Grief support

[Ursula J]

Hi, Dis fam,
I lost my dad last month. He was an incredible person, someone who overcame a horrible childhood and became and amazing dad. He just had knee replacement and anticipated a more active future, but contracted pneumonia a week later and died quickly. Now that he's been gone for a month, I realize I'm not taking care of my own grief. My mother is now a widow after 55+ years of very happy marriage to her best friend. She's now living alone for the first time, about 5 hours away by car. My daughter (16) just lost her most beloved grandparent, and it is her first major loss. Between helping my mom, my daughter, and working full time, I'm just not doing the emotional processing that I need to. I stay busy and numb most of the time. I talked to a therapist who recommended finding a support group so I could "schedule" time for my own grief. Have any of you found (online) support groups that were helpful for you?
Thanks, Disers, for being there.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi, Dis fam,
I lost my dad last month. He was an incredible person, someone who overcame a horrible childhood and became and amazing dad. He just had knee replacement and anticipated a more active future, but contracted pneumonia a week later and died quickly. Now that he's been gone for a month, I realize I'm not taking care of my own grief. My mother is now a widow after 55+ years of very happy marriage to her best friend. She's now living alone for the first time, about 5 hours away by car. My daughter (16) just lost her most beloved grandparent, and it is her first major loss. Between helping my mom, my daughter, and working full time, I'm just not doing the emotional processing that I need to. I stay busy and numb most of the time. I talked to a therapist who recommended finding a support group so I could "schedule" time for my own grief. Have any of you found (online) support groups that were helpful for you?
Thanks, Disers, for being there.

Hi, @Ursula J. My condolences to you, your mom and daughter, your family on the passing of your dad. 's God speed for your dad.

It's good you have sought a therapist is assisting you to deal with your grief and all that it entails. The recommended support group idea is excellent. As is visiting and sharing here on the dis, a good sounding board.

Make sure to give yourself that necessary 'me time' as you progress forward. It does take time. And know well that you all have made many lifetime memories for yourselves that will carry you all well in the future. God bless.

 

[1420Elexismc]

I lost both of my parents within three years of each other. I have been blessed to have a good support group of family/friends but agree that you need to make time for yourself to grieve. Grief attacks are 100% a thing and can come on without warning, or for reasons that don't make sense at the time. It's helpful to find people who are going through similar situations, but also important to realize that your grief battle will differ from someone else's. I truly hope you and your family are able to find some peace here and there-even though it may seem daunting now, with everything being so fresh.

 

[AnnaS]

 

[mommasita]

I am so sorry @Ursula J . Losing a parent is so difficult. He sounds like an impressive man. I did join online groups, but found myself not sharing, it’s not for everyone, but it may be right for you. Would you prefer online as to in person, you can do searches, as there are many. My group had joined was targeted for a specific loss.

My therapist had told me, and is recently telling me again, you take care of people all day long with your job, you take care of your son, your husband, but WHO is taking care of you ? You do sound a lot like that, and I’m glad you recognize that, I hope you can find the resources that are right for you, and if your daughter needs that as well.

Open up here if you need to, or feel comfortable, we are a caring bunch

 

[Ursula J]

Just a quick story. In the early 80s, my parents drove us from Michigan to WDW for a vacation. Though we didn't have much money, my dad booked us at the Polynesian. I'll never forget the wonder of being someplace so magnifcent--nothing like the Days Inn or Motel 6s we usually had to stay at if we were on the road! I remember giggling hysterically when Minnie Mouse pretended to flirt with him at breakfast (Ohana, I'm guessing) We got to take him a few more times once we were adults, including a precious family trip in 2021. The rest of the family would ask me how I could keep going to WDW instead of going new places, but he got it--he knew what it was like to have a happy place where you didn't need to worry. Even to the end, he loved to talk about (get ready for the nostalgia) how, on that original 80s trip, the Polynesian was the first hotel he'd ever been to that cost over $100 a night!

 

[1420Elexismc]

Just a quick story. In the early 80s, my parents drove us from Michigan to WDW for a vacation. Though we didn't have much money, my dad booked us at the Polynesian. I'll never forget the wonder of being someplace so magnifcent--nothing like the Days Inn or Motel 6s we usually had to stay at if we were on the road! I remember giggling hysterically when Minnie Mouse pretended to flirt with him at breakfast (Ohana, I'm guessing) We got to take him a few more times once we were adults, including a precious family trip in 2021. The rest of the family would ask me how I could keep going to WDW instead of going new places, but he got it--he knew what it was like to have a happy place where you didn't need to worry. Even to the end, he loved to talk about (get ready for the nostalgia) how, on that original 80s trip, the Polynesian was the first hotel he'd ever been to that cost over $100 a night!

