Have I gone too far??????

[wvjules]

A little background: To make a long story short, I forbid DD from playing with 2 kids that live near us. There have been several small incidents, but the last straw was when these 2 little brats wrote "WE HATE YOU KENDRA!" on our sidewalk. Ever since that day, they've made her live a living hell at home and at school. They try to get her in trouble at school and torment her at home. DD was called to the office this week b'c a couple of kids' parents called and said she was fighting with them on the bus. I called the bus driver to find out what happened. He said "70% of the time they get along great. Then all of a sudden the other two turn on her and start picking on her".

I called the school to talk to the principle but she never called me back. So I wrote her a letter and faxed it. Still no word.

Anyway, back to the "have I gone too far?" part. Yesterday one of the girl's 5th grade brother punched DD in the face. I'm getting tired of all this BS that happens around here so I decided to get it on record."

DD was outside ridding her bike like she usually does. These kids aren't around when she's inside, but once she steps out the door, here they come. Anyway, I set up the camcorder on the grill where they can't see it and taped an hours worth. In that time, I got them chasing her on their bikes, trying to wreck her, chasing her off her bike and cornered her by a fence saying "you want to fight, there's 4 of us and only 1 of you" The ride by the house and call her names. It never seems to end. Now I know why I forbid her from being their friend!!!!! I want to show this tape to their parents so they know exactly what their little darlings are doing.

(BTW, I was watching from the porch or bedroom window the whole time and my cousin was watching from her window. I don't want to endanger her.) She can't leave the yard anymore. First it was the 13 year old brat, now these little pricks!

I wish I could afford to move!!!!

Anyway, do you think I've gone over the edge? I can take the negative things you all might have to say, so don't hold back b/c of that. I'm beginning to think I'm a little too carried away with it all. But I just want to protect my baby!!!!

 

[Liz]

I don't think ANY mother would tell you you're overreacting. Mess with my kids and you deal with me!!! I have a hard time not getting involved even when I realize it might make things worse.

I don't know what advice to give you other than making the video was a great idea. Maybe a phone call to the parents to let them know you have the video would work? Or put it on their porch and let them find it and watch for themselves. I know I'm not that great at giving advice but I can certainly understand how you feel.

 

[Pam]

I, too, don't feel you have gone too far.

Question - does your school bus have a hidden video camera on board - or do they rotate cameras between buses? If so, I would ask the driver and the Transportation Director of the School to place a camera on board the bus, secretly, for the next week or two.

It sounds as though the parents aren't going to be much help or offer any support in defense of your DD. Where did the 5th grader punch your daughter at? If it was at the bus stop - he can still get in trouble from the school.

 

[believe]

I don't know what I would do in this situation. As I think of my personality I am sure I would have approached the parents a long time ago. If nothing was done I probably would do what you have done, with a lot of prayer that I was making the right decision.
Growing up we were forbidden to throw the first punch, but once that punch was thrown we were not allowed to back down. Giving this theory, Tae-kwon-do would be a good choice

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I would approach the parents and ask if you could talk about the problems, if they are adament that their kids didn't do anything wrong, tell you have the video. If they still don't care, tell them the next time you will file charges and have the police come and speak with them. Let them know that you have no problems filing charges against their kids. 5th grade isn't too young to go to JD. I would also GO to the school to speak to the principal, if you still don't get anywhere go higher up. Kids can be horrible to each other and I encourage my kids to try to work issues out themselves, but I think this situation is beyond that. This is flat out harrassment.

So I guess to answer your question "Have I gone too far?" I'd say you haven't gone far enough! Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[CookieGVB]

I'm sorry you're going through this with your DD.

I'd have yanked the hair out of those little b-words' skulls a loonnng time ago.

Speak to the parents - if they won't listen, just quietly leave them a copy of the video tape and let them know that you will pursue this issue further if the harassment does not stop. You just want their little darlings to leave your DD alone, and that's that.

I'd also speak to your DD's teacher, and let her know what's been going on. Ask for a conference with the teacher and the principal, if necessary.

Good luck getting this resolved. Try not to spill any blood - I'd be hard-pressed not to at this point.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Heck no!!! I echo the sentiments of TIdoublegaER. Talk to the parents, then tell them it better stop. Tell them you have it on tape if they would like to see it, otherwise I would tell them you will be filing charges. BUT I would make a copy of it first before you show it to the parents. I have no doubt if the apple isn't falling far from the tree, that they might try and destroy the evidence.

As far as the school, I too would march right up there and demand that this harassment be stopped. And If it goes unchecked, I personally would get an attorney involved. Sounds over the top maybe, BUT your DD should not have to endure things like this.

And I personally would pursue the kid that punched her in the face.

Good luck and hugs to you and your DD!

