Help -- My 2 year old DS has gone crazy

[chipper10]

Since when did 2 year olds get so much attitude??? Okay, I am still new to this, but still. DS was been awful lately. I guess that's why they call it the terrible twos. He will not listen to anything I say. If I tell him no to anything, he still does it. His whole attitude seems to be "what are you going to to about it?" I put him in time out but it doesn't even phase him. He could care less that he has to sit in a corner. He new favorite thing is to scream. If we are shopping, we will do little screams throughout the store and do the same thing when we are out to eat.
Today I asked my co-worked/really good friend if she wanted a toddler. I told her that she should really know what she's getting herself into. (Her and her DH are going to be TTC this summer.)

Anyone going through the same thing with their toddler? Promise me it will get better soon!

 

[brockash]

My DD will be 2 the end of this month, and you're exactly right, it's the "what are you going to do about it" attitude. She is so incredibly stubborn, but honestly she's been like that since the day she was born. My ds was soooo much easier. He liked to conform, and well she's the opposite, so I'm afraid with her it's not a stage, I can just imagine the teen years I think the most important thing I can do, especially at this age, is to stay consistant and not to give in (which I've been guilty of with her... I don't know why it was so much easier with ds, oh well.) Good luck to you!!! Like I like to say, have fun living in the house the 2 year old runs...that's how we feel most of the time

 

[nessz79]

Not anymore, but I was there...twice! It does get better!!! Be consistent and firm about the big things, but also pick your battles. 2 year olds are looking for battles, as you know

 

[adventure_woman]

I understand. I like my DD right now, but a little bit ago, we were going through a phase where I weren't having a great time.

To make you laugh, my mom, who is raising my nephew, who just turned 13 said that he and my DD are going through the same phase. Trying to exert their independence. I tell my DD - it is 'non-negotiable'. She said - Can I tell him (DN13) that?

 

[MickeyMom2Boys]

My first DS didn't hit the terrible twos until he was almost 3 - and they really didn't last that long. My second DS hit them at 18 months and they are still going! He turned 2 in February. It all depends on the kid, but it is a phase, it will pass, and yes - he is testing you! My Mom now has him saying "I'm bad to the bone!! But I'm cute!!" His name is John and we call him "Big Bad John". It gets very frustrating at times and at other times we have to go in the other room and laugh. My Mom watches him during the day while I work. My Dad is home on Mondays with them. I got a call from my Dad on my way home yesterday saying "Come get this kid!!" (but laughing the whole time). Evidently he took his pull up off, stuck his butt out at my dad, then when Dad tried to get him, he took off running through the house laughing the whole way. Where do they get this stuff?? What would even make him think this would be funny? We do not allow this kind of behavior nor has he seen it anywhere. I have no idea, but while you do have to correct them, sometimes you just have to laugh when they aren't looking

I took him into my oldest son's preschool one day and within 5 seconds of being in the classroom the teacher said "That one's going to be a little firecracker!" Yup - I believe she is right. What saves us is that he is so funny. For every frustrating/bad thing that he does, there are 10 other things that are just funny. I'm afraid I may have the class clown on my hands!

Anyway, just keep telling yourself that it is a phase and it will pass. As a previous poster mentioned - definitely pick your battles. Learn to overlook the things that really aren't a big deal and allow yourself to enjoy this age. IMO it is one of the best stages (even though it can be frustrating at times).

 

[NJFabFour]

I work with two year olds for a living and, if they aren't like that on a regular basis, they at least ALL have days like that from time to time! I know it's easy for me to say as I deal with it everyday all day but you really have to just let it roll off your back and not let it get to you or take it personally because it's just the age. Most two year olds don't understand time-out so you may need to hold off on that. At this stage, it's redirect, redirect, redirect. (ie. "No, we're not going to touch ____ , you can come ____ instead." If the tantrum sets in, you may have to physically remove them and say "When you stop crying, we can ____" (but you may have to sit with them until they are calm.) The calmer you are and the less you react, the less likely it is to escalate. Hang in there! This too shall pass!

 

[fussymonkey]

Hi OP- boy do I know where you're coming from! My dd was a verrrry difficult toddler - to the point I was genuinely worried about her being "normal", only to be laughed at by the child development expert and told she was a perfectly "normal" 2 year old.

A couple of things that worked well for us... I read a few books on toddler development and that helped me to recognize what was normal and what was something I had to crack down on. One book (Love and Logic for Children under 6) in particualar recommended giving the child lots of choices on inconcequential things (do you want to wear your blue shoes or your yellow ones? Would you like to play with this or with that?) so that they feel in control and are more able to accept things that are not choices. For us the phrase "this is not a choice" works for the things the kids have to do, our kids get that now. The other thing that works is not to get even remotely flustered when your child has tantrums. They are afraid of thier feelings and seeing you get upset both strengthens thier insecurities while giving them too much control at the same time. We didn't do everything Love and Logic suggested, its rather extreme, but we did incorporate lots of those techniques and they worked.

