I'm not going to get into a point-by-point back and forth over this, because the fact of the matter is, we probably agree about how handle tantrums and poor behavior more than we disagree.
HOWEVER...
Like Puffles just said - it is much, MUCH easier to look at a situation from the outside and exclaim "Well, this is how
I would do it..." than it is to actually be in the middle of the situation itself.
This is true of many things, and it is ESPECIALLY true of parenting. I have dealt with a lot of stress in my life, both in my personal life and my career. NONE OF IT prepared me for the unique pressures of parenting. I'm not saying I'm "better," " superior," have stronger morals, better values, whatever. What I
am saying is that your post kind of came off in a sort of "I know better even though I've never been in that situation" kind of way.
I'll give you a brief example of the challenges of parenting and why people get defensive about it, and this will barely do it justice: Try handling yourself emotionally the first time that you discipline your child - maybe particularly harshly - and when the tantrum, the punishment, the resistance, the tears, the wailing, etc., are all over, your child says to you "but Daddy, I was just trying to..." and you realize that YOU were the one in the wrong.
It's a stomach-punch like no other to feel that you've just imprinted some negative memory/behavior/action/emotion on a little person that trusts and loves you unconditionally, and that imprint will last a lifetime and effect them long, long after the encounter.
This happens to every parent just about every day - that gnawing "was I right?" feeling that you will NEVER get used to (never mind that you'll never get the answer to, either).
I guaran-darn-tee you that your dad, if he'd ever had to "pack you up and go home," he would have questioned that decision for the rest of his life.
Like I said, it's a feeling like no other to have to make those kinds of decisions that can alter the course of a young life.
One of the greatest parents in literary history said it better than I'd ever be able to: "If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it." (Bless you, Harper Lee
)