Groom To Be-Lack of Excitement

[BrideToBe82]

My groom to be doesn't seem to be excited about anything wedding related. I can understand that he wouldn't be excited about the little things like a shade of purple or chair covers but he is just not excited about ANYTHING. He comes from a small family and when he was growing up they never made a big deal about anything so I think he just doesn't know what its like to have a party thrown in your honor. He thinks this wedding is just for me...a wedding is for two people!! I just need another persons perspective on this one because I don't get it and it is starting to make me less and less excited for the "magical" day.

Does anyone have the same prob? What should I do?

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

No advice, but that your groom starts "getting it".

 

[SRUAlmn]

My groom to be doesn't seem to be excited about anything wedding related. I can understand that he wouldn't be excited about the little things like a shade of purple or chair covers but he is just not excited about ANYTHING. He comes from a small family and when he was growing up they never made a big deal about anything so I think he just doesn't know what its like to have a party thrown in your honor. He thinks this wedding is just for me...a wedding is for two people!! I just need another persons perspective on this one because I don't get it and it is starting to make me less and less excited for the "magical" day.

Does anyone have the same prob? What should I do?

Thank you for posting this because I thought I was alone! My groom is actually really excited about getting married and being in WDW for it, but he has NO interest in any details and wants me to have my specialest day ever (IE I make all the decisions!) because he wants it to be what I want

His family is the same way. They never really go all out and celebrate anything, and mine is the total opposite. We go nuts about celebrations. It's been hard so I'm here for ya Maybe the two of us should help each other instead

 

[pixie08]

hmmm I noticed you are just under a year to your wedding. Now this may not be the case but my dh2b didn't really start getting excited until just over a month ago. When contracts staretd coming in and we started planning for our plannings session is when he realized "wow this is for real and it is going to be awesom" Now he is really into it. Thing is he is more excited about certain things. He is really opionated about photo, video, food and music talk to him about flowers or bridesmaids dresses and his eyes glaze over Maybe you can see if there are certain things he is interested in and let him make those decisions. I let Dan choose our photographer and videographer, he is involved in the must play list and the menu. Maybe then he will realize it is about the BOTH of you and he will start getting excited! Lot's of pixie dust that he gets into this

 

[scrump]

I think some people just aren't "wedding people." I'm not saying that's the case with your DF, but if it is, then you shouldn't take it personally. I could've gotten married in a potato sack at city hall and would've been happy, but I think that was just not big enough for my DH's family. So we went the more traditional route, but it was for his family, it certainly wasn't anything that I absolutely wanted. And it doesn't mean that I wasn't totally into my groom or my marriage, it was just that I didn't need anything else. So as long as you two are still on the same page about the marriage and each other, you've got the important things secured.

That being said, I do think it probably hasn't hit him yet. He'll probably start getting excited as soon as he realizes that the wedding is becoming a reality. My DH started getting really involved as soon as the bills started coming in, I think there are different timelines for everybody.

Oddly, even as a "non wedding person", I have thoughts of a vow renewal someday , which is why I lurk on these boards. Everything will be great!!! Congrats and enjoy the planning!!!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Hi

I noticed that you and I are getting married around the same time How cool is that?

As for your problem I think pixie08 may be right. My fiance is the same, he's interested in the financial side but not about details just now, where as I'm a full steam ahead kinda girl I want everything to be planned so I can relax, I just feel I need to research everything

He swears to me he is interested but I have been talking about our wedding/honeymoon/WDW HOLIDAY for the last 3 weeks or so non stop, thing is I struggle not too. Hopefully when I get back to Uni I may have something other than photography packages to talk about!

Pixie dust your way.

 

[Princess Amy]

It is quite funny that you bring up this topic because as you can see in my signature, we have less than a month to go! And honestly dh2b, is not that much more excited than he was a year ago.