Time outs didn't start working for us until amost three. Before that they were a contest of wills, which is a loose-loose.

Have faith- it gets much, much better. Be consistant and calm. Give love and lots of dicipline. Just after three you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our DD is doing great now, listening well, great manners, and doing awesome in school. So you'll get there, too.

One thing that helped me put it in perspective- a girlfriend said to me one day when I was so frustrated with the attitude, "its annoying now, but the strong will is eventually going to become one of her greatest character traits and it will serve her well in adulthood."

 

[puffkin]

Honestly, we hardly ever take DS (he will be 3 tomorrow) out of the house anymore. It is just too much of a hassle. Any type of shopping is a complete nightmare. I have the child who is climbing out of the carts, throwing food out of my cart or grabbing it off the shelves, screaming, etc. Restaurants (even fast food) are a nightmare as well. It is just easier to keep him home.

He was awful between 2 and 2 1/2. Now that he is almost 3, we are slowly starting to make some progress. Actually we took him to the grocery store Sunday for the first time in probably 4 months. He was really good for the first half...so we made some progress. He is also starting to understand simple consequences now, and as long as we follow through it is starting to have a positive impact.

He behaves really well at daycare though. They never have any problems with him. Besides a few cases of testing boundaries at home (and trying to out-will us) he is pretty good at home too. But that little monster switch would go off as soon as we left the house Hang in there OP. You are at a tough age, but there is light at the end of the tunnel! We are just starting to see it

 

[DISNEYNV]

DS is only 16 months and is already entering terrible two territory! Remember moms that this is completely normal development. They are not trying to drive you nuts honest (even though that is what it seems like)! They are feeling out their world and testing their boundaries. They are trying to see from you what they can and cant get away with! They are becoming independant little people who need guidance and reasurance from you to make sure their world is trusting and safe. I know... it's an odd way to show it but that is toddlers for ya! As other PPs said pick your battles wisely. Use two or three word sentences when correcting behavior... Such as " no climbing furniture". Lengthy explanations just do not work for toddlers. Also redirect unwanted behavior. Such as giving them something they can throw or play with safely. Be firm when it comes to dangerous situations of course and always praise for positive behavior Get down on their level and look them in the eyes when talking to them. They have selective hearing at this she and can tune you put in a heartbeat! Timeouts do not work for every child. Find a suitable discipline technique that works. You can also use a timer and it is usually one minute per age. Use the same timeout chair or spot each time so they know that this is their timeout spot.

I worked in Daycare for years, have a degree in Early Childhood Ed and two small children since. I can tell you from experience that it's not easy dealing with a screamer or tantrums. Just try to ignore the behavior and do not make a big deal out if it and see if that helps over time. If he doesn't get a negative reaction from his behavior he might just stop all together. I also have taken DS out of the situation. They can not verbalize quite well yet and a tantrum or screaming could be their way of communicating that they are overwhelmed, tired or bored! If DS acts up at a restaurant I just take jim to the lobby or outside for a few minutes and that seems to help as well. Just do not give in even once. They will remember that and expect it again. Hang in there... It does get better

 

[brockash]

My first DS didn't hit the terrible twos until he was almost 3 - and they really didn't last that long. My second DS hit them at 18 months and they are still going! He turned 2 in February. It all depends on the kid, but it is a phase, it will pass, and yes - he is testing you! My Mom now has him saying "I'm bad to the bone!! But I'm cute!!" His name is John and we call him "Big Bad John". It gets very frustrating at times and at other times we have to go in the other room and laugh. My Mom watches him during the day while I work. My Dad is home on Mondays with them. I got a call from my Dad on my way home yesterday saying "Come get this kid!!" (but laughing the whole time). Evidently he took his pull up off, stuck his butt out at my dad, then when Dad tried to get him, he took off running through the house laughing the whole way. Where do they get this stuff?? What would even make him think this would be funny? We do not allow this kind of behavior nor has he seen it anywhere. I have no idea, but while you do have to correct them, sometimes you just have to laugh when they aren't looking

I took him into my oldest son's preschool one day and within 5 seconds of being in the classroom the teacher said "That one's going to be a little firecracker!" Yup - I believe she is right. What saves us is that he is so funny. For every frustrating/bad thing that he does, there are 10 other things that are just funny. I'm afraid I may have the class clown on my hands!

