helicopter parents, snowflakes, teacups What am I?

[Tinkmom75]

In light of some other threads:
I do a lot for my spouse including make Dr.'s appts. I don't interfere in his work life of course, but we do discuss it. We meet for lunch about once a week. Am I a helicopter spouse? Also, what is the funny term for that.

FYI, while I am active in all aspects of my children's lives, I do let them handle the majority of any school issues and suffer the consequences of their bad choices for example not doing homework means you get the bad grade.

 

[lovesmurfs]

In light of some other threads:
I do a lot for my spouse including make Dr.'s appts. I don't interfere in his work life of course, but we do discuss it. We meet for lunch about once a week. Am I a helicopter spouse? Also, what is the funny term for that.

FYI, while I am active in all aspects of my children's lives, I do let them handle the majority of any school issues and suffer the consequences of their bad choices for example not doing homework means you get the bad grade.

My DH calls me an equestrian term: Nag.

Actually, not, but it was the first term I could think of. It sounds like you have a good balance, with DH and kids.

And yes, in today's day and age, it seems that people with good marriages with good communication are more of a minority.

 

[Dax]

In light of some other threads:
I do a lot for my spouse including make Dr.'s appts. I don't interfere in his work life of course, but we do discuss it. We meet for lunch about once a week. Am I a helicopter spouse? Also, what is the funny term for that.

FYI, while I am active in all aspects of my children's lives, I do let them handle the majority of any school issues and suffer the consequences of their bad choices for example not doing homework means you get the bad grade.

My DH calls that being a good wife...

I do the same for my DH...he CAN do it himself, I just do it better..

 

[Jennasis]

I can't imagine making doctor's appointments for my husband, and certainly couldn't fathom him doing so for me.

However I do know husband's who order for their wives (and I mean CHOOSE the entree for them...not just tell the waiter what the lady wants), and wives who call in sick for their DH (not when the guy is too ill to talk). I've seen my cousin FREAK out because we were at a restaurant with no chicken on the menu, and her brother (an adult) only eats chicken.

I don't know if there is a cutesy name for it. I call it Co-Dependant or Controlling.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't know what you are, but you're different from me when it comes to dh.

I think we've met for lunch once and we've been married for 18 years. I've never, ever made an appointment for him (and he's never made one for me).

 

[mamacatnv]

I think however a marriage works is okay (as long as its not abusive) afterall, we are supposed to be raising our children to be independent, self sufficient etc. We are not raising our spouses, we are co-existing as a partnership and if that means one person makes appointments etc. who cares, if that is what works for you then go for it.

I've been married to DH for 23 years, I do not view the things we do for each other controlling, we have strengths and weaknesses. I cover his butt and he covers mine. However, I will not ever unless he is in a coma call into work for him. I also won't make hair appointments. We have the same hair chick and he is the absent minded professor, I don't want her taking his missed appoinments out on my hair (she wouldn't but the point remains).

 

[Tinkmom75]

Co dependant or controlling, hmm. Well for one who really is not co dependant on their spouse? You're married and have a life together. Also I don't think I'm controlling since my DH wants me to make appts. I do not call in sick for DH. I was really just posting a fun thread.

 

[Jennasis]

Co dependant or controlling, hmm. Well for one who really is not co dependant on their spouse? You're married and have a life together. Also I don't think I'm controlling since my DH wants me to make appts. I do not call in sick for DH. I was really just posting a fun thread.

I wasn't referring to you as being co-dependant or controlling. I was referring to the examples I gave in the second paragraph.

 

[nicolita3]

I do the same with my DH. I dont see anything wrong with it. Maybe I have a 6 foot 7 teacup hubby but I love him!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Look, as long as you're not cutting your spouse's whole steak into bite-size pieces; or making appointments with his boss for YOU to a bad review HE got at work... I call it a healthy relationship

 

[golfgal]

I have to place all the take out orders-pizza, Chinese, whatever. I don't know why but for some reason DH won't. I don't make Dr appointments for him but I generally schedule dentist appointments for him because I do it for everyone at the same time so we just all go together. Since I don't make dr appointments for DH, he hasn't been to the dr in about 18 years . He grew up with a mom that did everything for them and doesn't quite get why I don't . Maybe in another 20 years he will figure it out.

