help from parents pleeeaassee

[eyeore]

ok guys i need advice from my dis buddies. i have a nearly 9yr old boy who is being really naughty and cheeky at the min. he is constantly back chatting to me and his dad. he has also started to thump his twin brother now i know boys fight but i mean he really thumps hard!!! we also have a teen son and i do believe he's picking up a lot from him. now we are constantly sending him to his room(he's there at the min). and also taking tv etc off him until he behaves. he just does'nt seem to care and nothing we do is improving things. i have told him santa wont come and all he says is i dont care. i am at the stage i dont think he deserves santa but how could santa not come to a child. i have told him he will not be getting a present from me and daddy because of his behaviour. do you think this is fair? what would you do? any advice or tips would be great. any of you been through this before.

 

[Cyrano]

since I'm sure most parents have been where you are.

We try not to use the Santa card as unless you could be really hard and follow it through. It will just confirm to DS that it was an empty threat.
Better to use time out and removal of current privileges. Such as no tv, computer, playstation etc for specific times. Give him rewards to earn the times back since you want to encourage good behaviour.

Thankfully most kids grow out of these phases... at least I hope they do

 

[natalielongstaff]

im having a similar problem with my nearly 8yr old we use a warning system then time out and then removing priviliges

i have to say that the hardest thing is remaining consistent ( my dh really struggles with this ) i also agree you should never make a threat you dont intend to carry through

good luck xx

 

[Goofyish]

As Ried says I'm sure every parent goes through this in one form or another

I think consistancy in how you and your DH apply any punishment is important, especially as he has a twin and elder brother. I guess a lot of his behaviour is attention seeking.

Also set clear boundaries and rules. Sit down with him and right the rules together.

Don't threaten anything that you can't or won't follow through on

A rewards system is good too - focus on and really reward good behaviour
Things like points charts work well

 

[higgy66]

I agree with the poster about being careful what you threaten with because unless you follow through it really does backfire on you.

I used to take toys etc from my eldest DD but she wasn't really that bothered - also when we were out and about and she mis behaved when we got back home she would just do something else or watch TV.

However when I started to take time off her bedtime she hated that. I knock 5 minutes off for each incident and if she throws a tantrum about it - it increases to 10.This has worked a treat as she hates going to bed before her sister so I only have to warn her now that the next time will be minutes off bedtime and she behaves instantly. You need to persevere as obviously it's not an instant punishment but come bedtime it's a clear reminder that bad behaviour is not acceptable. You must be hard and stick to it though as come bedtime they may be behaving as a "perfect" child but you just have to explain that this is for something they did earlier.

I notice you say your son is a twin - well this may work as I assume they have the same bedtime. It will really stand out he's going early so he really might not like that. just an idea....

I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice on here.

Good luck and have a wonderful Christmas.

 

[PoppyAnna]

We use a positive reward system, the girls get to choose a treat at the weekend for good behaviour, nothing if they're naughty.
We have taken favourite toys away for 24 hours etc and has worked with the eldest but little one seemed not bothered by this until I marched her to the charity shop and made her give it to the lady behind the counter
It breaks my heart to stand that firm (DH also struggles with this part of it ) but it did work.

If you're interested, no I didn't go back to the shop for the toy, it wasn't a particular favourite.

 

[aaronandterri]

lol no advice here just sympathy i have a 11 nearly 12 year old...i understand!!

in fact im going to use the bedtime advice myself!

 

[hildasmuriel]

I saw this on a programme once:

Tell your sons that they can have (say) 30 pennies each, every day. Make sure that you actually have the money and it is in single pennies. They get that, don't have to earn it. BUT YOU HOLD ONTO IT UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY.

For every transgression they get a warning, only one though. If they repeat the action they lose a penny. They cannot earn it back, once it's gone it's gone. You don't row about it, or bargain. You are the parents, you set the rules.

Obviously all the normal discipline rules apply - don't sweat the small stuff, lots of praise for good behaviour etc.But stick to the penny fines and don't give in.

We tried it one year on holiday when our two were going through a bickering phase and it really worked as they wanted to earn their holiday spending money for the next day.

Good luck with whatever you choose.