Guest list woes

[iluvasoldier]

So, for my family I literally have my mother, my two sisters, and that is it. We have two family friends who we've known for about 10 years that are considered my uncles and then we have a family who we've known for about 6 years whom I consider cousins and my aunt. That's pretty much all I have on my side. my sisters are both in the wedding party and my aunts youngest is my flower girl. So sitting as my guest I'll have 7 people. That's it.

My groom's father is one of 7 children. 5 or his 6 siblings are married and have at least 2 children of their own. Along with that there are 12 individuals on my husbands list. Then my in-laws guest list contains 30 families!

I am so overwhelmed. I was hoping to invite 100 people and maybe have 75 RSVP, but now I feel like we're inviting 150ppl and will most likely get 100 Yeses back. at $70 a head this makes a HUGE difference in our budget.

My inlaws want to pay for a honeymoon. My groom is in the military. He'll be getting back from deployment in December, we get married in Jan, then end of jan early feb we move from Fl to wherever he ends up stationed. We're gonna be lucky if he gets a total of 4 days off for the wedding. We're not going to have time for a honeymoon, at least not right away.

Chris and I have talked about doing a Disney cruise whenever we do decide to have a honeymoon. Both our birthdays are over the summer (Mine June 30, his July 18) and so I'm thinking IF he can get time off that sometime over the summer next year would be the best time to attempt a honeymoon.

Since my in-laws have added literally 15 families in 2 days to the list 2 months AFTER I sent STDs I'm really debating telling them that instead of paying for a honeymoon to please just pay for half of the catering cost.

we're sacrificing a lot of stuff we would of liked to have, like the custom aisle runner, because of the large guest list. Now granted there is always a change the guest count will still come in low, and that'd be great, but I just feel so put out now that they've added SO many people. I told my in-laws from July 21st of 2010 to now I only wanted to invite 100 people... :/ looks like they dn't care much for what Chris and I really can afford

 

[Nichole33]

I had the same problem ... I have a very small family and DF's parents divorced when he was young, so he now has 2 sets of family. So our initial guest list was 3 times longer than I had planned on. We talked to both sides of his family and got a feel for how many people could actually come and asked them to pre-RSVP with the save-the-dates. Those who said no didn't get invitations. This was a very nervous time for me, but it all worked out.

We had a small "wedding celebration and shower" for everyone who couldn't make the trip. In the end we got our numbers down and everyone was happy.

Long story short, maybe consider having his parent throw a party for your guys to invite a lot of his family. We also considered saying no kids (except those in the wedding party), which would have eliminated a lot of his family.

Hang in there!

 

[kmaclou]

Stick to your guns on the guest list. My MIL-to-be at the time did the same thing. My (now) husband and I agreed we only wanted around 50 people at the wedding. We communicated that to both sides. My mom complied. His mom sent a guest list of 180 people, 40 of which my husband had never even heard of. We let her know that she needed to scale that down significantly. When she complained that she wanted to send them out to everyone we suggested that she send out announcements after the fact. His parents also threw a party for us after the wedding to invite everyone on the planet she wanted and that seemed to make her happy.

 

[roxysmum123]

To me, your parents and future in laws guest lists are more "wish lists" than set in stone. Yours and your DF's list take priority, and then you start filling in with your parents lists. If the family is close it's a little harder, but if your future in laws want to invite Uncle Rodney from Alaska that you've never met and your DF has met twice in his life I'd say it's safe to say "not in the budget".

A friend of mine had a similar budget situation where they wanted a dry wedding for financial reasons and her future mother in law wanted an open bar. They told her if she wants it, she's paying for it. Well she did, no questions asked. So you could also talk to your DF and see about telling your future inlaws if they want you to invite their whole list, anyone over your 75 person budget it's out of their pocket. If they don't want to pay that, then they need to cut down their list or be ok with what you do to it.

Just my humble opinion.

