Guest List VENT!!!

[WDWbride2007]

We are having serious guest list issues with our intimate. We can only invite 18, so we were very careful about invitations. We each thought about the 9 people that we would want on our wedding day.

Raul decided to invite his cousin, but asked if he could come by himself. He agreed and said that it was no problem. Now, it turns out that he might not be able to go. So, he decides that he will send his wife in his place. Mind you, this guy has had 5 wives. We don't even know her name. It is so frustrating considering that I am not inviting one of my sisters, so that Raul could invite this guy.

Today, I tell Raul that if his cousin can't come, we should invite my half-sister. He gets all upset b/c we are each supposed to have 9 invites. He actually said it was "not fair." Ummm...hello! Every holiday and vacation, we spend it with my family. His relatives still haven't taken the time to learn my name. They just call me "the girl." Besides, inviting my half-sister would mean the world to my dad. I think that he should so some appreciation since my father has treated him like a son for 8 years. He has helped to pay our bills, and he is paying for half of the wedding. His parents have never even invited my family over for a cup of coffee. Yet, they always come over to our house to pig out without even a Thank You. I am sooooo pissed off right now! I just don't understand why people become so selfish about the wedding stuff. His father says that he would rather a stranger come to our wedding than risk upsetting the cousin. Well, it is not like his parents have ever helped us out with anything. We have had to buy them stuff...and we are totally broke. I am really hurt by the situation right now. Sorry, but I had to vent...thanks for listening.

 

[sajetto]

Gosh I'm sorry sweetie. We don't have an even # coming. He is inviting more people than I am. I'm having 6 he's having 12. I think you need to tell him to lighten up on this number thing. A half sister is a little higher on the totem pole than an unknown cousin's wife in my book.

 

[LouisianaDisneyFan]

Can you have her attend the dinners, but not the actual nuptials themselves? Perhaps there is a compromise that can be worked, where the 5th wife can actually get the trip (which is probably all that's important to her anyway, seeing as she doesn't actually know you), and your step-sis can actually attend the wedding itself. Disney wants to fill rooms, you want the people special to you at the wedding, Raul doesn't want to take away a trip to his cousin. I think all these goals can be met if you include the cousin's wife in the pre- and post-wedding activities, as well as your step-sis, but when the head counting is said and done for the wedding, just have the step-sis and not the cousin's wife. Could that work? ~Ev

 

[princessblueeyzes]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you-does it really matter who gets to invite what number of guests? Why not sit down with your DF and see if you 2 could make a compromise on the list. Sure you will each have to give and take a little but it may work out better.
I had kind of the same problem as you are having right now and what I did was put people who I think I would like at my wedding then put numbers next to their names as far as how important is it to have them there- My DF did the same thing and then we looked at the lists we both did and talked about who we would like to be there in sharing the most important day of our lives together. Sure we both kind of laughed at the fact that I wanted to invite 5 cousins of mine and his list had friends, family and some cousins that he doesn't even talk to. We both agreed on who was going to be invited no matter how many people I have on my list and who he had on his list. Maybe this might help.

 

[WDWbride2007]

I will planning to have a chat this evening. We really need to figure out this situation. Ev, we are on a super tight budget. My parents have already put it as much as they can. If we invite the wife to our pre- and post-wedding activities, it would add another $200 to our bill. I really don't want to cut out a day of my honeymoon for someone I don't know. It is all so confusing. Thanks ladies!

 

[sarah_n_brian2006]

Keep on him. I think eventually he may come around. Have her over more to where he feels close to her. He may warm up to the idea, and decide on his own. Either way, I'm feelin you on the finance part. I'll pray for ya

 

[LouisianaDisneyFan]

If it comes down to him not wanting to cut his cousin, but you wanting to invite your step-sis, you could find the extra $200 and then a little extra by cancelling the Wishes cruise you have scheduled. Since you set it up as a surprise that no one knows about but you, then no one would miss it from the festivities, and you could include both the cousin's wife and the step-sis. That might be an idea that could keep the peace. Also, if you have had an argument based on money and then this expensive surprise is sprung on Raul, will he be confused how you had no extra money... but then you did? Just a thought... ~Ev

 

[allisonswonderland]

I understand how you feel about not knowing people - I am sorry but sisters should be included first. Sorry this is a mess

 

[Ember]

I'm sorry but that is SO rude. An inviation is for the person being invited. It's not a pass you can give to someone else. If I were you I would be telling people where to get off. The cousin in question has no right what-so-ever to send someone else in his place who was not invited to attend in the first place. I would stand up for having your guest attend.

 

[Cinderella Fan]

I am so sorry to hear that you and Raul are going through this. Here is some that you are able to work this ou in a compromise. Just know that this is YOUR wedding, and it doesn't matter if his family, or your family, is happy about everything that goes on. If you aren't comfortable with the guests invited, then don't invite them.

