Help me change my attitude, gift giving for the ILs

[Nancyg56]

Don't do it. Your MIL has made it very clear she doesn't want gifts from you -she wants them from your husband. At the very least, he needs to make all the decisions about what they're receiving.

That is what I would do.

 

[cinmell]

I really need an attitude adjustment.

I don't have advice but I just wanted to say that I don't think you are the one who needs an attitude adjustment.

 

[sparklynails23]

I think the recipe albums are a great idea-- as wedding presents. A 5 and 9 year old are too young to appreciate that kind of gift. Since the girls like the albums for drawing, how about getting them some cheap unfilled scrapbooks and stickers? Or snuggies were a good idea.

As for the in-laws, their comment was a bit strange, but they did like their gift, even though they didn't thank your family twice for it. Your taste in picking their presents must be right on.

 

[Silent1CB]

While I certainly understand & sympathize with the rest of your post, the recipe scrapbook of old family recipes for a 4 & 6 yr old sort of baffle me. (Last years ages.) I scrapbook, so I can completely understand how much time & money you put into that, but children do not value that kind of gift at that age. That's a lovely gift for a bridal shower or someone moving out of their parents house, but not very young kids expecting toys and games for Christmas.

Sorry, just my opinion.
Also, their mother should have taken it away & put it away for years down the road once she saw what they were starting to do to it.

ETA: Oh, it looks like 2 of us posted the same thought at the same time.

 

[bas71873]

Don't do it. Your MIL has made it very clear she doesn't want gifts from you -she wants them from your husband

and this is EXACTLY why my DH and his mother have not spoken in 6 1/2 years, but the fall out was over the fact that I (not her son) had the "nerve" to send all mothers (his, mine and his step) a box of Godiva chocolates for Mother's Day. If she had waited for him to shop, she would have received absolutely nothing cause he just doesn't shop. Her response (to ME via email)....."thanks for sending the fat mother chocolates". I politely replied to her that I had sent all of the mothers the same thing and that if she did not want them, I would gladly take them and eat them all myself. Well that ended that and she has not spoken, emailed, etc. since. One less person to shop for in my book!

 

[my3sonsagn]

I have to say that my vindictive butt would do one of two things. Either DH would be in charge of gifts for his family this year (he doesn't bother? too darned bad!), or I would get MIL a gift card to a store that she HATES (she chooses to believe your DH picks her gift, she can be mad at him for it), and I would get DNs gift cards and SIL a book on etiquette and manners.

 

[surfergirl602]

get the nieces a gift card to build a bear, or put twenty dollars in a box and wrap it up. For the inlaws, tell your DH that its his turn to pick something out. If he won't then come Christmas, just tell them that DH must have forgot to get their gift. Bold, I know, but its the only way that things are going to change. They are his parents!

 

[Jingle]

I have a couple of whiners & complainers that I have to buy for. This year, they are getting gift cards or $$ in a money maze or puzzle. I had never heard of them before. You insert the money or gift card in the maze, and then they have to solve the puzzle before they can get at the money or gift card. They're going to have to work at getting their gifts this year!

I got both the cube money maze and the pinball money maze at the Harriet Carter website. It's too bad they don't offer different difficulty levels so I could pick the difficulty based on the difficult personality of the receiver.

http://searchresults.harrietcarter.com/search?w=money+maze&ts=custom2

 

[jeepgirl30]

While I certainly understand & sympathize with the rest of your post, the recipe scrapbook of old family recipes for a 4 & 6 yr old sort of baffle me. (Last years ages.) I scrapbook, so I can completely understand how much time & money you put into that, but children do not value that kind of gift at that age. That's a lovely gift for a bridal shower or someone moving out of their parents house, but not very young kids expecting toys and games for Christmas.

Sorry, just my opinion.
Also, their mother should have taken it away & put it away for years down the road once she saw what they were starting to do to it.

ETA: Oh, it looks like 2 of us posted the same thought at the same time.

I bought the girls other presents, I had explained to their mom that this was meant for her to keep for them as they got older.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I would totally be doing the charity thing for the neices. And I would be doing to something that benefits children, such as a card that says:

[Specific Toy names] have been donated to Toys for Tots to bless families with little girls that do not have the money to buy them gifts.


Or


An Angel Tree child has been adopted in your honor and blessed with [specific toy names], 3 new outfits and a pair of shoes.

Let thes spoiled brats see that you COULD have bought them gifts but instead sent them to children that would be more appreciative. And I know I would feel so much better about it!!!


But I am snarky like that.


And mil would get nothing that I bought, unless I could find a self help book on being a better mother in law, or cutting the apron strings, or how to be a nice person or something like that.

 

[mtemm]

yep, you do need an attitude adjustment...STOP doing your husband's shopping for him. you will never get another response from your mil. so you need to change something...have your husband do his own shopping, or stop caring what you buy for her.

 

[golfgal]

I would have stopped buying presents for these people a LONG time ago, and I would have stopped spending the holiday with them a LONGER time ago.

