Guilt - how do I get rid of it?

[snowwhitesmom]

I stayed home from work today with a sick child, feeling guilty that I am not at work, but guiltier that my child is ill, AND I feel guilty because I did my Mother's laundry and didn't get it to her before she called me asking for it. Guilt all around! I just can't seem to shake it - any tips?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that guilt is a sign that we are doing something wrong. Doesn't seem that you should be feeling guilt over what happened. I mean, your biggest responsibility is your child and if he/she is ill, work will have to wait. Unless you made your child sick I don't see why you'd feel guilty over ytour child being sick--of course we don't want them sick and feel bad for them, but not guilt unless we did something to cause it. If you should have already had the laundry done, but didn't do it, I can understand that guilt, but it sounds like you were helping her out and she should be thankful. Could be that you have a lot on your plate right now and are overstressed and that it's not really guilt you're feeling.

 

[FreshTressa]

Guilt seems to be the major theme of motherhood!!

 

[snowwhitesmom]

Thank you, my DIS friends - you have helped put my thoughts in perspective.

 

[Lyn5]

I always have guilt. When I stay home with the kids I feel guilty about not being at work. When I am at work and the kids are being watched by another family member (like DH) I feel guilty. Then, I feel guilty about not giving enough attention to DH or to myself. I can't seem to shake it off...but, I think I got it from my Mother so I am starting to accept it as it is and realize I can't be everything to everyone all the time

 

[snowwhitesmom]

How do I stop WANTING to be everything to everyone, Lyn?

 

[Lyn5]

How do I stop WANTING to be everything to everyone, Lyn?

Well, I am still working on accepting how I am...so I may not be the best person to ask But, I know that usually I am always trying to do more for the kids and I cater to them too much....and I always cook and entertain DH's friends to that they enjoy being at our house and I was helping my sister a lot and then trying to climb the ladder at work. Several months ago I decided I like my position at work and for once I would be content and now work is much more relaxing for me. I am also trying to have my kids and DH help out more like picking up toys and putting their dishes in the kitchen...and picking up clothes, etc. Sometimes things are still a little messy, but I leave the toys/clothes as it is if they tried. I think for me, I needed to give up some control and let go of things be more and not need everything so perfect all the time. That could have been my guilt...needing to have everything just right and it never being perfect. Can't be the perfect worker staying home with the kids and can't be the perfect mom if I am not taking care of them and am at work.

It is hard for me, but I think that is why I have so much guilt....it is hard to be the perfect mom, wife, worker, maid, cook, etc. all at once. I am starting to slowly be content and to accept "good enough" as good enough....this is a journey for me too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It isn't guilt, it is anxiety.
Guilt implies you are doing something wrong.
Anxiety is stressing over what you are doing/not doing.
Takes alot of practice to put it into perspective.

Now I am down to my own anxiety. I think I have the "house anxiety" and "kid anxiety" under control (or not control...part of my problem... )

Heck if something goes right, I am stunned now.

 

[punkin]

Guilt is a part of my religion. I drank it in with my mother's milk (and my mother's guilt trips for years and years). I am now carrying on that proud tradition and my older DD feels guilty when I even look at her. Come to think of it my DH feels guilty every time I look at him too. My mother and grandmother (may they rest in peace) must be so proud of me!

(it's a joke people. but like all jokes it has more than a grain of truth)

 

[snowwhitesmom]

sigh - life is a journey, isn't it?

 

[ktpool]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel SOOO guilty when I stay home with a sick child. I work with all men, who are not sympathetic at all - though since their wives are the ones to say home, you'd think they would understand! When DH adn had children, the deal was that he would keep his job that is pretty flexible so we would not use a lot of daycare, he could stay home with ill kids, etc....NOT! It has NEVER worked out that way. I get the guilt from him too if I go to work.

I just tell myself that in 2 months no one is going to remember that I was gone or care that I was 'dedicated' and came to work, so I will do what I think is right.

Otherwise, we as moms will drive ourselves crazy(ier)!!

 

[HonestAbe]

As a man who works in an office environment and sees coworkers occasionally pressed into the rigors of motherhood, I would say it doesnt bother me a bit.

People come first. That means family. If you die, people at work who arent close friends are saddened because they have to cover more workload now until a replacement comes in. But the people you live with carry a burden of pain and emptiness that will never be filled.

Dont feel guilt about what you havent accomplished. Feel pride in the fact that you stood up for what you felt was right and took care of your sick child. Anyone who faults you for that is not someone who is important in your life.