Guys, would this bother you?

[Tinkbell]

I would not do an arms around the waist dance with a stranger or accept drinks from a stranger. The guy might think I was interested. Night club dancing in a group would be fine.

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I'm with Saffron on this one. If its among friends, I wouldn't be upset or jealous and neither would DH. If it were a stranger, he would be miffed and so would I.

 

[lil mermaid]

I have to wonder why you told him - what type of reaction did you want?

I'm not a guy, but here is my opinion. DH trusts me and I trust him.

If the women were mutual friends, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But if he was out and was dancing with other women who were strangers, buying them beers with OUR money, and sending them flowers (did he send the flower home? How did he know where you live?) I would be upset. Not jealous, but upset that he was acting like a guy who was single - that is very disrespectful of our marriage and everything that we have been through together.

But, to each his own.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

When DH was a martial artist, we used to go out as a group once a month to a place called Harry T's. I would dance with our grand master or sensei or any of the other male students, but never some other guy in the club. DH was okay with this because the respect was there and he's just not a dancer himself.
There's a respect issue involved. I'm not sure I would have had the guts to go home and tell my DH how I danced with other guys. He's very particular about who touches his wife as he should be. I don't even hug the regulars at work when he's around because DH doesn't know them and they don't know him.
No flames here, but why did you tell him? What kind of reaction were you looking for?

~~~Denise

 

[believe]

For me this has nothing to do with trust. I trust my DH and he trust me more than 100%. For me it is the respect I have for my DH and he has for me. Dancing where there is touching involved would only involve my DH, unless it is square dancing where you are concentrating more on the moves than the person next to you. I believe that I should not allow temptation where it is not wanted.
Yes I would be upset with DH....not because I don't trust him, it would be the female I didn't trust so I would rather him not put himself in that situation.

 

[Jeafl]

I agree with Saffron and lil mermaid.

My SIL used to go out to bars with her single friends all the time because her husband was a homebody and hated the bar scene. She started out dancing innocently with men she met there, but one day she met a very persistant guy who really put the moves on her and made her feel special. It escalalted into a relationship and my BIL found out and divorced her. As soon as she became available, the new guy dumped her. Now she is raising 2 kids on her own. For that reason alone, I'd be very careful.

 

[klombar]

Sounds OK to me as long as you didnt come home with dollar bills hanging out of your underwear.

 

[WillyJ]

Like Maggie said, I think it's a situational thing. . I don't see anything wrong with dancing with a mutual friend and letting them buy a drink;

. . . but going out and acting single when your commited to someone is, as Meagan said, disrespectful to the relationship. . .

The most important factors to me would be: a) Discuss it with the other person before you go out and come to a mutual understanding of what you both agree is okay and not okay; b)don't do anything you would worry about them finding out about later; c) don't lead someone else to believe your available if your not; and d) have some empathy and don't do anything that would hurt you if your SO did it. . .

All relationships are different so it's not a question of "right" and "wrong" in moral terms; it's a question of what's right for the relationship and the two people in it. .

 

[Serena]

yeah, what he and she said. ^

 

[LIDisneyFan]

The dancing part wouldn't thrill me, but wouldn't send me over the edge either. Now the beer - I don't understand. Sorry, a guy buying a lady a drink is usually reserved (in a one on one setting) as part of the 'ritual'.

That would bother me - I presume my DW has enough $$ with her to buy her own drinks. And why would someone send you a daisy if he knew you had a SO - unless, of course, you weren't up front about it?

 

[Mskanga]

I trust my dh 100% and he trusts me 100%. We have no problem with one going out without the other , however I would not allow anyone to put their hands around me that wasn't my husband.

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by preshi
So I'll jump on the other bandwagon...

I'd be more than upset wiht my SO if he did that... thats just disrespectful of our relationship...

JMHO

Originally posted by pnelson
