Help!!!! My Dd2 Bites!!!!!!!!

[UtahMama]

What have you done that works- (not what the books say, they dont work!!)
Does biting back work? does hot sauce work? Oh my heck, I'm at my witts end!
My darling almost 2 year old bites this sweet little girl (same age) that I babysit for. I've tried time-outs. I've lectured. I've given a apple to "bite". She is very good at baby sign language and is otherwise a delightful little girl! The other 2-yr.old goes to take Norah's toy (or sippy cup, or book etc) and without thinking Norah will bite pretty hard. I have at least 2 of every thing and DO watch them carefully-it happens so fast! I feel TERRIBLE! She also bites herself when frustrated or even her toys. It happens about 1-2 times each day. I have 4 kids and this is my first biter! Sooo, What has worked for you experienced mamas of past biters. I'm about to MUZZLE her! HELP!!!!

 

[UtahMama]

bumping

 

[lindakmonty]

I don't want to sound cruel...but I would bite her back! Let her see that it does HURT when she does that!! I'm not saying you have to leave marks and hurt her but for a second to see the reaction... ds5 did bite a few times...I bit him back...and he stopped it real quick...good luck!

 

[KirstenB]

DD was never a biter, but I always thought if she was, I'd bite her back. I know a lot of people disagree with this, but this is something that has to be a "zero tolerance" offense. I'm sorry for you. OT---I loved dd's daycare provider, I take my hat off to you!!!

 

[momof3disneyholics]

My oldest was a biter, he used to bite me! I would bite him back and after a few times he stopped.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Bite her back.

 

[Jpgirl]

I know "they" say biting back doesn't work, but it only took two times of me biting my dd back to cure her of biting.

 

[eeyore45]

My DS was a horrible biter! I cried on more than one occassion - he bit all the time, sometimes on the face (we think he was mimicking kissing?) sometimes to get something he wanted.

I bit back, I hit, I pushed his lip down on his own teeth, I even went to lightly tap his mouth while saying "NO" and he flung back, or slipped, fell on the edge of a slide, and split his lip (not bad, but painful, blood...) NONE of this worked - we always did time outs, we only did the physical when we caught him in the act... nothing worked.

The only thing that truly stopped him, was hearing aides! We found out maybe 6 months after the falling over the slide incident that he was hard of hearing, I'm sure part of it was he grew out of the biting, but part of it must have been his way of communicating.

He is not deaf, just hard of hearing, when kids have fluid in their ears their hearing is significantly reduced!



No easy answers, just frustration and tears, and you have to do your best to stay on top of it, reward the child that was bit, I kept the freezer pops on hand at all times to help sooth the one that was biten, while my biter was in a timeout, the victem got the treat...

 

[lil mermaid]

I guess I am in the minority that doesn't think biting back is a good idea.

Look, biting a 2 year old isn't going to teach them anything. A two year old child doesn't have the mental capacity yet to put herself in someone else's shoes. She isn't going to connect being bitten with her biting others. She is just going to think that biting is okay.

The next time she bites, go the bitee and make sure she is okay (sort of make a big fuss over her.) Don't give the biter all the attention first, because if she is doing it to get attention, you've given her exactly what she wants. After you make sure the other girl is okay, firmly say "no biting - biting hurts" and give her a time out.

My DD is not a biter, but we have a former biter in her playgroup. The mother is a lovely person and was horrified - we all felt bad for her. We did notice that the little girl bit more when playgroup was at her house (actually, all the children seemed to be more aggressive when it was at their own house - although none of the others bit!) Maybe something like that is going on with your daughter.

It isn't going to stop right away - it is going to take a quite a few times before she gets it since she is only two. But it will work. Until then, you unfortunately are going to have to watch her like a hawk. Good luck to you!

 

[ford family]

I guess I am in the minority that doesn't think biting back is a good idea.

Look, biting a 2 year old isn't going to teach them anything. A two year old child doesn't have the mental capacity yet to put herself in someone else's shoes. She isn't going to connect being bitten with her biting others. She is just going to think that biting is okay.

The next time she bites, go the bitee and make sure she is okay (sort of make a big fuss over her.) Don't give the biter all the attention first, because if she is doing it to get attention, you've given her exactly what she wants. After you make sure the other girl is okay, firmly say "no biting - biting hurts" and give her a time out.

My DD is not a biter, but we have a former biter in her playgroup. The mother is a lovely person and was horrified - we all felt bad for her. We did notice that the little girl bit more when playgroup was at her house (actually, all the children seemed to be more aggressive when it was at their own house - although none of the others bit!) Maybe something like that is going on with your daughter.

It isn't going to stop right away - it is going to take a quite a few times before she gets it since she is only two. But it will work. Until then, you unfortunately are going to have to watch her like a hawk. Good luck to you!

I am sorry but that is absolute twaddle.
A two year old recognises pain when you bite them back immediately after they have bitten you. They can easily understand that you have done to them what they did to you, and that one was consequential on the other.
You don't have to bite them as hard as they bit you, just enough to cause pain and to associate it with their earlier action.

ford family

 

[eeyore45]

I am sorry but that is absolute twaddle.
A two year old recognises pain when you bite them back immediately after they have bitten you. They can easily understand that you have done to them what they did to you, and that one was consequential on the other.
You don't have to bite them as hard as they bit you, just enough to cause pain and to associate it with their earlier action.

ford family

Actually I agree with lil mermaid. She has some excellent points, the child may be territorial, or have a fear that she cannont communicate with words. Many psych. social wkrs, teachers talk about how being agressive (ie spanking etc) is more of a "might makes right" and I could see that being applied to biting a 2 yr old.