 

[kharmagirl]

We had the same issues. My side of the family is 3 times as large as DF's. My father is one of 7 children alone. I did not want to invite more than 100 people to the wedding and we wanted to include close friends. I chose to only invite my aunts and uncles - no cousins. There are a few I would like to have there but that literally cut out about 50 people and I didn't want to invite some and not others. DF's mother also had a list of dozens of people. Wonderful DF stood his ground and told her absolutely not. We allowed one couple that were close friends of hers and that DF grew up with. She ended up having a party for us when we went to visit over the summer and no one seemed to have a problem with not being invited. We also said no kids other than my 2 nieces and nephews (saved another 25 invites...). We agreed that there would be no one on the list that was not already on our Christmas card list and that we spoke to or saw regularly. That decision has helped when some guilt kicked in. It has all worked out well.

 

[iluvasoldier]

The problem with trying to throw a part is that we will have no time. Christopher is deployed to Afghanistan right now and will not be back until Mid December. The wedding is Jan 3, and the end of Jan we move from Fl. to kentucky.

I'm going to try and talk to Chris about just asking them to kindly give us the money they'd of used for the honeymoon and let us put it towards the wedding. We will not have time for a honeymoon until summer 2012 at the EARLIEST so to try and let my in-laws book something would be impossible.

There aren't many children that are even in the family. Right now it's all either newborns or over the age of 18. There are only maybe 3 that are between the ages of 3 and 16. That being said it wouldn't make much of a difference to say no children.

I'm leary about the list my MIL send of people she "gurantees" wont come. She says that They live too far and never travel for weddings but always send money. BUT this is DISNEY. No one else has had a wedding like this, and never so close to a holiday. What if they decide it's a good holiday trip and DO come? There are 8 families with at least 4 members each on said list.

 

[librarygeek]

I think that if you're paying for it, you get final say over the guest list. Your in laws can't demand who you invite unless they are helping to pay for it, simple as that.

And I don't think she can "guarantee" that people won't show up. I think you're right and with it being Disney people might make an exception. I invited some people that I never thought would come - my dad's cousins I've never met - and they're making a 6 hour drive to be there.

Good luck!

 

[roxysmum123]

I'm leary about the list my MIL send of people she "gurantees" wont come. She says that They live too far and never travel for weddings but always send money. BUT this is DISNEY. No one else has had a wedding like this, and never so close to a holiday. What if they decide it's a good holiday trip and DO come? There are 8 families with at least 4 members each on said list.

You hit the nail on the head my friend. Once you start inviting people who "won't come" that's when you get into trouble with having more people than you budgeted for because, surprise surprise those are the ones who are most excited about coming.

And don't forget, it's not just the extra food you'll be paying for. It's the extra tables, chairs, chair covers, linens, centrepieces, welcome bags (if you're doing them), favours, etc. Stick to your guns girlfriend, you've got an entire posse of DIS boards girls ready to back you up anytime you need it!

 

[Mindyjoy]

We had the same issue. We set our budget and showed both sets of parents how many guests we could invite without going over budget. FMIL wasn't okay with that and our guest list tripled! We said, if we were to invite these people we would need some financial assistance. So, they offered the money.

Stand your ground, there's no sense in going into debt due to your wedding day. Good luck to you and thank you for your service and sacrifice.

 

[cinby01]

i feel your pain I need to cut my list by atleast 50 ppl ahhh

 

[iluvasoldier]

Thankfully my in-laws have agreed to pay for whatever comes in over our budget due to a higher guest list.

I'm still not wild on having oh so many guest but we'll see where the number falls when RSVPs come in

 

[katibug46]

Yeah, I had a similar problem. Thankfully, my MIL gave me a list of only close family...but my mom? she kinda went nuts with the guest list. Inviting friends from work, friends she hasn't seen in years, obscure family I never see (some, I don't care much to see)

I finally had to sit her down and tell her to cut it WAY down and stop fretting over people getting offended for not being invited. She is paying for the venue, which includes the catering...but I refuse for my mom to go into debt because she wants to invite her best friend from high school who has never met me.