What a great story...it's so nice to have happy memories to look back on...it definitely helps during those tougher moments

 

[Dan Murphy]

Just a quick story. In the early 80s, my parents drove us from Michigan to WDW for a vacation. Though we didn't have much money, my dad booked us at the Polynesian. I'll never forget the wonder of being someplace so magnifcent--nothing like the Days Inn or Motel 6s we usually had to stay at if we were on the road! I remember giggling hysterically when Minnie Mouse pretended to flirt with him at breakfast (Ohana, I'm guessing) We got to take him a few more times once we were adults, including a precious family trip in 2021. The rest of the family would ask me how I could keep going to WDW instead of going new places, but he got it--he knew what it was like to have a happy place where you didn't need to worry. Even to the end, he loved to talk about (get ready for the nostalgia) how, on that original 80s trip, the Polynesian was the first hotel he'd ever been to that cost over $100 a night!

Beautiful!

 

[mommasita]

Just a quick story. In the early 80s, my parents drove us from Michigan to WDW for a vacation. Though we didn't have much money, my dad booked us at the Polynesian. I'll never forget the wonder of being someplace so magnifcent--nothing like the Days Inn or Motel 6s we usually had to stay at if we were on the road! I remember giggling hysterically when Minnie Mouse pretended to flirt with him at breakfast (Ohana, I'm guessing) We got to take him a few more times once we were adults, including a precious family trip in 2021. The rest of the family would ask me how I could keep going to WDW instead of going new places, but he got it--he knew what it was like to have a happy place where you didn't need to worry. Even to the end, he loved to talk about (get ready for the nostalgia) how, on that original 80s trip, the Polynesian was the first hotel he'd ever been to that cost over $100 a night!

That is so sweet to read! Those are the precious memories, a place where you can close your eyes and remember.

 

[mommasita]

How are things @Ursula J ?
How is your daughter doing. I know Father’s Day is approaching. i think you and your family often. I know how grief is. I Just wanted to pop in

 

[Ursula J]

How are things @Ursula J ?
How is your daughter doing. I know Father’s Day is approaching. i think you and your family often. I know how grief is. I Just wanted to pop in

Thank you for your kindness. We're getting by. My daughter is definitely missing the grandpa who loved her exactly as she is. My mother is lashing out a lot, and even though I know she's lost and overwhelmed, it's frankly kind of awful--her latest target is my daughter's weight (she's not skinny but she's healthy). I don't know what to for day, except try to keep the peace and give as much grace as i can. We tried a family gathering this weekend and it magnified how my dad anchored her and was a calming presence. I just feel absolutely alone. I'm trying to get through each day, and that's about it. I miss him so much it hurts.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

My condolences

 

[mommasita]

Thank you for your kindness. We're getting by. My daughter is definitely missing the grandpa who loved her exactly as she is. My mother is lashing out a lot, and even though I know she's lost and overwhelmed, it's frankly kind of awful--her latest target is my daughter's weight (she's not skinny but she's healthy). I don't know what to for day, except try to keep the peace and give as much grace as i can. We tried a family gathering this weekend and it magnified how my dad anchored her and was a calming presence. I just feel absolutely alone. I'm trying to get through each day, and that's about it. I miss him so much it hurts.

oh my, that can’t be easy. I wish that grief didn’t have to hurt so badly, that we hurt the ones we love in turn. Sixteen is a tender age, as you know. Giving grace to your Mother shows what type of woman you are.
Did you try another therapist, maybe one more considerate, in my opinion, or any online groups?

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Ursula, with care and prayers, too. I'm so sorry. My own dad is so precious to me. I'm very grateful you and your dad had such a bond, as well. for you and all of your family. Thank you, I pray, for allowing us to offer you some extra support. Thinking of you

 

[SpaceMan5]

I have been bouncing around the other forums on this board and have seen that @flyingdumbo127 and @mommasita always seem to have a positive and encouraging word for us all!

Thank you!

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Aw thanks SpaceMan. I simply pray to in however a tiny way be kind witness. Thank you and Dan for the kindness you both spread!

 

[SpaceMan5]

Aw thanks SpaceMan. I simply pray to in however a tiny way be kind witness. Thank you and Dan for the kindness you both spread!

Thanks you and @Dan Murphy!