Help me change my attitude, gift giving for the ILs

[padams]

I love threads like this one because I could have written it. It makes me feel all warm and happy knowing that other people's ILs are like mine. So, thank you Dis'ers.

As for gift ideas for the OP, give the girls some colored pencils and a couple of drawing tablets. For SIL, I'd make a donation to a charity in her name. I did that for my SIL last year. For MIL, tell DH he is going to take his mom out for lunch or dinner for a present. We've done that one. Another idea is that a couple of years ago, we gave MIL 4 hours of DH's time to spend at MIL's house doing whatever chores and maintenance she wanted done. BIL's wife who is a computer programmer always gives MIL the gift of fixing MIL's computer for her.

Whatever you do, don't invest much time or thought because the ILs don't care.

 

[bas71873]

you peeps are tough.......AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think we are about to embark on some drama w/DH's family and how nice, just in time for the holidays. DH's sister (31) showed up at DFIL's bday dinner this week AFTER BEING MIA FOR 6 1/2 YEARS. Ironic that she's been unemployed since March and has had to move back home with her mom (DH's parents have been divorced for 20+ years). This whole "reunion" is so financially motivated and DH and I are the only ones who can see that. DFIL and DMIL (DH's step mom) have welcomed her with open arms, paid for her dinner, etc. I for one am not that forgiving and had a hard time just giving her a "HI how are ya hug, but I was kinda, literally backed in a corner on that one). Now I am waiting for the phone call or email that she'll be joining us at the in-laws for Cmas Eve and therefore, should probably have a gift for her. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry for the rant!

 

[RUDisney]

While we're speaking of loud toys, Barkley brought to mind a toy my nephew received one year. My brother still complains about it. It was a rock tumbler that smooths out the edges on rocks by tumbling them. It takes weeks to months for it to finally produce the desired result.

 

[jeepgirl30]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.

Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

 

[Christine]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.

Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

That is just so weird.

 

[RUDisney]

Who here knows Jill's weird IL gift-giving sessions? There should be a new thread soon with this years nightmare. If I've missed it this year and someone has a link, please post it.

Perhaps Jill's DS will send you the cookie monster coat he received a couple years ago for your MIL. It was everything you could imagine it being and more!

 

[SC Minnie]

Perhaps Jill's DS will send you the cookie monster coat he received a couple years ago for your MIL. It was everything you could imagine it being and more!

OMG I remember that one!!!! I literally laughed until I cried when I saw that picture.

 

[SC Minnie]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.

Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

OP-- I think you have a great plan.

I never had IL drama regarding gifts-- but then again I made DH pick them out and purchase them.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, my DH doesn't buy gifts. He's a good man, very bright, but incapable of buying. I've threatened, but have come to the rescue at the last minute. The only time he buys me something is if I tell him exactly what to get. It's like a disability! However, my IL's know I pick out everything, and are also very thankful. In your situation, DH would be buying.

 

[BirdLegsRed]

I have to say..I LOVE Barkley's ideas. SIL will be BEGGING for gift cards next year!

 

[mla1977]

I think I would try to stay in the room for as long as possible. (have DH attend to the children so that you don't have to leave the room). See if you can be in her presence long enough that she can't open the present until you leave!

 

[robinb]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

I think that's perfect! Make sure to include gift receipts in case they get multiples. It seems that every girl 10 and under is getting a Zhu Zhu pet (my own included).

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.

Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

Send her a gift basket from Harry & David's in advance. No gift opening games required and H&D has 20% off with coupon code "SANTA".

My DH doesn't buy his family gifts either. It's not a big deal for me, but I don't have the same family drama as you do.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.

Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

OK, that is an easy one to figure out then. Your MIL is playing a game in her OWN mind. She is "hurt" that her son does not spend the time to think of her and purchase her a gift of his choosing. Which honestly can be very irritating to some people.

So in order to pretend like he got her something, she plays this little game in her head. Which you become the unintended victim of this game.