 

[Rajah]

I personally think you haven't gone far enough. I'd go to the police.

 

[Beanie]

Jules, is the girl that is being teased the one in your signature?? If so, I just wanted to say, she is a cutie pie!!

I would have done the same, I cannot stand the thought of kids picking on others...how cruel of them! I would definitely show the tape to the parents! I also agree though with Princess Vija, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! My stepdaughter has a birthmark on her cheek and she is a Junior in highschool and she still gets teased about it on occasion. I have even talked to the boy's mom (the one who picks on her) and she was "they are in high school, let them work it out themselves". I was stunned actually because if my child ever teased another kid, I would be mortified!

 

[JasonLyons]

Originally posted by wvjules
A little background: To make a long story short, I forbid DD from playing with 2 kids that live near us. There have been several small incidents, but the last straw was when these 2 little brats wrote "WE HATE YOU KENDRA!" on our sidewalk. Ever since that day, they've made her live a living hell at home and at school. They try to get her in trouble at school and torment her at home. DD was called to the office this week b'c a couple of kids' parents called and said she was fighting with them on the bus. I called the bus driver to find out what happened. He said "70% of the time they get along great. Then all of a sudden the other two turn on her and start picking on her".

I called the school to talk to the principle but she never called me back. So I wrote her a letter and faxed it. Still no word.

Anyway, back to the "have I gone too far?" part. Yesterday one of the girl's 5th grade brother punched DD in the face. I'm getting tired of all this BS that happens around here so I decided to get it on record."

DD was outside ridding her bike like she usually does. These kids aren't around when she's inside, but once she steps out the door, here they come. Anyway, I set up the camcorder on the grill where they can't see it and taped an hours worth. In that time, I got them chasing her on their bikes, trying to wreck her, chasing her off her bike and cornered her by a fence saying "you want to fight, there's 4 of us and only 1 of you" The ride by the house and call her names. It never seems to end. Now I know why I forbid her from being their friend!!!!! I want to show this tape to their parents so they know exactly what their little darlings are doing.

(BTW, I was watching from the porch or bedroom window the whole time and my cousin was watching from her window. I don't want to endanger her.) She can't leave the yard anymore. First it was the 13 year old brat, now these little pricks!

I wish I could afford to move!!!!

Anyway, do you think I've gone over the edge? I can take the negative things you all might have to say, so don't hold back b/c of that. I'm beginning to think I'm a little too carried away with it all. But I just want to protect my baby!!!!

long post

 

[DisneyJules]

I'll tell you what my mother did when my brother was being bullied in grade 5. She phoned up the kids parents and said "hello, it's Brigitte phoning, I would like someone help with a situation, my son is being bullied at school and I was wondering what I should do?" The mother replied with, well you should talk to the parents, my mom responded with "good, that's why I'm calling." I thought that was pretty clever.
You are by no means over reacting, if you're daughter is in physical/emotional danger, you're acting as a mother should.

 

[Keli]

Jules, I don't think you have even come close to going too far with this. I would take that video to the police and see if you can file any charges against the kid that punched her. If you felt like being extra patient I guess you could talk to the parents to see if they were willing to do something about their children's behavior. If they weren't then I go to the police and see what can be done.

But I do wonder why Kendra is having so many problems with the kids in your neighborhood. I would investigate that situation also and see if you can find out if there is anything Kendra is doing that might be increasing the odds of these situations happening. I don't mean to say though that I believe it's her fault but sometimes kids can learn techniques to keep themselves from becoming the target of bullies (and sometimes they can't but it's worth a shot)

 

[wvjules]

Keli, I know what you're saying. I've considered that myself. But after witnessing today's events, she didn't bring it on herself. They don't even come around our road when she's not out. The second she steps out the door, here they come like a pack of wolves.

The first kid (the 13 yo) picked on all the little kids, not just DD. I'm just the only one that said anything to his parents.

The 2 girls I won't let her play with now have been a problem for weeks now. One minute they're "best friends" the next they don't like kendra b/c her hair is shorter than theirs, or because she wore jeans and not shorts, etc., just silly stuff like that. She'd come home upset b/c they didn't like her anymore. Then the next day things would be fine. After the sidewalk writing, I'd had it. If they couldn't decided they wanted to be friends with her, I'd decide for them.

I'll admit that Kendra can be a bit of a brat herself, but nothing to deserve what they've done to her. Once they turned on her, a couple of other kids around here did too. (One of the girls' older brother and his friend.) There was a 5th kid today that was doing some teasing, but he came up to her and told her that he liked her and wanted to be her friend, but was afraid that other's would find out and to "PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM."

I think what prompted the phone call to the school about the bus is the fact that she's just now finally defending herself. She's not taking it anymore and telling them off. I know she shouldn't really do that, but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.

