Guy's Weekend

[pearlieq]

As long as they can agree on a budget and acceptable behavior, I think giving him the green light to go is great. I'm sure he'd really appreciate it--that kind of goodwill will come back to you.

As for the "permission" issue, I actually do believe spouses need to ask each other's permission for this kind of thing, especially if children are involved. If he goes away for a weekend she's going to be responsible for the house, his chores, and taking care of the kids by herself, not to mention not having her partner available to her if something goes wrong (car breaks down, heat goes out). That is an imposition. If you're going to impose upon someone, you need to get their OK.

Not that I'm saying that permission should ever be denied unless there's a darn good reason, but it would be terribly disrespectful to just assume it's OK.

On a side note, what's with all these women being OK with strip clubs? A friend of mine and I were just discussing this. Whatever a single guys wants to do is his business, but once you're in a relationship it seems really inappropriate to be in the clubs. Where in the vows does it say "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and be cool with you wasting money on ogling naked women and letting them grind on you"???

 

[BELLE1109]

he should go and have fun! he can pay you back by watching the kids while you have your own weekend away

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...On a side note, what's with all these women being OK with strip clubs? A friend of mine and I were just discussing this. Whatever a single guys wants to do is his business, but once you're in a relationship it seems really inappropriate to be in the clubs. Where in the vows does it say "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and be cool with you wasting money on ogling naked women and letting them grind on you"???

Your marriage, your rules, but my vows did not include anything that limits strip clubs. Neither I nor my wife cherish one another any less for having a little fun. In fact, we might cherish one another even more for it.

 

[Acklander]

On a side note, what's with all these women being OK with strip clubs? A friend of mine and I were just discussing this. Whatever a single guys wants to do is his business, but once you're in a relationship it seems really inappropriate to be in the clubs. Where in the vows does it say "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and be cool with you wasting money on ogling naked women and letting them grind on you"???

I always thought of strip clubs in the same catagory as going out to bars drinking - if he was doing it all the time, using the rent money to support it, or sitting by himself there for hours on end, it's probably a problem. But as far as a group of guys going and partying there now and then? no biggie.

 

[MickeySP]

On a side note, what's with all these women being OK with strip clubs? A friend of mine and I were just discussing this. Whatever a single guys wants to do is his business, but once you're in a relationship it seems really inappropriate to be in the clubs. Where in the vows does it say "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and be cool with you wasting money on ogling naked women and letting them grind on you"???

Really? I see no problem with him heading to a strip club once a year with his buds - not like he is spending the mortgage on Bambi or Chanel

Does your DH get to ok every dollar you spend on perfume or romance novels or wine or........

Heck they even have couples nights at the few around here. As long as he comes home to me and I get the bennies of the show

Oh & BTW lap dances are not a prerequisite they are optional & expensive so maybe - "Honey please no lap dances" if it bothers her.

Next thing you'll say is no porn

 

[pearlieq]

I always thought of strip clubs in the same catagory as going out to bars drinking - if he was doing it all the time, using the rent money to support it, or sitting by himself there for hours on end, it's probably a problem. But as far as a group of guys going and partying there now and then? no biggie.

I suppose you're probably right. Men do like naked women--a truth as old as time. Just because I'm not wired that way and don't get it doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

I think the lap dances are more where I draw the line. Like you say, as long as it's not a frequent habit or he's blowing the rent money, there are probably bigger issues in the world than ogling a little silicone. But inviting Luscious to grind away in your lap seems to me to be outside the bounds of a relationship.

Luckily for me, DH and I are pretty much in agreement on the issue, which is really all that matters, I guess. I was just surprised is all.

 

[pearlieq]

Next thing you'll say is no porn

Now this bugs.

Why is it that anytime anyone dares to have any standards or boundaries they're immediately assumed to be A.) an extremist or B.) a total prude???

We've gotten so afraid of actually believing in something or taking a stand that we're willing to let absolutely everything go so we can be "cool". We're too chicken to hold out for better. It's sad.

For the record, in moderation, I think porn is fine & fun. There's a big difference between something on a screen and someone in your lap!

 

[Robinrs]

"let"?????