Well, I think having someone buy you a beer is bit of a lead-on if you ask me. I would have politely turned the beer down.

I agree with these opinions. Accepting the beer when you're already seeing someone is rude IMO.

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

DH would not be upset if I danced with friends/coworkers, even if there were a certain amount of touching going on. He would be upset, I guarantee, if I were out making new friends to dance with. It's just too easy to misinterpret people's intentions in a bar scene. What's dancing to me could be part of a mating ritual to my newly found friend, and certainly sending flowers and/or drinks implies a desire for more than dancing. I'd rather not deal with it.

 

[honeywolf7]

The drink wasn't a lead-on because I let the guy know that I was taken before he bought me the drink. I told him I was in a very serious relationship and that all there could be between us was friendship, but I had a good time chatting with him (we talked about football and that was all.) As far as the flower, I don't even have any idea who the daisy came from. The flower guy came up and gave me the daisy and when I asked who it came from, he didn't answer. So, I never even danced with that guy. The second guy I danced with was a friend of my friends.
As far as why I told Roger, I told him because he asked me what happened at the club and if I had fun. I felt like it was better to be completely honest and tell him everything that happened than lie to him and have him find out later.

 

[DisneyVillain]

Originally posted by Jeff in BigD
I agree with these opinions. Accepting the beer when you're already seeing someone is rude IMO.

Yep.

 

[stego]

I had to go back and look at the original query?
Would you be upset at your spouse?
I wouldn't be, because I trust my wife completely.
I am not sure though, that her idea of "fun" is dancing with
other men, and going out with friends without her husband.

I know that on the nights that I do community service, I go out for dinner after our meeting (it is all guys). We go to a local bar/restaurant, and some of them make lewd statements about the women employees there.
I find myself thinking this:
I would not act in anyway other than if my wife and son were with me.
So when they're reaching out and touching and hugging the waitress-what do I do?
I set the example. I ask politely when I need a refill. I thank them for taking care of me.
It's not often I get out on my own, at night. I have a unique opportunity to work with other men on relationship issues and share my experience when I was a single father.
I think it's a matter of choice to each person how they spend their "free" time.
Every other weekend, my wife and I have grandma come over, so we can go out as adults.(usually a movie, dinner, and conversation)
My wife does work every other weekend, and so it's just me and my son. It's important to me to have the house cleaned, the yardwork done, the laundry cleaned, the dinner made, and the child bathed by the time she gets home from a long day.
(this is not any different than when I was a single parent. I was attached at the hip 52 weekends a year. IT WAS MY PRIVILIGE
to have my son "all" to myself. I felt I wasn't missing out on anything.)
So I'm still a little confused about the part where this was Thom's weekend for the kids, but that's ok.

 

[pnelson]

Honeywolf,

No flames, but to answer others questions, I think you told him (and us) because you like to create drama in your life. Some people really don't feel complete unless they've got some crisis, however minor, going on.

 

[honeywolf7]

Okay, I don't see this as either crisis or drama. It was just an interesting question to find out how many guys would be more jealous/possessive than Roger is. He and I tell each other everything (we were best friends before anything else, after all) so of course I would tell him about what I do when I go out.

 

[jfulcer]

I don't believe I read through this entire thread. Another 5 minutes of my life wasted away.

IMHO, you were leading the other guys on. If you were just talking about football, where did the "Oh, but I'm in a seriously committed relationship" conversation happen? You led at least 2 or 3 guys on, and while I don't think it would bother me if DW did it, it's not fair to the guys that thought you were <i>trolling</i>.

I would guess that those guys didn't have their wingman to help them - they might have steered them clear.

 

[Kissimmee JP]

Ding, ding, ding....jfulcer hit it right on the head. However, like I said, to me jealousy is a USELESS emotion, so I don't sweat stuff like that. In my honest opinion, anyone that allows themselves to get upset over your significant other talking to someone of the opposite sex has serious problems with themselves. Now, if your SO is in trouble (i.e. is being hit on forcefully), then by all means step in and handle it. If not, quit being so frickin insecure.