Help me out here. Compromise is not one of my strong points..

[tammymacb]

First a little back story. I'm a nurse and I work overtime almost every week. I take part of my OT money and put it in a separate account that we use just for a cool annual vacation. I pay for everything out of my OT checks.

DH works for the state- not a huge salary by any means and unless he got a second job he can't make any extra money as OT isn't possible on salary. Not a big deal in our lives..

But, I do pay 100% for our annual trip. Each year I ask his opinion and he usually tells me, "You do such a great job planning, just pick and tell me what to pack." If he does give me an opinion, I definitely take it into consideration.

We've done several dive trips to Grand Cayman. Went to St Lucia for 10 days last year, Scuba Club Cozumel for 11 days, cruises, this year we're doing 10 days diving on Bonaire...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, my problem.

Next year I really want to do something different.

My first choice is a dream I've had for a long time, but is very expensive. I've seriously looked at Lindblad tours for a trip to the Galapagos. IMO, it's the coolest opportunity ever and it's a bucket list item. DH has never sounded too excited about Galapagos, but knows how badly I want to go...We've got a couple other expensive trips on the back burner also. A Med cruise and an Alaskan cruise/tour ( which would pretty much be for DH as I'm not a huge fan of the cold, but I am looking forward to seeing the nature up there )

So, anyway, last night we're sitting on the couch and out of the blue, DH says, "I think instead of going to the Galapagos, we should go and do a tour of England and Scotland. We can fly into London, get a Eurorail pass, and I can take pictures."

I didn't say a word.

I have zero interest in that trip. I'm fine with taking that trip some day if that's HIS dream trip, but I don't think I should have to give up MY dream trip for something I could care less about doing...

How would you proceed trying to keep everyone happy?

 

[NHdisneylover]

If it were me, I would take the longest vacation you can (can you take 3 weeks off?) and do one of your dreams as well as doing his on one set of airfare: Spend half the time on a Med cruise and half on England? Scotland while you are on this side of the Atlantic (if you can be flexible on timing you can get some really good deals on Med cruises in the shoulder season--September/October).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Tell dh it is Galapagos this yr and next yr he can pick.

 

[okeydokey]

I think you should be totally honest with him about what you want and listen to what he wants and compromise if you can find a way to do both in the future. I don't think just you get to choose because the money came from your checks. You are a team.

 

[Buckalew11]

I would not be going to England next year because there will be Royal Wedding junk everywhere. I'd do that after the wedding stuff was over (ie. another year). JMO.

 

[tammymacb]

I think you should be totally honest with him about what you want and listen to what he wants and compromise if you can find a way to do both in the future. I don't think just you get to choose because the money came from your checks. You are a team.

I agree and that's why I do ask for his input. I just don't want to take a large chunk of money and use it for a trip I could care less about just so DH can take pictures either.

 

[okeydokey]

I agree and that's why I do ask for his input. I just don't want to take a large chunk of money and use it for a trip I could care less about just so DH can take pictures either.

But if he goes vacations that you choose then one year in the near future you can go on a vacation he chooses. Marriage is compromise. Surely you think you should support him in doing something he really wants to do.

 

[jen0610]

I would not be going to England next year because there will be Royal Wedding junk everywhere. I'd do that after the wedding stuff was over (ie. another year). JMO.

I would make England in 2 years.

2011 - Royal Wedding
2012 - Summer Olympics

You couldn't pay me to be visiting that country at either times, unless that is what I was doing for my vacation.

 

[mrsv98]

I would not be going to England next year because there will be Royal Wedding junk everywhere. I'd do that after the wedding stuff was over (ie. another year). JMO.

Not 2012 either, with the Olympics an already expensive country will become crazy. I love England but will probably wait until 2014 before I think about going.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, why should he go to a vacation spot you really want to go to, and he doesn't, and yet you don't want to go where he wants to go, and seem mad that he wants to go there, because you don't. Even though you take your OT money and put it in the vacation fund, since you're married, it's his money, too. I'd be impressed if my DH came up with a vacation idea, but I'm the planner (and contribute nothing financially to the marriage).

