Going out w/o telling your spouse/SO...Update p. 4

[GJM]

DH has done this to me and it really ticks me off. I tell him all the time leave a note or wake me up.

 

[WDWLVR]

If I woke up and found out DH had left without even leaving a note I'd be a wreck! I'm a worry wart by nature. I'd be so relieved when he came home but I think that relief would be short lived and then I'd be mad!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

For consideration of safety and welfare of both parties and our children....an adult doesn't leave the house without letting the other know where they are going.

It's not permission--but consideration.


Any number of things can happen at home to your or to him while he's out. He was foolish and selfish in his actions.

He could have left a note if he didn't want to wake you.

I hate to be morbid and am really not trying to be funny--BUT:
You're an alibi, a next of kin, the source of bail money--et cetera.

It is simple consideration for the other person's feelings and a sign of caring.

 

[LoveWDW]

He was in the wrong. Yes he is an adult and has rights, but he is also a husband and has responsibilities. One responsibility is to not do things that would cause you worry or alarm. He should have awakened you. A note would be a poor second choice, but better than nothing. What if there had been a emergency? Chances are that he wouldn't like it if you vanished until all hours without telling him first after he went to bed.

 

[snoopy]

I've been married almost 20 years and I've learned the art of picking my battles.....this would NOT be a battle I could overlook.

And I'd have a hard time believing he went out at 2:30 am for coffee.......

 

[Daxx]

Yep, I'd be upset and angry. And, I will say that DH would feel the same way if I had done it to him.

 

[dg39]

I have to agree with many posters. Like snoopy, I've been married over 23yrs. and have learned the art of picking my battles, but, this one is one I wouldn't overlook.

 

[Tiffany]

Please give me your honest opinion. I would like to know if I'm overreacting.

I fell asleep early last night, at around 9:30. DH was watching TV in the living room at the time.

Woke up at 2 in the morning, as I was alone in the bed. Went out to the living room, then to our second bedroom...DH is not home.

Tried to call, but his phone was not on.

He did arrive home about half an hour later, saying he had gone out for coffee with his friends. I was upset that he had gone out without telling me first. Granted, I was asleep, but I think that he could have at least left a note, or mentioned it to me before I went to bed.

Part of me is upset, it feels like he waited for me to fall asleep before going out. I also wonder about the phone thing...he just got a new battery for his phone a month ago, the thing holds a charge for days...plus he has a car charger. Doesn't make sense. That is all "speculation" thought.

But the other side is saying he is an adult, he can do what he wants. He can, I don't care if he goes out without me, but some common courtesy would be nice.

Okay, honest opinions, please...should I be upset, or forget about it?

Hi,

Speaking as a woman who has been married for over twelve years you have every right to be upset. My husband and I are free to come an go as we please but we tell each other where we are going or leave notes. I am sorry but if friends really did call spur of the moment after you had fallen a sleep there is no good reason why he could not have left you a note along the line of

Hi,
Joe called and I have gone out to meet him at ABC Bar. Be back after the bar closes.

Love,
N

I am sorry but I highly doubt that he was out having "coffee" until 2:30am without leaving you a note.

 

[we3disneygo]

I would be very upset, after 19 years of marriage I hope dh wouldn't be that stupid...... I think the phone not turned on and no note would be the most upsetting!

 

[VSL]

I am sorry but I highly doubt that he was out having "coffee" until 2:30am without leaving you a note.

I can't help but agree.
But, of course, it depends on the backstory whether this is true or not.

I would be so angry though!

 

[helenabear]

I'd be upset. Just for the fact that he could've left a note! It wouldn't be something I'd be able to let go of either.

I've had similar things happen with my DH before. He would be talking to someone outside and he'd go over to their house or go out. I let him know that he *has* to tell me because I worry only for his safety. A couple of those times either he forgot his cell phone was off or he was in an area that it didn't get reception.

And no, he wasn't up to anything bad. I saw him return with the people he did (good friends or neighbor), he just didn't realize I'd be so worried. So the rule was in place, if the other is not aware of where they might be (running late, leaving unexpectedly, etc) a note should be left (or a call should be made).

Common courtesy to me.

 

[MOMTOCUTESTDOGEVER]

My first thought is: Coffee, is that her name?

This story leads to the conclusion that something is definitely fishy.

 

[Rozzie]

I have a hard time buying the coffee thing at 230am. I would be really upset and worried....then my imagination would run wild.

has he ever done anything like this before???

 

[MELSMICE]

Yeah, I'd be mad, upset & angry.

 

[Keli]

Nah, you're not being overly sensitive here. He should have woke you up or left a note. As to whether there's more going on here than meets the eye--well, could be or maybe not. Hard to tell from one incident and I wouldn't jump to any conclusions but I guess I would keep an eye out for other unusual incidents.

 

[AdventurerKat]

He should have at least left a note. Common courtesy.

 

[Tiggeroo]

sorry but this is a big red flag to me. Unless he has friends who often stop by or call and ask him to meet him at night I'd be doubting his whole story. If dh had some reason to leave our house late at night he wouldn't leave a note, he'd nudge me in my sleep and tell me. Then he'd have his cell phone on.

 

[Zurealsoon]

Do you really belive he went drinking coffee at 2 in the morning?

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Do you really belive he went drinking coffee at 2 in the morning?

I was thinking the same thing!

 

[Aidensmom]

I'd have been upset, but not because I didn't trust him or something. To not know where he was would make me extremely worried and stressed, and I would be mad that he had put me in that situation.

My DH tends to fall asleep much earlier than me, sometimes even as early as 7 or 8 pm, and I have gone out somewhere after he is asleep, but I always leave a note.

ETA: I am a nightowl, and if I were out for coffee till 2:30 am, it would not be strange, especially if a friend needed to talk or something. I don't find it unbelievable that someone could really be doing that.