Getting Married Before the Wedding???

[Ember]

Is it really being "deceptive" to do what I'm doing? ... I have mentioned to several guests what we are doing and why.

If you've told your guests, then of course it's not deceptive! I just don't understand why anyone would keep it a secret. These people presumably love you enough to be invited to your wedding and they will still be excited to celebrate your marriage with you. Even if your wedding day and the day you were legally married are different.

Why run the risk of eventually being found out and then people asking why you kept it from them? At the wedding I mentioned before it wasn't the fact they were married first that upset people, it was the feeling of betrayal and that they felt they were lied to. It seemed like a lot of fuss over nothing that could have been so easily prevented.

There are hundreds of reasons I can think of to sign a marriage license before you're able to have the pomp and ceremony of a wedding and I don't think there's anything wrong with doing so! I just think being honest is always the way to go. DisneyDmbNut handled it in such a classy way, and I highly doubt anyone treated her wedding day as anything less then her wedding day - because that's what it was!

 

[tiggerrifficheidi]

We got married in June '08 because I had just gotten back from Iraq and he was going and we wanted to be married. We had already begun to plan our wedding as a DFTW in Jan '09, so at first this was just sort of a bonus wedding.

We actually did it as an Escape Wedding at Disney, and it ended up being so special (and we share an anniversary with my BFF and her DH) that we consider that our anniversary. Also, because we FELT and considered ourselves married. We also told everyone about it.

We decided to stick with the idea of having the wedding in Jan '09 because our friends and family weren't there in June, and celebrating with them was important to us. We made no bones about already being married, but this was also our "wedding!" We didn't hear any negative complaints, and were surprised at how many people came. I think people wanted to be able to celebrate with us and would have been disappointed if we had just stopped with the elopement in June.

So, honestly, do what you want...what works best for you. Consider whichever day your anniversary that you want. I do agree that you should tell people and be honest...unless you're REALLY good at keeping secrets (don't tell a soul!)

 

[KPeveler]

my gf and i may do it, since there is not Marriage Equality in Florida yet - get married in CT (where we live and where it is legal) and do a ceremony for family in florida!

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

My husband is a firefighter and that makes you really think about "what if"

DF s a paramedic... I know where you are coming from here....

So, honestly, do what you want...what works best for you. Consider whichever day your anniversary that you want. I do agree that you should tell people and be honest...unless you're REALLY good at keeping secrets (don't tell a soul!)

DF and I worked together for 6 years and kept it from everyone (he was in management and I was the low one on the totem pole) People eventually knew but we didn't confirm or deny...It was none of their business.
I'm not all for the deception thing...that was way too much work. Funny story...I met a woman in an airport years ago and we were talking and I complimented her on her engagement ring. She explained that her and her DF we actually married...but no one knew. They had bought a house together and it was MORE paperwork to not be married than to be married...They were getting married anyway and that was all bought and paid for but a ways away...THAT'S why I ask whether you tell people or not.