Now I am not saying it is not weird, because it is, but I am offering up an explanation.

 

[MsDisney23]

First of all here is a for ya. I would in now way go out of my way..
A simple gift card and that would be it. Remember people treat us they way we allow them to, so put a stop to it and demand the respect you deserve!

 

[Disney Doll]

if you choose to go ahead and do the shopping i can offer a suggestion for 'the little darlings' and mil-

give them each a 'now and later' gift-idealy the 'now' gift is one of those loud rather tinney sounding and annoying animated holiday plushes that plays only one line of a holiday song over and over and over and over (like 'deck the halls with boughs of holly, deck the halls with boughs of holly, deck the halls with boughs of holly.......'). make sure it's the good inexpensive type that has the unreplaceable battery stiched inside so it can't be removed and their parents and grands can enjoy listening to it for hours and days on end (bring a set of inconspicuos foam earplugs for yourself). since your sil sez 'no gift cards' do the next best thing-go to chuck e cheese or whatever loud, annoying kid themed arcade is near by and buy each child however much you wish to spend IN TOKENS. put the tokens LOOSE into a gift bag with a holiday greeting that says you know how much they will enjoy spending a WHOLE DAY at the arcade with mommy and daddy

for mil why not give her some gifts she can use to have 'quality time' with those darling girls? gifts that come with a card that says on the front "read me outloud before you open this gift" (the card reads something like "special gifts that have to stay at grandma's house for special times with her SPECIAL girls")-i would suggest these gifts might be any or more than one of the following:

a snow cone machine,
a cotton candy machine,
2-10,000 bead kits
multiple tubs of 'floam'


or better yet-a karoki machine with LOTS of kid's bop type songs the girls will love to perform over and over and over and over and over JUST FOR HER.

You are my idol!!!!!!!!!!

 

[golfgal]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.

Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

You have been doing this for 20 YEARS

 

[Pumbaa_]

i would not reward those children with the most wanted toy of the season. But I am mean like that

Golfgal, I think i would follow her around the house, have to check something int he kitchen? k, I will come too, here's your gift. Running upstairs?k, right behind you, here's your gift. Any small children? Include them in the fun. Give thsi gift to Grandma and ask her to open it right now. Can they work up; a little tear or too if she tries to run away?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP back! I managed to snag 4 Zhu Zhu pets so i'm thinking one for each of the DNs and 2 for my own kiddos. I'll get DNs coloring supplies, messy ones!

For MIL I'm going to take the advice here and tell DH it is up to him as she never likes my gifts. After 20 years i'm done. Last year I grabbed the first thing i saw and she loved it but couldn't be bothered to say thanks to me. She makes it seem like a joke by thanking the kids, dh, etc. When he says i picked it she says she knows and leaves it at that. He says "well she thanked the family". he doesn't see it.
Also, she refuses to open gifts in front of me. i have made it a game, i'll insist she open it and watch her weasel out. She needs to check the stove, she needs to use the bathroom, etc. The second I leave the room she opens it. Oh well. This year I won't let it get to me, I know I can vent here and we'll share laughs.

Aren't you family? Or are you just a piece of wood? Seriously? There is no way on earth that I would tolerate that nonsense for 20 years. I can't believe your dh thinks that it is okay to treat you like that. Buy the witch a book of manners and sign it just from DH.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

i would not reward those children with the most wanted toy of the season. But I am mean like that

Golfgal, I think i would follow her around the house, have to check something int he kitchen? k, I will come too, here's your gift. Running upstairs?k, right behind you, here's your gift. Any small children? Include them in the fun. Give thsi gift to Grandma and ask her to open it right now. Can they work up; a little tear or too if she tries to run away?

I agree. I would give my kids the 4 pets and get the nieces and nephews things like maracas or microphones.

 

[bas71873]

i would not reward those children with the most wanted toy of the season. But I am mean like that

I was thinking the same thing. Even more so since my DD wants them so bad, but I have been looking since September with NO luck at all!