Help me with my twins!!!!

[frisco]

Our twin boys are 28 months old. To say they've hit the terrible 2's is an understatement. They've been in their own beds now for about 2 months. They started climbing out of their cribs, and that was that.

We're having a terrible time getting them to go to sleep at night. The problem is, their room is right next to ours, and we have a sliding door which if it's closed, they will literally push off the hinges. We put them in their beds and they just climb right out, run into our room, climb on the bed and start jumping on it. We tell them "NO", bring them back into their room, but they literally just laugh at us and keep on doing it.

It's pretty much like that whenever they get out of hand. When one starts, of course, the other joins in. We tell them "NO", and they just ignore us or think it's a game.

I have a very tough time being strict with them. Much of the time, they've very good. They're just 2 year old boys.

I don't even know what advice I'm looking for. Just anything that might help us deal with them better.

 

[java]

I'll share a story of my friend.

When her twins were your boys age we were on the phone. I hear clanging in the back and ask if she needs to go. She replies

"No they are just shaking the china cabinet- one is on each side and they are trying to tip it over.Little do they know we have attatched it to the wall"

For about 6 months my friend practically nailed down every thing that could move in their house. As an outsider I found it funny. It was as if one would get an idea and the other would egg him on.

I can promise you though that they grew up to be very responsible and polite young men. It's a phase and it will pass.

 

[anniemae]

You have my sympathies!!!

Seriously, see if your library has the "Supernanny" book. It is wonderful and she has a whole section on sleep and how to get your kids to stay in their own beds. It may take a few nights, but from what I have heard, it really works. I read her book a while ago and really liked it, I skimmed through the big-bed section since my dd is still in the crib, but I remembered thinking I would check the book out of the library again when dd is ready to transition to a big bed.

Good luck, and hang in there!

 

[tinkermom23]

Do you have a Mother's of Multiples group in your area? I love my group, I can talk to a friend who understands it can be different with twins.Or a good Parenting Group like Mops or somehting where you can vent and they can sympathize with you. Like the Disboards only in person!

 

[Disney Ella]

Mine didn't want to stay in their beds at that age either and if one of them got out of bed, the other one wasn't going to stay in the room alone. DH and I started lying down with them in their beds because nothing else worked to keep them in their room. They weren't allowed to talk to us or each other and had to try to go to sleep. Of course, a lot of times, we fell asleep in their beds. We gradually cut back the time we spent in their rooms until we reached the point where they would stay in their beds and not try to leave the room at bed time.

I know some people wouldn't recommend staying with them, but it worked for us. Today, they are 13 and have no trouble staying in their beds!

 

[happygirl]

Watch Super Nanny, she as some great idea. My kids would never stay in there bed either. So when they would get up we would take them back never said a word just put them back we did this every night and every time. Now they stay there all night

 

[Twingle]

I think this is something most moms go through, and with being a mom of multiples, we just get it twice!

My girls are five now, but they went though a very similar thing once they were in beds. With the way the door is, could you put up a baby gate? That might prevent them from getting into your bed, and at least help them stay in their room. With our girls, we had a bedtime routine, with reading in bed, songs, prayer, and then to bed. For us personally, we didn't care if the girls stayed up and talked to each other or sang, or whatever, but they were in their room with the lights off (with nightlights). Once they were in bed, we didn't go back in to tell them to go to sleep, unless someone was crying. It took a few days, but apparently part of the attraction for them was seeing Mom, and once they figured out that I wasn't coming back, they would usually fall asleep after about 10-15 minutes.

Good luck!

And, the pp that stated her friend basically nailed everything down was totally right! My girls get into things that my son would've never dreamed of!

 

[frisco]

Thanks all for the great advice! Very reassuring to know we're not alone.

I think I'll pick up one of those Supernanny books today.

My wife bought the beds. They're cute little Spongebob beds. They're very small though. I'm way too big for it. Maybe we should just get them sone slightly larger beds and try lying with them at night. We've also never stopped them from sleeping with us, which is really my fault. If one of them wakes up crying, I always get him and let him sleep with us. He'll go back to bed instantly.

Another mistake we've made is letting them watch TV at night when they go to bed. Once they actually do lie down, they'll watch Spngebob or some Disney cartoons, until they fall asleep. It's gotten to where, they asbolutely will not lie down without the TV on.

 

[ChrizJen]

I was going to suggest the Supernanny technique also.
We've been having a tough time with sleep too. I think it's just a "2-year-old thing". I've been told that with dilignece and consitency, it will pass. Not much comfort when we need sleep right now!!
Ours is a slightly different situation because ours is a foster child with some mild adjustment issues and RAD. So the Supernanny technique won't work for us. But I've heard it really does work. The key is sticking to it and not giving in.
I feel for you. We only have one in that "stage". You have 2. I certainly don't envy you during this phase!

 

[frisco]

The lack of sleep on our part isn't an issue at all. Once they're asleep, they're usually excellent. Worse case, they come into our bed and fall right asleep. And this doesn't go to all hours of the night. We try and put them to bed around 8:00, and may struggle until about 10:00.

My bigger concern is, we're doing something wrong when it comes to discipline. They take none of our "punishments" seriously. I'm not comfortable with hitting, but I've tried the pat on the bottom routine. They just laugh. I'm just worried as to why they don't seem to care what we say. If it's normal, then I'm fine with it. I just want to make sure we're not doing anything wrong.

 

[mom2rb]

Thanks all for the great advice! Very reassuring to know we're not alone.



Another mistake we've made is letting them watch TV at night when they go to bed. Once they actually do lie down, they'll watch Spongebob or some Disney cartoons, until they fall asleep. It's gotten to where, they absolutely will not lie down without the TV on.

