Help Please -- -quickly Wwyd

[wdwpixie]

So now they won't talk to YOU? YOU who were being infringed upon for YOUR family's trip? UGH!!

Take the advice, buy the book....and just KNOW that you are in the right. I can just imagine what kind of advantage she takes of your mother. Stop it now before this goes on any longer.

Who was going to pay for her transportation, park tickets, meals, etc? The rooms are almost the LEAST of the cost of a trip. This is just wrong on so many levels.

Hopefully you have decent in-laws; spend your holidays with them and let your family wallow in this unhappiness. This reminds me of the stories I hear of families (usually the mom) who is unhappy if their child chooses to spend ONE day during the holidays with their spouse's family and wants to spend another of the days with their family. The moms come unglued and ruin the holidays, as well as the other 364 days of a year, all for the sake of one day of the year. I personally, don't get it.

Go have a great time; we're leaving on the 25th (I know, we need OUR heads examined) and can't wait. We're meeting the in-laws down there, and imagine this -- we each have our own rooms that we each reserved, ADRs, AND are paying our own way there and back!! Wow -- novel concept!!

 

[disneymom3]

UPDATE: no one is talking to me ... oh well ... I had a peaceful day yesterday

This is not a big deal. Really it's not. They were acting in an immature way trying to manipulate you into behaving the way they wanted you to act and you didn't fall for it. That upset their balance and now this is their way of having a little temper tantrum because you refused to act as screwy as they were. You are totally and completely in the right here.

As I always tell my DD, "You have to do the right thing. How other people react to it and if they have a problem is not your responsibility. You can only control your own reactions and behaviour, not that of others."


STick to it OP and have a GREAT vacation!!!

 

[Matt'sMom]

RUN, don't walk to your nearest bookstore and purchase Boundaries (by Townsend & Cloud, I think?).

Ditto this book suggestion. It is an excellent guide to Understanding & creating health, effective relationship boundaries.

Stick with your decision to just say "No". And have a wonderful WDW vacation!

 

[GeminiAngel]

Why does your mother support your GROWN sister's moochieness? My husband would have said no way, even if I said yes.

 

[RachelsMommie]

Any weekend update? Is your family still not talking to you?

 

[agentpleakley]

Nope -- no one is still talking to me ... I'm not letting it bother me as I am to busy getting everything ready.

As for DH, yes he probably is a saint -- but compared to his family -- my family are angels. His mother abandoned him when he was 5. His dad remarried when he was 11 and, according to him and his grandmother, the step mother was really a step monster. He doesn't talk to anyone in his family with the exception of one sister and his grandmother.

My mother became a bitter lady when my dad left us ... I think she believes that I have no right to be happy because she isn't. Times like this, I am very glad I live several states away.

 

[eliza61]

.

My mother became a bitter lady when my dad left us ... I think she believes that I have no right to be happy because she isn't. Times like this, I am very glad I live several states away.

And that's the problem in the nutshell. Your happy and she's not. If you caved in, there would be some thing else that they would need. It's a never ending cycle. The one good trait I did get from my mother my forcefullness. Now after many years of my sister screwing me around, I have no problem telling her to "piss off' But unfortunately for me they always come back.

 

[shelli132]

agentpleakly....so sorry to hear about your family situation. They can certainly be a pain sometimes, and yes I know from too many experiences. Please know that you made the right decision. So go on your trip and have a wonderful time with your husband and kids. They will get over it eventually.

 

[Elmo888]

As I always tell my DD, "You have to do the right thing. How other people react to it and if they have a problem is not your responsibility. You can only control your own reactions and behaviour, not that of others."

A M E N. Those words are perfect - I will have to remember them to say to my DD.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I don't get why anyone would think this would be ok

You planned this trip for months (maybe even a year) and your lovely mooch sister wants to sleep on your floor? What a great vacation that would be for your kids

Glad they are not talking to you. Screen your calls and emails until you leave. Give no information as to where you are staying. Be incommunicado until youreturn. No last chance for them to try to guilt you into taking the mooch.

Then repeat after me, Guilt is a wasted emotion.

You did nothing wrong, your family is wrong. It is NOT normal for people to invite themselves on your vacation. ANd I agree with the other posters, no more telling them about your plans until they are done.

If they try making you feel bad, DO NO, I repeat DO NOT let them. If Mom chooses to not come for xmas, tell her she will be missed. Make no excuses, do not beg plead or aplogize for putting YOUR family ahead of them.

You are doing the right thing. Stay strong and have an awesome vacation

 

[jennilynn510]

You may all think I am the biggest jerk -- but this is what has developed today ... we leave next week and I just told my mother that we were going (out of an attempt to avoid the current situation). Within minutes, my mom calls me and tells me that my welch of a little sister (she's 33) just took 3 days off work, so she can go and crash on your floor.

I already explained to my mother -that Disney will not let her stay in my room as it will be over the max allowed (there are 4 of us). I am right on this I know, but I can't remember/find what Disney does if they find out.

I'm trying not to be mean but -I am tired of paying for my sister all the time. Moreover, I don't want her crashing in our room b/c I don't want to risk my vacation for her.

It's Christmas -- I don't want to start a family war --

think of it as a battle not a war...tell mom you changed your mind & sneak off

 

[mello]

and asked hypothetically what would happen -- the CM told me they do charge you -- and I asked for what -- she put me on hold then never came back.