Hope everything works out for you....

 

[WDWbride2007]

Thanks for all of your support! Ev, we already cancelled the Wishes cruise. We also cut out our wedding album, wedding presents to each other, all favors, and the cake topper that I adore. We are down to the bare minimum on our budget, and we are still a bit shy. Plus, we just had to pay a ton of money for Raul to finish his masters thesis project. Besides, the room at V&As will hold 20 ppl, so we can't just add in another. My family has made huge financial sacrifices to make this wedding happen. I think it would be a slap to the face to have them pay for a complete stranger as well. Although Raul's father wants to dictate the guest list, he hasn't offered any money.

After stewing the whole day, I finally spoke with Raul. I told him that I was very hurt by his reaction. My father has helped to pay our bills for the past 2 years, so that Raul wouldn't have to work during his masters. I also mentioned how my father was very disappointed to hear that a stranger would be invited over his daughter. We agreed to talk to his cousin, and just let him know that if he can't make it, we would want my sister to go in his place. In addition, I mentioned to Raul how hurt I was that his dad didn't say anything about the uninvited guest. I told my FIL twice in the past few months that we didn't have room for my sister. My FIL is quite selfish, though, and only thinks of himself. Hopefully, it will work out. I am not asking Raul to uninvite his family, but I think that it is more than appropriate for me to invite my sister before the cousin's wife. I will keep you all updated!

 

[littleladykaty]

OH my goodness, I totally agree with you!!! How inappropriate to have a stranger at your wedding over your sister!!! I mean, what on earth would be the point?! Your wedding is for you and your fiance and your friends and family...not some show of attendance by someone you don't know. I really do hope that your fiance will come around on this one. I mean, You may have to tell him that the two of you are going to be in a fight until he sees things the right way! (I often tell my sweetie this when he does things like yell at my dog...or shakes my diet coke bottle when he takes a drink...y'know, important stuff! )

I really do hope things work out...you sound stretched to your limit as it is!
good luck!!!

keep us posted!

 

[WDWbride2007]

Latest Crazy Update:

Raul's cousin writes back to us asking if his daughter can also come to the wedding. He says that it is very difficult for THEM to leave her behind. THEY never go anywhere without her. I turned to Raul and asked..."who are THEY?" I think that his cousin is under the impression that he AND his wife are invited, and he now wants to bring his daughter also. We had told him from the beginning that we only had one spot available for him at the wedding. We apologized and said that we would totally understand if he didn't wish to come alone. How did he come to think that his wife was also invited?? I have no idea. The whole situation is funny if a crazy kind of way. We took such care to make sure that everyone understood the situation with an intimate wedding. It seems that our explanation may have fallen on deaf ears at this point. Anyways, we sent him a new email explaining that we only have ONE spot for him. If his wife and daughter were to come, Disney would cancel our wedding and we would lose our money (This is part of the intimate wedding contract). We'll see....

 

[sajetto]

You poor dear...good luck

 

[littleladykaty]

sometimes I get the feeling that people think that b/c it's a wedding the whole "The more the merrier" deal applies...I'm sorry that you are having to deal with people's lack of understanding that you and your fiance have given up quite a bit to have your wedding at Disney and that trying to bring extra people could quite literally put a stop to the whole thing!!! (I am terrified that people will just bring their whole lot of kids to my wedding b/c of the total lack of wedding etiquette on the west coast and my fiance and I will be billed this huge amount after the wedding!)

It seems to me that Disney is a bit...agressive and very undisney like when it comes to intimate weddings...almost like they are doing that on purpose so people will spring for the custom wedding!

sending you pixie dust and a good spell to ward off unwanted "family" members!

 

[WDWbride2007]

sending you pixie dust and a good spell to ward off unwanted "family" members!

Too funny!

 

[WDWbride2007]

Final Update...and a happy ending!!! Raul's cousin thought that he and his wife were both invited. He also wanted his daughter to go. When we explained (again) the situation with the guest limits and intimate weddings, he said that he could not go. He doesn't want to attend unless it is with his family. Now, I can invite my half-sis! Sweet!!!!

 

[sajetto]

Good news!!!

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Final Update...and a happy ending!!! Raul's cousin thought that he and his wife were both invited. He also wanted his daughter to go. When we explained (again) the situation with the guest limits and intimate weddings, he said that he could not go. He doesn't want to attend unless it is with his family. Now, I can invite my half-sis! Sweet!!!!

So glad you finally got it all worked out! Just sorry you have to have such heartache over an event that is supposed to be a joy in planning!

Best wishes that things continue moving upward!

Blessings,

Denise

 

[Kim10110]

Congrats Im so happy to hear your sister can now go. it wouldnt have been the same without her im sure.