Have you ever turned down a date simply based on looks?

[DLgal]

Not saying you. I don’t know you. But I know women in general. You said you enjoyed his company. If he was wealthy or in a very high income job usually that would be enough. Usually women aim to marry up. The higher up the better.

Ah yes, the perfect recipe for divorce.

"Usually"

 

[fla4fun]

There have been several threads for this, and at least one is still active, but mainly because most people on here live so far apart, I don't think it's had a lot of results.

I guess those of us who live close to a Disney park might have an advantage in that we could date DISers during their Disney trips to learn if we wanted to take it further.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

No, but I didn't accept any old dates. There had to be chemistry there and if we had just met, I would give it a shot but never longer than 2 dates if there was genuinely nothing there between us.

 

[Cheburashka]

As a woman I'll say that money per se is not a consideration for me. I was once engaged to a man from a wealthy family (I didn't know he had any money until I visited his house after we'd been dating a while), and let's just say that I wouldn't want to be in that kind of family. I do require that a man has a career, though, because I can't respect a man my age (late 40's) who hasn't had a career. That career does not need to be lucrative. I'm a schoolteacher, and a fellow underpaid teacher would be fine imo. But I wouldn't date someone who's just been clerking for the past 20+ years. I need to know a man has some drive, responsibility, intellect, and the ability to accomplish something.

I'm not picky about facial features or exact body types, but I couldn't date anyone who was obese. For the same reason I once dumped a boyfriend when I found out he was a closeted alcoholic. I want a man who is in control of his own life, not an addict of any kind.

Both of these cycle back to personality traits. Does the man have self-control, the ability to be responsible, to set goals and reach them, etc.? That kind of thing means a lot more to me than how charming someone is. I've been taken to the cleaners by a charmer so that doesn't make my heart flutter anymore.

I'm in the process of converting to Catholicism, so religion now plays a factor, too. I'm not actively trying or expecting to meet anyone at my place in life (single mother of a chronically sick teenager in my mid-40's, very average looking, usually busy working or caretaking), but I can still dream.

 

[JLTraveling]

As a woman I'll say that money per se is not a consideration for me. I was once engaged to a man from a wealthy family (I didn't know he had any money until I visited his house after we'd been dating a while), and let's just say that I wouldn't want to be in that kind of family.

Not sure what you experienced, but I definitely had an eye-opening moment in high school. I attended an exclusive private school, and most of the people there were quite wealthy. We were comfortable, but about six social classes below my fellow students. Anyway, I finally became somewhat popular my senior year, and I got invited to an 18th birthday party for a couple that had been dating forever and shared the same birthday. Awesome, right? I'm picturing celebrities trashing hotel rooms....what I actually got was the most boring night of my life.

It wasn't so much a party as a networking event. Sort of like a debutante ball, only it was all about presenting the birthday kids and their friends to the city business community. Lots of older men standing around in tuxes, sipping champagne and randomly quizzing us on business topics. We happened to be playing the Stock Market Game in school, and I happened to be good at it. And somehow it happened to get mentioned, which meant I ended up cornered by a broker who must have been at least 70 years old talking stocks for about two hours.

I'm not saying all wealthy families are like that, but man, what a freaking letdown. So not how I pictured popularity my senior year.

 

[Cheburashka]

Not sure what you experienced, but I definitely had an eye-opening moment in high school. I attended an exclusive private school, and most of the people there were quite wealthy. We were comfortable, but about six social classes below my fellow students. Anyway, I finally became somewhat popular my senior year, and I got invited to an 18th birthday party for a couple that had been dating forever and shared the same birthday. Awesome, right? I'm picturing celebrities trashing hotel rooms....what I actually got was the most boring night of my life.

It wasn't so much a party as a networking event. Sort of like a debutante ball, only it was all about presenting the birthday kids and their friends to the city business community. Lots of older men standing around in tuxes, sipping champagne and randomly quizzing us on business topics. We happened to be playing the Stock Market Game in school, and I happened to be good at it. And somehow it happened to get mentioned, which meant I ended up cornered by a broker who must have been at least 70 years old talking stocks for about two hours.

I'm not saying all wealthy families are like that, but man, what a freaking letdown. So not how I pictured popularity my senior year.

Yeah, boring would have been fine with me- I don't want or expect excitement from in-laws. This family was a strange combination of sheltered (from the demands of life) and judgemental, which never sat right with me. For example, my then-fiance owned a few business chain stores (bought with family money, of course), and he once complained to me about a long term employee who left to work somewhere else that paid better. I pressed him for details, and it turned out he was only paying her a little over minimum wage and she was a single mother. And he thought she should have been more loyal to him, someone who lived in a beautiful 3-story house, had family money on tap and no dependents. That's the kind of outlook his family had, not just him. His mother never worked a day in her life even though she didn't marry until her late 20's- she was just supported by her family the whole time as she waited to find a man. Despite that, she was adamantly opposed to any kind of unemployment benefits for the needy because it would make them "lazy", etc. I just didn't get how someone could be so blatantly hypocritical. His brother had trained to be a dentist, but didn't work because none of the places he was offered jobs had the "right", most up-to-date equipment that he wanted to work with. So he chose not to work, and live off his parents, instead. That was their way of life. That's the kind of family I don't particularly hope to ever be a part of.

