Help! Torn about 18mo DS

[poohbearfan1]

First off I just want to say I LOVE THE DIS!! I have gotten soooo much help with my trip planning by using this site and these forums! You guys are great!
My DH and I have planned a trip April 15-21. Yeah, I know Easter and School Vaca, but I am a K Teacher and this is the only time I can travel. We have 2 DS one who will be celebrating his 5th BDay in Disney on April 19th!!Anywho, I am really torn as to whether or not to bring along our 18mo DS. Before anyone starts attacking me about the whole family trip thing let me tell you my situation. He is a VERYY timid child. He has not liked crowds since the day he was born. If he is in any kind of crowded situation he MUST be attached to a hip. He also does not tolerate the stroller for more than 30 min. He is an EXTREMELY Hyperactive child and is constantly on the move. Now up to the last 2 weeks I had not even hesitated on this. I've booked a double stroller, packed snacks which I am shipping, made all the early PS arrangements, etc. I am sooo attached to this child. I have spent hardly a night away from him and am more worried about how I will be w/o him than vice versa. I am worried that bringing him along is more for my comfort level than really what he will enjoy. I think he may actually have a miserable time!! Any help, suggestions, advice would be reallllyy appreciated.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would bring mine because I would be worried about my child away from me the whole time. Has he been away from you for long periods before?

 

[DisneyPhD]

I am normally in the "bring the baby" or youn child camp. However you need to do what is best for you and your family. If you think the trip would be very hard on him, and have a safe place to leave him where he would have a good time go ahead. Many people have left their young children in the hands of carring family members or friends and it worked out fine.

Disney is very good for young kids, especialy with parents who know how to pay attention to their needs and care more about their happiness then the money you are spending. The time you are going because of the crowds might be a concern. You might not get as much done, but as long as you are prepared for that, then it should be ok.

If you bring him it will turn out fine. My guess is you will split up more and one person will end up spending more time with the 18 month old, one with the 5 year old. (your kids are very close to my daughters ages. I have a 19 month old and my oldest turns 5 the end of March.)

We just got back in Jan with them and the baby did fine. The hardest time was restuarants. She did not want to sit in her chair and eat at all, but it was phase for her. We are going back in May and are heading over to Vero Beach for half the week. However for the most part she is a very easy going child and travels very well.

We have been really lucky and as DVC members have made many trips with our kids (this will be my DD's 8th trip to FLA, 7 times to WDW.) We have brought them at all ages and WDW is really good for kids of ALL ages. Many times we have meet people with young kids the same age who left one with grandma or grandpa. He look at my kids wistfully. It can be really hard to miss your young child because there are so many young kids there to remind you of them. That being said, waiting to take your youngest might be a good idea. He might enjoy it more when he is older and able to handel it and enjoy it more. Just be sure you do take him again someday, even if he isn't ready at 5 as his brother. Take him when he is ready.

Listen to your heart. Do what feels right to you. You know your child and family best. What is right for me, might not be for you. What ever you chose will be ok. Best of luck and enjoy your trip!

 

[poohbearfan1]

OOPS! I neglected to let you all know my DS Grammy and Poppa have offered to take him for the week that we are in Disney. Also, he has not been away from me for more that 1-2 nights. I am torn whether to make this the first big family trip or to make this a special trip for our 5yo be4 he starts school (ALL DAY K). He also has had a really tough adjustment dealing with the younger brother this past year. He was sooo used to having mommy and daddy to himself for so long. To complicate things further we are trying for our 3rd DC!! So it may be awhile be4 we get to take a trip again!!

 

[Cruz91]

Our DS 22 months is just a little older, but we were very schocked by his behavior. He was rather timid too, not so much about crowds, but about 'characters' in suits. We thought he would freak out about all of the characters running around, but much to our surprise, he did great. Not saying you'd have the same, but you may be pleasantly surprised...

 

[Tink-n-Belle]

We took my DD when she was 20 months old and truthfully it was really hard. The 1st day we went to MGM and she was afraid of everything. But once we GOT that we changed the way we toured the parks and took everything at a slower pace. (I'm a commando) It ended up okay because even though she was afraid of the dark rides (And most of the rides are in the dark) she loved the characters & everything else. We ate at the Garden Grill one day and it wasn't very crowded and she had Mickey all to herself for about 10 minutes. They even danced together. That trip we enjoyed AK the most because of the walking trails, safari and the animals. (just her speed)

2 years later we took her when she was 4 and other DD was 2 and we did the baby swap again. It took more time but DD4 had the time of her life because she got to go on all the rides twice. Again, we planned for the extra time doing the swap and let DD2 run around. DD2 had a great time. For example, in Frontierland there is a little playground where we waited until the rides (splash & Btmrr) were done. Also, toon town is a great place to take your younger son and Fantasyland now has a pooh playground.