 

[ilovejack02]

On a side note, what's with all these women being OK with strip clubs? A friend of mine and I were just discussing this. Whatever a single guys wants to do is his business, but once you're in a relationship it seems really inappropriate to be in the clubs. Where in the vows does it say "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and be cool with you wasting money on ogling naked women and letting them grind on you"???

Would I be thrilled if my husband spent several weekends a year in a strip club or even a bar? HECK NO. It is a waste of time and money and disrespectful to the family to spend that much time away from us. I would feel the same way if my guy spent EVERY weekend for hours on end on the golf course, bowling alley or hunting and fishing camp. He knew that when he married me though. Some of my friend's wives are happy to ship their guys off to the golf course every weekend , it works for them .

The rare guys weekend , such as a weekend to Vegas , I am not going to object. Especially since I know my hubby to stinking cheap to pay for lap dances , I won't tell him he can't have one, but hope he doesn't spend the evening with a dancer in his lap and the few times I have gone with him to a club in our 17 yrs together or the few times he has gone alone with the buds I know he doesn't spend that much money. Checking out a "hot " chick and I use that term hot loosely with some of the girls i have seen , is fine with him, but he doesn't seem thrilled about a stranger bumping up on him lol.


I don't feel it is disrespectful in OUR marriage if he goes to one. As Bama said, our marriage , our rules. ; )

 

[MickeySP]

Now this bugs.

Why is it that anytime anyone dares to have any standards or boundaries they're immediately assumed to be A.) an extremist or B.) a total prude???

We've gotten so afraid of actually believing in something or taking a stand that we're willing to let absolutely everything go so we can be "cool". We're too chicken to hold out for better. It's sad.

For the record, in moderation, I think porn is fine & fun. There's a big difference between something on a screen and someone in your lap!

Then go back and read my whole post.

 

[DisneyScraps]

Let him go.

I think he is a grown man he will go if he thinks that it won't cause a lot of trouble at home.

I would have a chat and tell him you trust him, please stick to the budget and go and have a fantastic time you will be waiting for him when he gets home.

If you trust him you have nothing to worry about, going to a strip bar isn't that big a deal, getting terribly drunk, who cares it's HIS hangover. He has agreed to be responsible with money. I can't see why this would be an issue. So what if he goes and acts like a total fool?


Lisa

 

[Nennie]

I don't think it's a situation where you should "let" him go, or not "let" him go...

However, I think that if you are uncomfortable with him going (be it the boozing, the strip clubs, or whatever) then you should discuss this with him. Some wives are cool with strippers, some aren't, but you don't need to pretend to be cool with it if you aren't. Communication is key, and tell your hubby what your concerns are.

When the conversation is over, maybe you will be more comfortable with him going on the trip..or maybe he won't want to go anymore if it means you'll be at home stressing...either way, talk it out!

Good luck!

 

[ChiCat]

You either trust him, or you do not. You say that you do.

You also seem to recognize that you are not his mother. It is not a question of "letting him go" or not. If you can afford it, be glad that he cared enough to ask, but recognize that your only real answer to a question like that is, "Go, have fun, but stay safe."

As for his friends - his behavior is his own. You cannot blame his behavior on his friends.

This, totally.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I would totally be behind my husband doing this.

In fact, I am really hoping he does it again soon. He hasn't had "friend" time in a while and I'm worried about it.

I MAKE time for my friends and we go and have a great time twice a year.

 

[lakelandgal70]

I would let my husband go. I figure he works 50plus hours a week, puts the food on the table, the roof over our heads so I would let him go and tell him to have a wonderful time. I totally trust my husband and would feel like he deserved the trip. But that is just my opinion.