 

[tammymacb]

I would make England in 2 years.

2011 - Royal Wedding
2012 - Summer Olympics

You couldn't pay me to be visiting that country at either times, unless that is what I was doing for my vacation.

You're both brilliant. It will be even more expensive than usual to visit, and super crowded too. Dh and I have no interest in the big wedding. It's a great reason to back burner the trip for a couple years. ( And then I promise we will take it eventually )

 

[Buckalew11]

There ya go.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I agree and that's why I do ask for his input. I just don't want to take a large chunk of money and use it for a trip I could care less about just so DH can take pictures either.

But isn't that how he feels about the Galapagos? Although the money may come from your paycheque, I don't think that should give you the final say on where you're going on vacation. That being said, he shouldn't have final say, either!

I would tell him how important going to the Galapagos is to you, and ask him if he'd be willing to consider a trip to the UK for 2012. I would then rent some videos to show him what a beautiful place it is ("think of the pictures!"), and try to find some activities (tours, programmes) that he can get excited about. I haven't heard of anyone who's regretted their trip there, so I'm sure you'll both have a great time .

 

[tlbwriter]

I think you should take turns. If your dream trip holds as little interest for him as his does for you, then you get your dream trip one year, and he gets his the next (and as others have pointed out, there are very good reasons for postponing his dream trip). In my case, the source of the money for the trip would be irrelevant because we combine all of our funds, but if you don't do that, and the fact that your OT pays for the trip makes you resent spending it on a trip you will not enjoy, you might want to talk about having him contribute as well.

 

[tammymacb]

I should say, I've already been looking at the Galapagos for about 6 months and DH is aware of that and of how excited I am to see it.

If DH and said " Let's do the Med next year, or Alaska instead" I would be disappointed, but I'd cave as I do value his opinion.

I just don't want to give up my dream trip for a trip he'd never even mentioned until yesterday.

 

[clutter]

I would not be going to England next year because there will be Royal Wedding junk everywhere. I'd do that after the wedding stuff was over (ie. another year). JMO.

Then in 2012 it's the summer Olympics.

 

[ccgirl]

First, I have always made more money than my DH but I have never held that against him nor have I ever considered it while planning vacations, or anything else for that matter. Everything is joint in our marriage. No one is more than the other. It sounds like you think since the vacation fund comes from your check you should have the most say??? I could be reading it wrong. Why don't you two keep picking places until you come up with one you both agree on?

 

[Handbag Lady]

I should say, I've already been looking at the Galapagos for about 6 months and DH is aware of that and of how excited I am to see it.

If DH and said " Let's do the Med next year, or Alaska instead" I would be disappointed, but I'd cave as I do value his opinion.

I just don't want to give up my dream trip for a trip he'd never even mentioned until yesterday.

And you shouldn't.


Next time it comes up, DON'T KEEP QUIET. When you didn't say anything, that leaves the door open.

Say, "Oh, is that something you'd really want to do? We can do it in 2014 AFTER we do the Galapagos trip." And really mean it and really do it.

The fact that the money comes from you is a moot point. Yes, his opinion does mean a lot, but this is your trip and you'll do what he wants to do another year. THAT'S compromise. Giving up what you've already planned is not compromise; it is you giving up what you want to do.

 

[tammymacb]

I don't feel I "hold it against my DH either". We were both previously married and though we do combine some of our pay to pay bills, we also keep part of our money separate. I could simply spend an extra day at home and we wouldn't travel at all. We couldn't afford to do what we do now. But, we both enjoy it and I'll do it until I'm too tired to do it anymore.

 

[pioneer89]

I just don't want to take a large chunk of money and use it for a trip I could care less about just so DH can take pictures either.

Is it possible your husband feels the exact same way about the Galapagos?