I wouldn't want to leave him either and if your going to be a wreck without him(I know I would), I'd give it a try. Maybe grammy and Poppa could come with you and help watch him at the resort when he's had enough. I hope you have a great trip.

 

[hollyb]

If you don't bring what will you tell him when he see's photo's years later? honest question?

 

[Hannathy]

I would never not bring one child just for convenience sake. IMO it is cruel and I agree how do you explain it years later, it's not like you could say oh you weren't born yet can you ?

 

[daisyduck123]

I would bring him or cancel the trip & save the money to go when he is a little older. I can't imagine going to Disney & leaving one of my kids behind....but neither of mine were afraid of crowds like yours is. I hope you figure this out.

 

[bellebud]

i would bring him and expect to split up when your little one has had enough. you might be pleasantly surprised and he might sit in his stroller and do fine there (he might feel 'safe' in his stroller with the crowds around). best case scenario is he does fine and everyone stays together. the worst thing that will happen is you'll all start together in the parks in the morning, your little one won't do well w/ whatever you're doing w/ the 5yo, and mom or dad (you can switch each time who takes which child) takes the little one to something he'd enjoy, even if it's back to the resort and playing on a playset or in the pool. there's the new pooh playground at mk, there's the toontown playground and the one in adventureland too, so you really have options. there's also wonderful baby care centers in each park, with tv's, highchairs, etc, to get out of the crowds and heat. have your plan on how to stay in touch (cell phones, whatever) and a meeting place in case cells don't work. look at the splitting up (if you have to do it) as quality time with each child. it just sounds like you wouldn't enjoy yourself as much if you left him home, and that would affect your 5yo's enjoyment too (if mom and/or dad isn't as happy as they should be). good luck deciding.

 

[Tinker*Shell*Bell]

If I had a child who was trult unable to handle the experience I would feel that I was doing the best thing by not subjecting them to that experience.

You should not be guilted into taking a child to Disney who will not be able to enjoy it. This will also make it hard for your older child to enjoy the trip.

You will have other experiences in the future with your son when he can handle it. As far as explaining it to him, you use honesty. "You were so scared of even the pictures of Disney that mommy didn't want you to go and be scared for a week. We wanted your first trip to Disney to be fun, not scary."

Leave your child someplace safe, and enjoy your older child. Have Fun!!!

 

[mom2isaac&ella]

This may sound wierd at first, but hear me out. Search online for tips from families with children w/special needs such as sensory integration disorders or autism that have taken their child to WDW. I know your child does not fit into those categories, but children with those diagnosis are easily overwhelmed by crowds & can experience sensory overload easily. I'm sure there are tons of experienced parents with great tips, which may help typical children too. For 2 years I worked with 2 year old with language delays & sensory issues. I've used the strategies I learned working with special needs children with my own typically developing children & had success. Best of luck!

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Even thought this trip will be harder on your if your take him, think how hard it would be on him to be away from you for a week! I know it would be hard on you too but you have the control to make that decission and he does not. 18 mo is a really hard age for seperation as they know that mom is not there but have no clue as to time and when you will be returning. It will take some adjusting the plans and pehaps doing things slower but I would think it would be so worth it to keep the family together for this trip.

Jordans' mom

 

[Tinker*Shell*Bell]

This may sound wierd at first, but hear me out. Search online for tips from families with children w/special needs such as sensory integration disorders or autism that have taken their child to WDW. I know your child does not fit into those categories, but children with those diagnosis are easily overwhelmed by crowds & can experience sensory overload easily. I'm sure there are tons of experienced parents with great tips, which may help typical children too. For 2 years I worked with 2 year old with language delays & sensory issues. I've used the strategies I learned working with special needs children with my own typically developing children & had success. Best of luck!

That is exactly why I recomended not to take the son. Not because I suspect a disability but because I have a son with a disability has similar issues. He has sensory integration disorder and a high functioning autism. We used to force him into trips and outings when he was little (we didn't know his diagnosis then.) It was a horrible experience for everyone. It ruined the trip for his older brother, me, dad and YES - HIM. If it were just about the others affected I might give a different answer. Matt hated everything we tried to do with/for him until he was 4. We still have problems on vacation because after 4 days he misses his bed. The room doesn't smell like home. His 20+ stuffed animals are at home and he misses them. He's worried that the cat isn't being petted while he's gone. I simply can't recommend taking a child who can not enjoy the trip. I have no guilt when I need to leave Matt with another relative, it is for everyone involved.

