Have you lost your best friend?

[Bornteach]

HI my DIS friends......


<sigh>


Today, well, 4 years ago today (in about 40 minutes) I lost my best friend.....my mom, she was 58.

I hope you can indulge me as I write this....I think it may be cathartic.....


My mom had a cold, that is it, nothing major......she got sicker and then, due to an error, got REALLY sick. She died on 10/22/05 at 5:34 pm.

I held her hand, I stroked her face......I said goodbye to the best person I knew.

She was my very best friend. Let me share a little from her eulogy....


"Growing up my mom and I had our moments as any mother/daughter team would. I went to Cardinal Spellman high school. For those of you who may not know, it is on the highest point in Brockton and on my first day, freshman year she drove me to school. It was unusual for her to drive me and we had some special time to chat on the way there. She told me that these upcoming four years would be the best in my life… I would love high school. Four years later, we took that same ride, up that hill, in my cap and gown. I looked over at her, she was so proud…and told her that if she was right about these last four years, my life…well lets just say it would not be fabulous. She told me that she had meant the next 4 college years, and again, on a hill in Framingham, she told me the same thing, and she was right….the impossible – possible.

My mom lived her life as a hard working example of what my brother and I were to be. She worked for Hills department store in the typing pool, soon the head of the typing pool and then onto MIS (I never knew what that was but that was how she answered the phone) and then, an ad went up on a bulletin board one day that they were going to train people on how to use these new machines, called PCs. They would train her and she could learn this new and upcoming profession. 118 people applied, they took 8 and I was never more proud of her. Two years later when her commitment was met, she moved to Gillette. Our linen closets were forever grateful. She loved working at Gillette and she climbed the ranks there too. She went from cubicle to cubicle to office, back to cubicle. She loved the challenges and the people. She taught Brian and me that hard work paid off.

To know Brian and me, anyone would tell you we are wired differently. We come at challenges differently, we mourn differently, we see humor differently, but we always come around again to a constant – we are a product of Mary Lydia Doherty. We are the adults she wanted us to be. Mom – I will continue to live the way you would want. I will love my family the way you loved ours. I will not allow this event to cloud over the joy that family brings. With each addition our circle grows larger – with each loss our circle grows stronger. There will never be a day when I do not recall our moments, our phone calls all the way to work, our shopping over the phone, our arguments about who would come to who on a Saturday, our laughing in the car, our Disney plans, our love of shopping, our faces. I look in the mirror and I see you Mom, I see the face that cried with me over lost loves and skinned knees. I see the proud face of a gramma, and the grieving face of a daughter. I see the love of children and the pride you took in our accomplishments. I will forever see you Mom.

You are the reason I am the woman I have become. You will always be my best friend and from now on – a story I tell my daughter and an example of the mother daughter relationship I hope to have with her. She will never forget you as you will live on in me. "

Today, I am reminded of how long it has been. How long since I saw her face, how long since I have heard her voice.

I thought the pain would get easier but every once and awhile grief just bites you on the bottom........someone once told me, "Grief is patient, it will wait for you."

After she died we bought stones at GKTW, it is a tribute fitting to her.....


How about you? Have you ever lost your number one person? The person you fear the most of losing?

How did you do? How do you do it? I would love to know....


Thanx for reading......


Kristin

 

[fakereadhed]

Kristin, I am so sorry you lost your mom and best friend.

 

[Annette_VA]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kristin

 

[DisneyKevin]

Kristin,

I have your PM and I have attempted to respond a couple of times.

Each time I start, I stop and step away.

There are times I'm ok and times I'm not.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kevin

 

[Stacy's a freak]

Kristin,

I don't know you and I certainly didn't know your mom, but I just wanted to say that your eulogy moved me. Even as strangers, we share that common bond of having lost a loved one. It doesn't matter how long or short the time span, grief does jump up and grab us when we least expect it.

I have no words of wisdom - I just wanted to give you an e-hug and to remind you that even strangers are willing to listen/read . So vent/cry/write away - as Frasier always said, often with a wry smile, "I'm listening". And with that, I can't help but snicker to myself ... that show always made me laugh!

 

[AnneR]

Kristin

Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. 18 years ago on October 27 I lost my mother. I lost my father 7 years earlier but it was the loss of my mother that affected me most profoundly. I am not nearly as eliquent(sp?) as you are but I miss my mother daily. I often think of the values she taught me in growing up, how I can share them with my daughters and continue the legacy.

Hugs to you on this day of rememberance.

 

[kathrna]

Kristin, thank you for sharing your mother with us. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that has been there every day since her passing. I've not lost my best friend, but your posting has reminded me to tell those that I love how I feel about them, to hug a little longer, relish in their laughter, brighten with their smile. My heart breaks for you. I hope that each day forward helps to ease your pain.

 

[PEANUT1]

I am so sorry you lost your mom so tragically.. your words were beautiful. You had a very special relationship and are very lucky for that. I will think of your mom today even though I never knew her.

 

[TXYankee]

Kristin,

When I was 9 years old my Father told me that he missed his Mother every single day. As I child, I thought that was impossible. She had been gone 7 years. By the age of 39, both of my parents were gone. I am 46 and now I understand what my Father told me at 9.

May you find joy in your Mothers memory.

When my Mother lived only in my heart, a friend sent this to me. May it give you comfort knowing you are not alone.


“The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world”



In some way, we lose our way when our mothers pass on. We may have jobs, obligations, and social functions that must be attended, but when out mothers are gone, suddenly we are rudderless.

Our world, when our mother dies is upside down. Our emotional equilibrium is threatened, and most of us don’t understand why we’re adrift for so many reasons.

