Guy's Weekend

[Becc1]

My DH's old fratenity brothers get together every January in Las Vegas for a weekend. So far my DH has been smart enough not to even ask to go but he just called and asked if I minded if he went this year, our friend has a free room and offered him to stay with him, all he would need is airfare (which I looked up and it's going to be pricey) and money for gambling which he says he will keep to a minimum. I told him sure I didn't mind, which if he could stick to his plan I wouldn't mind, I trust him, it's just his friends that I don't trust. And my DH when he gets around them turns back into a 21 year old, the night before my wedding comes to mind, the guys thought it would be funny to see how drunk they could get my DH and he was quite sick on wedding day. Yes that was over 10 years ago and you would have thought maybe they have changed but I have seen pictures from past Vegas weekends from these guys and they haven't changed. It's "normal" fun for them to go to strip clubs, go to regular clubs and get $400 bottle services and generally act like fools. My DH is very responsible, I really do trust him but I can't help be nervous about him going. My girlfriends all let their DHs go without any worries so I know I'm probably worrying for nothing but I thought I'd ask her if anyone would feel the same as me. Should I let this bother me?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

You either trust him, or you do not. You say that you do.

You also seem to recognize that you are not his mother. It is not a question of "letting him go" or not. If you can afford it, be glad that he cared enough to ask, but recognize that your only real answer to a question like that is, "Go, have fun, but stay safe."

As for his friends - his behavior is his own. You cannot blame his behavior on his friends.

 

[dizluvah]

I think you should allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling - nervous, worried, etc. But expecting or asking him not to go based on your fears might not be realistic.

If you are worried from a financial standpoint about how much DH might spend maybe you and he can agree on a budget for his trip. Would that help ease your mind? Can you ask him to spend cash (an amount you guys agree upon) so you don't have to deal with any unexpected credit card bill charges?

If you are worried about his behavior with the boys - I don't have any suggestions.

 

[DrCavin]

So far my DH has been smart enough not to even ask to go but he just called and asked if I minded if he went this year,

So your saying he was stupid for asking now?

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow, our DH's have the same friends! TBH, DH missed a similar trip, but only because we really didn't have the extra money (we didn't have enough money for us to have a weekend together). It wasn't because I didn't trust him (and yes, they were going to strip clubs). I still regret not encouraging him to go.

 

[Acklander]

DH and his buds occasionally would have a getaway weekend usually revolving around Pro football games, lots of drinking and the occasional strip clubs. I'd have the occasional getaway weekend with old high school girl friends which usually revolved around clubbing, drinking, bad kareoke, nice dinners out, and all night bull sessions.
Sometimes it's good to get away with friends and let loose.

 

[Tinkermommy]

My DH's old fratenity brothers get together every January in Las Vegas for a weekend. So far my DH has been smart enough not to even ask to go but he just called and asked if I minded if he went this year, our friend has a free room and offered him to stay with him, all he would need is airfare (which I looked up and it's going to be pricey) and money for gambling which he says he will keep to a minimum. I told him sure I didn't mind, which if he could stick to his plan I wouldn't mind, I trust him, it's just his friends that I don't trust. And my DH when he gets around them turns back into a 21 year old, the night before my wedding comes to mind, the guys thought it would be funny to see how drunk they could get my DH and he was quite sick on wedding day. Yes that was over 10 years ago and you would have thought maybe they have changed but I have seen pictures from past Vegas weekends from these guys and they haven't changed. It's "normal" fun for them to go to strip clubs, go to regular clubs and get $400 bottle services and generally act like fools. My DH is very responsible, I really do trust him but I can't help be nervous about him going. My girlfriends all let their DHs go without any worries so I know I'm probably worrying for nothing but I thought I'd ask her if anyone would feel the same as me. Should I let this bother me?

So is the issue the money? Then set a budget and he should stick with it.
Is the issue him getting crazy drunk and going to strip clubs? I guess I would expect a bit of this if the venue was Las Vegas. As long as my husband didn't drive or ride drunk and he went to his room alone, it wouldn't bother me.

I also don't understand your "smart for not asking before" comment. FWIW, I don't think a spouse has to ask "permission" with the other spouse, but they do have to agree on dates, timing, budget, etc.