I haven't talked to her yet...this situation ruined my day yesterday. Its a no-win situation -- I know my mother -- she will not come here for Christmas if I don't let my sister go. (We don't live in the same state). I do not want her to go for numerous reasons (1) we can't exceed the room max (I am anal about following rules -- the thought of breaking the rules gives me ulcers); (2) I really don't want to spend my vacation stepping over her as she lays on the floor; (3) she won't have a room key and we already have our ADRs planned - too much confusion ; and last but not least (4) I am freakin' tired of paying her way all the time.

So, my mind is made up, she is not staying in our room. Now, I just have to deal with the fallout -- and believe me - I am/ will be definitely the bad person in this whole thing.

But the reality is that you are not the bad person, no matter how much your mother and sister try to manipulate you; don't fall for it. You need to set some boundaries and stick with them, for the health of your own family.

 

[CoachBagFanatic]

Nope -- no one is still talking to me ... I'm not letting it bother me as I am to busy getting everything ready.

As for DH, yes he probably is a saint -- but compared to his family -- my family are angels. His mother abandoned him when he was 5. His dad remarried when he was 11 and, according to him and his grandmother, the step mother was really a step monster. He doesn't talk to anyone in his family with the exception of one sister and his grandmother.

My mother became a bitter lady when my dad left us ... I think she believes that I have no right to be happy because she isn't. Times like this, I am very glad I live several states away.

I am very sorry to hear about the life situations that you and your DH have had to endure. I hope you all have a magical vacation and can't wait to hear about it when you return.

 

[Twitterpated Dad]

I don't get why anyone would think this would be ok

You planned this trip for months (maybe even a year) and your lovely mooch sister wants to sleep on your floor? What a great vacation that would be for your kids

Glad they are not talking to you. Screen your calls and emails until you leave. Give no information as to where you are staying. Be incommunicado until youreturn. No last chance for them to try to guilt you into taking the mooch.

Then repeat after me, Guilt is a wasted emotion.

You did nothing wrong, your family is wrong. It is NOT normal for people to invite themselves on your vacation. ANd I agree with the other posters, no more telling them about your plans until they are done.

If they try making you feel bad, DO NO, I repeat DO NOT let them. If Mom chooses to not come for xmas, tell her she will be missed. Make no excuses, do not beg plead or aplogize for putting YOUR family ahead of them.

You are doing the right thing. Stay strong and have an awesome vacation

OP,

I just thought that you should read Pumbaa's post again. Actually, you should probably read everyday for a while.

You are doing the right thing.

I hope you have a great trip.

 

[Lil Connor]

The chances of getting caught are slim. If you don't want her to go along you have to tell her. If you hid behind a room capacity rule it will look petty. You both must be strong and send a unified message to your mother and sister that it's your vacation and you don't have to share it with anyone.

P.S. You also could invite your mother and sister to both accompany you to WDW and say let us know where you're staying and we'll call you when we arrive.

 

[DisneyRulz07]

But the reality is that you are not the bad person, no matter how much your mother and sister try to manipulate you; don't fall for it. You need to set some boundaries and stick with them, for the health of your own family.

Bottom Line: Your doing what is in the best interest for you and your family. The stress caused by the whole fiasco is not doing you or your DH any good. Try to put it behind you. You wont hear from them anyways. Some where they lost the true meaning of family but YOU DID NOT. You have a good heart. They're trying to manipulate you, and you know this. You have two choices.

1. Dwell on in until in makes you sick (benefits them)
OR
2.GO AND ENJOY THE MAGIC ! Once your in WDW you'll forget them.

 

[mello]

RUN, don't walk to your nearest bookstore and purchase Boundaries (by Townsend & Cloud, I think?). Read it. Tonight. like, now. Read it over and over until it sinks in. You have YOUR LIFE with YOUR family. It's time for everyone else to get over themselves and deal with it. If your mother CHOOSES (her choice) not to come for Christmas, you are absolutely right that it is HER loss, HER mistake, HER choice. It has nothing to do with you.

My mother is still Queen Passive Agressive, but I can handle it a WHOLE lot better than I used to since reading Boundaries (1000 miles helps, too )

I wholeheartedly agree with this book suggestion - you've got to read it, and fast! Understanding and using the concept of healthy boundaries will change your life for the better, I can guarantee it.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Ahh....family. Can't live with 'em and can't kill 'em either!

We have the exact opposite problem....we offered to take DH's brothers, wives and children (our nieces and nephews) to WDW and we're the bad guys! One brother said great..the other said NO so now everyone is mad at us.

I guess my message here is that every family is dysfunction in its own way.

The best part about everyone being mad at everyone else is that my phone is quiet and we've decided to book a stay for just us at a Deluxe instead of all of us at a Value!

 

[Bellamickey]

I agree with Kim1964. You need to nip this in the bud. If you don't put your foot down and tell her, its going to keep happening because she knows she can get away with it. You need to put your foot down!

 

[cmhand30]

Sorry to hear about the drama. It happens everywhere. Another message board I post on everyone got upset that I am leaving my 2 boys with relatives. DS14 is going to WI and DS17 is going to Ohio to spend much needed time with their Grandparents and Aunts.
My step-mom doesn't get the Disney addiction. Why do you spend all that money on WDW vacations? My sister finially gets it, just took her DD5 & DS3. My brother (33) is the mooch, works for Dad and depends on dad for everything. I don't tell him anything until it is done and over.

And living states away can be a blessing.

Have a blast