Going back after loss

[twinmom319]

Hi all -
it's been a while since I've posted. I apologize in advance, I'm sure there is a thread on here somewhere about this, but I couldn't find it while searching.

Last summer our family took an epic road trip to WDW after a hiatus during the FL construction. We had a wonderful, magical time. I am so glad that we went because after we returned home DH was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and passed away 2 months later.

We are not going to WDW this summer. My kids want to continue our tradition of the yearly road trip, but we will be going somewhere closer to home, as I anticipate much upheaval in our first trip without DH. But I know he would want us to continue exploring.

But, my kids, who are so incredibly joy-filled, connected to their dad, and amazing, think that we should go back to WDW in 2015. My littlest will be 6 and DH and I wanted to bring her back again while she was still full on believing in the magic.

I am living right now 5 minutes at a time. 2015 is many 5 minute segments away. But I wonder if there is anyone out there who has gone through something like this? And has any experience or advice to share?

 

[mom2maggie]

I haven't, but I'd like to extend my condolences. I completely understand the 5 minutes segments. Please make sure you take time for you!!

 

[BubblyTrip]

I don't have an experience to share, but wanted to send you a hug. I can imagine a return trip will be full of emotion and old memories, and also a time to make new memories.

 

[QueenQuad]

I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my dad in 2007 (cancer) and we're going next month to WDW. First trip for my mom (and me) without my dad. It won't be the same without him, but I know he'll be there with us in spirit.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[nadira36]

I don't have experience either. But also want to extend my condolences.

If this were my family, I would go. And just like before other trips, I would look at pictures of previous trips and recall the happy memories. I'd also be sure to have tissue on hand at all times (I'm prone to crying at Disney to begin with).

When we've experienced the death of a loved one, we've talked a lot about our memories, how we miss the person, and even how the person might react to certain things. B/c disney is so big for us, I suspect there'd be a lot of 'therapy' talk while there. And it'd be a way to bring the happy memories up more than the pain of loss.

DHs grandmother just lost her husband of 63 years. She weighed the pros and cons and decided to take the trip to palm desert like usual. Though instead of her husband her children are taking turns heading down to spend time remembering with her. It's painful, but also a release.

Though each person must travel their own journey to acceptance and living life after someone passes, it sounds like this may be part of you DDs way of working through things.

 

[noahdove]

I am so sorry for your loss and I can only imagine how it will be. In 2011 we took a whole family Disney cruise followed up by a stay at Caribbean Beach resort. However, during that time, my son-in-law was living the good life and was having an affair!!!! I will know better come May cause I am taking my daughter and her children to Disney so it will hopefully be a good start to a new chapter in her life as the other trip all her husband wanted to do at Disney was lounge by the pool...We take comfort in knowing our God is Mightier than what has happened. I know God will be with you as well.

 

[schmass]

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I think that if the kids want to go back, you should do it. I'm sure it will be both difficult and magical at the same time.

I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer right before Christmas. I am actually heading down to Disney tomorrow night, and when my dad passed, we convinced my mother that she should join us for a few days. We have taken many family trips to Disney in the past, and my dad was a huge fan, so I know it's going to be tough. I'm hoping it will still be an amazing trip for everyone, though.

 

[Crystal824]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no real experience with this, but if you feel like you can go, I would do it. Make some new memories and celebrate those past ones.

 

[SweetMissy]

I am so so so sorry! Such a sad experience, I can't imagine! I think you should do what makes you and your girls happy! Be prepared though, it may be a very emotional trip. Good luck to you!

 

[rachelanne]

Firstly im so sorry for your loss, although not the same I thought I would share my experience, I lost my mum when she was killed in a road accident by a drunk driver, a few months later me and my teenage sons and cousin went to disney.
It felt emotional, especially wishes, when the only wish I had was to bring her back to us, but it was a very close time for us,because my mum knew we all loved Disney and would always tell us to go and book another trip when she was alive, so it was like we took her with us.
We talked about her and there were plenty of tears but I think you need tears to start healing.
I dont know your family, but im sure your husband will be wanting you to carry on and do things that will start to lighten your heavy hearts - I can almost picture my mum saying you go love, and have such a happy time.
You are in my thoughts, take comfort from your trip, a place where you love as a family

 

[GotLabradors]

I think that if the kids want to go back, you should do it. I'm sure it will be both difficult and magical at the same time.