I have twin boys. My opinion is that if it works it isn't a mistake. My boys still go in my room at night and watch T.V. before bed. They don't watch much during the day so I don't care. The most important thing is that the parents get enough sleep to deal with them all day. I can also tell you that it gets better. I love my twins but when they were that age I don't know how any of us survived.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Oh no! The TV has to go immediately! If there is one in their room remove it right NOW! Watch/read Supernanny and she will say the same thing. TV may seem relaxing but it is really a stimulant. It makes kids brains wired and has them bouncing off the walls! Reading or just looking at books is a much better thing.

Start a routine. Usually a nice bath is a good way to start the relaxing process and signal to them that it is time to get ready for bed. Even if they don't really need a bath. It is good play time with parents (never leave them unattended!) and sets the tone for the rest of the evening.

Bath. Into pajamas. Brush Teeth. Story with parents in the kids room--not your room or the living room. In fact we didn't even let our kids go back into the other areas of the house once the bath routine started. Decide how many stories--maybe 2--one choosen by each child. We would read one book they choose and then end with Goodnight Moon. Kids love routine and predictability. Be firm. No begging for one more book. Set the routine and stick to it.

Put them in bed and tuck them in with some kisses. No high energy tickling or "zooming" them into bed or anything like that. It needs to be calm and quiet. Turn out the lights. If they like sound then get a quiet calming lullaby tape. We used ones with no words, just music and turn it on only loud enough to be just audible if they are lying quietly. That makes their brains focus on trying to hear the music.

I also really advocate the baby gate-- get 2 and stack them if they can climb over one. This way their room essentially becomes the "crib". For a while I even had to remove most all of the toys from my DDs rooms. I put them in the closet or the play area (family room) so they couldn't get to them. I left some board books and stuffed animals.

DO NOT talk to them. If they cry and scream go in and lead them back to bed and tuck in and walk out. If they get out of the room immediately take them by the hand, lead them to the bed, put the covers on and walk out. Very little eye contact. Very neutral facial expression-- not mad, not annoyed, not laughing--all business. They will test you! It will get worse before it gets better. You may be walking them back to bed for hours the first few night but you have to stick to it. It will get better. On Supernanny it always looks like it only takes one bad night. In reality it may be several bad nights that get progressively worse. But if you set aside the time and stay firm and focused it will work.

They may end up trashing their room-- tipping over dressers, emptying drawers, removing the mattress from the bed etc (yep, been there!) That night make no mention of it. Don't try to clean it up. Just ignore it. (make sure it is safe). Don't turn on the light. If the mattress is on the floor then lead them to the mattress and tuck them in. The next day you have them help you to clean up their mess (during the day, not at bedtime). And DO have them help. They may not get it back to parent standards but if they can pull things out they can put them back in! Worry about the deep clean when the bedtime issues are dealt with.

Good luck! And enjoy the terrible twos-- they grow up too fast.

 

[lovetoscrap]

My bigger concern is, we're doing something wrong when it comes to discipline. They take none of our "punishments" seriously. I'm not comfortable with hitting, but I've tried the pat on the bottom routine. They just laugh. I'm just worried as to why they don't seem to care what we say. If it's normal, then I'm fine with it. I just want to make sure we're not doing anything wrong.

For the most part a lot of that is normal. A book I strongly recommend is 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. Your library may have it. It is a great resource and technique. Most school discipline systems are based on this.

I used it from a very young age with my kids. I had one that all I needed to do was hold up one finger and she would react. The other one would wait until I got to 2 or even 3. In fact when I would say "one" she would hurry up to finish whatever mischief she was into before I got to 3 and put her in time out. She would also sometimes do something she knew she wasn't supposed to and then just run and go sit in time out!

 

[barrett7890]

I don't have twins, just the one 2.5 year old.

As soon as she went into her proper bed we put a stair gate at her door so she can't get out. We do go back and forwards a bit some nights to get her to settle when she's just not sleepy, but we do keep her in her room which seems to help. She can sit in her bed and "read" her books in the dark or talk to her teddies, but she doesn't see it as playtime as she is still in her room with the lights off (well there is a small night light)

One thing I will add is that for our daughter letting her cry out or anything like that doesn't work! I know it works for some kids, but not ours lol.

ETA - we are very much of the opinion that we don't mind if she is still awake provided she is in her room and not shouting on us every 5 minutes

cami
x

 

[barrett7890]

For the most part a lot of that is normal. A book I strongly recommend is 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. Your library may have it. It is a great resource and technique. Most school discipline systems are based on this.

I used it from a very young age with my kids. I had one that all I needed to do was hold up one finger and she would react. The other one would wait until I got to 2 or even 3. In fact when I would say "one" she would hurry up to finish whatever mischief she was into before I got to 3 and put her in time out. She would also sometimes do something she knew she wasn't supposed to and then just run and go sit in time out!

this doesn't work at betime for me, but DEFINATELY is the one thing that works with Abi during the day.

i.e. if mummy counts to 5 and you haven't tidied up you're books will go in the bin (and she knows i mean it, because I have done it.......got them back out again once she's in bed mind you )

cami
x

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have to decide enough is enough. When you do that then it will fall into place. I know that was always my turning point.

First you remove toy access and TV from their room. Anything they want has to be asked for.

If you have alot of stuff for them to play with reduce it. Box up 3/4 of it and put it up for now.

You are trying to set up a system of respect and that they have to earn things. In essence you are reducing the control they have over the household.

Since they are 2yo, games, charts and stickers work well. Keep it very simple and fun.

If there is something special they can "earn" something back like a favorite toy or activity, if they go to bed and stay there for a length of time.

123 Magic is also a good read. I highly recommend it as well.

Find a solution, be consistent, have a routine, and eventually it will get better. Wait until both of them are driving.