Grrrr - my first DIS vent

[SplshMtn99]

Sorry, but I have to.

WHY do people invite you to things at the LAST minute & then hold it against you when you can't attend due to a prior commitment?

First off, my side of the family consists of just me, my brother & his wife (25 miles away), and my 72 yrd old parents (90 miles away).

DH side of the family: divorced sister & her son (15 miles); brother & his wife & 2 kids (100+ miles). DH's dad left the family when they were very young - but has worked his way back into the family since he now has no one else (re-married then divorced for 2nd time). DH's mom lives all the way in FL with her boyfriend (also after being re-married & then divorced for the 2nd time).

When DH's mom still lived in MA yrs ago, we either had to visit both sides of the family on Xmas day OR cook & have EVERYONE here. When she moved to FL, I seemed to take on the role of HOLIDAY HOSTESS -- because no one on his side EVER wanted to do it. So they all came here & slept over for 3 days, with the kids & all the presents!! No one ever pitched in. This went on for years. I would get more & more stressed, and one year my doctor told me NOT to do it for them anymore.

My side takes turns. My brothers wife does Thanksgiving & I do Christmas. We figure my 72 yr old mom deserve a break.

WELL, DH's family never makes any plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas. They kind of just wait to get invited somewhere --- all of them together.

This year, 2 days before Thanksgiving, THEY invite us to come along with them to where THEY got invited too. HELLO, I already have an invitation to my side-- and I'm responsible for some menu items. (Like I said -- we share the work!!) (Keep in mind, the hostess didn't invite US -- I didn't even know them!)

NOW, just today, BIL calls again to invite us to WHERE THEY ALL GOT INVITED TO. (Again, invitation NOT from the hostess!) To go sleep there Xmas eve - Xmas (in another state -- during the middle of work week!). HELLO!!!! You KNOW I'm doing Xmas for my family!! What do you want me to do? Cancel & say I got another offer from a stranger????

Funny part -- we are seeing all of DH's side on Sat after Xmas for our get-together anyway.

Normally, I would be flattered that we were invited, but lately these invitations come with the "you never attend" attitude! NO, I just make plans in advance. They don't seem to realize they are being invited at last minute themselves because they are all alone & have no where else to go!

Arrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for listening to my incoherant ramble.

 

[LunarLady]

Originally posted by SplshMtn99
Normally, I would be flattered that we were invited, but lately these invitations come with the "you never attend" attitude! NO, I just make plans in advance.

Annoying, ain't it?

But you answered your own question. The correct answer is in the body of your rant. When In-Laws call at the last minute you say: "I'm very flattered to be invited, but we made plans three weeks ago (or three months or however long you want) to be somewhere else and I can't/won't break them. But thanks for the offer! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving/X-mas at (fill in the blank)'s house! Send pictures!"

Whatever you do, don't let them worm their way into being "invited" to whatever party YOU'VE been invited to. Most people HATE having family members invite not only themselves, but extra relatives at the same time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

{{{HUGS}}} for your first vent!

I am the oldest on my side and it is expected for me to initiate "first contact" .

NOW, just today, BIL calls again to invite us to WHERE THEY ALL GOT INVITED TO. (Again, invitation NOT from the hostess!) To go sleep there Xmas eve - Xmas (in another state -- during the middle of work week!). HELLO!!!! You KNOW I'm doing Xmas for my family!! What do you want me to do? Cancel & say I got another offer from a stranger????

I just want to know how you must keep from laughing at this? I think I would bust a gut.

 

[SplshMtn99]

Whatever you do, don't let them worm their way into being "invited" to whatever party YOU'VE been invited to. Most people HATE having family members invite not only themselves, but extra relatives at the same time.

Actually, they've done that to me before. They invited a cousin. LOL

I call it the "free-loader" syndrome. DH's sister has at one time or another lived with everyone for some time. Actually, she lived with us twice. I'm a sucker!

I just want to know how you must keep from laughing at this? I think I would bust a gut.

When BIL called about Thanksgiving (2 days before) I was polite & said you need to invite us EARLIER than that. I guess he thought 11 days before Xmas was enough ??? I don't know!

As a side note: those 3 neices & nephews are the ONLY people we buy presents for. It's not like I don't care. I just want them to recipricate with an invitation to their OWN homes once in a while!

 

[SonjaB]

Let's see.....they wait to be invited somewhere, then invite you guys not only at the last minute, but seemingly without their host's knowledge......hhhmmmmmm......I think you should send them all a copy of Miss Manners for Christmas and not tell them where you're going to be.

 

[aahmom1]

I can't believe they would invite you to somebody else's house, that is INSANE! Especially somebody you don't know for overnight! I've never heard anything like that in my life. Just tell them no, and go see you family wihthout a trace of guilt.

 

[MontanaCowgirl]

What aahmom1 said!


da noive!!!!

 

[snoopy]

We've had those type of invitations as well - to SIL's cousin's husband's parents, or some such madness. You do have to wonder what people are thinking expecting you to spend a major holiday with strangers.

 

[SplshMtn99]

We've had those type of invitations as well - to SIL's cousin's husband's parents, or some such madness. You do have to wonder what people are thinking expecting you to spend a major holiday with strangers.

Thank you ! That's EXACTLY it.

It's FIL's (remember - no contact for years) brother. So technically DH's uncle -- but it's not that simple either. There is no contact with these people. FIL doesn't see much of them either. I'm really surprised SIL & BIL even know them enough. None of that side was invited to weddings. I MAY have met an uncle ONCE -- years ago. Not sure.

We spoke to FIL on phone tonight. Had to remind him I was seeing him after Xmas. I couldn't exactly see him Xmas TOO & not see MY family at all.

They seem to forget DH & I are the only ones MARRIED & with 2 sides of families to see. LOL Ohhh -- to be single (or divorced). LOL