Grandparent's Rights

[pixiemomma]

I hate to think that there are so many people who would not like the grandparents being a part of a childs life. All children need to be surrounded by loving, caring and responsible family members in my opinion.

OP I also would have concerns but is there anyway that your MIL could visit with your children in your presence?

I can assure you that not all grandparents are sweetness and light.

Va32h, best of luck to you.

 

[budbeerlady]

You really need to know for sure what the law dictates in Texas. I do know that many states do not have clear laws. If I am remembering correctly, one poster mentioned that Florida is one state for sure where they do not recognise 'grandparents rights'.

I would ask your lawyer to give you the actual reference to Texas legal code where grandparents rights, or lack thereof, are dictated.

I am thinking that you should be documenting everything that has happened with your inlaws. Some of the things that they have done are illegal, and would constitute child endangerment or neglect. If these things are well documented, then you would have just cause to request that the inlaws never be granted unsupervised visits with the children. Don't many child custody/visitation agreements have stipulations like this? (No unauthorized unknown adults residing in the home, etc.. etc...)

Man, you don't even want to get me started on grandparents rights!!! Once a person has turned 18 years of age and left home, their rights are OVER!!!" Meddling inlaws and parents are vile enough without giving them any legal encouragment!!!

Well said and DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!

I've not had person experience with a divorce so maybe I am wrong here. But could you push for it to be written that if Dh is deployed you have the custody of the kids? I would think a court would see this as better for the kids to be with a parent than other family members? I know there have been loses of custody over cigarette smoking, so why not make a laundry list of what isnt allowed near your children. (As the grandma is obviously lacking in common sense this could be a very LONG list.)

Good luck!

 

[DVC Sadie]

See, this is what I am afraid of. Some family court judge, some stranger, to decide that she is entitled to spend time with them.

You just don't know her.

Would you want someone telling your 10 year old about her recovered memories of sexual abuse (which, by the way, are totally false and made up).

Or about her alleged multiple personalities (which don't exist).

Or that grandma is sad because she knows that your mommy doesn't like her - do you know why mommy doesn't like me? Could you ask mommy why she doesn't like me?

Would you let someone bring armloads of gifts to one child, and one item to the other two? How would you handle it when your son asks why grandma only wants his sister to visit? Or why she left him alone in the house while she walked her neighbors dog?

Would you let your mother in law spank your child for being too loud, in your own house, when you are a few feet away? Would you let your MIL call your son a crybaby?

I think I know what is healthy for my own children. This woman is NOT.

Of course I wouldn't allow any of the above examples to happen. I have also seen very loving grandparents be severly punished because one of the kids wanted to divorce. I am NOT talking about you. The things I have seen have not Always been in the best interest of the child/children. It does not seem as if you will have any difficulty in regards to keeping her away from your child.

 

[Goofyzgurl]

If there is a divorce situation, then it would stand to reason that the non-military spouse should be given custody, and the miltary spouse visitation, since one has no idea where the military spouse will be from month to month...

Not really, especially if the non military spouse wasn't the best choice.

Actually, active-duty military personnel are not allowed to have custody of their minor children - single parents are required to name someone else legal guardian anyway. So I am not concerned about losing custody of my children.

Of course I would not object to my husband having visitation with our children. But just because someone "serves their country" doesn't automatically make them a great parent.

I was not saying that just because they serve their country they should automatically make them a great parent. I know there are great parents in and out of the military. I felt that the poster was using the reason that he was in the military not to give him visitation/custody rights.

Okay, now I see that he is in the military...Definitely could use this as a reason to request that he only be granted limited visitation rights, and no custody.....

If he's a bad parent and makes bad decisions, then yeah don't give him custody/visitation. Not because he's in the military for goodness sakes. I was trying to get across that just because they serve their country, they should not be excluded on that point.

As for active single military personnel not being allowed to have custody of minor children, that's not true. I have plenty of single military members who have custody of their kids. Single/dual active duty with custody just have to have a dependant care plan which states where their child will go in the event that they deploy, short term and long term. I've had to sign off on some of their short term plans. My friend just got custody of his children, with his ex having visitation. When he goes to Iraq, he'll be giving his poa to his fiancee with kids. Good luck.

 

[pearlieq]

I hate to think that there are so many people who would not like the grandparents being a part of a childs life. All children need to be surrounded by loving, caring and responsible family members in my opinion.

I'm not directing this at you personally, but this kind of attitude scares the bejeebers out of me! I firmly believe there should be no such thing as "grandparent's rights" while there are still competent, living parents.

The PARENTS are the only people who have the "right" to have contact with the child. For everyone else it is a happy privilige granted at the discretion of the parents.

I'm just horrified at the idea of anyone telling a parent that they MUST let their child have contact with someone. Where does that stop? Why are grandparents special? Should your neighbor be allowed to demand visitation too?

 

[jgmklmhem]

I'm not directing this at you personally, but this kind of attitude scares the bejeebers out of me! I firmly believe there should be no such thing as "grandparent's rights" while there are still competent, living parents.

The PARENTS are the only people who have the "right" to have contact with the child. For everyone else it is a happy privilige granted at the discretion of the parents.

I'm just horrified at the idea of anyone telling a parent that they MUST let their child have contact with someone. Where does that stop? Why are grandparents special? Should your neighbor be allowed to demand visitation too?

I am with you on this one. Presumably the grandparents were not in on the action of making and/or carrying the child for 9 months and if they are not the financial supporters then I see them with no rights. Just because they are my parents shouldn't give them any legal say over my children unless I give it to them.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

See, this is what I am afraid of. Some family court judge, some stranger, to decide that she is entitled to spend time with them.

