HELP!! My 4 year old won't potty train...

[Planogirl]

We used much of the advice of that "grandfatherly pediatrician" that John Rosemond refers to and it worked like a charm for us. DS was completely toilet trained by the age of 2 BUT all kids are different and what works for one kid won't necessarily work for another. Dr Brazelton at least acknowledges that.

 

[disykat]

My oldest was hard to train #2 as well - he was nearing 4. No amount of bribing etc. would work. First I had to lay off the pressure to get rid of constipation problems from holding it in. When that cleared up I sort of started over. He was a smart boy so I sat down with the anatomy book and explained the digestive process to him. I gave him a simplified version of what happens when you get constipated and why it hurts etc. I tried to make it his decision as much as possible and act like I didn't care when he did it, but would be proud when he did. It worked.

The funniest part about the story was about a year later. DS #2 was sitting on his little potty in the bathroom and I heard DS#1 giving him a lecture. "You have to put your BM's in the big potty or pretty soon the BM inside your body keeps building up and up inside of you until your head pops off!" I was peeking around the corner and I can still visualize DS#2's expression! (Don't worry, I corrected that misperception!)

Regardless of his later interpretation, at the time he did seem to understand the idea of what goes in must come out!

In regards to the Rosemond article - it didn't mention BM training. In our situation, urine was much eaiser and accomplished a year before BM's.

 

[marydmjj]

Thanks again for all the info and encouragement. After many "accidents" again yesterday I'm ready to try anything.

 

[Lewski709]

Trade him in!

I have not read all the replies, so excuse me if I repeat.

Seriously, it is time.....but kids are quite funny about doing things when they are ready. Does he want to go to school? My son wants to (he is 4.5, but potty trained) so I often tell him in kindergarten he can't do this or that and he seems to listen.

Have you picked out big boy underwear and thrown the pull ups/diapers out?

Does he mind soiling himself?

Having him clean himself up constantly and his accident may help, as others have mentioned. I wouldn't make the cleaning process nice and fluffly either. Use cold water, no toys, blah blah blah. If it was warm outside, the hose worked for my hubby. When he had his last accident, his mom took him outside and cleaned him off with cold water from the hose. Mind you, it was summer.

I would talk to the Dr as well as some others mentioned.

My son started to get embarrased about being naked. He doesn't want help in the bathroom anymore either.

 

[Jasminesmommy]

My son is 4 and a half and still not potty trained. It is a stubborn thing. He is in preschool/daycare and he can stay dry from 7am till 6 pm and as soon as he goes home he wets himself. The cloth underwear don't work because he will sit in his pee and poop and not care or tell me. I have to find out my self. I have taken things away and not gotten him things and he could care less. I know there is no medical problem be like I said at school he has no pronlem and he is using the bathroom because the time are recorded but at home he refuses. Hopefully your kids are not like mine becuase then you just have to wait it out.

 

[marydmjj]

Jasminesmommy: Yours sounds just like mine. DS isn't bothered by sitting in it, wet or smelly.

Lewski709: I kinda like him so I think I'll keep him around until he is a teenager! He is so funny. I've tried the "can't go to preschool" speech and he tells me it's ok, he's going to go to baby school and be my baby forever. Guess that one is coming right back at me as I tell him that all the time. I'm seriously going to make him clean himself up. I just need to go buy some more undies. He soiled them all and I would just toss them rather than clean them (yuck, but again, my fault for going easy on him).

 

[FreshTressa]

Well, you got lots of advice here! I will share what worked with my kids.

1) Stay relaxed. I am a very relaxed parent, and I always say, this too, shall pass. And it always does. I don't get parents that try to push their kids.

2) DS finally started pooping in the potty when we shut the door. He was just really uncomfortable with us standing there looking at him. How funny that I didn't get that, and how I can totally see know how he just couldn't poo under the pressure. I set him in there with a book and he yelled when he was done. Perhaps the pressure of having someone there waiting for him to poo or pee is intimidating to him??

3) DD we just made her clean herself up. She would cry, but she couldn't leave the bathroom until she was clean. (and the bathroom was clean, I would go in there and bleach later). It took about 3 times, and she was done. I just told her, now you are 3, and 3 year olds use the potty and put her in underwear. She peed, I made her clean it up. She hated that, and was swiftly trained.

Whatever you do, good luck! And, honestly, I think if you just lay low and let him be, he will eventually do it on his own.

 

[Lewski709]

You know I was kidding, right?

I wouldn't trade mine in for anything. Kids are a riot.

 

[marydmjj]

Lewski709: I knew you were kidding...although sometimes I completely feel like trading them all in!!!