What he told me is that women dream of their "fairytale" wedding since they were little girls. And that is so true! He says guys have no dreams whatsoever until the moment arrives when they propose. Then it is sprung up on them all at once. Since I have had my wedding day planned down to a T since I was of like kindergarten age, he says all the decisions are left up to me. If I need any help to just ask him. He has been such a real sweetie about everything, and I might be saying that because I got the "fairytale" wedding I've always wanted.

In other words, don't fret. Just because he isn't involved yet doesn't mean he's not excited or won't help. Hope everyone has great planning and a wonderful wedding!!!

 

[FoodLover]

I participated in a lot of discussion boards before I got married. This was a REALLY common issue!

My husband is very opinionated (usually in a good way ) about lots of things, including decor, food and drink, etc. If you've ever read any of his reviews on my site, you know I'm not kidding!

So I really thought he'd be interested in some aspects of the wedding planning, like menus. (I was always clear that he wouldn't give a hoot about flowers or colors! LOL)

Well, turns out he had just about zero interest in the planning. I had to drag him along to the cake tasting, the food tasting, to look at locations, etc.

His responsibilities were to plan the honeymoon, arrange the transportation and get his own wedding attire lined up. I did pretty much everything else. When I asked him about things during the planning, he usually didn't have an opinion. After getting upset a few times, I accepted it. I always ran major decisions by him, of course, and his response was usually "looks great."

The funny thing is, in the 6+ years since our wedding, he has done nothing but brag about what a great job I did and what a great day it was. Obviously he was very happy with how it all came out.

In short, many men just aren't very interested in the planning of weddings. It doesn't mean they don't want to get married. It doesn't mean they don't appreciate your effort. You just can't take it personally.

Mary
MouseSavers.com

 

[JJClemson]

Does anyone have the same prob? What should I do?

Hi, I have kind of the same problem. Jeff keeps telling me this is my day and I can make all the decisions. Like yours, my family is very in to celebrating and his thinks we are over doing it Every time I mention something Disney/ wedding related I can tell it is going into one ear and out the other. He assures me that he is very excited, but says the wedding is for the girl. I think this is just how some guys are...

 

[jojoandhb]

My fiance and I have been together for over 7 years. He has wanted to get married since almost day 1, but I wanted a career and I needed to finish college first. So, we didn't do any wedding planning until now. I assumed he'd be interested in the details since he's talked about getting married for years. But, he isn't that interested in anything. I was asking his opinion on cake flavors and the restaurant and whether we should do an intimate or custom and he said, "Don't you have a coordinator who can figure this stuff out?" The only things he cares about are what he's wearing, what he's eating, and if he can go fishing with his brother the day before. Men just aren't into the same details as women. I'm sure some men get very involved, but I wouldn't be too upset if your groom just leaves most of it up to you. He wants you to be happy and have the day you want. Plus, he trusts that whatever you put together will be great, and it will.

 

[froglady]

DH had zero interest in the wedding details. He has zero interest in renewal details. He just doesn't have any interest in this sort of thing.

We've been married for almost 30 years, so I think he had 100% interest in being married.

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

I feel ya! My groom was pretty much the same way, but he was even worse after! He never cared to see the wedding photos...I still don't think he's really done any thing, but glance at them once. I put together photo albums, a scarpbook, articles for the paper, etc. It's all a lot of work, money, and it's time consuming! He couldn't even tell me the location where we got married yesterday. He could tell me "Boardwalk Inn," but never remembered "Sea Breeze Point." I think it's a "man thing." I don't know what the deal is and it's quite annoying when I'm the one doing everything before and after!! The wedding work doesn't end after a wedding is over. My DH just really isn't into anything, which is quite sad in my opinion. All he really cares about or gets excited about is his job and work related. My DH could really care less about Disney and I told him he better get with it! My DH is 26 and will be 27 in January, but he is such an old fart! I told him he better get with it because when the kids come along they are going to want to be around the parent talking about Disney all day and not the one complaining about work...haha! Oh well...what can you do?

