Liz
Make a miracle!
- Joined
- Aug 18, 1999
- Messages
- 4,909
You may have already seen this. These things seem to go round and round, but I thought it was pretty cute:
"The Battle"
In the beginning God populated the earth with broccoli
and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben
and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, "You
want chocolate with that?" And man said "Yes!" and
woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And
lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might
keep the figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And
woman went from size 2 to size 6.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and
garlic toast on the side. And man and woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried shrimp and
catfish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And man gained more weight and his
cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his
children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the
channels. And man and woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and piled on the pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them
and added copious quantities of salt. And man put on
more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries
with that?" and man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!"
And Satan said "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.
"The Battle"
In the beginning God populated the earth with broccoli
and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben
and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, "You
want chocolate with that?" And man said "Yes!" and
woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And
lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might
keep the figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And
woman went from size 2 to size 6.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and
garlic toast on the side. And man and woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried shrimp and
catfish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And man gained more weight and his
cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his
children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the
channels. And man and woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and piled on the pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them
and added copious quantities of salt. And man put on
more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries
with that?" and man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!"
And Satan said "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.
