Having a rough evening update... see post #6

[mrs_hower726]

Everything just seems to be piling on and I am at my wits end.

Most of you know that my mom is battling breast cancer, I have a thread describing my family and the difficulities they are giving her about the holiday season. Luckily, everybody made alternate plans and her and my dad are going out to dinner tomorrow, but not at the hotel. My parents decided that they didn't want to have a brunch, they wanted dinner but yet don't know what is open or where they don't need ressies at this point. Mom said that most likely they will eat at a truck stop since that's what my dad likes but I am kinda really disgusted by it. Mom didn't sound too thrilled about it either, which makes me mad because it's supposed to be about what SHE wants!

Then I am on the phone with her and she starts crying because I won't be there (I live 7 hours away) My DH had to work today and friday and I didn't want to leave him alone and I am traveling there next week, but she made me feel pretty awful today. I know it wasn't her intention but that doesn't change how I feel.

Then last week it escalates with DH's job. He has been with his company for 8 1/2 years and thursday he got his review, which stated he marginally achieves at his job (not good at all). This is the first time he didn't have an excells rating. He made me a copy of his review and most of what they were saying was just false, the one person reviewing him stated that he does the "bare minimum" required and spoke negatively about him for 7 pages then page 8 goes "It has been a pleasure to work with ______ and I look foward to working with him in the future." Hello you 2 faced SOB!

Of course this has been a crushing blow to DH, he didn't have any previous warning that he was getting a bad review or were there any indications over the past year. So I am trying to keep his spirits up and I am just so angry at those people who did the review. He is supposed to have a meeting with all of them next week, I wonder what is going to happen. There are no other jobs out there in his line of work right now and he cannot transfer to another department because of the review. So he's stuck. I'm not working since I travel to take care of mom quite often and even if I did find a job in my field, it would be half of what DH makes (yay teacher salary!) He puts in a lot of hours per week (well over the "bare minimum" 40 hours) and comes home, eats dinner, and falls asleep on the couch. I understand since he gets up really early and works at least 10 hours a day, but I'm starting to feel a little lonely.

I'm trying my best to stay positive but geez, when does it stop? I'm ready for our luck to change.

 

[ScrapperBelle]

I'm so sorry. I remember reading your other thread about your mom and the holidays. I know this whole situation is hard on you. I can't imagine being away from my family with one of them sick during the holidays. I truly feel for you all.

The deal with your DH and work just adds stress to an already bad situation. You can't help but feel bad about it. Maybe that will turn around for him in the near future. I hope so.

I don't really have any words of wisdom for you or know of anything I can say to make it all better...just know you have others thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

I hope tomorrow goes well for you all.

 

[safetymom]

I am sorry. It is always harder during the holidays but just remember to take care of yourself. It is ok to take life minutes at a time if you have too.

Post here. It really helps.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs... why does it always seem to hit you all at once at Holiday time. I have no magic for you other than to keep doing what you are doing, the very best you can, helping your husband and your Mom....keeping their spirits up.

Do try to be good to yourself as well.. Hugs!!!

 

[mrs_hower726]

Thanks for all the well wishes. Here's an update:

Mom had a rough Thanksgiving. She was not feeling good yesterday and slept most of the day. Her and Dad went out to dinner last night and they had a very good meal, she was really happy that she didn't have to do any sort of cooking, but she was sad that she didn't get to bake like she wanted to.

She's doing a lot better this morning, she even wanted to go Black Friday shopping! Dad told her she was crazy and it's too cold for her to go out. So she stayed home and played with her new mixer for awhile and has been crocheting a blanket for me the rest of the morning.

DH has been doing well the past couple of days. Neither one of his bosses were there on Wednesday and he had a good day of watching football and relaxing yesterday. Today is going to be rough with everybody off but it's date night and I usually can get him relaxed over dinner. We shall see what happens next week.

Today has been a really good day for me, I got out to Michaels and got some good deals for my scrapbooking addiction. Retail therapy is a wonderful thing in moderation!

 

[mrs_hower726]

First off, mom is still doing well, the chemo seems to be working, she will have tests at the end of the month to determine if any of it came back. She seems to have more bad days then good days as the treatments advance but she only has 5 more weeks and she's done! I'm excited for that.

She has lost a considerable amount of weight before being diagnosed and has put some back on with all the steriods and chemo. My paternal grandmother had the nerve to say to mom tonight "you look like you gained half of your weight back!" When she left, my mom went into the bathroom and cried. HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT TO HER!!! I am livid and mom gave me permission to call and tell her what I thought, but I am going to be a good girl and wait until I sleep on it and calm down a bit and go from there.

I also found out tonight that they are raising the turnpike rates by 25% at the beginning of the year! That's an extra $8 per round trip, it doesn't sound like much, but with how much I travel over there to help out, ouch. Luckily, the gas prices have lowered again to $1.70 per gallon and that will help negate the raise in the turnpike rates.


DH's work situation is still not good. He had a meeting with two of the bosses who did his review and they refuse to change it to achieves. One of them had the gall to tell him "this is the year to have a marginally achieves review, we aren't doing bonuses or raises this year anyways". No, when somebody works his butt off and does a good job and gets the review based on somebody using him as a stepping stool to get to the top, that's not good. Plus, he can't transfer within departments. He's desperate to get out of his job, but with the market there is nothing open. It's also rumored that they are going to lay off people soon. He's debating whether to fight it further with upper management.

My aunt (father's SIL) has taken a turn for the worse. She has been fighting a good fight with breast cancer but unfortunately her latest test results show that the cancer is in the bones and that it is just a matter of time. She's lived over 2 years past the doctor's predictions but she has also lost a great amount of weight lately.

My other aunt (mom's sis) had surgery yesterday. There was a tear in her uteris, and had pollups removed. They are currently being tested for cancer (please let them be negative!). I couldn't be there but I sent a card and she received it today and was really touched.

I also found out tonight that my SIL is in the hospital and will have surgery tomorrow to remove a couple of gallstones. She just had a baby on Halloween (she's doing great BTW) and dad will be by himself with the baby, DH's mother volunteered to help out which is great. DH has to work tomorrow and we will be seeing them next weekend. I don't know if we should be up there or not, I will definetely be sending her a card tomorrow.

I really don't mean to complain so much on here, I just feel lately that the odds are stacked up against my family. Thanks for listening, once again and if possible, prayers for my mom, aunts, SIL, and DH would greatly be appreciated.