Help, discipline question

[The Sweetness]

My advice, as the mom of a 14y old with dyslexia and ADD inattentive. For your own peace of mind have her completely evaluated for learning disabilitles and psychological problems. Then, you will know that there isnt something wrong with her, she's just lazy. That said, as far as the fam vacation goes, if you arent returning to WDW at least next year, then dont leave her behind, your guilt may ruin the whole trip for you. However, she can miss out on alot of the special WDW treats such as souvies, bakery, ice cream, and candy shop.Still sounds harsh to me, but before my dd was diagnosed I was at my wits end!

 

[kpk89]

poohpooh2u -- what a good mom you are! It is so hard to follow through sometimes, and yet (as others have said) we really shouldn't because we made the "threat" in a heated moment and it was an overreaction. ITA that it wouldn't necessarily undermine future discipline to let her go on the trip -- as long as you handle it carefully. (telling her that you've thought about how much the 3 of you need the trip together, and that you're adjusting her consequence to be something else, etc)

Hang in there -- it's such a tender and vulnerable age, (I used to teach 7th grade, but I'm soooo dreading when my own kids get to that age!) You are doing great -- just the fact that you're willing to consider changing your mind on the trip because it might NOT be the best thing to leave her behind shows that you are acting with your daughter's interests at heart, not some arbitrary notion that you feel you must stick to.

I hope you're able to get to the bottom of what's holding her back.

 

[poohpooh2u]

Thank you Kim!

 

[barkley]

i think this demonstrates that a parent should never make a disciplinary "threat" they are unwilling to stand by. if you are clear in what the consequences will be you must be willing to enforce the consequences. i would tend not to like to make it a missed vacation because then it mars the entire trip for those who will be going (and depending on who the child is left with they may end up rewarded for their inappropriate behaviour because the sitter feels they are "missing out").

i would be more concerned that the child is being dishonest about the situation (it's one thing not doing/being unable to do school work-it's an entirely different issue being dishonest about it).

 

[CherCrazy]

Because of what you just said, it seems to me that it is likely that the problem is not schoolwork, that is just a side effect of what is really going on. Not knowing your family situation personally, I'm just making a prediction based on personal experiences, it sounds like you and your two children could really benefit from some alone time in the most stress free happy place on earth.

I agree, TAKE HER WITH YOU. She will never get over not being taken on a family vacation.

Middle school is the hardest adjustment for kids. It's an awful time. Their friends are changing, maybe trying things that your DD doesn't want to do, old friends are not your friends anymore, etc. My DD's best friend got into smoking, drugs, and boys (not sure if I can use the s.. word here). DD was not on the same path and was devastated until she found new friends with her own values.

She may NEED to get away from the school environment just to escape what is happening to her. Maybe away from it all, she'll be able to open up to you.

 

[tracilicious]

It's obvious that punishment isn't working. I wouldn't keep making the punishments more severe. I would try a completely different approach. Talk to her, bond as a family. When kids feel right, they act right.

 

[seashoreCM]

Want to try this?

If you think your child is having difficulty, try (spending an evening with him/her using conversation ) stepping through your child's day, as if you were choreographing a play or ballet.

You are trying to see if your child's life is actually running very smoothly except for one or two stumbling blocks each lasting less than one minute.

Now you can concentrate on fixing just the stumbling blocks, if that is what you discovered was the problem.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[LoveWDW]

My take on it, not being right there and so probably missing a lot, would be to take the child or not go at all. It makes me feel sad to even think of leaving her behind. She should not be taken out of school when she is having so much trouble, but the trouble may not even be something she can help- it could be some other students or a teacher upsetting her. To take her out of school and go to WDW would reinforce that school is a drag and being out of it is much more fun. But to leave her behind... very sad.