Having enjoyed many of your reports whilst planning my last visit I thought that I'd share some of the ramblings of my befuddled mind with you.
Who we are:
Me - Grumpy 38 (39 on plane on the way home)
He - Dopey - 39 (and will always be older than I am)
We left on November 30th and returned to the UK on December 15th. We stayed at All-Star Music and booked it all through Virgin.
Ok - so I was inspired to write particularly by the reports of Mr Springer and Boss Hogg. Like them we too love the Disney vibe, however our differences probably outweigh the similarities. Neither of us drives, we don't really do rides and, unless they're not telling us (and their families and indeed themselves) something, to the best of my knowledge Kev and Matt aren't a gay couple.
Rather than a day-by-day report I thought that I do a theme by theme thread. The day-by-day one works for many of you but you're more interesting than I am. My report would be dull. I can't think of anything duller. Except the book of knells. And anything sung by Dido.
Class - put down your pens and stop writing. Todays theme is “Travel”
Gatwick - it took us 2.5 hours to get to airside. This was a nuisance but more importantly left us no time for the COMPULSORY GARFUNKELS OVERPRICED BREAKFAST. All there was time for, I was told, was a bacon and egg McMuffin (I should have got a badge saying, "My friend Ronald gave me this stomach ache"). Dashed to the gate and the plane was delayed by 30 mins (although you might not think it I am hugely patient). Flight was ok and the seats next to us were empty which is always a blessing for me as I'm rather tall and have to fold myself into airplane seats. Also, despite frequent punishment at the gym, my waistline expands and I tend to seep over the other seats. Films were tat - most of the current releases are I note - and the food was what we'd expect. I sort of peaked foodwise a couple of years ago when a steward leant towards me and said, "Can I interest you in a beef cobbler?" "At 30,000 feet, how modern" I rejoindered to a blank face. (things you shouldn't say to a gay man on a plane - number 47).
Orlando - usual bad queues. Why do I always join the shortest queue which seems to take 9 time longer than the others. I went to the desk with my man. The immigration lady looked at me, then looked at him and said to me, "Is this your son". Yes this man who is older than me is by the miracles of science and time travel my son. My reply earned my 3 days in American jail. Not really. (It was 4).
Not being drivers we had the bus pick us up. We always seem to wait at least an hour here, usually for some family who stroll along like there's nothing to do, having walked through the airport trying to get their eyes to go in the same direction. They then usually have a smoking walk - which takes an additional 15 mins. They then get on the bus and sit NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER. They then have a loud conversation. aragargargahhhh (see why they call me Grumpy?). Once again very proud to be British when we were the only people to tip the driver.
Mr Boss Hogg we used Disney buses the entire time we were there. I know that you'll be thrilled by this. I assume that all the children are given helium before they get on and are provided with megaphones. Having said that they were generally OK and I only wept 16 times. The buses do do this aggravating thing at the All-Stars they drive into the resort and then disappear. I assume that the drivers go for a stand up and a mickey-burger somewhere. Meanwhile I hop from foot top foot like a startled stork. We had a great lady drive us one day - she was called Whylene (I don’t know who she would spell it but it was like Jolene but with Why at the beginning). She had a fantastic voice, deep, sexy, clear. It was like having the bus driven by a sane, informative Eartha Kitt.
On the way back (I'll tell you about the trip in subsequent reports - that is if you want to hear. Do you?) was on a Magical Express Bus. Our driver was called Carlos Mario (or Mario Carlos) and as soon as he heard my accent he said “You’re Scottish - or Australian”. Having in a past life been a proper actor (now Police) I speak with what we used to call BBC English. Americans always have problems with my accent. Last year someone thought I was a native Floridian. When I told him (Carlos Mario or Mario or Mario Carlos) I was English, he told me a lot about English goalkeepers. (There are many topics to discuss with a gay man. This is not one of them). He was funny and bright and nice. We liked him and tipped appropriately (however the bus mainly had British people on it…not many tips for Mario/Carlos.
Plane back was delayed by about an hour and the films were worse and the food was particularly undistinguished. But the seats got better! No-one behind us, or in front or to the side. I spent the entire flight slowly sucking sherbet lemons and trying desperately to sleep (and not choke on the sherbet lemons). The first hour of the flight had the worst turbulence I’ve, yet, suffered. It was like having Bernard Manning and Cyril Smith break dance up and down the plane.