 

[Moonpie]

My fiance has been 100% involved in the wedding planning with me. He's been a total sweetheart by helping me make the invitations, getting me anything I need, or want for the wedding. He even did research on wedding shoes for me because I was so upset about my first pair that didn't work out. When I was looking for dresses, he searched around for stores where I could find particular dresses that I was interested in. He allowed me to pick out my own engagement ring, and took me just about everywhere in Northern California to find it. He designed our wedding website, made phone calls for me to our venders, and has gone to every appointment and consultation with me. And most of all, he's put up with my stressed out moments, and has helped to put everything in perspective for me. Thank you John for loving me so much! I couldn't have made it through all of this without your love and support.

- Tanya

 

[DisneyHokie]

My fiance is the same way. He got excited about looking at venues (well, as excited as he could be I suppose) and any time I talk about wedding stuff he just says it's up to me, whatever I want. ARGH!!!!!! GET INVOLVED! ok, rant over.

 

[Button]

I'm with you all here. We've been engaged since Christmas 2004 and the big days in 6 weeks time. I've been planning forever. Phoning vendors, deciding locations, dinner etc. Created invites, gift boxes, welcome packs etc. He knows I've bene doing it and is really supportive but just hasn't mustered up the enthusiam to actually offer to help.

It's only now that it has dawned on him just how much I have done and how little he knows because people at his work are asking him questions he can't answer.

I don't mind really, I'm a control freak anyway and the main thing is that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me.

(oh Just had a result....Got him involved with the vows pretended I'd have him agreeing to all sorts if he didn't pay attention!)

 

[PirateKitty]

My fiance is totally ok with us getting married at WDW, however, he never gets excited about it. At least not in the way I wish he would. He has never been to Disney and he's always saying "how can I get excited about a place I've never been to?" I have shown him pictures, we've watched specials on the Travel channel, we've looked at photos of my past trips and he still is mopey every time I mention Disney. Our trip is planned for April, so I'm hoping after he finally gets to see the magic he will understand where I'm coming from. He's always saying he feels like he missed out alot on his childhood, and I told him when I take him to Disney, I'm going to give him the childhood he never had. He's a giant kid at heart, so I'm thinking once he finally sees for himself what Disney's all about, he'll be more excited. Like me!

 

[soontobewed07]

My DF is the same way and I am okay with it . I am as he says "obsessed" with the wedding and he would rather come home and watch Lost on TV. I still can't get a final guest list out of him and we have 6 months to go!!! He wanted to get married ,but wanted to elope, I am the one who wanted the big wedding day. So I have enlisted the help of my MOH and MOB and we have been happily planning ever since! He has become more interested the closer we get. I think it is because he can see things coming together Don't worry most of us are in the same boat as things get closer he will get more excited!

 

[JDR2b777]

my fiance is soo excited about getting married in Disney World. He thinks it is the coolest thing however, when it comes to choices.. he replies - the cheapest choice. Well, nothing is cheap so there goes that help. He loves telling his friends and co workers we are getting married in Disney - I beg him to help with choices and he says it is way to far in advance to start thinking. However, we go for our planning session in Sept. and I think it will seem more for real and he will start acting more interested then. Cross fingers.

 

[PirateKitty]

my fiance is soo excited about getting married in Disney World. He thinks it is the coolest thing however, when it comes to choices.. he replies - the cheapest choice. Well, nothing is cheap so there goes that help. He loves telling his friends and co workers we are getting married in Disney - I beg him to help with choices and he says it is way to far in advance to start thinking. However, we go for our planning session in Sept. and I think it will seem more for real and he will start acting more interested then. Cross fingers.

You're right on that...nothing is cheap. But we compared how much it would cost us to have a wedding at home vs. WDW, and WDW won! We're both not really into the "big" wedding thing either. A DFTW just makes sense for us. Good luck with your planning session! Let us know how it goes!

 

[BrideToBe82]

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one with this prob!! I guess I should just enjoy the fact that I can have everything my way (I'm also a control freak!) If the wedding was up to him he would have us say I DO over a pizza party...hmm I wonder if the disney chefs could cook my groom a special pizza just for him (I should look into this!). Thanks for the support ladies!