 

[Buzz Rules]

Once, my friends and I went to a fortune teller for fun in college. She told me I was going to die alone. I told her “I decide my own fate but if she had the winning lottery numbers that would help improve my fate wouldn’t it?” She wasn’t amused. She was probably in her mid 20’s and I actually had the thought to ask her out but didn’t. But I wonder would she have said my fate was changing if the date went well or would she have said “love will always be doomed for you”. For the record, I don’t believe in fortune telling (it’s against my religion). She wasn’t bad looking or anything but she wasn’t gorgeous by society standards. Her looks weren’t a factor but I strongly debated whether to ask her out because I was attracted by her confidence. Anyway, I still believe there is someone out there for me.

 

[Buzz Rules]

I'm in the process of converting to Catholicism, so religion now plays a factor, too.

As a Catholic, I just wanted to say welcome and I’ll pray that that you have a pleasant experience in your conversion. I admire your commitment and love for your family. Having a child with that type of condition must be tough and your kid is lucky to have you.

 

[Cheburashka]

As a Catholic, I just wanted to say welcome and I’ll pray that that you have a pleasant experience in your conversion. I admire your commitment and love for your family. Having a child with that type of condition must be tough and your kid is lucky to have you.

Thank you for your prayers. It's been difficult but I love my son very much, and my conversion feels right, like I'm coming home.

 

[Buzz Rules]

Thank you for your prayers. It's been difficult but I love my son very much, and my conversion feels right, like I'm coming home.

God bless.

 

[JLTraveling]

For the record, I don’t believe in fortune telling (it’s against my religion).

I take it you don't practice the voodoo Catholicism that's so prevalent here in New Orleans. True story, I used to work at a voodoo shop in the French Quarter, and our busiest time was always Sunday right after Mass. It all dates back to Marie Laveau, the voodoo queen of the 1800s. The parish priest was having trouble drawing people to Mass at St. Louis Cathedral. She was hairdresser and confidant to all the rich and powerful in town. So she cut a deal: she'd get butts into the seats at Mass if he would give his seal of approval to her voodoo practice. And we've had voodoo Catholics here ever since.

 

[Buzz Rules]

I take it you don't practice the voodoo Catholicism that's so prevalent here in New Orleans. True story, I used to work at a voodoo shop in the French Quarter, and our busiest time was always Sunday right after Mass. It all dates back to Marie Laveau, the voodoo queen of the 1800s. The parish priest was having trouble drawing people to Mass at St. Louis Cathedral. She was hairdresser and confidant to all the rich and powerful in town. So she cut a deal: she'd get butts into the seats at Mass if he would give his seal of approval to her voodoo practice. And we've had voodoo Catholics here ever since.

I would love to hear what the current Cardinal head bishop of the Louisiana Diocese thinks about that post Vatican 2. Since we can’t talk religion here, I’m going to do some research on this. Thanks for the information.

 

[JLTraveling]

I would love to hear what the current Cardinal head bishop of the Louisiana Diocese thinks about that post Vatican 2. Since we can’t talk religion here, I’m going to do some research on this. Thanks for the information.

No worries, I'm not Catholic and know very little about the ins and outs. But since it's been a thing since the 1800s, I'd be surprised if it was anything other than a general "yeah, they're a little weird down there." I'm not sure if posting specific links would be violating board rules, but I encourage you to start with Googling "New Orleans voodoo Catholicism" to get an idea of how it all fits together. Glad I inspired some research!

 

[Buzz Rules]

No worries, I'm not Catholic and know very little about the ins and outs. But since it's been a thing since the 1800s, I'd be surprised if it was anything other than a general "yeah, they're a little weird down there." I'm not sure if posting specific links would be violating board rules, but I encourage you to start with Googling "New Orleans voodoo Catholicism" to get an idea of how it all fits together. Glad I inspired some research!

Yeah, I just read some articles on this. This is definitely complicated (and I took world religions in college ) . I see how it started but I’m now off to see if I can find a Vatican library article about it.

 

[Buzz Rules]

No worries, I'm not Catholic and know very little about the ins and outs. But since it's been a thing since the 1800s, I'd be surprised if it was anything other than a general "yeah, they're a little weird down there."

To stay within guidelines I’m just going to nod my head and say it’s a long complex thing that is region specific. Thanks for the research suggestion.

 

[Buzz Rules]

To get this thread back on track I’ll this question. Inline with the original question, what did you tell the person that you rejected the date from when they asked you out?

 

[MouseOfCards]

Dustin Hoffman did an interview where he shared about his role in Tootsie, in which he plays a female actress to get a job on a popular TV hospital soap. He said he could look like a woman, but not a pretty one. Then he realized that there were many great and interesting people out there that he never got to know because his shallowness never gave them the chance due to others not being outwardly attractive enough. And then his eyes started tearing.

ETA, found the interview:

 

[mrodgers]

Only time I've ever been "asked out" was by my future brother-in-law .

He was the only 18 year old kid that showed up in the college program I took. Everyone else was in their mid-late 30's. We became friends of course.

We both got a job after college at the same place that opened up. He called me one night at work and asked if I wanted to go out with his fiance's sister. I asked what she looked like. And I agreed when he didn't tell me she had a good personality, LOL.

Ended up making us brother-in-laws for 17 years.

 

[Cheburashka]

I guess those of us who live close to a Disney park might have an advantage in that we could date DISers during their Disney trips to learn if we wanted to take it further.

Cruise dates could become a thing. Sync your next DCL cruise with someone you want to meet.