Anyway, just keep telling yourself that it is a phase and it will pass. As a previous poster mentioned - definitely pick your battles. Learn to overlook the things that really aren't a big deal and allow yourself to enjoy this age. IMO it is one of the best stages (even though it can be frustrating at times).

Yep, that would be my problem. She's just so darn cute with her attitude. It's very hard not to laugh, just at the gaul she has to do most of the things she does, or to say the things she does. He knew thing is when I tell her to pick something up or to do something, she says in a very loud demanding voice "I said no." She's just so darn cute when she, well really does anything (hmmmm can you tell I'm her mom ) but I know for her sake I need to get over her cuteness and do what's best for her

 

[brockash]

Hi OP- boy do I know where you're coming from! My dd was a verrrry difficult toddler - to the point I was genuinely worried about her being "normal", only to be laughed at by the child development expert and told she was a perfectly "normal" 2 year old.

A couple of things that worked well for us... I read a few books on toddler development and that helped me to recognize what was normal and what was something I had to crack down on. One book (Love and Logic for Children under 6) in particualar recommended giving the child lots of choices on inconcequential things (do you want to wear your blue shoes or your yellow ones? Would you like to play with this or with that?) so that they feel in control and are more able to accept things that are not choices. For us the phrase "this is not a choice" works for the things the kids have to do, our kids get that now. The other thing that works is not to get even remotely flustered when your child has tantrums. They are afraid of thier feelings and seeing you get upset both strengthens thier insecurities while giving them too much control at the same time. We didn't do everything Love and Logic suggested, its rather extreme, but we did incorporate lots of those techniques and they worked.

Time outs didn't start working for us until amost three. Before that they were a contest of wills, which is a loose-loose.

Have faith- it gets much, much better. Be consistant and calm. Give love and lots of dicipline. Just after three you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our DD is doing great now, listening well, great manners, and doing awesome in school. So you'll get there, too.

One thing that helped me put it in perspective- a girlfriend said to me one day when I was so frustrated with the attitude, "its annoying now, but the strong will is eventually going to become one of her greatest character traits and it will serve her well in adulthood."

Yes, I strongly agree with this, even for kids over 6. I'm telling you this makes the biggest difference in our house, with DD (almost 2) and even more with DS (7) I think it's really one of the best things I can do for them, and it really helps, because then, at least my DS, isn't really trying to fight me on bigger issues, that aren't up to him to decide.

 

[kymmyk13]

Yes it will get better for you. I am not so lucky my daughter started her terrible two when she was 18 months and when she was2 1/2 she was diagnosised with Oppositional Defience Disorder, OCD, an anxiety disorder and a few other things.... she is nowfour and still not behaving as well as a typical 4 year old, she goes to a special needs preschool and does therapy and that seems to be helping.

 

[sashagiselle]

My first dd 6 started her terrible two's at 18 months and like a previous poster I was genuinely concerned with her future. I can say she has just this year gotten out of that stage - yes she is 6. It has been a tough road, but she is doing so amazing well now and was put in a GT program at school. I have another dd 2 that is now full blown "terrible". The main thing is not to take it personally and to show them that they are loved unconditionally and at the same time show them limits. Good luck!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I've been through it with all three of my children (although both of my dd's had it more when they were 3 instead of 2). In my opinion, at that stage they are testing their boundaries with you to see what they can get away with. It's really important that you make sure you are consistant and establish "who's in charge" with them. I found that once my kids realized I wasn't going to tolerate that kid of behavior, they straightened up pretty quickly afterwards. I specifically remember a turning point with my youngest child when I sent her to her room to get over a tantrum. When she came out, she was like a different kid!!

This too shall pass...just stay firm (but loving).

 

[ekatiel]

We use Love and Logic around here, too. I used to use it when I taught school, so when ODS turned two, I raced out and bought "Love and Logic for Early Childhood". It has some really good ideas in it.

As far as the time-outs go-- you just need to find your kid's currency. Every kid has something that means a lot to them, and that would matter if it were taken away. For YDS it's his hot wheels-- you can bet that at any given time the kiddo has two hot wheels, one in each hand. Losing his cars is a BIG deal to him. So, with YDS, sometimes it's not time-out-- sometimes it's putting his cars in time-out. It works like a charm! You just need to figure out what sort of punishment would matter to your little one and use that as punishment instead of time-out. Good luck-- they do get better! --Katie

 

[liznboys]

Been there, done that, 4 times! I am just starting to get out of it with my last son who turns 3 soon.

Hang in there, it DOES get better. My oldest is 9.5 and so far the hardest age for me has been 2, by far!!