On my home movie tonight, you can clearly see that they're coming around here just to pick on her. Before I got the camcorder out, I actually heard one of them say "her mom is outside, we can't do it." (I don't know what "IT" was though.)

 

[Dancind]

Well, Kendra is getting good training for mid-school, where this kind of stuff goes on AT SCHOOL. And sadly it seems that once a victim, always a victim. At least it's been that way with my DD; too forgiving, too sensitive, just fun to pick on for some reason. I'd say talk to the parents, but keep in mind that it may not solve the problem. The best solution I've found is to remove my daughter from the bad situation, then the bullies will have to find someone else to pick on. She needs an after school activity that she enjoys, since keeping her inside with nothing to replace her fun is punishing the victim. Dance, sports, music, girl scouts, something positive that might help her make new friends. Best of luck, I know it's a heartbreaker. Diana

 

[ToyStory Fan]

Martial Arts.

I know it stinks and is terrible what she is going thru. My DS is 4 and the boys in his school love to play Power Rangers...one day one of the older boys 5yo (and a good deal bigger) cornered him and kicked him right in the stomach. My DS didn't tell the teacher "because my belly hurt too much", my DW is a little soft with him, but that was it for me he has permission to defend himself and if necessary hit back.

I've been training in Martial Arts for about 3 years now and there is plenty that can be done without resorting to violence...it is a defensive art (particularly the style I study and very soon my DS will begin studying).

I hate to hear when kids get picked on and hope that you are able to resolve your issue without any further pain to your daughter.

 

[DNSDisney]

This is terrible! I feel sad for your dd.
I am not sure how much good the video will do unless you can hear what they are saying on it. But if anyone of them touch her again I would call the police.
The Martial Arts idea is a great one. It would empower your daughter, give her a sense that she isn't the victim, and give her the means in which to protect herself for yrs to come. If she has friends at school that aren't in with these bad kids invite them over to play with dd. I would go talk to these kids parents.
Another thought, have you thought about getting a really big dog?

 

[Keli]

Hey Jules, I think maybe you didn't really understand what I meant. I was thinking that maybe Kendra is making herself too easy a target to pick on. She does have a bit of a disadvantage I think with neighborhood bullies in that she is an only child. Bullies think twice about picking on someone that has an older sibling that just might take it personal.
It's hard for kids that are normally easy going to stand up for themselves and I was thinking that Kendra might be one of those types of kids. You said she is starting to though and that's good. I think that may cause the bullies to look for an easier target next time. My dd is an only child also and she's had trouble with neighborhood bullies when she was younger too. She had to start standing up for herself too. That's what I meant by learning techniques to deal with bullies.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I'll tell you what my mother did when my brother was being bullied in grade 5. She phoned up the kids parents and said "hello, it's Brigitte phoning, I would like someone help with a situation, my son is being bullied at school and I was wondering what I should do?" The mother replied with, well you should talk to the parents, my mom responded with "good, that's why I'm calling." I thought that was pretty clever.

THat is the best solution I have ever heard! Great idea!

When DD was in school, she was always the brunt of this kind of thing because she has Cerebral Palsy, which made her "different", and kids don't handle "different" very well. When she entered high school, one of the bratty boys squirted her at the water fountain one day. She turned around and squirted him back, and of course, got caught. She got detention along with the original perpetrator. When she arrived at detention, the teacher called her aside and said she could go home. The teacher had already called me to let me know that she only had DD come to detention for the benefit of the other students, but let her go since, she knew DD was only standing her ground. Something that was difficult for her on a good day!

 

[Megan's Mom]

As a teacher in middle school I see this behavior all the time. Point 1 they have found an easy target. They know that they bother her so they continue because this is their entertainment. Point 2 and i remember this from growing up as well. You can have 2 or 4 girls as friends but 3 doesn't work. Two always gang up on one and do the your not my friend today for some kind of really stupid reason. Which ends up causing hurt feelings for one. I can still remember things girls said in 6th grade and it has been a long time. The problem with bullies is that they just escalate the bulling. It needs to be stopped soon. I would talk to the Principal and if you don't get the results that you like I would either go to the Superintendant or the police. BTW does your school have a resouce officer on campus? If you do I would include them in the conference as well. You may need to file harassment charges to have it on file in case anything happens you have a record of the problem. I don't know if they would issue a restraining order for kids but I would look into it.
Good luck. Kids can be sooooo cruel to each other. Just look at the video of the hazing in Illinois.

 

[damo]

Kids ruin other kids lives so often. Parents sit back and say, "Oh it happens all the time" and they just let it pass. It takes years and years to overcome become bullied. Reviving one's self confidence and positive attitude is a painful experience. If I had to do it all over again, I would intervene. Good for you!!!