Guest list drama-advice please!! Is this tacky?

[dakcp2001]

Ok, here goes, I am prob going to sound like bridezilla! The reason for all the drama is the budget, if we want to get married at WDW, we need to do Escape. We have a Wishes sized family and an Escape sized budget.

We are REALLY trying to make the Escape package work, but I feel like we are getting sqeezed out of the 18 guest limit by all the "have-to" invites. DF has a HUGE family, he is one of 8 siblings, and we are not close with them at all.



SO HERE IS THE BIG TACKY QUESTION:

How tacky would it be to just tell everyone we are "eloping" and just bring along the people we are closest to? My parents have offered to "help" with an at home celebration after the fact, if they can invite their friends. We were thinking like a big BBQ w a DJ at my parents house. I really feel like its questionable manners because if we just take who we want, it would literally be one of his siblings + his wife & children who we are close to, our best friends, and our parents (if we can convince his to go) Do you think his siblings are going to be hurt/offended or angry? DF doesnt think so, he thinks they willl be relieved.


OR

Do we just invite all of the have-tos, exclude the best friends/children and hope enough people decline to give us spots to then invite those that we want?

We really feel that if we do a S&D wedding in order to accomodate the guest list, we will prob end up with 18 or less guests, and then be kicking ourselves ! Soon we are going to just give up adn go to city hall.

 

[CoP Luv]

This is such a tough one.

My advice, no matter what you decide to do is: Don't create awkward future situations regarding your wedding. Your wedding will only be one day but you are going to be bound to these people forever and you don't really want to ruin relationships over your wedding. Don't lie to anyone.

I would have loved to have our wedding in WDW. I was seriously considering it up until 5 months before our actual wedding. We had a large "must invite list" with my immediate family who would ALL come no matter what. We would have had at least 125 guests and that's not something we wanted if we had planned a destination wedding. Even if we only invited 125 to WDW there would have been many hurt people...including my parents who wanted a big lavish affair.

One of my cousins who I don't really know actually was mad that he didn't get invited to our wedding and asked me on multiple occasions why he wasn't getting invited. Now that's tacky.

Even though we still didn't end up inviting him, it's really awkward to see him at family functions. All this over our wedding.

 

[tinkabella627]

I am not gettin married at Disney and am having a huge to do for a wedding but I want to add this in...

think long and hard about what YOU want. It is your wedding. For the amount we are paying for this hooplah back home I could have had a DFTW for cheaper. Granted not the same # of people, but at this point, if the invitations weren't already ordered I'd cancel everything and do it. There is a ton of stress/drama that comes with the wedding. Half my fiance's family is having nothing to do with us and I don't even want to see them at the wedding. We are not fighting with them or anything, but practically none of his family is coming to my shower (even though I attend all their family functions) for no apparent reason. Just kinda excuse after excuse.

So after all that babbling... just think, you could send wedding announcements to the ppl that cant get the invite to disney with a save the date for a reception at home.

 

[lurkyloo]

If you guys aren't close to his siblings and even your DH thinks they will be relieved not to be invited, I say bring who you want and do the Escape wedding. You don't need to be underhanded about it - you can just say you're having a small wedding -- or that Disney has a guest limit. It's true, and nobody has to know exactly what the limit is. Heck, Sunset Pointe and Sunrise Terrace have 8-guest limits, so it's not so far-fetched.

I've just heard too many stories here of brides who caved in to family pressure to have a big wedding and regret not having the kind of wedding they wanted.

 

[dakcp2001]

I've just heard too many stories here of brides who caved in to family pressure to have a big wedding and regret not having the kind of wedding they wanted.

When we first announced to our families we were thinking of the Disney wedding, they were all complaining very loudly, so we caved and started to plan one at home, and guess what! They all started complaining about that too! lol. One thing we are totally sure of, is that we are NOT having a traditional at home wedding, it just is not our thing at all.


Our first vaca together, and our engagement happened at Disney it really is a special place for us. I really think no matter what we do, people are going to be mad either way. We are getting soooooooo frustrated.

 

[tinkabella627]

I really think no matter what we do, people are going to be mad either way. We are getting soooooooo frustrated.

That is exactly it. You can not please everyone. You have to please yourselves, that is all there is to it.

 

[polynesianbride]

In the end it's your day and you need to do what you want. Maybe just talk with his other siblings and see how they feel about you having a small ceremony at Disney (that they wouldn't be present for) and then a party back home... just be honest with them about the guest limits imposed by Disney for Escape weddings. I also had a hard time with this initially... we wanted a small wedding and loved Sunset Pointe but thought 8 people was too small... so then we thought we would choose another venue and add to the list and soon it was up to 50 + (well if you invite so and so then you have to invite so and so...). In the end we decided to just stick with the 8 allowed and we will have a big party back home. I know some of my friends are disappointed they won't be there but after explaining to them we just want it to be our immediate family only and telling them about the party they were ok with it.

Now there are a few close family members that were not able to be included in that 8 who still want to celebrate at Disney. We were clear with them from the beginning that we could only have 8 people at the ceremony (our parents, our brothers, and his 2 grandma's (all the other GP's are deceased) and that rule was strictly imposed by Disney. His Aunt (who DF is close to) and her family let us know that they really wanted to come to Disney with us even if they couldn't be at the ceremony and so they will be joining us for dinner afterwards and will be with us for the week as well. My brother's girlfriend who he is serious with will also probably be there but just not at the ceremony as well. At first I thought this was really tacky but after talking it out with all the parties involved this set up seems to work for our family so whatever. Just communicate with everyone and I'm sure you can reach some sort of compromise without offending anyone and still have the wedding you want Good luck!

 

[Lynn5700]

I say just do what you want. Go with the escape and invite close family and friends.

 

[tiggerrifficheidi]

I'll give you another "option." We didn't come to this conclusion because of not wanting a lavish affair or because of guest list issues. Originally we were going to be legally married by proxy. I was in Iraq...DH would go to TX, where he would marry "me" (played by my best friend) and then we were going to have the big shebang at Disney. Yes, this is legal in TX...actually in 4 states.

Well, I ended up coming home from Iraq early, but DH and I still wanted to be legally married before he deployed. We could have done a simple court house thing, but I saw an opportunity! We needed to go to Disney together anyway to do our PS and this was our only opportunity (he was deploying). So, we planned an Escape wedding, but didn't tell anyone. In the end, we ended up inviting my BFF and her DH and DD, because they were in Atlanta and could drive down. We had a GREAT time. And GREAT memories. We told everyone we were married and even showed pictures, but we reassured them that the big party was still on.

Now, our families were totally cool with this, but I have a feeling some wouldn't be. But, if you were able to explain to them that you were so torn and wanted to have your wedding at Disney (for your own special memories) and also have them with you, it might work.

Many people do the courthouse thing before the Big Day anyway. This is just courthouse with some extra flair. And in the end, I was much more relaxed on the big day. It was really special to have both.