getting married in a church- so clueless! what to do??!?

[serendipity]

Hi everyone,

I'm getting married this May and it is very important to my family that I be married in a catholic church. I know nothing of church. I received my communion and that was the end of my attendence. My family does not go to church either, which makes me feel like they're silly for wanting me to be married in a church. I, however, always wanted a traditional wedding and would like to be married in a catholic church but I have no idea how to go about it. My fiancee hates organized religion. His background is half jewish and half catholic yet he has never received communion or a bar mitzvah. I called the local church and they kind of gave me an attitude and said we both would have to go to pre cana (???). I don't know if i would have to receive confirmation and if so what goes into that? Is pre cana religious? If so I know my fiancee won't go to it. I just don't know what to do. We're having a very simple reception just at a restaurant with 20 ppl in a private area. If I cannot get married in a church and don't want to be married at the town hall do I have any other options? How much does a church wedding cost? Someone please help me!!!!!

 

[JDMasso]

Well, I don't know too much about the subject, but I do know you and your future hubby must take pre cana classes. They are just classes that discuss how to live your life as husband and wife. I don't think it is a requirement that you or your husband be confirmed. I think it is strongly suggested.

 

[twojo21]

this all depends on your church/parish & their guidelines typically pre cana is required. the fee also varies depending on the church. i suggest you contact your church & set up a meeting with a priest to discuss your options & feelings about a church wedding. based on your comments on your fh a catholic wedding might not be for him. you should have a ceremony that reflects you both, why have a church wedding if your not religious? maybe get married outside? i personally feel closer to god when im near nature. best of luck.

 

[JDMasso]

I decided to do some research on line re: your issue, and I found an article that states that you must be confirmed before being married in a Catholic Church, however, both of you do not have to be Catholics (what?) Here is the link http://www.poorbuthappy.com/colombia/node/14012. I don't know how accurate it is. Maybe you should make an appointment with someone at the Church and explain to them the situation.

 

[hmgolden]

To get married in the church, you will have to get confirmed. Since your fiance is half jewish, he can probably avoid having to receive communion and get confirmed as long as you do. He will most likely have to sign a piece of paper saying that he agrees that any children you have will be raised catholic, but that will depend on your parish. You'll also have to attend pre cana. Depending on your parish, that'll either be a one day seminar, a weekend retreat or classes that take place over several months.

Good Luck! At least around here, getting married in a catholic church that you have little or no affiliation with is not easy!

 

[toyotaae86lg]

I was in the same situation at first. I was raised catholic...had my first communion..and was confirmed. My mom is a pretty hard catholic to. My fiance is southern baptist. I know what a mix. Well my fiance and I are both Christians but were not entirely religious. So I dobbled into having a catholic wedding and we would have to do and then looked into some baptists churchs. It got way to complicated and irritating so that is why Disney here we come. And everyone is happy now..

Plus in the end my Catholic church wouldn't even alow us to get married because she was baptist and I hadn't gone to church in forever. That was a good deciding factor. Disney= no judgements

 

[ItGirl753]

Does it have to be Catholic? You could also try talking to a Pastor at a more non-denominational church or a community church. My church is a community church and has married many couples who could not get married in other churches who are more strict. You still may have to go to counseling classes with the Pastor, but I don't think they're as extensive as pre cana.

 

[dannirose]

I teach Confirmation class and RCIA at my church - the rules are slightly different for each parish, however, this is what we were told when we had to look into allowing a couple to marry in the Catholic church last year (he had been raised Catholic as a child but was not confirmed and she was not practicing any form of religion):

All couples must complete some form of pre cana - and the length of class is at the pastor's discretion if he feels you need additional classes he can instruct you to do so.

Couples wishing to marry in the Catholic church should be confirmed. In the event one of the couple is not Catholic but the other is (and has been confirmed) the church will allow the marriage. If neither of the couple has been confirmed the couple should be instructed to take RCIA classes before proceeding with the marriage.

I would suggest you call the archdiocese in your area and clarify the policy. In the event you are told one or both of you will need to go through RCIA you should know classes are starting up in parishes now and depending on the type you register for, most do not allow late enrollment. Some parishes require a 2 year instruction course, in others (like mine) the course begins in October and is completed in the spring. I would definitely recommend you "shop around" if you choose to go this route.