You just don't know her.

Would you want someone telling your 10 year old about her recovered memories of sexual abuse (which, by the way, are totally false and made up).

Or about her alleged multiple personalities (which don't exist).

Or that grandma is sad because she knows that your mommy doesn't like her - do you know why mommy doesn't like me? Could you ask mommy why she doesn't like me?

Would you let someone bring armloads of gifts to one child, and one item to the other two? How would you handle it when your son asks why grandma only wants his sister to visit? Or why she left him alone in the house while she walked her neighbors dog?

Would you let your mother in law spank your child for being too loud, in your own house, when you are a few feet away? Would you let your MIL call your son a crybaby?

I think I know what is healthy for my own children. This woman is NOT.

Well, since I guess this is directed at me, no of course I wouldn't want/let any of those things happen. But you did post this and I'm just giving my opinion, take it or leave it. But I am thinking most of those things wouldn't happen if you were there to supervise. I am NOT saying you are totally in the wrong here. Because you're not. I completely understand what you're saying. But, this IS their grandmother, faults and all, and I still would encourage you, even it's just once a month for lunch at McDonald's or something, to let them see her.

 

[jgmklmhem]

Well, since I guess this is directed at me, no of course I wouldn't want/let any of those things happen. But you did post this and I'm just giving my opinion, take it or leave it. But I am thinking most of those things wouldn't happen if you were there to supervise. I am NOT saying you are totally in the wrong here. Because you're not. I completely understand what you're saying. But, this IS their grandmother, faults and all, and I still would encourage you, even it's just once a month for lunch at McDonald's or something, to let them see her.

I am just wondering personally would you feel the same way if they were not related. Toxic people in my opinion need to be avoided if at all possible especially by children. It does not matter if they are related or not. This just strikes a terrible chord with me. I just see a great difference between the genetic/family tree distinction of grandmother and someone who actually is a grandmother. One is just a title the other is who the person is and how they act. Not that there is a set definition but based on the OP's description this woman is not a grandmother by anything other than title alone. Toxic people can sometimes do damage to a child with just an offhand comment at Mcdonalds.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

I am just wondering personally would you feel the same way if they were not related. Toxic people in my opinion need to be avoided if at all possible especially by children. It does not matter if they are related or not. This just strikes a terrible chord with me. I just see a great difference between the genetic/family tree distinction of grandmother and someone who actually is a grandmother. One is just a title the other is who the person is and how they act. Not that there is a set definition but based on the OP's description this woman is not a grandmother by anything other than title alone. Toxic people can sometimes do damage to a child with just an offhand comment at Mcdonalds.

I guess I am stuck on the OP's original post that she did not want to leave them alone with the grandmother. All I am saying is fine, don't leave them alone with her. Also, I just think an hour once a month might save the OP a lot of grief from the grandmother's threats and such.

The OP even states in post #33:

As long as I allow her to call, write, and invite her to visit the children in our city, she can't argue that I am denying her a relationship with them.

I am willing to do those things - I just don't want to leave her alone with them.

I am just encouraging to do just that.

 

[ashlynn_j_m]

My friend has custody of his 2 sons, and his ex's parents took him to court for grandparents rights, they get them every other weekend that the mom doesn't have them and transportation is split....

 

[Patty3]

In this particular case, I agree there is some reason for concern, but under normal circumstances I think grandparent's should have legal rights in terms of visitation and such because I have seen too many bitter ex's (both men and women) use the children as pawns and punish the grandparents for something the "horrible" spouse did..

Whenever possible, children need the love and support of all family members - not just the parents.. Chrildren thrive on love - why deprive them of it?

This case is definitely the exception to the rule though if the grandmother is that irresponsible..

Well said. My DS and DIL are in the midsts of a divorce. I would be heartbroken if DIL would not want me to be a part of the children's lives.

 

[Chicago526]

All I have to say is A) I'm soooo glad DH and won't every get divorced (really) and 2) on the off chance we did, both my parents and his live out of state!

OP, you really need to sit down and have a long conversation with your lawyer about all of this, tell him exactly what you've told us and tell him you want him to be proactive in making sure things turn out the way you want them to.

Also, have you talked to your ex about this? How does he feel about him mom having access to the kids? If he is willing to back you up in court, I can't imagine a judge granting your ex-MIL anything at all. This does put him in a bad situation, but it might be worth at least finding out what he thinks about everything.

 

[Nancyg56]

In this particular case, I agree there is some reason for concern, but under normal circumstances I think grandparent's should have legal rights in terms of visitation and such because I have seen too many bitter ex's (both men and women) use the children as pawns and punish the grandparents for something the "horrible" spouse did..

Whenever possible, children need the love and support of all family members - not just the parents.. Chrildren thrive on love - why deprive them of it?

This case is definitely the exception to the rule though if the grandmother is that irresponsible..

Well said, Ann. WHen my first husband died, his mother was afraid that I would not bring the kids around, and was talking about her rights. Well, in my state, GP rights do not apply if there is a death, but that was not the right thing to do. They have been a part of my family, and I a part of their family because my children needed all of the love that was offered to them. Perhaps the OP can arrange to visit the MIL with her children, and then be able to supervise the visits. I agree that in this case, leaving them alone would be an accident waiting to happen.

 

[2sweetangels]

I am with you on this one. Presumably the grandparents were not in on the action of making and/or carrying the child for 9 months and if they are not the financial supporters then I see them with no rights. Just because they are my parents shouldn't give them any legal say over my children unless I give it to them.

I couldn't agree with more,