 

[momofmmsd5]

Do what you in your heart feel is the right thing to do. I disagree that it is crule to leave a child behind! I left my twins home when they were 10 months. I knew we could handle them and my 5 & 2 yro. It would not have been fun for any of us! They have NEVER questioned me as to WHY they are not in the pictures or WHY I left them with Grandma. Yes I did miss them but I knew they were in good hands.
Trust me leaving a child home will not scare them for life!

 

[nliedel]

We left our babies home and took the older two. The babies got "Grandma Time" and the older two got time with Mom and Dad without babies. THey felt really special and were not restricted to rides only the babies could go on. It was a good call for us.

The answer to the "years later" question is that at some point the 5 year old will be off doing things and you will still be taking the now 18 month old to do things with just them. I am unsure why parents feel that bringing one child means you are depriving the others. I took my now 8 year old when he was 3 and not the then 1 year old. Steven has never had a problem with it at all. He was happy that someone could show him the ropes. I am very careful to do things with each child once a month for just them. We do what that kid is capable of and not stuff eveyone likes because each child has their own abilities and interests that are age appropriate.

There is no reason to punish the 5 year old for being older. If you wait till the 18 month old is 5 then your now 5 year old will be 8 or 9 and will not be as enchanted as they would be now.

 

[Stacy_C]

You know your child and your child's limitations and tolerances. We left our 3rd dd last September when she was 5 months old and took our older ones (4 year old dd and 10 year old DS). I know for a fact that she was much happier staying home that she would have ever been at WDW. She is homebody who does not like being out and about....period....whether it be church, shopping, park, etc. Yes, I missed her, but when it was pouring down rain on us while we were running to catch to boat to Hoop-Dee-Doo, honestly, all I could think to myself was "Thank goodness we didn't bring Kylie"....she would've been miserable which would have made all of us miserable and we would've taken it out on each other. Sad, but true.

Anyway, we will be leaving again tomorrow....without her for a convention at WDW that my dh is attending. We will take her with us next year, though.

I look at it this way, my older kids are usually the ones put on the back burner because of the baby. They are old enough to understand that it has to be that way sometimes. They have to wait for my attention or help because I am tending to the baby. What is wrong with my wanting their vacation to just for them and for them to have mine and dh's undivided attention? My answer: Nothing! And NO ONE can make me feel guilty about it. We do what works for our family and you must and should do the same.

 

[dsnymomof4]

When we went in July 2002, my youngest DD was 17 months. This would be our first family vacation to WDW. My Mom offered to watch her for the week, so that we would be able to "do more". My sister was also planning a trip and was leaving her DS2 home. But I could not imagine going on a family vacation without one member of our family. My Mom would say "she's not going to remember it" to which I would reply "I will remember her being there with us". So, we all went and we had a wonderful time. Yes, she was also very timid and did not really want to approach the characters. But DH would hold her and take her up to get a picture with them. She enjoyed a lot of the "family" rides and when we look back at our pictures, we have some wonderful family memories. Anyway, we've been back 3 times since then, and she is still a little timid around the characters, but is warming up. She's an old Disney-pro now. I am glad we took her that first time. Of course, you have to do what's right for your own situation. I just wanted to share my own experience. Either way, I hope you have a wonderful trip!

 

[poohbearfan1]

I just want to thank all who gave me your advice. This is a very hard decision for me to make and probably will not make it til just before we leave. I am leaning towards leaving Colby at home. My wanting to bring him is more for my needs than his. I am worried he may have sesory issures or even worse. I think he will enjoy being with his Grammy and Poppa much more than being in Disney. I also really feel the need to do something special for the 5yo. He has gone through a reallytough year adjusting to a new baby and Full Time Preschool. Plus he will be attending a Summer Camp Program and All Day K in the fall. He is always having to share our attention and wait for us because we are tending to the 17mo. I know I will miss him and I know I may look at other children and wish I had brought him. But I also know we will go back. I don't want to miss the opportunity for my 5yo to be too old to enjoy the magic.
I can see both sides to the issue but I do have to do what's best for my situration. Some of you had really postive things to say, even if you did something different and i thank you for that. I'll keep you posted!