Mother was everywhere. We sought her assurances and acknowledgments in the most peripheral ways. We miss her for reasons we don’t understand.

After all, we were barley able to see when hers was the hand that rocked our cradles. We do go on though, and remembering her love is what keeps us going.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

Nov. 17th is the one year anniversary of my sister's death -- I am dreading the day.

Hugs to all that have lost someone very close to them.

 

[safetymom]

Kristin, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Mothers hold a special place in our hearts.

Yes I have lost several people very close to me. It has been awhile for me since my parents died but there are still those days I miss them terribly. My mother passed away in Dec. of one year and only months later my husband died suddenly.

I had spent the day with my mother and drove home. By the time I got home my sister was calling with news that they were rushing my Mom to the hospital. She died later that evening. With my husband I saw him about 4 PM one afternoon and at 9 that night I got the call that they were having problems with his heart. He died while I was there in the hospital. He was only 47 and left behind 3 young children.

All I can tell you is to talk about your loved ones when you feel the need. We keep the memories alive in our family by talking about them. It does get softer over time but you never forget. There are still days that something small will happen that will bring me to tears remembering my husband Fran.

I know in the early days that I dreaded "those" days. But I found that what happened is several days later it hit me hard because I had let my guard down.

I do feel blessed because my husband had told me what to do if something had ever happened to him. He told me to be sad for a year or so and then go on living life. He said he would be mad if I stopped enjoying life.

I found a wonderful group of people that supported me through my grieving. I consider them family today. It really does help if you talk or post about it. The thing that meant the most to me is when people who had lost a spouse, parent, said they understood what I was going through.

Disney became a great place for my kids and I after my husband died. No one knew my name, what had happened to us. I used to be able to stop a room of people talking when I walked in. I felt I had WIDOW tattooed on my forehead. At Disney it was a great place to forget about my troubles for awhile.

The DIS has the Compassion board that helps many to share their stories. If you ever feel the need to talk please drop me a PM.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[DVCJones]

First,

I just wanted to send you a great big hug as you remember your beloved mother today.

Secondly, your post reminds us all to appreciate the time we do have with our mothers. Thankfully a still have my mother with me. However, I did lose my father 11 years ago and understand how that loss will sometimes come from out of nowhere and bite you in the bottom. In fact, it happened yesterday to me. I was telling a co-worker a funny story about my father, when suddenly I was bitten and I started to fill up.

You may get bitten every once in awhile but, it sure is comforting knowing that with every thought, story and memory you share, they live on in all of us.

Thanks for sharing your mother's memory with us.

 

[remark44]

My mom died 2 1/2 years ago. I think of her every day. There are some days I still think, "I need to tell mom about that" and then I remember. I hate when my 6 year old asks for her. She was only 3 1/2 but they were close and she remembers her. Wow, it is hard to write this.

One day I opened my email and there was a letter from a person that had received my mom's liver. They were so grateful to have that gift. It made me so happy and so sad at the same time. My mom would have loved to read that letter.

Ok, I have to stop this post. But here is a hug for you.

 

[rlduvall]

Yes - I lost my 65 year old mother, my best-friend, to lung cancer on 12/6/2007. The eloquence of the OP and PPs in explaining the loss is breathtaking to me . . . and more than a little comforting to know I am not the only one who feels this way.

She lived 22 months with this insidious cancer, but was relatively healthy until the last 3 weeks. I witnessed and experienced things I will never forget and would like to burn from my brain. BUT, it was emotionally fulfilling to be holding her hand when she took her last breath.

I am no longer the same person I was before the "diagnosis", but because I have a husband and a child, I willingly move forward and work at creating a happy life and home for me and my family - she wanted it that way.

To all who have lost a dear loved one . .

 

[*NikkiBell*]

Hugs and pixie dust to my Kristin! You know I am always here for you.

 

[Disneybridein2k3]

Kristin - First of all, to you. Second, keep remembering the wonderful times you had with your mom. Like Truvy said, "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."

 

[TSWJan78]

Kristin,

You have reminded me how quickly someone can be takend from us.. I have given Jillian an extra hug tonight and will make sure to tell my mom how much she means to me. Your remind us that tomorrow is never certian and I cannot thank you enough for that.. it is a lesson we forget all to quickly. My the happy memories of her life warm your heart and may you know that she is watching over you, Molly and Cole... protecting you guiding you everyday.

HUGS!!!

 

[mommyceratops]

Kristen. I can only imagine how hard this is.

My mom is best friend also.... I can only imagine your pain.

So sorry for your loss.

 

[SamSam]

Kristin, Hugs to you. Your words moved me to tears, you had a very special relationship with your mother and that is something that I hope gives you some comfort.

I lost my father almost 30 years ago (seems impossible); he was only 42, I was 16. To this day, I still think of him every day and wish he was with me still. I wish my children could have had the pleasure of having him as 'grandpa' and I wish he could have lived to enjoy all his grandchildren. I miss him so much, but I do have wonderful childhood memories to help me through the tough times.

 

[alamode]

On October 16th, 2006 my dear wife passed away at the age of 31. She had a mole on her upper thigh that she thought was changing due to her legs rubbing together from the pregnancy, but was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma 10 days before our twin girls were born. She fought bravely for 3 years, and had the best cancer treatment from both Canadian (Princess Margaret Hospital) and US (Roswell Park) institutions, but alas, it was not to be.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was to tell our children, my son then 6 and the twins then 3 that Mommy had died.

We all miss her very very much, and tell her we love her every single day.

I bought our DVC points from the last of her life insurance, as she was the huge Disney fan of the family. I thought it was what she would have wanted, to have her children feel the joy that Disney had brought her.