 

[Becc1]

Thanks for the responses, I guess more than the boozing and strip clubs, the amount of money that I know will get spent is what's bothering me. Although we have no credit debt, a small amount of savings and college funds started for the kids, there are alot of things that I think the money could be used for. My DH is very tight when it comes to what we spend so for him to go blow $1000 plus on a weekend, yes it bothers me. If I spend $100 at Target I get asked what I bought. So for those of you who said that he doesn't need my permission I most certainly think he does, there is no way he would be ok with me splurging that kind of money on something for myself. And as far as me getting to go somewhere for the weekend without him or the kids, yeah right. Never would happen. And as far as the trust issue, I do know that he is normally very responsible but sometimes I swear he's like a kid again when it comes to his friends and gives in to peer pressure. Do I think that he will go hook with with a stripper at a club, no, do I think that he will drink way more than he usually does, yes. I don't neccessarily have a problem with that, like a PP said it's his hangover but I do know the more he drinks the more he's likely to gamble and go over his "budget". I know from previous experience that his budget doesn't always hold, the last trip we took to Atlantic City in March his $600 budget went the first night, I was afraid to ask how much more he lost that weekend. Am I worrying for nothing, probably but I don't think it's wrong of me.

 

[pearlieq]

Am I worrying for nothing, probably but I don't think it's wrong of me.

Well, I can see three issues that are definitely worth worrying about:

1.) If he really wouldn't be OK with you spending $1000 on a girls' weekend, but he thinks it's OK to go on this trip, that's definitely a problem.
2.) If he would not be willing to hold down the fort and take care of the kids for a weekend, but he think it's OK to expect you to do it, that's also a problem.
3.) If he can't be trusted to make responsible decisions and stick to a budget your both agree to, there's another problem.

So I'd say yeah, you've got some legitimate worries here, but it's not really about this trip specifically.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Well, I can see three issues that are definitely worth worrying about:

1.) If he really wouldn't be OK with you spending $1000 on a girls' weekend, but he thinks it's OK to go on this trip, that's definitely a problem.
2.) If he would not be willing to hold down the fort and take care of the kids for a weekend, but he think it's OK to expect you to do it, that's also a problem.
3.) If he can't be trusted to make responsible decisions and stick to a budget your both agree to, there's another problem.

So I'd say yeah, you've got some legitimate worries here, but it's not really about this trip specifically.

Agreed - none of the problems expressed by the OP have anything to do with the trip request. These are serious problems tied to a lack of trust and mutual respect that could easily destroy a marriage.

 

[ilovejack02]

Thanks for the responses, I guess more than the boozing and strip clubs, the amount of money that I know will get spent is what's bothering me. Although we have no credit debt, a small amount of savings and college funds started for the kids, there are alot of things that I think the money could be used for. My DH is very tight when it comes to what we spend so for him to go blow $1000 plus on a weekend, yes it bothers me. If I spend $100 at Target I get asked what I bought. So for those of you who said that he doesn't need my permission I most certainly think he does, there is no way he would be ok with me splurging that kind of money on something for myself. And as far as me getting to go somewhere for the weekend without him or the kids, yeah right. Never would happen. And as far as the trust issue, I do know that he is normally very responsible but sometimes I swear he's like a kid again when it comes to his friends and gives in to peer pressure. Do I think that he will go hook with with a stripper at a club, no, do I think that he will drink way more than he usually does, yes. I don't neccessarily have a problem with that, like a PP said it's his hangover but I do know the more he drinks the more he's likely to gamble and go over his "budget". I know from previous experience that his budget doesn't always hold, the last trip we took to Atlantic City in March his $600 budget went the first night, I was afraid to ask how much more he lost that weekend. Am I worrying for nothing, probably but I don't think it's wrong of me.

WELL, that makes a big bunch of sense.
As Pearlieq said , three different issues and all of them very very valid if that is how it really is.

We all have our comfort zones and different ways our relationships work.

Your three main issues that you are having trouble with would not be an issue in my home and I would hope not a big issue with a lot of marriages.

Hopefully you can work out at decision where everyone is happy.

Mom and Dad both need friend time and adults if for the most part fiscally responsible should be able to spend money on friend time or groceries at Target with out being questioned in my opinion .

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I love my wife and don't/wouldn't want to spend a weekend away from her.

On a side note, what's with all these women being OK with strip clubs? A friend of mine and I were just discussing this. Whatever a single guys wants to do is his business, but once you're in a relationship it seems really inappropriate to be in the clubs. Where in the vows does it say "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and be cool with you wasting money on ogling naked women and letting them grind on you"???

this struck me a little odd also. like they said different marriages/different rules.