 

[mdsoccermom]

While I think spouses should discuss possible travel plans, I do not think the level of mistrust you have is cool. You say you trust him, but not his friends, but honestly, you obviously have some misgivings about him. Either you trust him to go away, or you don't. To say up to now, he's been smart enough to not ask is just not right.

If the matter is about money, agree upon an amount to spend. As far as the drinking and strip clubs go, so what? Like someone else said, as long as he isn't driving or riding with someone drunk, and goes back to his room alone, then let it go. The man is an adult. Again, either you trust him or you don't.

 

[Rora]

I would do my best to suck up my anxiety and let him go.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it, and I'd let him know. I'd hope that he wouldn't go if he saw how upset it made me but if that's what he ultimately chose, I'd be okay with it.

I think it's wise to determine together how much money he'll set aside to gamble with.

s to you as this situation isn't fun.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I wouldn't be a stick in the mud over it. If you DH is a good guy he'll be a good guy no matter where he is or who he is with and if he's a creeper he'll get into trouble with you in the next room.

When you say his friends are trouble what do you mean? IS your DH wishywashy where he wouldn't say no if the guy he is rooming with brings other women back to the room? Are his friends the sort who would use drugs or mistreat him? I guess there are situations where I might have an issue with him sharing the room with someone suspicious but then I'd probably insist he get his own room, not say no to the trip. The world is full of fools but they shouldn't influence your relationship with your husband.

 

[N&B'smom]

I'd let him go and plan a girls' weekend somewhere tropical for myself! Win/win!

 

[dislaney]

I'd let him go and plan a girls' weekend somewhere tropical for myself! Win/win!

That is what I would do!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I'd let him go and plan a girls' weekend somewhere tropical for myself! Win/win!

This is a great idea. I would only do a trip like this if I could afford to let my wife do the same with her friends, and you would force him to see this trip from your point of view. Suggest this and see how he reacts.

 

[TinklednPants]

Tell him to have a great time

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't not "let" my dh go, but I would be very disappointed if my dh was interested in that kind of weekend. If he is responsible and they are out to let loose, it sounds like he'll probably spend the weekend babysitting. I'm guessing it won't be a whole lot of fun for him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against having a good time. However, this sounds like it might be like in college when you're trying to keep drunk people from jumping out the windows or drowning in the pool. Taking care of drunk people is not my idea of fun.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I agree with giving him a budget and having him stick to that with no unexpected surprises. I'm sure he'll have fun and he'll probably come to realize that although he likes his friends and fun he's outgrown a lot of that behavior.

My hubby and I sometimes do separate trips like this....maybe not as wild but I'll go away with some friends and he'll do the same. No problems.

 

[Acklander]

I wouldn't not "let" my dh go, but I would be very disappointed if my dh was interested in that kind of weekend. If he is responsible and they are out to let loose, it sounds like he'll probably spend the weekend babysitting. I'm guessing it won't be a whole lot of fun for him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against having a good time. However, this sounds like it might be like in college when you're trying to keep drunk people from jumping out the windows or drowning in the pool. Taking care of drunk people is not my idea of fun.

I don't think he was planning on going just so he could babysit his friends.

 

[Pakey]

While my husband and I respect each other enough to inform the other of any plans, we don't police one another. (And I go to Las Vegas with my friends a lot more than he goes with his anyway).

I've been married a very long time and I think it's perfectly fine for spouses to do things with their friends, even if it's stupid stuff (like golfing).

 

[ilovejack02]

If money is no question , I wouldn't dare tell hubby what he can and can not do as he would never do with me. Either you trust him or not .

My hubby has great friends , but a cpl of them are forever 21. My husband does occasionally go out with them for special occasions . I know my guy well enough to know he will come home sober or take a cab. He won't do the insane things these boys will do , but sometimes will stand on the sidelines and laugh or if he gets tired or annoyed or things get to out of hand he just comes home.

Vegas would prob be a bit wild for his taste with these guys , but I would send him off with a kiss and wave if he decides he wants to go. I know he will behave even if a few of these guys don't . If I didn't trust him, then why on earth would I be married.
I know Vegas will likely involve a strip club , but as long as he doesn't spend the family fortune, I don't care about that either.

Plus after he played for a weekend while I kept the home fires burning , I know there would be a little girl time for me coming soon. ALSO when hubby goes off on to the hunting camp or business trips it is always so fun to welcome him home lol.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I don't think he was planning on going just so he could babysit his friends.

Exactly. He is going to have fun with his friends.