Help, please, for funeral protocol..


Winner DVC Trivia Contest April 2006
Sep 15, 2003
My penpal of over 40 years just lost her mother. I met her mom 3 times....I visited them in 1989, I was in her wedding in 1993, and they visited the US in 1998. We always sent Christmas cards to each other and always asked after each other during our letters that changed to phone calls that changed to Whats App.

What is appropriate? Here, we would send flowers and maybe food. I'm Catholic, so I would also send a mass card. I'm pretty sure they Anglican, and I don't think they're regular church goers. I'll send a sympathy card, but I'd like to do something more.

Help, please!

Many thanks!
A sympathy card will be fine. Things a bit different in UK, they dont really do big funerals. Its usually only immediate family who go to the burial, if there is a burial. When did the person die, as in UK, many times there is a few weeks between the death and either burial or cremation.

Even here in Ireland, the death notice will specify no flowers, or family flowers only. Is there an online death notice?
Thanks! There is not an online death notice yet...she only just passed within the last day. I'll check that to see if there are any requests.
I can't offer any UK insights, but perhaps some customs are universal and appreciated in our countries. A sympathy card with a personal heartfelt handwritten note inside. Maybe write about a favourite shared memory. Perhaps follow up the card in a month or so with a telephone call. My mother died of cancer a year ago and my family greatly appreciated the cards particularly those cards with a personal note. When we didn't receive a card, call or email from close family friends, we wondered why. We even contacted some close friends a few months later as we hadn't heard from them and asked if they had heard about her death. They said 'yes' and parked it there. We can only guess they were so uncomfortable with death or were caught up in their own struggles that they chose not to acknowledge her passing. In time, I've grown to understand that is their hang up and nothing to do with the impact my Mom made in the lives of others. But it still stings. Reaching out and recognizing that a cared for friend has died and her life was important to you, is usually deeply appreciated by family. No one wants a loved one forgotten. You are definitely on the right track and I'm sure your friend and her family will appreciate your love, concern and thoughtfulness however you express it.
I would say a very personal letter in a sympathy card will be greatly appreciated. I do agree with OP's a follow up note or call in a month or so might be appropriate. Sorry for your loss.


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