Who we are:
Me - Grumpy 38 (39 on plane on the way home)
He - Dopey - 39 (and will always be older than I am)
We left on November 30th and returned to the UK on December 15th. We stayed at All-Star Music and booked it all through Virgin.
Ok - so I was inspired to write particularly by the reports of Mr Springer and Boss Hogg. Like them we too love the Disney vibe, however our differences probably outweigh the similarities. Neither of us drives, we don't really do rides and, unless they're not telling us (and their families and indeed themselves) something, to the best of my knowledge Kev and Matt aren't a gay couple.
Rather than a day-by-day report I thought that I do a theme by theme thread. The day-by-day one works for many of you but you're more interesting than I am. My report would be dull. I can't think of anything duller. Except the book of knells. And anything sung by Dido.
Class - put down your pens and stop writing. Todays theme is “Travel”
Gatwick - it took us 2.5 hours to get to airside. This was a nuisance but more importantly left us no time for the COMPULSORY GARFUNKELS OVERPRICED BREAKFAST. All there was time for, I was told, was a bacon and egg McMuffin (I should have got a badge saying, "My friend Ronald gave me this stomach ache"). Dashed to the gate and the plane was delayed by 30 mins (although you might not think it I am hugely patient). Flight was ok and the seats next to us were empty which is always a blessing for me as I'm rather tall and have to fold myself into airplane seats. Also, despite frequent punishment at the gym, my waistline expands and I tend to seep over the other seats. Films were tat - most of the current releases are I note - and the food was what we'd expect. I sort of peaked foodwise a couple of years ago when a steward leant towards me and said, "Can I interest you in a beef cobbler?" "At 30,000 feet, how modern" I rejoindered to a blank face. (things you shouldn't say to a gay man on a plane - number 47).
Orlando - usual bad queues. Why do I always join the shortest queue which seems to take 9 time longer than the others. I went to the desk with my man. The immigration lady looked at me, then looked at him and said to me, "Is this your son". Yes this man who is older than me is by the miracles of science and time travel my son. My reply earned my 3 days in American jail. Not really. (It was 4).
Not being drivers we had the bus pick us up. We always seem to wait at least an hour here, usually for some family who stroll along like there's nothing to do, having walked through the airport trying to get their eyes to go in the same direction. They then usually have a smoking walk - which takes an additional 15 mins. They then get on the bus and sit NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER. They then have a loud conversation. aragargargahhhh (see why they call me Grumpy?). Once again very proud to be British when we were the only people to tip the driver.
Mr Boss Hogg we used Disney buses the entire time we were there. I know that you'll be thrilled by this. I assume that all the children are given helium before they get on and are provided with megaphones. Having said that they were generally OK and I only wept 16 times. The buses do do this aggravating thing at the All-Stars they drive into the resort and then disappear. I assume that the drivers go for a stand up and a mickey-burger somewhere. Meanwhile I hop from foot top foot like a startled stork. We had a great lady drive us one day - she was called Whylene (I don’t know who she would spell it but it was like Jolene but with Why at the beginning). She had a fantastic voice, deep, sexy, clear. It was like having the bus driven by a sane, informative Eartha Kitt.
On the way back (I'll tell you about the trip in subsequent reports - that is if you want to hear. Do you?) was on a Magical Express Bus. Our driver was called Carlos Mario (or Mario Carlos) and as soon as he heard my accent he said “You’re Scottish - or Australian”. Having in a past life been a proper actor (now Police) I speak with what we used to call BBC English. Americans always have problems with my accent. Last year someone thought I was a native Floridian. When I told him (Carlos Mario or Mario or Mario Carlos) I was English, he told me a lot about English goalkeepers. (There are many topics to discuss with a gay man. This is not one of them). He was funny and bright and nice. We liked him and tipped appropriately (however the bus mainly had British people on it…not many tips for Mario/Carlos.
Plane back was delayed by about an hour and the films were worse and the food was particularly undistinguished. But the seats got better! No-one behind us, or in front or to the side. I spent the entire flight slowly sucking sherbet lemons and trying desperately to sleep (and not choke on the sherbet lemons). The first hour of the flight had the worst turbulence I’ve, yet, suffered. It was like having Bernard Manning and Cyril Smith break dance up and down the plane.