 

[serendipity]

I teach Confirmation class and RCIA at my church - the rules are slightly different for each parish, however, this is what we were told when we had to look into allowing a couple to marry in the Catholic church last year (he had been raised Catholic as a child but was not confirmed and she was not practicing any form of religion):

All couples must complete some form of pre cana - and the length of class is at the pastor's discretion if he feels you need additional classes he can instruct you to do so.

Couples wishing to marry in the Catholic church should be confirmed. In the event one of the couple is not Catholic but the other is (and has been confirmed) the church will allow the marriage. If neither of the couple has been confirmed the couple should be instructed to take RCIA classes before proceeding with the marriage.

I would suggest you call the archdiocese in your area and clarify the policy. In the event you are told one or both of you will need to go through RCIA you should know classes are starting up in parishes now and depending on the type you register for, most do not allow late enrollment. Some parishes require a 2 year instruction course, in others (like mine) the course begins in October and is completed in the spring. I would definitely recommend you "shop around" if you choose to go this route.

I found out through the RCIA classes run from next week until about easter. Do you know how frequent classes are and how demanding they are. I work full time and go to school full time so if this is a very hard commitement I may be unable to make it

 

[dannirose]

I found out through the RCIA classes run from next week until about easter. Do you know how frequent classes are and how demanding they are. I work full time and go to school full time so if this is a very hard commitement I may be unable to make it

Generally classes are once or twice a week but again that varies by parish. It also depends on how long the class is - for instance we are once a week and our classes are an hour and half long. Most parishes expect students to be adults holding down full time jobs, family, etc, so we are usually instructed to keep that in mind as we prepare our lessons. Our curriculum features a lot of in class reading & discussion and video watching.

You should call the parish you spoke with back and ask what the class schedule is - each RCIA program should know their schedules for sure by this time of the year.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I know our parish has started the RCIS classes. On Easter all in the class receive Baptism, Communion and Confirmation. The RCIS class attends the first half of mass and then goes to classes. I am not sure if they do other classes, but this is what I see at mass.

 

[LgTmDisFan]

My DD was in much the same situation. As she was raised Catholic and her DF was not, both were in the military and want to get married within two months. Our Parish classes are 6 months. Knowing this I knew they would not want to wait and to DF would not want to attend class for 6 mo.s soI searched out something that worked for us. As we were only having around 50 people to the wedding I check in to a wedding chapel. Then on thier 3rd Anniversary they had a blessing in the church.

I also agree with the one that said Disney would be a great chose.

Hope you have a blessed wedding what very way you go.

 

[juligrl]

If niether of you are active in a church then why in the world would you want to do a Catholic wedding?
Here's what two of my brides and friends (I'm a bridal consultant) with similar situations did:
Bride 1: Baptised and raised Catholic. DFi a non-active Baptist. Priest said no to marrying them in a church without him becoming an active Catholic. They said no thanks and got married by a United Methodist minister in a beautiful 100+ year old non-demonational chapel.
Bride 2: Baptised Catholic schoolgirl who hadn't attended church in 10+ years. DFi never baptised anything. Married in a garden ceremony at his family's Bed & Breakfast by his aunt's Presbyterian minister. Absolute lowest budget wedding I have ever had the honor of putting together - one of the best weddings I've ever been to!

It's not where the wedding happens or who does the wedding, it's the vows you're making and the joining of your two lives together that matters most. Enjoy it and don't get bogged down in all the ritual.

 

[Rella Bella]

I found out through the RCIA classes run from next week until about easter. Do you know how frequent classes are and how demanding they are. I work full time and go to school full time so if this is a very hard commitement I may be unable to make it

First, congratulations on your engagement! This is just one of what seems like millions of decisions you and your fiance will have to make between now and your wedding! Just take each one as it comes, and do what's right for the two of you.

As for RCIA class, the one we attended met once a week at first and then added a second class during the second half of mass from about Dec thru Easter. We had a few in our class that had been baptized Catholic but needed to be confirmed. It was a wonderful class.

At our parish the beginning of the class(first several class times) are really a time of investigation for people "considering" the idea. So you (andyour fiance, if he's curious) could go and check it out without making a commitment to the entire process.

To be married in May, you would also have to do the Marriage prepartion at the same time. At our parish that involves meeting weekly with another couple in the parish to discuss various aspects of marriage and a few times with the parish staff person who would be helping you plan your ceramony.

It does vary from parish to parish but at ours only parish members can be married in the church. They take the spiritual commitment serious. They really want people to be supported by the whole community, rather than just getting married and going away.

Going the Catholic wedding route to please someone else won't work... it's too much commitment. You have to want it for yourself.