amen.

HTH & good luck