I totally agree with this. Disney represents good memories for your kids with their parents. It will be a good thing for you and your kids to remember the good/funny memories from your trip. Kids are pretty resilient. Let them be your guide on this.

 

[Marsheliz]

I am so sorry for your loss... As i have not lost my DH, my mom passed away from cancer in April. We were so close and life has not been the same for me. We took her to Disney in Sept 2012 and 7 months later, she was gone. We went back in October and I enjoyed reliving when she was with us the previous time... I think she was probably smiling while we watched Wishes and our favorite magical parade...

I feel like Disney is such a magical place- It's like when you go under those gates- reality doesn't exist. I think you and your children should go. Disney is very magical and therapeutic to me, maybe it will be for you too. Hugs!

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I think planning a trip in 2015 will give you something to focus on. Go while the kids are young and still in the mood to go.

 

[ajwolfe]

I'm sorry for your loss....If it was my kids, I would take them. It's a great opportunity to celebrate your husband and what he loved to do. There will be many memories made and many memories celebrated in that trip I'm sure.

Not quite the same but I lost my dad in January of 2013, we had already planned to take a trip in February 2013 but I was worried we would be sad from his long illness and passing. It was just the thing we needed. We were able to have a good time and reunite as a family while celebrating him. There was much discussion about Grandpa while we were there, but in a happy way.

 

[Disney44please]

First, I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine what you are going through and the strength it must take on a daily basis.

I agree with the others that say going back will be good for all of you. I am sure it will be gut wrenching that he isn't there, but it will be another way for the family to grieve and cope with the loss.

Good luck on this road trip and all the others in the future.

 

[#1 Goofy Fan]

I am sorry for your loss. Loss is never easy. I say go for it.
I will share my experience. My DH and I lost our first child and I didn't think I would ever return to Disney - seeing all the happy children was too sad. Well I have to say we planned a trip near what would have been his 1st birthday and I am glad we did. As others have said Disney is a magical place and you forget your troubles while you are there. Create new memories and enjoy your children - as you know life is short and those who have passed would want you and your children to be happy. Have fun

 

[luvmy2babies]

My sincerest condolences. I lost my husband almost 4 years ago, about 11 months after our final vacation together with our daughter. He died just after I had our son (an unexpected souvenir from the trip). He was 2 months old and my daughter was almost 7.

I don’t have that experience with Disney. We started going after my husband died. We rarely vacationed together due to his limitations although my daughter and I went different places. There were a couple of other places we went together, mainly the beaches here, Virginia and Myrtle.

Our first vacation the summer after he died was to Virginia Beach. Dd and I talked about the different things about the area that dh liked and went to a couple of the same places. It was tough, but being home was just maddening. For a few reasons I only got to take a couple of weeks off work, so I was just really eager to escape home.

Just this past Thanksgiving we returned to the last place my husband, dd and I vacationed together-the same hotel even. It was surreal to look at my children in the same place when things had been so different before.

I would go if the children want to do it. Disney has been a great source of healing for us. Dh and I had planned to take the children when our son was bigger, but he didn’t make it. I started taking them about 8 months later and this spring we are taking our 4th trip.

Vacations in general have become more important. Parenting solo I need some time when I can just be mom and not everything else I have to be during the rest of our lives.

 

[daisy_77]

Sorry for the loss of your husband.

I think taking the kids and making new memories while remembering the fun times you had with your husband may heal you as a family.

 

[bluepirategrl]

.

 

[twinmom319]

You are all so wonderful. I feel so much better about both our decision to take a (small) road trip this summer and the idea of planning a disney trip next year. Our trips were always so special to our family and I know he would want us to continue. and that he will be there with us.