My post mentioned trying it because I was desperate, I would do anything to make my ds STOP BITING! NOTHING worked for him! Not biting him back, not time outs...

sometimes even with our best intentions, bad things happen! Its always nice to know what works for you. Your opinion counts too.

 

[belle&beast]

My DD bit me once. She came up behind me and bit me on the rump. I did not know what happened and I swatted at her thinking I had been stung by a bee! Of course I ended up swatting her and I felt terrible- I am not a spanking parent- but she never bit again! She was 2 at the time.

My DS2.5 is an occasional biter still. He usually bites himself of he is angry, then cries because it hurts! He used to bite other kids all the time, but he had a bit of a communication delay due to ear infections, and lots of ear pain due to ear infections. Once our new pediatrician took care of the recurring infections, the biting subsided. It seems like your DD is not frustrated with an inability to communicate, but has she had ear infections? Our doctor also told us that biting may relieve his ear pain. He never showed the typical signs of infection- ear pulling, fever, etc. so we did not know until we were at our wits end that he was sick. Juat a thought!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I never thought biting back would solve the problem... I think one of my DS's bit his brother just once.... I popped him on the mouth with a stern "NO" and that was the end of that. Guess I just was lucky!

I worked at a day care in college where one of the worker's daughters was a TERRIBLE biter. The mom did not believe in any type of punishment, so we just made her deal with all of the complaining parents whose children had been bitten. She changed her tune and did the pop on the mouth routine.... stopped the problem in a couple of days.

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

YOu know I agree with the poster who said her child bit out of frustration b/c he was hard of hearing. The first thing I thought of is this kid is frustrated for some reason. Now maybe I am a nervous Nellie but working with kids who have special needs makes me always think of early intervention. If it keeps up ask the pedi to check and make sure she is not biting b/c of some frustration such as hearing loss. Better to be safe than sorry.

 

[UtahMama]

You Guys!!! Thank you! For some reason all these points of view are of help and comfort...like I'm not alone. So Thank You!
Ok, after I posted my origional post, it occured to me to protect the bitee's skin! My DD2, Norah, almost always bites this other girl on the back or arm or shoulder or all of the above. So I put a thick sweatshirt on the bitee and cranked up the air conditioner (which I did anyway because it's a hot day in Utah) so she wasnt hot or uncomfortable but she was protected by my carnivorus Norah. Norah went to bite this girl and wasnt able to hurt her. So in a way the muzzle theory worked. See, the bites are random and not easy to see coming and happen like "that" (fast). My gut feeling is to bite her back (not too hard) but it has to be when I catch her doing it and then pour on the sympathy to the bitee (which I do)and Norah gets plopped into time out and a good "NO BITE, BITING HURTS!!!" lecture appropriate for a 2 year old. Oh, her hearing is fine because the pediatrician ruled that out as a "cause"when she was just there for her well-child check up. Again, you other mamas, thank you! I thought I'd be judged as a bad mommy because BEFORE I had kids that's precisely what I would have thought (in fact, before I had kids I was a great mother...)hahahaha!!!

 

[eeyore45]

As in most things, what works for one, doesnt work for another - but I do have to say that you are a great mom!! I can tell you are worried about all the children, and you are not "turning a blind eye"... and you are very creative!!

I always say, follow your heart, and keep trying, never give up!!



(try freezer pops - they're inexpensive, and the kids love them - give them to the bitee while the biter is in time out!! or maybe not!!! )

Never give up!!

 

[grlpwrd]

Well, biting back may not be the best thing to do, especially if the other little girl sees you doing it back. She might want to retaliate that way, too, which could make the problem worse by having 2 biters. Yikes.

 

[lclark0621]

I dont think biting back is a good idea. Your DD wont see it as being taught biting is wrong. She is going to see the fact that she bit someone, and then you bit her. So if she bit & gets a time out, why is it ok for you to bite & not get a time out? You are telling her it is ok for you to bite, but not ok for her to bite.

My DS was a biter. I know it was because he was frustrated with something. Luckily he only bit me, not other kids. When he would bite, I would firmly put him down away from me. I would tell him "No bite. Bitting hurts!" & walk away. He was under 2, so time outs were not really effective anyway.

The walking away is what got him. Suddenly Mommy was not there to play with, and that bothered him. After a couple of times, he stopped. SOMETHING connected that when he did bite, Mommy did not play anymore.

My DS has a very extensive vocabularly. But that does not mean he doesn't get frustrated. Their minds are working SO fast, sometimes their bodies just cant keep up.

I know it is going to be tough, but you have to shadow her. Right on top of her. Dont leave her alone with the other child. I know this could be hard given that you said you watch other kids. But if you leave, she goes with you. If she is playing near a child, you are right next to her. She will stop. No child goes off to college biting other people.

But I dont think aggression is a way to teach a child anything but more aggression.