Help me with my crazy friend!

[armywife]

I have a friend that I have known for 30 years and can't tell the truth about anything! It's almost comical to see what she is going to say. For example, she lost her house and had to move in with her mother. She is now telling everyone that she had to move in with her mom to take care of her. Not quite true, but she looks like the hero. Several years ago, she applied at a college out of state and didn't get in. We met a young man that went to that college and she told him that she went there, but got kicked out. It almost made her look worse because that college is known for being easy to get into, then tells him she flunked out!? No she didn't, she never went there! She is also very full of herself that she can take care of other's children better than they can, she knows all, and doesn't think any guy's girlfriend or spouse "fits" with them, (yet the guy and his so called mis-matched wife have been together 20 years, she has been through several boyfriends). She acts normal and is very honest about her insecurities when it is just her and I or with her children, but in public she is so full of her self and snotty my family and friends can't be around her. Is she just very insecure? Sometimes I think she has a mental problem or maybe social anxiety? She makes me crazy, but I am her only friend. Do I try to boost her confidence? I'm afraid it will make her more cocky! It's like she wants everything to think her life is so wonderful, so she elaborates and tells things the way she wants them to be, not how they really are.

Her mother has been diagnosed with mental problems and was abusive to her when she was young. The more she is around her mom, the more she acts like her, but they are a little co-dependent on each other. Could this behavior be due to the abuse?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have a friend that I have known for 30 years and can't tell the truth about anything! It's almost comical to see what she is going to say. For example, she lost her house and had to move in with her mother. She is now telling everyone that she had to move in with her mom to take care of her. Not quite true, but she looks like the hero. Several years ago, she applied at a college out of state and didn't get in. We met a young man that went to that college and she told him that she went there, but got kicked out. It almost made her look worse because that college is known for being easy to get into, then tells him she flunked out!? No she didn't, she never went there! She is also very full of herself that she can take care of other's children better than they can, she knows all, and doesn't think any guy's girlfriend or spouse "fits" with them, (yet the guy and his so called mis-matched wife have been together 20 years, she has been through several boyfriends). She acts normal and is very honest about her insecurities when it is just her and I or with her children, but in public she is so full of her self and snotty my family and friends can't be around her. Is she just very insecure? Sometimes I think she has a mental problem or maybe social anxiety? She makes me crazy, but I am her only friend. Do I try to boost her confidence? I'm afraid it will make her more cocky! It's like she wants everything to think her life is so wonderful, so she elaborates and tells things the way she wants them to be, not how they really are.

Her mother has been diagnosed with mental problems and was abusive to her when she was young. The more she is around her mom, the more she acts like her, but they are a little co-dependent on each other. Could this behavior be due to the abuse?

I think she uses lying to try and appear as normal and likable as she can to others. It probably stems from the abuse she received when she was little. Or, she might have some of her mom's mental health issues. They can be mild to severe, so maybe her's are mild and just not as noticable.

I'd try to boost her confidence, yes, but not falsely. Compliment the honest things about her. Maybe you two could even take a class or sport or something together and encourage eachother to work hard at it. Nothing helps self esteem better than working hard at something and then succeeding.

Liberty Belle, DisPhD.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here is something called "delusional disorder". Your friend is not "psychotic" but she is "delusional". It is a fine line. I think IQ or "learning ability" is also a part of someone like this. It is like they do not have the ability to "understand" things.

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/292991-overview

We are trying to figure out my sister's SIL whom she is caring for right now.

Her problem is more of a psychosis in which she is in complete denial of reality with many things. It is bizarre.

So to sum it up, there is nothing you can do for your friend. It is probably a mental issue which requires a professional approach. I really would not do anything different with your friend. She is counting on you to remain "the same".

She wants to appear "like all of the other people" around her and has figured out how she goes about doing that, which is by lying.

 

[Rora]

I think she uses lying to try and appear as normal and likable as she can to others. It probably stems from the abuse she received when she was little. Or, she might have some of her mom's mental health issues. They can be mild to severe, so maybe her's are mild and just not as noticable.

I'd try to boost her confidence, yes, but not falsely. Compliment the honest things about her. Maybe you two could even take a class or sport or something together and encourage eachother to work hard at it. Nothing helps self esteem better than working hard at something and then succeeding.

Liberty Belle, DisPhD.

This.

It sounds like the abuse your friend endured could be showing through. She wants to be liked, accepted, popular, etc. She just does it in all the wrong ways.

I had a friend who was abused by her alcoholic father. She sounds a lot like your friend in the respect that she acts like everything is perfect in her life. Every little detail is 100% perfect, happy, etc. And it never was. She was a mess inside but didn't want anyone to see it (clearly this stemmed from childhood and the abuse). I did the best I could to make her more confident and just sit and listen if there was something she needed to talk about.

OP- s to you and your friend. This is a tough situation as it is incredibly annoying to deal with your friend when she acts like this. She probably needs a friend and I give you kudos for sticking around. I wish I had advice to give you but nevertheless, I hope things get better.