Seriously, she said NO gift card? What is she going to do? Refuse to take them home?


I'm sorry. It is not fair that you have to deal with this and not your husband. I know it seems like what we are supposed to do as wives is be the gift getters. We want to be part of the family. We want to make everyone happy. However, in your case, I would totally rebel and let my husband do it. I am so glad my ILs aren't like that. Course, if I did let my husband do it, his parents would find nothing under the tree.

Great solution-she doesn't want to take them home, you get them back

I don't have advice but I just wanted to say that I don't think you are the one who needs an attitude adjustment.

Here is your attitude adjustment:

DH, I am tired of your family treating my like crap and you sitting by and LETTING THEM. We are done spending time with them. If you want to go over there on Christmas, fine, but the kids and I are staying home. If you want to give them a gift, YOU will take care of picking it out, buying it and wrapping it. I am DONE, end of story.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I have a couple of whiners & complainers that I have to buy for. This year, they are getting gift cards or $$ in a money maze or puzzle. I had never heard of them before. You insert the money or gift card in the maze, and then they have to solve the puzzle before they can get at the money or gift card. They're going to have to work at getting their gifts this year!

I got both the cube money maze and the pinball money maze at the Harriet Carter website. It's too bad they don't offer different difficulty levels so I could pick the difficulty based on the difficult personality of the receiver.

http://searchresults.harrietcarter.com/search?w=money+maze&ts=custom2

I think I got this idea off of the DIS last year, and got two of them. It was fun watching the recipients trying to get their gift cards. They loved it!

I went to this site for mine: https://www.seriouspuzzles.com/cart_view.asp

 

[hereyago]

Ok, I am feeling a tad sassy, but here is what to do: You-just STOP IT!!!!!! That's right, it isn't your responsibility to do that. Do you work as a buyer for a store? No, then stop being someone's personal shopper.

Your Husband-needs to put the big boy pants on and start taking care of things he should have anyway.

Your BIL-he needs to grow a pair. Your SIL-just needs a trip to a place where people actually would give anything to have hand me downs.

Your MIL-have you thought of pouring water on her to see if she will melt lol just kidding.

DNs- need to donate their stuff to other kids. I mean dang, my kid gets nice things, but ever since she was little, we donate to toys for tots, coats for kids,etc.

I think the recipe thing was a lovely idea, the kids that age wouldn'tenjoy it, but I can tell you care about what you do.

 

[RNMOM]

I'd consider getting art tablets and crayons/drawing pencils for the girls since they enjoy that so much. You might even get them a 'how to draw' book for whatever they like. It know it isn't getting even for the issue but she said no gift cards so...you could get off pretty cheap for these things.

MIL, gift card. Let you DH take her out to lunch and shopping to buy what she likes. That would get even with both of them.

 

[RunningGirl]

You DEFINITELY need to have DH do the shopping. He should stick up for you against this, and if he won't the least he can do is buy the gifts for these ingrates. I can't believe you have to spend Christmas with them!

 

[etoiles]

I agree that DH needs to shop for the gifts himself. If he doesn't get around to it? Too bad, that's up to him what he's going to say!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

If your husband doesn't want to shop for his family, maybe you can give your mother-in-law a "certificate" for a lunch or dinner date with your husband, with the restaurant name & date blank. It will be up to them to fill that in. That will give them one-on-one time and save you the stress of looking for something that she probably wouldn't appreciate.

 

[Bluestars]

I would tell DH that he needs to either pick the gifts out himself or come up with specific items. Then leave it up to him to contact his family for ideas.

I always offer to shop for my dh's family, but he tells me he wants to pick things out himself. But his family is nice, so I wouldn't have your problem.

Good luck to you. It sounds like you put a lot of thought into their gifts and they definitely don't appreciate it.

 

[S. C.]

I would totally be doing the charity thing for the neices. And I would be doing to something that benefits children, such as a card that says:

[Specific Toy names] have been donated to Toys for Tots to bless families with little girls that do not have the money to buy them gifts.


Or


An Angel Tree child has been adopted in your honor and blessed with [specific toy names], 3 new outfits and a pair of shoes.

Let thes spoiled brats see that you COULD have bought them gifts but instead sent them to children that would be more appreciative. And I know I would feel so much better about it!!!


But I am snarky like that.


And mil would get nothing that I bought, unless I could find a self help book on being a better mother in law, or cutting the apron strings, or how to be a nice person or something like that.

I would have stopped buying presents for these people a LONG time ago, and I would have stopped spending the holiday with them a LONGER time ago.



Great solution-she doesn't want to take them home, you get them back





Here is your attitude adjustment:

DH, I am tired of your family treating my like crap and you sitting by and LETTING THEM. We are done spending time with them. If you want to go over there on Christmas, fine, but the kids and I are staying home. If you want to give them a gift, YOU will take care of picking it out, buying it and wrapping it. I am DONE, end of story.

I agree with the bolded.