 

[bicker]

I've got just one question: Why use these words? They already mean other things! Couldn't more descriptive words be used, instead of metaphorical terms? It would help those of us past the child-rearing age keep up with the lingo a bit better.

 

[mrodgers]

My wife makes my appointments for me because when I get home after a long day at work, I don't want to have to dive for the phone and try to make the call within 3.5 seconds of walking in the door to get them before they are gone.

 

[powellrj]

I use to do almost everything for DH, but over the years, we pretty much do things for ourselves anymore. I do my own car maintance, he takes care of major things like the recalls. His family is small now so he sends the cards out and he makes his own appointments because he knows his schedule better than I do. We both do carry-outs, its usually whoever is closer. I do take care of the kids things and most household things like the taxes. A few years ago when we refinanced the house, DH went without me and the guy at the bank sent him home to get his wife because he knew nothing. He wasn't even sure who had the first mortgage. That was his wake-up call so he is doing better.

 

[simba20]

I call myself my husband's secretary sometimes. Yes, I do make calls and appointments for my husband. We just bought a house, and I was working with the mortgage lender and needed to clear up some credit issues under my husbands accounts. He called up those places, and placed me on his account info as an authorized person to discuss account details. The house house buying, etc, I had to handle because when he supposedly does have free time, it's eaten up by other required "duties" on his job (teacher and no free lunch period for him, he has to eat with the kids -- MIDDLE SCHOOLERS)

Anyway, my husband works as a teacher and coach, so his days/free time moments are eaten up. There are so many things that teachers cannot do (sometimes even down to personal phone calls - even for making appointments) that I end up doing it all. A lot of times my husband and I play phone tag while I try to set up his appointments finding out what day/time is good for him. You'd think he was a corporate CEO or something.

I don't mind it.....he knows and has said he'd be lost without me.

 

[Ember]

I've got just one question: Why use these words? They already mean other things! Couldn't more descriptive words be used, instead of metaphorical terms? It would help those of us past the child-rearing age keep up with the lingo a bit better.

Nah, the lingo is how us cool kids keep apart from the old folks!

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

It sounds like a healthy partnership to me. As Katieldr said, as long as you don't treat each other like imbeciles or babies, helping out your life-partner is what marriage is all about. I don't think I've ever made a doctor's appointment for her, or vice versa, because our respective work schedules are busy with constantly changing meetings, but we help each other all the time.

BTW, my DW and I have lunch together almost every week during the work week, and it's the highlight of my week.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You sound a lot like me. I think the name for it is "married.

I can't imagine making doctor's appointments for my husband, and certainly couldn't fathom him doing so for me.

Some of your other examples were on the extreme side--but this is pretty normal for many I believe. In our case, DH travels 40ish weeks a year for work. Mostly internationally. It makes a lot more sense for him to email me his schedule and when he needs to be seen and have me make a local call to set up an appointment than for him to call long distance, figuring out time zones and trying to get out of meetings (or stay up late or whatever depending on where he is). I also schedule all of the car maintenance, school meetings, travel arrangements, etc. We have the added issue now that we are in Germany and i have learned a heck of a lot more German (since I am actually HERE most weeks) than he has. I guess we always see these things as a team effort. I do what I have time and skills for and he does what he has time and skills for and in the end (almost) everything gets done and we are happy.

I call myself my husband's secretary sometimes. Yes, I do make calls and appointments for my husband. aking appointments) that I end up doing it all.
...
I don't mind it.....he knows and has said he'd be lost without me.

That is very much how we work as well

 

[Disney Doll]

I think that what a couple does foreach other is fine as long as they are doing it willingly and both of them agree to it.

It becomes a probem when one person resents being the "doer" or the one for whom everything is done...would that be "do-ee"?????

As far as DH & I, we don't meet for lunch often as his daily work schedule can be unpredictable, and mine is such that when I am in work, it is generally not accepted to leave to go to lunch...we have a cafeteria here. I guess he could come here but often he is showing houses etc. Just not something we do.

I don't make his appointments, again, due to his schedule and me generally not having any idea where he is most of the time. I do order my own food, although I have been known to need to use the ladies room and have told him "If the waitress comes, order me this"...

 

[Mrs.Reese]

I make appointments for DH. I don't think it's strange at all. He in turn makes my lunches for me everyday. That's what marriage is a partnership. We scratch each other's backs, get all those hard to reach buttons, etc.

Now the real question is what does teacup mean in relation to parenting?